Take Me Away

by Kelly Elliott

  “Why do you think she took out your ID?” Truitt asked.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Nolan, it’s going to be okay.”

  Looking at him, I opened my mouth to say something, but no words would come. All I could do was drop my head back against the seat, close my eyes, and pray.

  Please be at the house, Linz. Please.

  Steve and Amy were already in the driveway of their house when Truitt and I pulled up out front. I pushed the door open to the truck and made a mad dash to the house.

  “Her shoes are out here! Why are her shoes out here?” Amy cried out.

  “She kicked them off,” I said as I ran by her and up the steps into the house. “Linnzi! Linnzi!”

  “Linnzi, sweetheart?” Amy called out as she frantically searched through the rooms.

  Steve went up the steps. “Check her room,” he said to me as he walked by. I wanted to follow him, but instead I ran to her room as I called out her name.

  “Linnzi!” Amy cried out as she appeared in the bedroom door.

  “She’s not here, but she was. She changed, and it looks like she grabbed clothes,” I said, surveying the mess of clothes and the open drawers of her dresser.

  “Where’s Steve?” Amy asked.

  “I…I don’t know. He told me to check here, and he kept walking down the hall.”

  Amy’s eyes went wide. “The attic! The trunk!”

  She spun around so fast she was gone before I had a chance to let her words register. We had put everything of Amanda’s into an old trunk, including anything that would remind Linnzi of me. I had begged Steve and Amy to let me keep the trunk at my house, but they insisted it stay with them.

  I rushed out of the bedroom, down the hall, and then took the attic steps three at a time. Steve was sitting on the floor next to the trunk. Amy stood there, silently crying.

  The trunk was open; the latch had clearly been broken.

  “The picture of the three of you is gone, the baby blanket, and…” Steve’s voice trailed off.

  “And what? What else is gone, Steve?” I yelled out.

  He turned to look at me. “Her engagement ring and wedding band.”

  I stumbled back and hit a large box. I stood there frozen as I let it all sink in.

  Amy faced me. “Where is she, Nolan? Where would she go?”

  “I—I…I’m not sure. I don’t know,” I stammered.

  “We have to find her. Steve! My God, get up! Both of you snap the hell out of it. We have to find her!” Amy cried out.

  I nodded and rubbed the instant ache at the back of my neck. My mind spun with where Linnzi could have gone. Did she remember everything? Did she even remember Amanda? She had to have. The expression on her face when she turned back and looked at me was one of utter devastation. The fact that she broke into the trunk, took the picture, took her wedding set—what did it all mean?

  Steve slowly stood and asked, “Does she have her passport?”

  “Oh, dear Lord,” Amy said as she rushed past me and back down the steps.

  “You think she went back to Paris?” I asked Steve.

  He shook his head. “No, but we need to know that it’s not an option for her.”

  I swallowed hard as I placed my hands on my thighs and took in a few deep breaths. I felt sick to my stomach, and each breath seemed harder than the last. Steve walked up to me and placed his hand on my back.

  “Tonight. I was telling her tonight,” I said. “I even told her I needed to talk to her. I was going to tell her tonight.”

  “Steve! Nolan!”

  Steve quickly squeezed my shoulder and then walked down the steps of the attic without saying a word to me. I followed and tried to push away the urge to throw up.

  Amy appeared in the hallway from Linnzi’s room. “Her passport is still here.”

  I let out a sigh of relief.

  Steve sighed as he leaned against the hallway wall. “Nolan, is there any place that was special between the two of you, a place that holds meaning for you both?”

  “A few places.”

  He nodded, a look of utter defeat on his face. “Have Truitt take you back to the ranch, get in your truck and go to each place. Amy and I will start driving around, checking hotels, asking anyone if they’ve seen her.”

  Truitt. I had completely forgotten about Truitt.

  Amy suddenly stood up straighter and cleared her throat. “We’ll find her. Don’t worry. We will find her.”

  All I could do was nod and then numbly make my way back down to the first floor. Truitt stood from the couch and made his way over to me. “Did she leave a note, anything?”

  I shook my head. “No. Nothing.”

  “She left your keys on the side table. I saw them when I walked in.”

  “Good. Good. Will you take me home to get my truck? Then I’ll go looking for her.”

  “I’ll take you home to change, then I’ll drive while we look for her. I already called Saryn and filled her in. She told me she’d call Ryan for a ride home. He left the dinner early.”

  I nodded. “You go and get her. I’ll be fine.”

  “You’re in no condition to drive, Nolan.”

  I lacked the energy to even argue with him. All I could do was agree and follow him out the door. Truitt picked up my keys, and before I knew it, we had pulled up to my house.

  “Would she have gone anywhere here on the ranch?” he asked.

  “I don’t think so,” I mumbled as I stumbled out of the truck and up the steps to my front door.

  Truitt took my arm and pulled me to a stop before I reached the door. “Nolan, we’ll find her.”

  I exhaled and gave a shaky nod. “Let me go change.”

  Five hours later, Truitt and I walked into my house and stepped into the foyer. No one had seen or heard from Linnzi. We had checked everywhere we could think to go and called everyone we could think of calling. Now I took a few steps into the house and then reached for a vase and hurled it across the room where it smashed and broke into a million pieces.

  “Goddammit! Fuck! Son-of-a-bitch! Motherfucker!” I yelled as I picked up a lamp and sent it flying across the room as well.

  Truitt sighed next to me and then walked past. “Go get some sleep, Nolan.”

  “I can’t fucking sleep, Truitt. Where in the hell is she? Why in the hell would she run? What was she thinking!?”

  He walked into the kitchen, opened the pantry, and pulled out the broom and dustpan. As he made his way to the mess, he spoke. “I think we all know the reason she ran, Nolan. If that sonogram triggered every memory that she’s been running from, the only thing she knows is that we all kept it from her. I can only imagine that she’s hurting, angry, confused. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found right now.”

  I stared at him as he got to work sweeping up the glass. My body swayed, and I was physically and emotionally spent.

  Closing my eyes, I felt myself sink to the sofa. I dropped my head into my hands and fought to keep my emotions in check. “She’s never going to forgive me,” I whispered.

  “You don’t know that. Give her time. She’s not going to do something stupid.”

  “You didn’t see her holding Amanda in her arms that night. You didn’t hear the pain and anguish in her voice when she realized our daughter was—”

  I cut off my words and looked away from Truitt.

  “I’m not going to lie and tell you I know how you’re feeling, Nolan. I cannot even begin to imagine. She has her phone—I’d call her, stay calm, and just let her know you’re here. When she needs you, you’re here.”

  I exhaled and stood. With shaking hands, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and then made my way up the steps and to my bedroom. Once I walked into my room, I shut the door and sat on my bed. I pulled up Linnzi’s number and hit Call. I had been calling her off and on until her phone finally just started going straight to voicemail. It was either dead or she had turned it off.

  My heart hammered in my chest
as I waited to leave my message. Once it beeped, I somehow forced my throat to work. “Linz, I’ve been searching all night for you. I’m back home. Please call me…I’m here, baby. I’m here and I really want to see you. Hold you. P-please…L-Linz…please come back. Don’t go through this all alone. I’m here. I lo…lo…”

  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to get control of my emotions. Taking in a shaking breath, I blew it out and said, “I love you so much. I love you. God, I love you.”

  My hand dropped to my lap and I hit End. I laid down on the bed and cried as I stared up at the ceiling, praying for Linnzi to come back to me.

  Nolan

  THE SOUND OF voices caused me to glance up from the drink I held in my hand. Truitt looked at me as Jack appeared at his side. Both of them wore concerned expressions.

  “How long has he been like this?” Jack asked as he rubbed at the back of his neck.

  “A week,” Truitt replied.

  “I may be drunk, but I understand clearly that you’re talking about me, assholes,” I said with a slight slur, leaning back in the chair and smirking at them both.

  Jack tilted his head and regarded me for a moment. Most likely attempting to figure out how drunk I actually was. Not as drunk as I wanted to be, that was for sure.

  “Your leave is almost up, Nolan. You only had two weeks. You can’t fly back if you’re drunk,” Jack stated.

  With a half shrug, I reached for more whiskey and downed it.

  “No word from her?” Jack asked Truitt.

  Truitt looked at me, and I lifted a brow and then nodded. Truitt turned to Jack with a slight shake of his head. “She sent one text message to her parents and Nolan. It said she was fine and needed time alone. That was it.”

  Jack exhaled and shook his head. “At least she texted you. Give her some time, Nolan. She needs time to grieve so many different things.”

  I wanted to laugh. “Time. Don’t you think I’ve already given her enough fucking time?”

  Jack sighed and looked at Truitt. “I don’t think I’ve seen him this drunk in a long time.”

  Truitt nodded.

  “Still understanding every word, guys.”

  Turning to face me, Jack shook his head. “We need to get your ass sober, Nolan, and get you back to Edwards.”

  I pulled in a deep breath through my nose and then quickly exhaled. “I had just gotten her back. Call me selfish, but I think I honestly hoped she’d never remember. I didn’t want her to feel the pain that I’ve felt for the last eight fucking years.” I let out a bitter laugh. “Or maybe it’s because I knew the moment she found out, she’d leave me…for good.”

  “She’s not going to leave you. She loves you too much.” Jack walked up to me and reached his hand out. “Come on, let’s go get in the shower,” he said, taking the bottle of whiskey off the table and handing it to Truitt.

  Truitt walked into the kitchen and dumped it down the kitchen drain.

  “For fuck’s sake. That was a good bottle of whiskey!” I cried out.

  Jack grabbed a kitchen chair, spun it around, and sat down on it as he stared at me. “You think that whiskey is going to help?” he asked with one narrowed eye.

  “Well, I couldn’t really get up in a plane or jump out of one right now, so it was doing the trick.”

  “Was it really? Because from where I’m sitting, you look miserable as fuck. You can’t drink yourself into numbness, Nolan. You’ve tried it before, and it didn’t work.”

  All I could do was nod, knowing he was right.

  “What if she walked back through that door right now? Is this what you’d want her to find?” Jack asked with a disgusted look on his face.

  My eyes jerked up, and I gave him a cold stare. “Fuck you, Jack. You have no fucking idea what I’m feeling or going through, so don’t sit there and judge me.”

  He held up his hands. “You’re right, Byers, I have no idea. I do know that I’ve sat back and watched you let Linnzi live some life you thought she should because no one had the fucking guts to tell her the truth.”

  I leapt across the table, knocking my chair over, before Jack or Truitt could react. I landed a punch right on Jack’s jaw and then managed to get in another one before Truitt pulled me off him. Jack stood and smiled as he rubbed his chin.

  Jack shot me a cocky smile. “Feel better?”

  “Fuck you!” I yelled as Truitt held me back. “You don’t fucking know anything!”

  “Settle down, Nolan, Christ Almighty!” Truitt said as he fought to keep me from lunging at Jack again.

  Jack slowly nodded and then pointed at me. “I’ve stood by your side, Nolan, all these years. I’ve stood by because I truly felt like you honestly thought what you were doing was right. A part of me gets why you did it, but now the truth is out, and there isn’t a damn thing you can do to change any of it. She’s upset. She’s grieving, and she needs time. Do you honestly think drinking yourself into numbness is going to help? Do something, Nolan! Fucking. Do. Something.”

  “Do something?” I spat out. “You’re telling me to do something? What in the hell do you think I’ve been doing? I’ve driven around this fucking town for hours, day after day. Calling her, begging her to talk to me. I don’t know what else to do, Jack. If you’ve got a brilliant idea, then please fucking enlighten me.”

  He shook his head as he stared at me. “I’ve watched you suffer alone all these years. Watched you fly off to Paris to catch glimpses of this woman you were madly in love with, and I never told you that I thought what you were doing was wrong. I know why you did it, Nolan. You didn’t want her to feel the same loss you felt for Amanda. You were trying to save her from it. I get that, dude.”

  I closed my eyes and slowly shook my head. “That didn’t turn out so good, did it?”

  Truitt let his grip on me ease up until he finally let go. I opened my eyes and looked at Jack. I could feel my nose burning with the threat of tears.

  “Nolan, it’s okay to feel the pain, and it’s okay to let her feel the pain. She’s not going to hate you. Dude, she waited for you all these years because she felt her love for you here.” He placed his hand over his chest. “Nolan, a love like that isn’t going to go away. You both need each other more than either one of you realizes.”

  I stumbled back and leaned against the wall. I jammed my hands into my hair and let out a low cry that sounded so foreign to my own ears it shocked me. Then I slid down the wall. The pain I felt in my chest had grown more and more as the days went on. The longer Linnzi stayed away, the more empty I felt. When my ass landed on the floor, I let out a sob.

  “I did this. It was my fault. It was my fault,” I said as I felt my entire body shake from crying so hard. “I promised her I would take care of her and Amanda. I promised her. I broke that promise.”

  I jerked my head back and slammed it against the wall. “I fucking promised her, and I let her down. I let her down. I took away every dream she had, and then I fucking left her like a coward. I figured she was better off without me in her life. If she didn’t remember us, then maybe it was for the best.”

  Jack knelt down and placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “Nolan, have you ever talked to anyone about losing Amanda? After all these years?”

  I lifted my head and met his gaze. His question seemed so strange, because why would I need to talk to someone? I frowned. “No.”

  Jack turned and looked at Truitt. Something passed between them, and Truitt said, “Maybe you need to talk to someone, Nolan.”

  With a shake of my head, I softly said, “No. If I’m going to talk to anyone about Amanda, it’s going to be with Linnzi. I need to find her.”

  Jack sighed. “What are you going to do in the meantime? You’re due back at Edwards in two days, Nolan. You’ve got to get your shit together.”

  I stared down at a spot on the kitchen floor for what seemed like forever. The alcohol-induced haze was slowly lifting and things were becoming more and more clear. I finally
asked Jack, “How did you get here?”

  Jack cleared his throat. “On a plane.”

  Narrowing my gaze at him, I asked, “Did you fly commercial?”

  He nodded. “I only bought a one-way ticket. I came as soon as Truitt called me.”

  I exhaled and then managed to get myself into a standing position. “I’m tired. I’m going to go to sleep, and then you can fly us back to Edwards tomorrow. You can crash in the spare bedroom upstairs. Take a right at the top of the stairs—it’s the last door on the right.”

  “You need anything, Nolan? Food or coffee?” Truitt asked.

  “No. I just want to sleep.”

  As I started to walk out of the kitchen, I glanced over at my phone, which was sitting on the floor. I guess I had knocked it off the table when I went after Jack. I reached down and picked it up, praying for a missed call or a text. I looked and saw nothing.

  My feet felt like lead as I walked through the house, up the stairs, and to my room. I slammed the door shut behind me and face planted onto the bed. Then I prayed I wouldn’t dream. For once, I wanted to sleep in peace and not dream about Amanda or Linnzi.

  “Please, I’m begging you, don’t let me dream,” I whispered as I closed my eyes and felt sleep take over.

  Two days later, I sat in my commanding officer’s living room and smiled up at him as he handed me a beer. “Thank you for seeing me this evening, sir.”

  He gave me a quick nod and a smile. “I spoke with Jack before he left to go to Texas. Needless to say, I wasn’t surprised when you handed in your letter of resignation.”

  I remained silent as I stared at the beer in my hand.

  “How are you doing, Nolan?”

  I lifted my gaze and met his. “Honestly?”

  He gave me one curt nod.

  “Not so hot, sir. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last few days, and I feel like the best thing for me to do is resign my commission and leave the Air Force. I’ve served my required time and I feel it is the best decision I can make at this time. My heart’s not where it needs to be right now, sir.”