by Young
As we watched Andy’s game of water polo, Helius’ stare never swayed from my Valet when there were other distractions. Like the Senior could do no wrong the Freshman applauded his every move. The adolescent also agreed with everything I said and did, even if my actions were brazenly ostentatious. I was curious about Helius’ unusual behavior, so I asked the lad, “You’ve been behaving terribly odd. Are you alright, Helius?”
The Freshman stared at me adoringly before he replied, “I love you and Andy.”
“What do you mean?” I questioned.
“I admire the two of you. You are my heroes. I look forward to being with you guys daily. I’m your devoted fan,” the boy lauded.
I eyeballed the boy as if he was out of his mind before it dawned on me that this Greco-Roman adolescent was infatuated with Andy and me.
I expressed, “Helius, do you know that infatuation is an unreliable foundation for a healthy relationship?”
“What do you mean?” he questioned.
“Often, when we idolize someone, it is a protection of our inner pain and despair. Helius, infatuation is like a drug-induced ‘high’ that temporarily elevates us out of our depression,” I explained.
He ogled at me as if I spoke in tongues.
“Infatuation is a defense mechanism, an unconscious strategy for avoiding pain. You may think I am crazy to say that infatuation is a way to ward off anxiety, but that is often the case,” I added.
“I’m not infatuated, but am truly in love with you and Andy,” the boy responded lividly.
I shushed him not to be so loud before I indicated, “Infatuation can also be a result of projection.”
“What do you mean by a result of projection?” he remarked.
“Projection is another form of defense mechanism. Aspects of yourself that you’ve kept hidden from your consciousness and are unable to identify. Traits such as confidence, success or charisma that you’ve disowned; but possessed by your objects of infatuation. By attributing significance to these traits, you see them as outside of your personal reach,” I ascribed.
Helius leered at me while I continued, “Another form of projection is when you impute to others an extraordinary ability to provide you with a feeling that you aren’t giving yourself.”
Before I could continue my elucidation, the Freshman queried, “What kind of feelings?”
“Like sentiments of unconditional love and acceptance. Many people do not treat themselves with respect and unequivocal acceptance. Our disowned traits make us easy targets for infatuation, especially when your objects of infatuation hold your abandoned features,” I imbued.
The adolescent asked, “Do I own those infatuation patterns you described?”
“That my friend is a question that only you can answer. My advice to you is to help yourself to reintegrate your ‘shadow’ aspects and to embrace them wholeheartedly. Utilize mindfulness and self-observation to understand what you have renounced,” I counseled.
“Teach me how to do that?” the boy expressed.
“Ask yourself who are you infatuated with? What are their qualities you admire? Are you preoccupied with the highs and lows of idolizing someone and then you see them fall from grace? These are significant clues to the forsaken parts of yourself. Until you are conscious of these fragmented portions, these foibles will have a hold on you,” I recommended.
Just then, Andy scored a direct hit. We stood and cheered. Helius expressed when we resumed our position, “What if my infatuation isn’t reciprocated?”
I replied conscientiously, “Just because you’re infatuated, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a premise for a solid friendship. But you must separate passion and love. Figure out what you value in your friends and in life. A fulfilling relationship is based on values and not an obsession. Be conscious of your decision and select friends and compeers with the qualities you esteem. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait for your crush to stop itching before you realize that the wait was a waste of time.”
The Freshman opined, “How do I know if my infatuation will materialize into something substantial?”
“From experience, boy. Things will happen naturally once you own all your positive and negative attributes. Practice self-love and don’t rely on others to fill the gaps. That said, it doesn’t mean that you stop appreciating the fantastic qualities in others. Quite the contrary; you’ll discern them openly, and no one will then be put on the pedestal to be worshipped,” I answered assiduously.
Needless to say, my lover’s team won hands down, especially Andy who scored bigtime for his polo league.
Dinner at the Hobbit
While Andy and his teammates went to the nearby village for a celebratory bash, I was left in the company of John, Helius, and Samuel. Over dinner at The Hobbit, John inquired, “Did you guys enjoy the match? It’s a shame I couldn’t be there to see Andy’s team win.”
Samuel chirped, “I wasn’t there either. I was in class.”
John looked at his charge when the Freshman announced cheekily, “Today, I had an all-important lesson on infatuation from Mr. Foong.”
“And what did Mr. Foong teach you?” Sam quipped.
“I always thought infatuation was part of love, and they complemented each other until Young informed me that they cannot coexist,” Helius divulged.
John glanced at me searchingly and wondered what I told the adolescent.
I announced, “Many are convinced that they’re in love with someone because they are infatuated with and think about their object of infatuation obsessively. They are besotted with that person and have difficulties managing their daily chores. I cited that this intense fixation is not true love but hidden phobias of our ‘shadow’ self.”
Samuel voiced mischievously, “Do enlighten me about the differences between infatuation and love?”
John propounded, “Simply put:
Infatuation happens instantly while Love is a slow process.
Passion wants physical affection while Love desires a deeper connection.
Crush makes a person act irrationally while Love calms him or her down.
Obsession is intense and short-lived while Love has a warm and lasting effect.
Fixation is reckless with emotions, but Love is solicitous and compassionate.
Calf-Love has ulterior motives, but genuine Love is filled with good intentions.
Desire brings out obsession and jealousy whereas Love brings out understanding and trust from the parties involved.
Infatuation is shallow. Love is deep.
Crush is a selfish and draining performance in as much as Love is kind and energizing.
Passion often makes a mountain out of a molehill, but Love does not make a fuss over insignificant issues.
Obsession is the idea of being in-love while Love is loving the person genuinely for who he or she is.
Fixation is possessive. Love is generous.
“Wow! That’s a mouthful! I didn’t know the differences are so extensive,” Samuel exclaimed.
“There is more, do you want me to continue?” the BB expressed.
I interjected, “Please continue. I’m sure Helius will like to know.”
The Freshman nodded in agreement.
John recommenced, “Infatuation isn’t built on solid foundations while Love is constructed on substantial grounds.
Passion holds grudges, but Love forgives.
Infatuation thrives on playing cat and mouse games while Love thrives on sequential connections.
Desire is delusional whereas Love is real.
Obsession has unrealistic expectations while Love has pragmatic standards.
True Love is mature in as much as Puppy-Love is childish.
Love is entrenched in friendship whereas Crush is rooted in desire.
Love springs from self-assurance. Infatuation swells from insecurity.
Passion makes a person vindictive. On the contrary, Love makes a person altruistic.”
Samuel voiced, “How much m
ore is there? I can’t remember everything you said.”
John asserted amusingly, “The more reason you need to know the rest of what I have to tell you, Sam.”
“I can replay everything to you. I have tape recorded this and my conversation with Young if you want to relisten to it,” Helius proffered flippantly.
“Helius, you crafty devil. I didn’t know you have a tape recorder on you,” I vociferated.
The Freshman sniggered before he crowed, “I have tricks up my sleeve you don’t know about.”
“Boys, will you let me finish my infatuation spiel before you get carried away with your titter-tatter,” John blazoned.
“The final components that differentiate Infatuation and Love are:
Crush is undefined whereas Love is exclusive.
Passion is self-destructive in as much as Love can heal many wounded hearts.
“Most importantly Obsession thinks love should be perfect, but Love knows otherwise. Love is not worried or in the least bit concerned about perfection because no one is perfect,” the BB broadcasted.
“Yaay! It’s finally over!” the Junior exclaimed excitedly. “Can we return to a time-honored conversation?”
“Not so fast, Sam. I want you to listen to Helius’ recording of Young’s infatuation rigmarole, so you’ll get our invaluable wisdom into your thick head,” John taunted the bullheaded Junior; to which he responded by biding us, “Goodnight mates! I’m out of here.”
In The Blossoming Gardens Of Osborne House (Chapter Sixty-Five)
“Platonic or Divine Love: The boy is so handsome! God has created him so beautifully!
Erotic or Earthly Love: The girl is so hot! I wish I could kiss her!”
Ziaul Haque
Second Week of March 1969
Osborne House Gardens, Isle of Wight, England
A few days before Andy and I left for Paris to attend the Swarovski Fashion Extravaganza; BB John, Lucas, and Andy together with their respective charges, Helius, Samuel and I took a bicycle tour around the Isle of Wight. The island was awash with the diaphanous aroma of blossoming spring flowers as we cycled to Osborne House. This Italian Renaissance-style palazzo was the former residence of Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. Following the Queen’s demise, the property was bequeathed to the State and became the Royal Naval College training institute. During World War I, it was used as an officers’ convalescent home before it was renamed King Edward VII Retirement Home for military and civil service officers. Back in 1969, the lower floors of the mansion and its extensive grounds were open to the public.
As we laid out our picnic accouterments under a large oak tree within this historic estate, Helius enquired, “Young, can I go to Paris with Andy and you?”
His Big-Brother, John chimed before we could respond, “Helius, aren’t you going home for Easter?”
“I would rather be in Paris than Rome,” the Freshman replied.
Samuel commented enthusiastically, “Can I go to Paris too?”
John responded searchingly, “Boys, why do you want to go to Paris when you are supposed to spend time with your families? Besides, you are not invited to the Swarovski fashion presentations like Andy and Young.”
Samuel’s BB, Lucas injected, “I wouldn’t mind being in Paris for Easter. That city is beautiful and terribly romantic this time of year.”
“Don’t encourage the Junior and the Freshman. Otherwise, they’ll be pestering Andy and Young to bring them along,” John chastised before he added, “Lucas, you may or may not know that this lad (he gazed at Helius) is infatuated with Young and his Valet.”
“Is that so! Well, maybe we should have a discussion on romantic and platonic love,” Lucas declared vehemently.
Samuel chirped, “I’ll tell you the difference. Romantic love is gooey and kissy-face while platonic love is unafraid to put up a fight.”
We burst into laughter at his elementary evaluation before Lucas interjected, “Sam, your assessment is partially correct. Platonic love is not chary of a scuffle, but on the contrary; romantic love is more than being gooey and kissy-face. It is about being able to compromise.”
The BB paused before he added, “You see, when you love someone platonically, there isn’t fear of conflict. There is nothing ‘to break’ or ‘tarnish.’
“The fight may last a day or longer, but you’ll make peace because you understand each other, and you grow during that time apart. But when you love someone romantically, the relationship is then based on compromises. It is imperative to you for the other person’s happiness. You feel content when your lover is blissful. Their needs precede yours, and any unresolved negativities will feel heavy and irksome to you.”
John opined, “My perspective on platonic love is to tell it like it is; whereas with romantic love I want to spare my lover the unpleasantness.”
“You mean to sugarcoat and to lie to your partner?” Andy countered.
“That is not what I mean, Andy. If I love someone romantically, it matters how I make them feel. If I have a topic that is difficult to relate, I will think of the best way to deliver that message, and minister that message to their emotional criterion,” John clarified.
I remarked, “When I love someone platonically, I’m unabashed if I hurt their feelings because as a trustworthy friend, it is my job to tell it to them straight rather than spare them the predicaments. If they need a shoulder to cry on, I’m there for them. For me, platonic love is a case of the ride or die while romantic love is until death does I part.”
Andy voiced, “Where did you learn that biker jargon - ride or die?”
“From Haalib and Azil,” I sniggered.
“Those spoiled brats who got Narnia and Albert in trouble. I hope they are better behaved after their Switzerland’s rehabilitation,” my chaperone exhorted.
“I pray so. After all, Sheik Fahrib, the princely heir to the Sharjah throne should be able to control his nephews’ disrespectful behaviors,” I adjured.
Lucas directed us back to the discussion before we got sidetracked.
“Young, your description is a unique way to say that both kinds of love are everlasting. What happens when someone you love romantically or platonically committed a crime and killed a person? Will you help them bury the body and lie in the court of law?” the BB asserted.
Andy expressed, “That’s a significant decision for my conscience to choose. It’ll depend on the circumstance and the factors related to the crime.”
John avowed, “This is indeed a weighty question. When I love someone platonically, that love is in my life. I will tend to the situation, but I will also assess and acknowledge the outcome.
“on the other hand, romantic love has endless possibilities. It requires planning, creativity, options, and decisions. Agreements between the parties involved are vital.”
Helius who had not commented until now, conveyed, “Loyalty is a crucial element in platonic love. It is long-lasting, and it keeps me grounded.”
“That’s correct, Helius. Contrarily, romantic love is sensitive, volatile and delicate. A whimsical adventure filled with fiery passion that is both satisfying and priceless; that is if you and your romantic partner have similar raison d’être,” I averred.
I observed the Freshman’s expression before I continued, “Helius, romantic love will sweep you off your feet when you least expect it. It is a different emotion to infatuation. When romantic love hits, you will sense it in your heart.
“A word of caution, when you try to cross the line from platonic to romantic, be prepared for rejection. Rejection sucks when romantic love is unreciprocated.”
My Valet enjoined, “You can save yourself a lot of heartaches when you understand the difference between friendship and relationship. If you find yourself falling in love with a friend, make sure your lust is not a fleeting avocation. Otherwise, it may lead to an explosive situation, or it may turn out to be in your favor. Either way, it is a painful recovery. The nature of the friendship will change.<
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“If you feel that your emotional bonds are mutual and can last, then make a proposal; but be prepared to face rejection and the possibility of losing his or her friendship. However, if both your connection is secure and he/she reciprocates, then it is a right call.”
Lucas counseled, “If you feel that the feelings are not mutual and you value having the person in your life, you can also choose to wait for the right circumstance before you propose.
“As per Andy’s input, the dynamics of the friendship will change. It is likely that the romantic relationship won’t be as laid-back as the friendship, and jealousy may raise its ugly head. Be smart and be honest with yourself and weigh both negative and positive possibilities. A word of caution, if you are considering a romantic relationship with your best friend, infatuation should be the last thing on your mind.”
Helius he burst into tears at the mention of infatuation. We were taken aback by his emotional outpour.
“What’s the matter, Helius? Are you alright?” John inquired and stepped in to console his charge.
“I don’t know what to do? I’m in love with Andy and Young,” the Freshman cried.
We looked at one another in bewilderment before Andy soothed, “Helius, Young and I love you very much. We treasure your comradeship. As you are aware, I will be leaving for New Zealand in a few months. You can come visit me anytime.”
I vindicated, “Helius, you are very dear to me. I value our friendship and will assist you in any way possible. You can approach me for help. I’ll be there for you.”
“Does that mean the both of you are not in love with me?” the boy questioned.
Andy and I nodded.
Samuel laid his hand on the Freshman to comfort him.
He whispered into Helius’ ear, “Love is sturdy, unwavering and unfazed. It takes a lot to shake up a relationship. The surprises in the world will pop up, but our link will remain solid.” He kissed the weeping adolescent on his lips.