Strength

by Daws, Amy

  “Just look at how great the two of us are,” Tanner adds, throwing his arm around Camden that ripple effects into Cam shoving Tanner into Booker.

  An amused glint in all of their eyes as they playfully shove each other brings a genuine smile to my face, and even to Mr. Serious, Gareth.

  “Yeah, you guys aren’t all bad I guess,” I reply and Gareth nudges me with his shoulder.

  “I know you’re going to make a wonderful mum,” he says softly.

  My happy smile falters. “How do you know?”

  “Because you were wonderful to all of us.”

  “I’m going to puke,” Tanner bellows, smashing the moment to smithereens. “This is way too much emotion. I survived for about two minutes, but I’ve reached my quota. Can I leave? There’s a guest out there with my name on her.” I roll my eyes and he adds, “No, literally, she has the name Tanner tattooed on her wrist. It has to be destiny.”

  Camden shoves Tanner out the door, and Booker comes over to give me a gentle hug. He whispers, “Congratulations,” before following in the twins’ wake.

  “Can I give you one piece of advice?” Gareth asks from the doorway while I stand by the sink touching up my makeup. “Tell Hayden tonight. I have a feeling it’ll only make this evening all the more special for him.”

  He shoots me a wink and departs, leaving me alone with nerves swirling in my belly. I have the perfect time in mind.

  I feel a moment of guilt when I stride out of my bedroom to see that the party is in full swing already. I say my hellos to some friends from work and accept their hugs of congratulations, but I can feel Hayden’s eyes on me the entire time. It’s like a warm heat blowing against my skin. I look over my shoulder and we connect eyes. He tries to have a silent conversation with me from across the room, but my father is doing his best to keep Hayden’s attention focused on him. Our eye contact breaks when the lift dings and I look over to see Frank, Theo, Leslie, and a newly-walking Baby Marisa stride in.

  “Vi!” Leslie shouts from across the room and releases Marisa’s hand to run over to me. Her auburn hair accents her yellow jumpsuit perfectly—a look only an artist like Leslie can pull off.

  Dating brothers has really brought us closer, and I’m chuffed at the idea of calling her my sister.

  “You look gorgeous! You’re practically glowing!”

  “Thanks, you too!” My eyes drop to Theo and Marisa slowly walking toward us. I instantly crouch down as Marisa clumsily runs into my arms. I hug her, wondering if Hayden and I will be welcoming a baby before our wedding, too.

  She begins babbling something in my ear, so I pull back to look into her gorgeous green eyes.

  “You want to see Uncle Hay?” I ask and her smile grows.

  “Right behind you, Squirt.” I look up from my crouched position with her to see Hayden smiling down at us. The crinkles around his eyes are utter perfection as he scoops Marisa up off the floor and begins buzzing her cheeks with his lips to her gleeful delight.

  He looks every bit the image of hot daddy perfection. Smart, grey suit, perfectly styled blonde locks, and grey eyes that exude complete love and adoration.

  Watching him hold Marissa, my hands develop a mind of their own.I find myself clutching my small belly. There’s not even physical evidence of the pregnancy yet, but I feel it. I feel our baby inside of me. And I feel it when I watch him. It’s an amazing sensation to have something bigger than myself happening right here.

  Hayden’s smile falls as he looks at me. “Bunny, what is it? What’s the matter?”

  It’s then that I realise tears are falling down my face. “Nothing. I’m fine. I’m just…I’m just…”

  Hayden passes Marisa over to Theo and cups my face in his hands. “What’s going on? And don’t tell me it’s nothing. All four of your brothers are looking at me like they want to hug me or kill me, which isn’t that unusual. But on a night like tonight, it seems off-putting.”

  I feel everyone’s eyes on me when I look at Hayden with a wobbly smile. “I have something to tell you.”

  “What is it?” He strokes his fingers down my cheeks and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear.

  I glance over at the clock. “Not yet. It’s too early. I’ll tell you soon, though. I promise.”

  “Bunny,” he mock scolds.

  I lick my lips and grab his lapels, yanking him down to my mouth and kissing him with all the goodness I feel inside of me as an act of reassurance. He responds in earnest, his hands letting go of my face as he wraps his arms around me and crushes me against his body.

  “If this is what you have to tell me, perhaps we should go to the roof,” he murmurs against my lips. “I’d be all yours up there.”

  “Meet me up there at eleven,” I rasp, my voice betraying my level of control. “No matter who you’re talking to, break away and meet me up there.”

  He smiles. “Anything for you, Bunny.”

  The rest of the night is a blur of engagement congratulations, happy hugs, bubbling cocktails, and one hilarious ginger entertaining us all.

  “All right you footie boys, listen up.” I have to cover my mouth as Frank stands in front of my four brothers and addresses them with all the flourishes that make Frank, Frank.

  “My name is Frank McElroy. Not Frankenstein, not Carrot Top, not Cock-Block, and most definitely not Frank and Beans.” Frank pauses to shoot Leslie and Finley a menacing glower. “You boys are beautiful and so are Finny and Lezzie, so it’s not your fault you listened to them. You were likely thinking with the wrong heads.” He points down at their groins, and they all shift uncomfortably. “So I’ll let it pass this time. But if you fuck with me again, I’ll have to show you how a real man scores a goal.”

  My brothers burst out laughing, and Tanner throws his arm around Frank’s narrow shoulders. “You’re bloody fantastic, Frank. You have to go clubbing with us sometime.”

  Frank’s brow arches. “Would you consider a gay club?”

  Tanner strokes his beard and nods. “If it means more laughs with you, I’d give it a go.”

  Frank’s eyes alight as he exclaims, “This is the best night of my life!”

  My laughs are interrupted by two hands that snake around my waist from behind. Hayden’s voice whispers in my ear, “It’s not quite eleven yet, but I can’t go another second without touching you, Bunny. Let’s go up to the garden. Please. They won’t even know we’re gone.”

  “From our own engagement party?”

  He nips at my ear. “Our party. Our rules.”

  He twines his fingers with mine and pulls me through the flat and out onto the large balcony. A couple of our friends are standing out here with cocktails, but they must read between the lines because they smile politely and head inside.

  “Coast is clear. Let’s go.” Hayden nods toward the ladder that leads up to the roof. After my ascent up the ladder, I stretch out on the lounger, kicking my shoes off and wiggling my scrunched toes. Hayden finishes his climb and looks at me with a dark heat in his eyes as he slips off his suit coat.

  “Did I tell you, you look absolutely beautiful tonight?” he asks, slowly walking toward me. He deposits his jacket on a nearby chair and begins unbuttoning the snaps around his wrists.

  “I don’t think you got around to it.”

  He shakes his head, standing at my feet now. “A moment lost. Allow me to make up for it.” He shoots me a dirty smirk, making his sentiments known.

  Instead of replying, I squint at the watch on his wrist.

  “Why are you so concerned about the time, Vi?” Hayden asks. His sleeves are rolled up on his forearms and he’s popped a couple of buttons on his chest already. “Did you hire a plane to fly by with an ‘I want to shag Hayden Clarke’ banner? Because I don’t need a sign to grant you that wish.”

  I giggle and shake my head, leaning back and propping myself on my elbows. “You are a cheeky sod, you know that?”

  He smiles and nods proudly while slowly uncrossing my feet and spreading m
y legs. I gasp as he begins crawling up the length of my body, my dress hitching up the closer he gets. We’ve had sexy time on this sun lounger more times than I can remember. My reactions are a reflex at this point.

  Hayden kisses me sweetly on my shoulder. “I’m your cheeky sod. We’re just moments away from making it official.” He begins nibbling my neck and sending goosebumps all over my body.

  “It’s going to take more than a few moments to plan a wedding, Hayden,” I reply breathlessly as I squeeze my legs around his hips.

  “You know what I mean.” He pauses to look me in the eyes. “This is it, Vi. We’re engaged. This is our life. Together. Just the two of us and nothing else.” His gaze falls to my lips before he closes the space between us and kisses me, pressing his tongue into my mouth so deeply that I forget all common sense for a moment.

  He moves his hand from my waist and reaches between us, slowly stroking up my inner thigh. When he slides past the band on my knickers and pushes one finger inside of me, I swear I could come within seconds from the combination of his words and his touch.

  He breaks our kiss and presses his forehead to mine. “And when times get tough—when I feel myself slipping—we come up here. A place no one can touch us. No one can bother us. No one can tell us that we aren’t enough for each other.”

  His breath is heavy, and he kisses me with a sudden sense of desperation, mimicking the motion with his fingers between my legs. I reach for his belt buckle, brushing over his hard bulge and frantically tearing away at his clothes, aching to feel his words inside of me. He grabs the centre of my knickers and pulls until they split open. Within seconds, he’s thrust so deep inside of me, I don’t know where Hayden ends and I begin.

  Because we are one.

  We are each other’s landing point and catching ground, moving together in a perfect synchronisation that feels as if we were truly made for each other. As he rocks inside of me and kisses me savagely, I squeeze his face with all my might and kiss him so hard, I swear I’ll be leaving a permanent love bite behind.

  “Hayden.” I cry out his name as my climax comes much too soon. I don’t want this to be over. I want to stay lost in this world with him inside of me. Where there are no problems around us, no sudden changes coming. I don’t want to think about the time on his watch or what I need to tell him. I just want to stay us. “I love you.”

  He pulls his face back so he can look at me. His grey eyes are wide and wonderful. “I love you, too, Bunny. You are all I’ll ever need in this life. As long as I have you, I’ll always have a reason to live. I can’t wait to make you my wife.”

  His words are brutal and beautiful. They hold so much meaning because of his past. Because of what he’s been through. Because of what he almost gave up. My Hayden.

  Tears well in my eyes and I pull him close, kissing him with everything I have left inside of me, riding out the aftershocks of my orgasm until he comes himself.

  When we’re finished, he pulls out and drops onto his side, rolling me over to face him. I press my forehead to his and stare at his mouth because I’m sure if I look at his eyes, he’ll see. He’ll see it all.

  I grab his hand and pull it up between us, glancing at the time. As if the universe is having a laugh right now, the time ticks over to 11:11. I say with a sigh, “I’m pregnant.”

  Hayden goes still. His breathing stops. His arms grow tense. I swear, even the world stops spinning.

  This is what I feared. This kind of change would spook him. And after all the beautiful words he said about just the two of us up here, an ominous feeling creeps over me.

  The time 11:11 became something wonderful we’ve shared over the past year. We’d catch 11:11 on a clock and make a wish about our life together. Of course we still remember the loved ones we lost. But instead of wishing for the past to change like he used to, we wish for them to continue inspiring our future.

  “Hayden,” I say, looking up into his expressionless eyes. “Say something.”

  His face continues to remain frozen.

  “Was that a wish or a fact?” he asks, finally breaking the silence.

  I bite my lip and sit up, pulling away from his stiffness. “What do you want it to be?”

  He sits up, too, his pants pulled backed up but his buckle still undone. His hand reaches toward my chest, and he pulls the white plastic stick out from between my cleavage. It must have worked its way up. I’d completely forgotten it was there.

  He holds it in his hand, examining the test window carefully. The corner of his mouth creeps up into something resembling a smile.

  “You know how we always make a wish together at 11:11?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I whisper, terrified of what might come next.

  “This was one of my wishes.”

  “It was?” I gasp and he nods. “But you never said. Everything we’ve talked about up here has always been about us alone. Travelling, seeing the world, maybe opening up our own business, buying a house. We’ve never talked about kids, Hayden.”

  He swallows. “I didn’t want to spook you.”

  “Spook me?” I bark. “I thought this would spook you!”

  “Look, Vi.” He shifts closer to me and holds my hand in his, pulling it up to his mouth to kiss it softly. “I have a fucked-up past. That’s very well known. But I don’t want you to be afraid of what kind of dad I’ll be. I’ll always be here for you and our baby. You were all the reason I needed to live before. Now, that fact has been doubled. Maybe tripled. Twins are hereditary, right?”

  He glances up and his grey eyes look so wide and innocent, I can’t wrap my head around what he’s saying.

  “Bunny, say something.”

  I shake my head.

  “You don’t have to be scared.”

  I start laughing. “I’m not scared, Hayden. I’m bloody thrilled.” I throw myself into his arms, and he falls backwards on the lounger, holding me to him as I drop thousands of kisses all over his cheeks and lips. I giggle. “This is the best engagement party ever.”

  “This right here really is a perfect moment.” He chuckles softly against my lips right before kissing me fiercely.

  I inwardly sigh as I realise that all of my wishes are actually coming true.

  “TANNERITA HAS A NICE RING to it, Hayden!” Tanner states loudly before he wraps his lips around a pink balloon and blows into it with all his might. He yanks it out of his mouth and begins knotting it, refusing to take his eyes off of me. “You think I’m joking, but I’m not. My niece deserves a name that is going to make her stand out in a crowd.”

  I shake my head as I lay out the charcuterie board on the coffee table in the sitting room.

  Gareth’s deep voice cuts in next. “Tannerita is a name that will get our niece thumped in primary school. It’s bad enough she’s related to you by blood, Tanner. Let’s give the girl a chance to survive with a normal name.”

  Camden chortles at Tanner’s crestfallen face. “Broseph, you truly are a righteous idiot.”

  Tanner is completely undeterred. “You just aren’t a big picture thinker like me, Cam. But it’s not your fault I took all the brainpower in the womb.”

  “Brainpower?” Booker interjects with a twisted look of judgement on his face. “That’s the word you’re going to use when bragging about your intelligence?”

  Tanner releases an unknotted balloon that sputters around the room as he darts for Booker. In a flash, Tanner has Booker on the floor in some sort of human pretzel-looking thing that has his arse pressed right against Booker’s horrified face.

  It’s not pretty.

  Bruce pounces over top of them, barking up a storm while we all watch in gleeful delight. At the same moment, the lift door pings open with a seven-month pregnant Vi standing inside.

  We all freeze in shock as she takes in the scene. “What in the—”

  “You’re early,” I stammer, dropping the box of crackers and rushing toward her like I can somehow conceal the surprise baby shower we’re se
tting up behind us. “You weren’t supposed to be home until five.”

  She places her hand on my shoulder and looks around me to take in our flat that basically looks like a messy pink explosion went off all over. “What is this?”

  “A baby shower,” Gareth replies with a prideful smile. Normally, Gareth is very stoic and unfeeling, but I’ve noticed that he’s been different these last few months. Almost as if he’s softening a bit. With him living in Manchester, I often wonder what goes on in his life up there that none of us ever see.

  Camden adds, “Hayden said you are having one with your mates, but it’s just a girls’ thing. We think that’s rubbish, so we told him we were having one for you as well.”

  I shake my head, my eyes warming affectionally on my surprised fiancée. “I couldn’t talk them out of it. Your brothers are pushy sods.”

  My words are said in jest, but in reality, I love the annoying arseholes nearly as much as I love their sister. The Harris Brothers are difficult not to love. They are unapologetically themselves all of the time. And, even though they are in each other’s business and constantly rowing about something because they are all so uniquely different, they listen to each other and care about what the other thinks. There’s a tremendous amount of honour and respect between these four men. And they have welcomed me into the fold despite my background and my rocky moments with their sister. Now, I’m able to thoroughly enjoy watching the antics they get themselves into on a regular basis and give them a knowing smile that says, “I told you so.”

  “This is incredible,” Vi says, her face lighting up as she takes in the enormous baby banners taped to the windows that overlook the balcony. There are a few game stations set up and pink balloons strewn about the floor that Bruce is constantly nipping at like they are his own personal dog toys. And of course, a special display of cupcakes from her favourite shop.