Metanoia

by Young

  John continued, “I was once a bully, and the reasons I gave myself were:

  Bullying made me feel stronger, smarter, or better than the person I bullied.

  I lashed out at others because my parents didn’t give me sufficient attention.

  I wanted to hang out with the right crowd and harassment was what they did, so I imitated their malign actions.

  I was jealous of the person I harassed.

  Last but by no means least, I thought that by intimidating others, I could keep others from bullying me.

  “It is at Daltonbury that I came to realize that bullying isn’t cool. It’s an act of meanness and has harmful effects on the lives of those I bullied.”

  Helius inquired, “How does one deal with bullies?”

  John sensed something was amiss.

  He responded solemnly, “Helius are you being harassed? Is that why you want to know how to deal with bullies?

  The Freshman went quiet. We looked at him for an answer. He was in tears when he finally confessed.

  He muttered sobbingly, “Since my arrival at Daltonbury, there is a Junior who picks on me continuously.”

  John and I looked at one another before the teaching assistant pressed, “Helius, tell us who is intimidating you?”

  He continued to weep but kept quiet. I put my hands around his shoulders to comfort the boy before I cited my bullying experience at the Methodist Boy’s School in Kuala Lumpur. I also adduced that my bullier ended up being my lover before his parents dispatched him to a boarding academy in Ireland.

  After I finished, John relayed, “Helius, there’s a lot you can do if you’re harassed. The first thing is for you to work it out with the bully, that is if you don’t feel at risk, scared or physically threatened. The more empowered you are and can solve the dilemma yourself; the higher the chance for you to stop him from bullying you.

  “The bully wants you to react, and his goal is to strip away your power to make you sad and scared. If you show him that you are not intimidated, he’ll lose interest because he cannot rob your power. He wants to get you angry, but if you don’t become indignant, the bully will lose his control.”

  The Big-Brother paused to get the boy’s reaction. None came.

  “Daltonbury Hall’s Big-Brothership programme gave me self-confidence and pride. I turned from being a bully to help those who are being bullied.

  “Bullies are human like us. The only difference is that you are not a bully. Bullies act the way they do because they lack attention or parental love and nurturing. They are insecure, and bullying makes them feel powerful. They look for a reaction from you, and if they aren’t given the satisfaction, they lose interest,” John reaffirmed.

  I commented, “John, can you give us some pointers on how to handle a bully.”

  “Picture your bully on his head with his body stretched like he’s in front of a distorted mirror. The verbal abuses he threatens you with are warbled and incoherent, and he had turned yellow with pink stripes. Or envision a protective shield around you. Then visualize all the nasty things the bully verbalized had bounced off this ginormous buckler,” he advocated jestingly.

  The BB turned to his charge and counseled, “Stay confident, lad. Bullies pick on those whom they think are weaker than them. You might be scared, but stand up to them, and they will stop.”

  I stated, “My advice to you, Helius, is to vociferate loudly to the bully – ‘LEAVE ME ALONE,’ or look him in the eye and say something silly. In my experience, a bully feels empowered to intimidate a person, but he will seldom harass a group. Hang out with your friends when you see the harasser approach.

  “If these tactics don’t work and he continues to intimidate you, it is time to seek help. Like you are doing now. The both of us care about you and will assist you, but we also want you to be able to stand up for yourself to defend your rights.”

  John supported, “Do not think it’s your fault that you are in the wrong. Nobody deserves to be bullied. The problem will not disappear if you keep the harassment to yourself. Make sure you report the issue to the relevant authorities. Telling is not tattling. It’s the right thing to do. You must also remember not to skip classes or extracurricular activities because you’re scared of the bully being there. No matter how dire you think the problem is, do not hurt yourself. Nothing is so hopeless that it cannot be resolved.”

  The lad finally plugged up the courage to reveal his bully’s identity. Although John and I were stupefied, we were not surprised. After all, this malicious teenager had caused harm to several of our friends when he played the role of Tinker Bell at our school’s 1967 Christmas pantomime. We’d thought the Junior had turned over a new leave, but we were wrong. He was still the boy who wouldn’t grow up, the one and the same Samuel Luke Libernhan. The once, shy and timid lad when he first arrived at Daltonbury Hall. Sam and I were pals until his vindictiveness jeopardized his entry into the Enlightened Royal Oracle Society; even though he had no idea, he was one of the few shortlisted for an illuminating education of a lifetime. His viciousness had returned. It was up to John and me to report his transgression to the school authorities.

  With heavy hearts, the three of us arranged to meet Dr. Baron Struss, and Dr. Richard Kron, to inform them of Helius’ tormented predicament.

  Catharsis (Chapter Sixty-One)

  “Being nasty to others was my way to vent.”

  Samuel Luke Libernhan

  Last Week of January 1969

  Daltonbury Hall, Isle of Wight, England

  The afternoon before our meeting with Professor Struss, and Dr. Kron, I cornered Samuel when I passed him by the corridor. He was his usual buoyant self.

  “How are you, Sam?” I enquired.

  “Splendid! Couldn’t be better,” he responded.

  “Do you have time for a chat? I’ve been busy with my studies and haven’t had time to catch up with you lately,” I commented.

  “Sure!” he replied.

  As we proceeded to the recreation room at Tolkien Brotherhood, I inquired, “What have you been up to since your return to Daltonbury? I’m glad the school reinstated your suspension after the prank you played at the pantomime.”

  “I’ve been busy catching up with schoolwork,” he answered amiably.

  “I care about your wellbeing, Sam,” I stated.

  “Do you really?” he scoffed before he taunted, “Or are you simply ‘concerned’ for the next batch of incoming Freshmen?”

  “Samuel, that is an unfair comment. I care about my friends, and you for one should know,” I countered.

  “Oh! Don’t I know! You claim to be my friend, and when I was suspended, you or Andy didn’t bother to come to see me,” he declared indignantly.

  I explained, “We were away on our student exchange assignments. We would have come to visit you if we were in England.”

  “That’s your excuse,” he voiced.

  I sat on a nearby bench so we could converse in private.

  I began, “Sam, you are a Junior at Daltonbury. Didn’t your expulsion teach you a civics lesson to be reverential to your fellow students? Instead, your apathy has led you to recriminate others rather than to better yourself….”

  He stopped me before I could continue.

  “You can talk. You and Andy have everything you desire while I am left in the lurch. I hate the both of you and those whom you care about,” the Junior berated.

  I interrupted, “Sam before you proceed to say things you will regret; I want you to cogitate your actions. Not only did your unethical behavior injured your fellow schoolmates and got you in trouble, but it also jeopardized your selection to a once in a lifetime student exchange programme. I suggest you reflect on your actions rather than inculpate those who care about you. Hopefully, you will grow up and learn from your mistakes.”

  “You and Duc are the same. All this reflection bullshit is nothing but to make yourselves feel superior,” the Junior denounced.

  I expounded, “You should h
ave taken your ex-BB’s advice prudently, then you wouldn’t have been suspended. Samuel, you are an affable and simpatico young man, don’t allow your indignation to disparage you. Be responsible for your actions and be significant. You’ll garner genuine respect and admiration instead of false venerations through the harassment of others.”

  My scrupulous demeanor stirred a recognition within the Junior. He sputtered and broke into tears. “I hate you, hate you, hate you!”

  I consoled the lad like a callow puppy deprived of affection. He sobbed in bereavement. When he stopped crying, I offered, “Sam, how can I help?”

  Silence followed before the Junior muttered, “Will you still be my friend if I tell you a secret?”

  “Of course, I will. But you must realize that you are responsible for your actions. No one can solve your problems except you. To blame others is a lame excuse for impulsive behavior,” I commented.

  He nodded.

  “I’ve been bullying your roommate, Helius,” he confessed.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Because he gets your attention and I don’t,” the boy declared.

  I was taken aback by his rationale.

  I remarked, “Helius is not my charge. John is his Big-Brother even though the three of us room together.”

  “I know, but the Freshman gets your attention when he’s in need, and I don’t,” Sam muttered sheepishly.

  I expressed, “I am your friend, and you can approach me when you are in need. I’ll do my best to assist and support you. Are you having problems with your studies or extracurricular activities?”

  He shook his head before he responded, “I like to hang out with you and Andy.”

  “That is fine with me. Would you mind if Helius joins us?” I inquired.

  “I like Helius. He’s a friendly chap even though he’s in a world of his own,” Sam evinced.

  I smiled mischievously before I suggested, “Sam, the right thing for you to do is to apologize to Helius. Tell him you are sorry, and you will not harass him again. Then ask for his friendship.”

  The lad thought for a moment before he nodded.

  “I will apologize to Helius. Hanging with him will be interesting. Will you put in a right word for me? I might grow to like him,” Samuel conveyed.

  “Have an open heart and mind. You will be amazed that the both of you have more in common than differences,” I maintained.

  “Well chappy, are you ready to have a cup of tea at the Hobbit?”

  We proceeded to the cafeteria to catch up on our latest and greatest. With Helius’ despondency resolved, John, Helius and I canceled our meeting with the student counselors.

  Early February 2013

  Andy’s Personal Message to Me

  Young,

  Although I am not on Facebook, I befriended Jacob. He sent me an endearing message which I answered with words of encouragement. My email response to Jacob was c/c to you and David.

  To your question: “Am I falling in love with you again?”

  Let’s start with this checklist below:

  An article by the social psychologist Grace Cornish, states that relationships that are built on friendships are more likely to succeed. She claims that it can be an embarrassment to declare one’s undying love for a friend, only to find that he or she is not interested. She also posted some key points to evaluate the situation before one plunge into a love proposal too hastily.

  Young, you can also check your perceptions and tell me your opinion. ??

  According to the erudite Dr. Cornish; romantic love consists of three ingredients: attraction, closeness, and commitment.

  Attraction is the chemistry - the part of love that makes you feel flushed, out of breath and jittery around the person you are in love with.

  Closeness is the trust, caring, and acceptance that develops between two people who share their private thoughts and feelings.

  Commitment is the glue that binds the lovers together through dark times, arguments and difficulties.

  She advocated that the above mentioned must be present for real romantic love to occur and the chances that closeness and commitment already exist in a close friendship.

  My dear Young, may I also suggest you take an honest look at your feelings. Evaluate whether you really feel an attraction to me or are you mistaking the closeness and commitment of friendship for real love. When you are sure about your discernment, then proceed.

  Friendships can develop into something more without either person being aware that it is happening. Maybe they have puerile names and phrases for one another, or their friends are continually teasing them about becoming a couple. Perhaps they communicate with one another regularly.

  This begs the question; are you feeling the romantic tug? Maybe, I am. LOL!

  Both of us must take an objective look at the situation to make sure we are not falling victim to wishful thinking. If it genuinely feels right, ask for my thoughts. I might make the first move. ??

  The psychologist also indicated to take a step back to move forward. If I have romantic feelings, but you don’t, I am in an unbalanced relationship. She suggested that I should back off and become less available. I should cultivate other friends and spend time away from the person I desire. I can then bring the balance back to the friendship by asking for favors.

  For example, I might ask you to assist me with a task or chore. If you agree, then I should be thankful for your attentive behavior and acknowledge my gratefulness with a Thank You note or a personal gift. If you are nonreciprocal, it is a sign that you are not interested in advancing our friendship to courtship.

  Cornish’s advice is to introduce the subject of dating. Once the both of us feel the relationship is balanced and comfortable, it is time to consider dating possibilities. She said that some might jump for a kiss right away while others might prefer a direct conversation. And there are those who choose to drop hints.

  Select the approach that best fits both parties. Avoid doing anything unnatural or out of character, and to trust one’s instinct. Then take the risk and go with the flow. ??

  Love can appear in the most unexpected situation. You or I may have concerns that our friendship will suffer if we proceed down the path of romance. Here is where the good doctor gave some common indications that friendship is turning into romantic love:

  Body language reveals how someone feels.

  An example: If I am romantically interested, I may lean towards you when we converse, or I may create opportunities for physical contacts. Mirroring is another subtle body language. It is imitating the other person’s style and pace of movement. If I gaze at you with wide eyes, laugh at all your jokes (even if they are not funny), and I display signs of priggishness; these, she listed as typical flirtation signals.

  Oh, I forgot that we were already taught to identify these signs at the Bahriji School eons ago. LOL!

  Do either of us experience giddiness, a loss of appetite and can’t think of anything but the object of our affection? If so, you and I are in love.

  Young, I’m sure you are aware that when a person is attracted to someone; the brain releases dopamine that causes those happy, excited feelings, and triggers an increase in testosterone which boosts sexual desire. If you and I are preoccupied with thoughts of each other and experience butterflies in our bellies when we are around, close, or communicating with each other; these are telltale signs that we see us more than just friends.

  For a friendship to turn to love, the feelings must be mutual. We may find excuses to spend time together, or we may be in constant contact via emails. If our messages are turning flirtatious or suggestive, this is a definite sign that a romantic bond is at work. It is easier to drop hints about each other’s feelings from afar than in person. LOL!

  Finally, you or I may witness one another’s love interests revolving in and out of our lives, and the both of us were there to lend each other a sympathetic ear after a breakup. You may also have played matchmaker to set me up with o
ne of your pals, and vice versa. Whatever part we played in each other’s love lives before, things will differ if we are falling in love with one another. I may become quiet, moody or irritable or show suspicious behavior if you talk to another guy. You may feel the same. If neither of us has any desire to date other people and would rather spend time together, this is an unequivocal clue that we are becoming more than friends.

  Well, my dearest ex, I’ll leave you to ponder over my answer to your million-dollar question. Hahaha!

  Love, hugs, and kisses,

  Andy

  XOXOXO

  The Lightness of Being (Chapter Sixty-Two)

  “Skepticism has never founded empires, established principals, or changed the world’s heart. The great doers in history have always been people of faith.”

  Edwin Hubbel Chapin

  Mid-February 1969

  Daltonbury Hall, Isle of Wight, England

  A couple of days after my talk with Samuel, the Junior took my guidance and apologized to Helius. Although the Greco-Roman lad accepted his bully’s apology, he was skeptical of Samuel’s sudden change of position and remained aloof when they were together.

  One afternoon when Andy, John, Helius and I were out riding, I asked the Freshman, “You’re standoffish with Sam when he is with us. Is everything alright?”

  The boy replied unenthusiastically, “I don’t trust Samuel.”

  “Why?” I inquired.

  He took time to respond before he declared, “He tolerates me because he wants to be with you and Andy. I don’t believe his apology is genuine.”

  “Are you still afraid of him?” I questioned.

  The lad remained silent.

  “Helius, do you know the meaning of fear?” Andy asked.

  “It’s a dangerous feeling I have when I am in peril,” the Freshman answered.

  “That is partially correct. Fear is an emotion that tells you to avoid or escape an ongoing or impending situation. It could be external, natural and subconscious. These fearful worries can drive our trust away,” my Valet indicated.