When he opened his eyes the next morning, he felt a familiar warm weight on his chest. He looked down to see Elizabeth’s head nestled in against him, his arm around her. She had thrown her leg between his. Her long curls draped across his forearm, their silk tickling him. He knew he should move and wake her but who could blame him if he wished to keep another few moments like this, with her in his arms, feeling the gentle rise and fall of her breathing? Almost without realising what he was doing, Darcy touched one of her curls and twined it around his finger. A sliver of sunlight came through the window, lighting the chestnut to gold. He stared at it in fascination, caressing the silky strand with his thumb. Had anything ever felt so fine?
Elizabeth murmured and turned her face slightly, pressing herself closer into his chest. Darcy stopped breathing for a moment. Her eyes opened, and her lips curved into a smile.
“Is it morning already?” She yawned and nestled closer against him, wrapping her arms tighter around him. Darcy was so astonished he could not move.
“I am afraid so.”
“Mmm. I wish it were not.” She closed her eyes again, and her breathing calmed for just a moment before her eyes flew open. She paused, then disentangled herself from his arms. Darcy felt a flash of dismay. She must be still furious with him for the way he behaved yesterday. Perhaps she thought he took advantage by pulling her close during the night. Well, if she thought that was taking advantage, she was innocent indeed.
She sat up, her long curls hanging over her shoulder.
“We should get ready.” She swung her legs from the bed and busied herself with stoking the small fire which was almost out. Darcy took the hint and slipped from the room.
John greeted him with a smile when he emerged into the tiny dining room. He had laid out some eggs, bacon and bread.
“I do not have a cook, I am afraid. I have a girl who comes a few days a week, but this is not one of them. I hope you find these edible.”
Though he had eaten a good meal the night before, the few days of exercise had increased Darcy’s appetite. His stomach growled with enthusiasm.
“I think we will manage. I hope you will allow me to repay you for your hospitality once I am in London.”
When John demurred, Darcy continued, “A contribution to your parish then.”
“Well, I cannot refuse that. Thank you, that is very generous. I hope your journey is not too tiring for Mrs Gardiner? I wish I had a horse to offer you. This journey must be difficult for her.”
“It is. But my wife is an excellent walker. The last few days might only be a little more than her usual adventures.”
John smiled. “Like my dear wife. She loved to wander and explore. I believe she knew these woods like the back of her hand. If she were here, she would insist on joining you for part of the journey. Although perhaps not. She would not impose on two newlyweds who prefer one another’s company to anyone else’s.”
“Ah, yes. Well…”
“Forgive me. I did not mean to embarrass you. I only wish to express my joy in your good fortune. Seeing the way you looked at one another last night made me recall how it was with Suzannah. No matter who else was in the room, we would steal glances at one another. It is those little moments of intimacy I miss. It was good to see it last night.”
Darcy sat at the table and pretended to busy himself with the food.
“Elizabeth looked at me like that?”
John’s smile was understanding. Darcy had the distinct impression he knew more than he let on.
“Constantly. She was pleasant and laughing when you went outside, but she lit up when you returned to the room. Her eyes followed you everywhere. I have the good fortune to know a woman in love when I see one.” John pushed the dish of eggs toward Darcy, urging him to take some. He paused and leaned forward in his chair, his hands clasped between his knees as though a little uncomfortable. “If I may speak plainly?”
Darcy nodded, a little reluctantly.
John paused as he considered his words. “The first weeks of marriage can be difficult, especially if you married quickly. As Mrs Gardiner alluded to last night, it can take a while for you to learn how to be husband and wife. In the meantime, you might say the wrong things and grow upset with one another. But it is nothing more than finding your way together, like a dance. You do not have to take it so seriously if you blunder a little along the way as long as you apologise and do better next time. If something is causing you discomfort, do not be afraid to face it. Your wife loves you very much. Be open with her and learn how you can be together.”
Darcy peeled an egg to hide his discomfort. “That is very kind of you. But I am afraid our situation is rather difficult.”
John gave that gentle smile of his. “Every couple thinks their situation is uniquely different. There is nothing strange about that. But you love Mrs Gardiner, and Mrs Gardiner certainly loves you. Be fortunate in that.”
Darcy bit back the question that threatened to burst forth.
“How do you know she loves me?” he burst out when he could not hold it in any longer. “How can you tell?”
“Because I see how she looks at you. Even when she is not looking at you, she angles toward you without even realising she is doing it. I might be a cleric, but I am not blind.”
Darcy’s heart lifted. Elizabeth looked at him constantly, even when he was not aware of it? Just as if had done with her so many times before? He was almost afraid to allow himself to believe it.
“Good morning,” said a soft voice behind him. As Darcy rose from his chair to hold out Elizabeth’s, he smiled at her. She gave him a wary look then returned it tentatively. Darcy’s heart soared with hope for the future.
Chapter 27
The first few flakes began to fall as they left the little parsonage.
“It is not so heavy,” said Darcy. “We shall not be stranded in it.”
“I am not afraid of that,” said Elizabeth. “Now we are talking a matter of hours before we arrive in London. We might be there tomorrow. Even sooner before we arrive at a village. Perhaps we can find someone who can take us the rest of the way? The prospect of it makes me wish to talk faster, no matter the weather.”
“You are from the south,” said Darcy.
“Well spotted,” she said, archly. “And what of it?”
“You are not formed for harsh weather. Not like we have in Derbyshire. I am sure the snow is knee-deep by now. There is a large lake at the front of the house. I like to swim there during the summer. By now, it will be frozen over completely.”
“Do you skate on it?”
“Many times. We have a fair there when it happens, much like the ones on the Thames. My sister and I skate with our tenants and servants. There are tents with fires and hot food and drink. Musicians play for us. We invite people from miles around.”
“From miles around?” Elizabeth gave him a teasing smile. “I did not think you were so sociable.”
“I can have my moments. Besides, it is good for my sister to mix with society. And my tenants and neighbours love it.”
“Your neighbours and your tenants all mix?”
“Of course. It is one of the few times no one needs to concern themselves with status or propriety. We enjoy one another’s company. Do you not have such events where people mix at Longbourn?”
“Of course. We have the harvest ball. It is one of the most anticipated events in the year. But I just had not thought…” Elizabeth paused. Darcy looked down at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Well?”
“I had not thought of you as the type of master who would join in on these occasions. You seem so aloof.”
“Have I seemed aloof to you these past few weeks?”
Elizabeth’s face felt suddenly warm as she recalled a tree pressed against her back and a pair of strong hands caressing her.
“Not particularly. But we are in an unusual situation here. I meant in general.”
“In general, you are correct. I do hold my
self aloof, but I need not do so with my tenants.”
“Why not?”
Darcy was silent for so long, she thought he had not heard her. She glanced up at him, surprised by his silence.
“Because I need not discourage any designs on me,” he said abruptly. He looked down at her, and his tone softened. “A man in my situation raises expectations everywhere he goes. Since before I came of age, I have had mamas and their daughters parade before me, desperate for an alliance. None of them want me for anything more than a chance to be mistress of Pemberley and to have valuable connections. It goes wearisome after a while.” He shrugged. “So I hold myself apart and appear taciturn and hope they will leave me alone. It does not always work.”
“No. I think Miss Bingley has already selected her wedding clothes and labelled her trousseau with the address for Pemberley,” said Elizabeth with a smile. She was amused to see Darcy blush.
“She does not like you, you know,” he said after a pause. “Miss Bingley. I am afraid she does not care for you.”
Elizabeth laugh. “Do you think I am dismayed by that knowledge? I can assure you, I am more than aware of Miss Bingley’s feelings. I return them heartily. Do not fear you have ruined my dreams of a beautiful friendship. I have heard her Miss Eliza-ing me far too often to be deceived in her. She was not pleased when we stayed at Netherfield, was she? She made it plain she wished we were gone.”
Darcy winced. “I hope she did not offend you. She should have been better and hidden her dislike as hostess. But I think her jealousy got the better of her and overcame her manners, so she…”
“Her jealousy?” Elizabeth gave him a quizzical look. Darcy coloured even deeper.
“Yes, her jealousy,” he confirmed in a quieter voice.
“Of me?”
“Indeed.”
“Why should Miss Bingley be jealous of me? I am sure I have nothing she would want.”
Darcy cleared his throat. He swiped at a low branch, tearing a loose twig from his reach. He twisted it in his fingers, his colour high.
“Well, that is not quite true. You had something she wanted more than anything in the world. And after this, you have it more than ever.”
Elizabeth stared at him, feeling mystified.
“I am afraid the walking must have made me rather dull because I confess, I do not understand what you mean. What can I possibly have that Miss Bingley wants? And something she wants more than anything else in the world? I cannot think of a single thing…” Her voice trailed away, and her mouth dropped open. She closed it again and stared at Darcy. “The thing she wants more than anything in the world is you — or at least marriage to you. I suppose after this — but you say this started before Netherfield, so that must mean — I am sorry, I do not understand —“
Darcy threw the stick away. He still did not look at her, as though afraid of what he might see in her eyes.
“I was indiscreet. Perhaps I should have been more guarded, but it was an unexpected situation and one I had never been in. I spoke without thinking. Or maybe I thought by telling Miss Bingley of my regard for you, it would keep her at a distance. Either way…”
He stopped walking. Elizabeth blushed and looked down the barren path as though there was something of great interest there. She could not meet his eyes, but she felt his gaze upon her.
“I told her of my admiration for you when we gathered at Lucas Lodge. Do you recall? Sir William tried to make us dance, but you refused. I could not take my eyes from you. You laughed at something your neighbour said, and there was such animation in your expression and such a sparkle in your fine eyes. You bewitched me. Miss Bingley assumed I stood to one side because I found the evening tedious. I told her instead I had been thinking of the very great pleasure a pair of fine eyes in the face of a pretty woman can bestow.” Elizabeth heard the smile in his voice. “Miss Bingley thought I meant her eyes, of course. She was all astonishment when I said I referred to you. When Sir William tried to get us to dance, I would have leapt at the opportunity if you had not refused.”
Elizabeth’s cheeks were suffused with a rosy glow. “I had no idea — I did not — I did not think you would like to dance with me. I thought you were furious with Sir William for putting you in that position. You said you did not care for dancing…”
“I do not. But I would have danced with you in a heartbeat.”
“You had the chance before.” She finally raised her eyes to meet his. “You refused.”
Darcy blinked and frowned. “Did I? No, that cannot be possible.”
“I assure you, it is. You refused to dance with me, and very forcibly as well. The very first night we met at the assembly in Meryton.”
Darcy looked at her in confusion. “I recall very little about that night. Please refresh my memory.”
Elizabeth gave a little laugh. “To say you did not make a good impression would be to be generous. You refused to dance with anyone except your own party. At one point, I sat to one side due to a lack of men. Mr Bingley approached you and urged you to ask me to dance. Does any of this sound familiar?”
Darcy still frowned, but his face cleared and paled slightly. “Something of it is coming back to me.”
“You told him you found me tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt you. Does that sound familiar?
The paleness of his face was her answer. Elizabeth smiled. “So you can imagine my astonishment to discover you found me pleasing to look upon. I had no idea I had inspired such admiration in a man who merely found me tolerable.”
Darcy ran a hand over his face and tugged at his beard. He shook his head. “I can only apologise unreservedly. It was ungentlemanly of me to speak so, and the only excuse I can make is that I was an ass. I was out of humour, but I had no right to speak as I did.”
“I think we can agree on that.” Elizabeth started to walk again, but Darcy caught her hand. She stopped in astonishment as his fingers wrapped around hers, warming them in the frosty air.
“I hope you know I do not think that. As I look at you now, I can hardly believe I ever said such a thing. My thoughts are the precise opposite and have been for some time. All I can say is that it has been many weeks now since I have considered you the prettiest woman of my acquaintance. Elizabeth…” He took a deep breath. The sound of her name in his low voice made her stomach flip. “You utterly bewitch me.”
Chapter 28
Elizabeth stopped and turned to him. He held her upper arms to pull her closer to him. Their breaths furled in the frosty air, mingling together.
“I had every intention of leaving Hertfordshire the day after the ball to escape your charms. I did not trust myself around you, but I could not resist dancing with you just once at least. If I never saw you again, I had to know what it was like to have you as my partner.”
“Why would you plan to leave if you were so drawn to me?” asked Elizabeth. Darcy sighed and dropped his head. When he looked at her again, his eyes were filled with regret.
“I am sorry to say it was because I feared I would ask you to marry me if I spent too much time in your company. Because I was concerned about your connections. I feared what my family and friends would say, what society would say if I introduced you as my wife.”
“You did not think I was good enough for you.”
“No. Not you. Your family. Your connections.” As Elizabeth’s face hardened, Darcy sighed.
“I am making a hash of this, am I not? I am an unskilled lover. Here I am, trying to tell you how I feel about you and all I can manage is to insult you. My cousin, Richard, would never allow me to hear the end of it if he were here.” Darcy raised his eyes to look at her. He reached out to touch her chin and gently tilt it toward him. Though Elizabeth’s eyes were still cool, she did not resist his touch, and he took some heart from that.
“I can now recognise my foolishness. What society cares has never seemed of such irrelevance as it has over the last few weeks. Connections and introductions meant nothing in such sa
vage company. Only who I had by my side. I realised how that matters more than anything else. Lady Patronesses and the Almack’s set were no use to me.”
Elizabeth shook her head, her mind spinning. “Society. Almack’s. I am sorry, Mr Darcy, but I do not understand what you are saying.”
“No. I am very inarticulate. I think you know I do not make speeches. If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more, but…”
“I am sorry?”
Darcy stilled and looked at her.
“What did you just say?” she demanded.
Darcy swallowed. His eyes were anxious, a far cry from the arrogant gentleman she first knew all those weeks ago.
“I love you,” he said quieter this time. “And when we return to London, I want you to be my wife.”
Elizabeth laughed though she could hardly breathe. “I do not think we have a choice in that though we have danced around the issue.”
“I know.” Darcy touched a curl framing her face. “But I do not mean I will marry you to save your reputation. I mean I wish to marry you. More than anything in the world, I want you to be my wife.”
“Your wife?”
“My wife. My companion. My spouse. However you like me to say it. I want to spend my life with you. I cannot imagine being without you. You are the only woman I have ever imagined marrying. I know we have no choice in the matter, but I want us to be together willingly. Because we choose one another for love. Am I asking for too much?”
When Elizabeth still did not speak, a closed look came over Darcy’s face. He released her and stepped back. “I know that you did not care for me. I was not aware of it before Wickham told me, taking great delight in it, but I had hoped your opinion of me had changed since then. If it has not…”
“Darcy…” Elizabeth hurried forward and took his hand. She turned it over and slipped her own inside. Darcy looked down at it and swallowed. He closed his fingers over hers, almost afraid to look at her his hope was so high. “You must forgive my response. I am so astonished by all this, and I hardly know what to say. Please do not think it is out of displeasure. It is very much the opposite.” Her voice was so low it was almost a whisper.
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