Reach for Tomorrow

by Lurlene McDaniel

  FIFTEEN

  Katie paced the floor of the hospital’s emergency waiting room like a caged cat. She felt cold and numb, and her heart seemed permanently squeezed as if by some giant hand. As soon as Chelsea had made her announcement, Katie and Lacey had raced to Lacey’s car and to the hospital. Lacey had driven down the winding country roads at great speed, to the glass and brick building where Josh lay behind the triage doors. The two of them had been there an hour already, but still there was no word on Josh’s condition.

  Richard Holloway was there too, but he could find nothing out either. Lacey grumbled and complained, but no one came out to enlighten them.

  Katie’s thoughts alternated between “He’s fine” and “He’s dead.” She felt like a tightly wound spring, or a volcano ready to blow.

  She let out a little sob, and Lacey quickly put her arm around her. “He’ll be all right. I know he will.”

  Katie nodded, but she didn’t feel reassured.

  Morgan showed up, looking grim. “Any news?”

  “Nothing,” Lacey told him.

  “Do you know what happened?” Mr. Holloway asked.

  “I’ve pieced it together by asking some questions,” Morgan said. “It seems that Josh got wind that two of his campers had decided to go check out the construction site for themselves.”

  “But it’s off limits,” Mr. Holloway said, sounding alarmed.

  “Sure it is, but you know how kids can be. As soon as Josh found out what they were doing, he came to the barn and asked for a horse. He figured he could beat them to the site through the woods on horseback.”

  “He would never let a kid get hurt if he could help it,” Katie said in a husky voice.

  “Anyway, Josh took off at a gallop. In the meantime, the boys got cold feet, and halfway there they turned around and came back. Of course, Josh had no way of knowing that.” Morgan shook his head. “Somewhere near the site, the horse must have had an accident, because about an hour later the horse turned up at the barn, limping, and without Josh. I saddled up and went looking for him, but by then the construction workers had found him and had called an ambulance. They said they found him lying on the ground and that he was out cold.”

  The invisible hand squeezed Katie’s heart tighter. “Didn’t the paramedics tell you anything?”

  “They were driving off by the time I got there,” Morgan said. “I got back to the stables as fast as I could. The first person I saw was Chelsea. I told her and she told you. That’s all I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you for your quick action, Morgan,” Mr. Holloway said.

  Lacey shook her head. “Crazy kids. What were they thinking?”

  “I’m sure they feel bad about it,” Mr. Holloway said. “I’ll talk to them when I return.”

  “Which looks like it may be never,” Lacey grumbled. “I hate this place.”

  “It’s a good hospital,” Mr. Holloway said. “One of the best.”

  “It’s where we brought Amanda. I’ll never forget how terrible that experience was,” Lacey added.

  Neither would Katie. Nor would she forget how things had ended for Amanda. “Josh is a fighter,” she said, mostly to encourage herself.

  Mr. Holloway was told he had a phone call and went to answer it. When he returned, he told them, “It was the camp. They’re just checking to see if we know anything. Kimbra said Chelsea and Meg are watching your girls, so you stay as long as you like.”

  Katie wasn’t about to leave, not until she saw Josh, not until she knew that he was going to be all right. She thought back to the other morning when they’d been together. Why hadn’t she been nicer? Why hadn’t she hugged him? What if she couldn’t ever hug him again? She’d never forgive herself for the missed opportunity.

  “What’s taking so long?” Lacey asked.

  Katie was grateful that Lacey was saying all the things she was thinking. Katie wanted to complain too but didn’t have the energy. It was taking all her strength not to fall apart.

  “Does anybody want anything?” Morgan asked. “I could go out for something.”

  Katie shook her head. She couldn’t eat or drink a thing, afraid she’d throw up. All she wanted was to see Josh.

  “This place gives me the creeps,” Morgan said. He thought about the last time he’d seen his father in the institution where he was being maintained. Morgan’s father hadn’t known him, of course. Huntington’s had reduced him to a helpless, slobbering, childlike being. Morgan had been horrified. And terrified too. What if that was going to happen to him?

  He shook his head to clear it. He needed to concentrate on Josh, not on himself.

  “How’s the horse Josh was riding?” Katie asked.

  “He was shaken up,” Morgan explained, glad to be talking about something he understood and could control. “I got him into his stall and gave him a quick going over before I came here. His leg’s swollen. He’ll need to be looked at by a vet.”

  Mr. Holloway nodded. “Take care of it.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Another hour passed. By now it was growing dark outside. Lights came on in the parking lot, and the patients in the emergency room came and went. The longer Katie waited with her friends, the more certain she became that something serious was wrong with Josh. They would have heard something by now if his injury had been simple.

  Around eight o’clock a doctor stepped through the swinging doors of the triage area and asked, “Who’s with Joshua Martel?”

  Katie hurried to him, followed by the others. “How is he? What’s wrong? Can I see him?” She was frantic with worry.

  “I’m Dr. Harry Childs,” the physician said. “I’ve been treating Josh since he got here. Are you his family?”

  “I’m responsible for him,” Richard Holloway said. “He’s working at the camp I’m running.”

  “I—We’re his best friends,” Katie said. “Tell us what’s going on. Please.”

  “We’ve taken him upstairs,” Dr. Childs said. “We’ve taken X rays and done an MRI. He’ll need a CAT scan tomorrow.”

  “Is he … awake?”

  “Yes, he’s regained consciousness.”

  “That’s good,” Katie said hopefully.

  The doctor looked serious. What was he not telling them?

  “Josh has sustained a pretty severe injury to his neck and back.”

  “How serious?” Mr. Holloway asked.

  “Evidently he went over the top of the horse he was riding. He landed here.” The doctor grasped the lower back of his neck to illustrate his point. “Just below the top four vertebrae of his neck.”

  Katie’s heart began to pound uncontrollably. “What does that mean?”

  “Actually, it’s too soon to tell, but you must be prepared.”

  “For what?”

  “Josh may be permanently paralyzed.”

  SIXTEEN

  Katie’s knees buckled, and if Morgan and Lacey hadn’t been standing on either side of her and hadn’t caught her arms to steady her, she would have fallen. “You can’t mean that!” she cried.

  “It is a possibility,” Dr. Childs said. “Until the swelling abates, we just won’t know. Do you remember the actor Christopher Reeve, the one who played Superman?”

  Katie remembered him well. She’d seen him on TV, speaking about spinal cord injuries from his wheelchair. That couldn’t happen to Josh! “Yes,” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

  “Josh’s injury is similar to Mr. Reeve’s. Frankly, we just don’t know yet how badly he’s been hurt. It is a good sign that he’s breathing on his own, that he doesn’t need a ventilator. You see, the higher up the spinal cord the injury, the greater the extent of paralysis.”

  Katie shook her head. “No, that won’t happen to Josh.”

  Dr. Childs looked sympathetic. “If his injury is incomplete, he can still recover. About half of all those injured do recover completely. Let’s think positively, all right?”

  “Does he know the extent of his inju
ry yet?” Mr. Holloway asked.

  “Not yet. He knows he’s hurt pretty bad, but he doesn’t know the rest of it. It can turn around for him, so there’s no need to give him this kind of prognosis just now. A specialist will see him tomorrow. Dr. Benson is one of the best neurosurgeons in this area who treats this type of injury. Josh will be in excellent hands.”

  “I want him to have the best,” Mr. Holloway said quietly.

  Katie wiped her eyes. “I want to see him.”

  The doctor told her Josh’s room number. “Keep in mind, he’s been heavily sedated.”

  When the doctor walked away, Katie said to the others, “Not one bad word to Josh, understand? We can’t let on that we know what we do.”

  “You go in first,” Lacey said. “You’re the only one he’ll want to see, anyway.”

  Upstairs the corridor lights had been dimmed and the nurses’ station was quiet. Katie found Josh’s room, leaned against the door to gather herself, then went inside. Josh was lying flat on a hospital bed, strapped down and held rigid on a backboard. His head too was being held immobile. Katie crept to his side. He seemed to be asleep.

  “Hi, Josh,” she said softly.

  His eyelids fluttered open. “Is that you, Katie?”

  “It’s me.”

  “Lean over the bed so I can see your face.”

  She complied. His pupils looked dilated, and his speech sounded somewhat slurred. “Are you in pain?” she asked.

  “No pain. I feel like I’m floating.”

  “It’s the medicine.”

  “You look pretty, Katie.”

  A lump the size of a fist clogged her throat. She cleared it away. “Lacey and Morgan and Mr. Holloway are waiting outside. They’d like to say hi to you.”

  “That’s fine. Just as long as you’re here, nothing else matters.”

  “I’ll be here whenever you want me to be here, Josh. I won’t let you go through this alone.”

  He managed a smile. “You’d better let the others come in, because I’m fading fast.”

  Katie called the others. Each of them leaned over the bed and wished Josh well.

  “I’m sorry about the horse, Morgan,” Josh said. “I hope he isn’t hurt bad.”

  “He’s fine.”

  “I don’t know what happened. I was riding along and the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. I’m embarrassed to think I got thrown.”

  “It happens.” Morgan backed away.

  “Mr. Holloway, how are my boys?”

  “They’re all right. Worried about you, but don’t you worry about anything. Eric is moving into your cabin until you get back.”

  “Tell him not to get too settled in, ’cause I’ll be back soon.”

  Katie almost broke out in a sob. Josh really didn’t have any idea how grave his situation was. It broke her heart to hear him planning to get back to Jenny House Camp when she knew he might never return. At least, not on his own two legs.

  “We’ll let you get some rest now,” Mr. Holloway said.

  “I’ll be back first thing in the morning,” Katie promised.

  “I’ll be looking for you.”

  They left, and Katie made it to Lacey’s car before she broke down. She cried all the way back to camp, and in her cabin she cried late into the night. She promised herself that no matter what Josh’s future was, she’d be there for him. Just as he had been there for her after her heart transplant.

  Lacey let Katie drive her car to the hospital the next morning. She also divided up Katie’s cabin of girls among herself, Meg, and Chelsea and promised to look after the girls for the remainder of the camp, if necessary. Katie was grateful to her friends for the way they were supporting her. All she could think about was Josh’s grim possible prognosis. But when she walked into his room, she put on a happy face and acted as if everything were perfectly fine.

  “Dr. Benson came in this morning,” Josh told her. “He’s started me on massive doses of steroids and anti-inflammatories.” He motioned with his eyes toward the IV bag hanging on a pole beside his bed. “I’m going down for a CAT scan. It could take a while. Will you wait for me?”

  “I’ll be right here,” she told him, and kissed his forehead.

  “Thanks,” he said quietly. “I needed that.”

  She squeezed his hand.

  Once the orderly had wheeled him away, Katie felt bereft. What if the worst had happened and Josh could never walk again? How would he take care of himself? What would he do? She thought about calling her parents and asking whether they would take Josh in until he could care for himself properly. They liked him a lot. Surely they would help him out.

  “Katie?”

  Katie turned and saw Sarah McGreggor standing in the doorway. “Well, hi,” Katie said, surprised to see her. “How did you get here?”

  “I begged Mr. Holloway to let me come with him. He’s downstairs talking to the administrators. Lots of paperwork, I suppose.”

  “It’s nice of you to come.”

  “I kept thinking about you. I knew your friends were helping out with your campers, so I decided to come and stay with you while Josh is going through all his testing.”

  Katie wondered how much Sarah knew about Josh’s condition but decided that no one who knew the truth would have told her much. “How did you get away from Dullas?” Katie asked in an effort to lighten the mood.

  “Lacey took Dullas on, and who’s going to cross Lacey?”

  “Good point.”

  Sarah sat in a chair and glanced around the room. “This is an odd position for me, you know. I’m usually the one in the bed everyone comes to visit.”

  “I remember when I was a patient,” Katie said. “It felt weird to be stuck in bed. But my heart was so far gone, I didn’t have much energy.”

  “I know what you mean. Before the bone marrow transplant, they had to wipe out my immune system. I was so exhausted, I couldn’t move. Plus, I was in isolation and no one could come in or out without going through this whole sterilization procedure. My friends would send me presents and my mom would have to hold them up to the window that looked into my room and unwrap them for me because I couldn’t come in contact with any germs.”

  “Yeah, it was the same way for me after my transplant—no germs.”

  Sarah chuckled. “What do you think regular girls talk about? I mean, listen to us. It’s surgery, isolation, hospitals, bacteria-free environment … that doesn’t sound like normal teenage conversation, does it?”

  Katie smiled wearily. “You’re right. It doesn’t. I guess what we’ve lived through isn’t very normal, though, is it?” She paused. “The truth is, everything that happened to me happened years ago. I hardly ever think about it anymore. All I know is that Josh has been with me every step of the way.”

  “You’re lucky. I’ve spent so much time in and out of hospitals and going through one procedure or another … well, I can’t forget it. For years it defined me. I hated it, but I couldn’t get rid of it. Not even with the bone marrow transplant. I’ve wondered what it would be like to have a real life. To have a boyfriend.”

  Sarah sounded so wistful that it tugged at Katie’s heart.

  “I guess that’s not the way things will go for me,” Sarah added. “Guys aren’t interested in girls with health problems.”

  “Guys eventually grow up and act mature,” Katie said. “Someday you’ll meet someone who will appreciate you just the way you are.”

  Sarah shook her head. “Maybe that happens in romance books. But not in real life. No, Katie, you’re very lucky to have a guy like Josh. Hang on to him.”

  Long after Sarah was gone, Katie thought about her and the things she’d said. Poor Sarah! Would she ever feel normal? Katie hoped so.

  When Josh returned to his room, he was so tired he didn’t even want to eat his lunch, though Katie offered to feed it to him.

  “I hate feeling so helpless,” he said. “I can’t even move my hands.” He looked up at Katie with soulful, p
leading eyes. “And, Katie, I didn’t want to say anything this morning when you first came, but I can’t feel my legs. They’re numb. I can’t feel them at all.”

  SEVENTEEN

  “When Josh said that, I almost lost it in front of him.” Katie was telling her closest friends about her visit to the hospital that morning. She’d returned to the camp only long enough to check on her responsibilities and to give Josh a chance to recuperate from his CAT scan. At camp things were running smoothly, although everyone asked her about Josh and when he might return.

  “He still doesn’t know anything about the seriousness of his fall?” Chelsea asked.

  “He doesn’t know the full potential of his injury yet,” Katie said. “But he’s catching on that it’s nothing that’s going to go away after a little bed rest.”

  “Have you talked to his neurosurgeon?” Lacey asked.

  “No. I’d like to, but I don’t know if he’d tell me anything or not.”

  “If he won’t talk to you, I’m sure he’s talking to Mr. Holloway,” Meg said knowingly. “After all, he’s the person in charge of Josh.”

  It irked Katie that she wasn’t eligible to receive information firsthand about Josh, but she didn’t let on. She did say, “I’ve gone to the hospital library and done some reading about spinal cord injury. Most times it’s kids and teens who get injured—in car and motorcycle accidents, or in diving accidents, or playing sports. According to most articles, a lot of the accidents are because of just plain stupidity—driving drunk, or diving into shallow water. That’s what makes it so hard to accept what happened to Josh. He wasn’t doing anything wrong. He was trying to help somebody. It isn’t fair he should be hurt this way.”

  “True,” Lacey said. “Those two boys he set out to rescue are really upset. Both of them are nuts about Josh. They realize that if they hadn’t been doing something wrong, he wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”

  “They should have thought of that before they sneaked off,” Katie said, feeling bitter.

  “No one can foresee the future, Katie,” Meg said. “The boys meant no harm. It was just a terrible accident.”