Bad Boys of the Kingdom

by Rob Jones

  “It feels amazing, my man, I…” He broke off when he latched eyes with a shapely brunette who was walking by, locked arm in arm with two other girls. They were all wearing cowboy boots with summer dresses, giggling, staggering, and talking loud from the apparent influence of too many adult beverages. She had on a colorful sash that read Bride-To-Be in gold letters, and a sparking tiara sat on her almost black hair that read Bride in matching gold.

  He turned toward her, she smiled. He reached out to take her arm. “What the—” He canceled her words by commandeering her lips with a firm, unyielding kiss. Spectators passing by applauded as she acquiesced to his advances.

  “You’re welcome,” he said with a poised smile as her girlfriends pulled her away.

  “Are you insane, Becky? You’re about to marry my brother! OMG. You know that is sexual assault, you pervert,” one of her friends said.

  “That’s okay, I gave him permission with a smile,” she said as she fixated on him while tracing two fingers over her freshly kissed lips.

  “Text me later!” she yelled out her number, facing him while she walked away.” He stared at her until she was no longer in view, then lifted the bottle of Johnnie Walker to his lips.

  “As I was saying, it is incredibly surreal that we are professional musicians. It was only a matter of time for this night to happen.”

  “I can’t believe that you took that bottle of Johnnie Walker,” Ethan stalled. “On second thought, I can believe it. Give me some of that action.”

  Ethan saw a street musician with a small crowd around him strumming a guitar singing the song Tennessee Whiskey.

  “I’m going to help this guy out.” Ethan took another drink from the bottle that Ligon had.

  He crossed the street and walked up next to the street musician and began singing the chorus of the song with him. It didn’t take long for the crowd to grow exponentially. People started flocking around them, bobbing their heads up and down and crinkling their noses, displaying their endorsement of what they were hearing. They began to drop five-and ten-dollar bills in the street musician’s open guitar case. His body swayed back and forth, becoming more animated as he played and sang with a little more vigor.

  “Thank you, thank you, you all are entirely too kind.” The street musician had a surprisingly rich British accent. “Here you go, mate.” He handed Ethan forty dollars.

  “No, that’s not necessary. It’s all yours. You deserve it,” Ethan said.

  “Oh, please, please take it. I was sounding like rubbish until you came,” he lamented. “You are incredible, mate, incredible. I couldn’t look myself in the mirror if I didn’t give you something for carrying me through that song.”

  “I’m good, bro. trust me,” Ethan proclaimed with his palms up as though he was surrendering. “Here’s what you can do for me though. Tell everyone you know that the band Slither of Light is the next big thing. Share our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter.”

  “Very well, mate. Consider it accomplished.” He shook his hand. “Once again, thank you, um, I didn’t get your name.”

  “The crowd-pleaser, they call me the crowd-pleaser,” Ethan replied.

  “Thank you, crowd pleaser, you are ridiculously talented.”

  “Yes, I know.”

  “Hey, did anyone tell you that you sound like a poor man’s Ed Sheeran?” Ligon’s question was dripping with discourtesy. The street musician looked at Ligon with his head cocked and his mouth twisted.

  Owen and Wes caught up with Ethan and Ligon and asked them what they’d missed.

  “Our boy Ethan here did some charity work for that Ed Sheeran wanna-be over there,” Ligon communicated. “Look at him now surrounded by a faceless crowd, he’s a hit on Broadway. You’re welcome, Ed!” Ligon shouted at him. “Come on, boys, let’s celebrate our newfound success.”

  They set out walking through the crowd, bumping and pushing their way in a cantankerous manner. They walked into a parking garage where a couple was making out on top of a car. “Hey, that looks like fun. Can I have a turn after you, hot lips?” The guys giggled while Ligon put on some lip balm.

  “Um, what?” the guy replied.

  “I would like a crack at your friend there. I’m sure you don’t mind, do you, hot lips?”

  “Come on, Lig, leave the fornicators alone,” Wes suggested.

  “I think she wants to find out if the juice is worth the squeeze. I can tell by the way she’s looking at me.”

  “The reason I’m looking at you is because I’m trying to figure out if you are mentally challenged or just incredibly stupid,” the girl said. “Hmm, I think it’s the latter. You are definitely stupid.”

  “Ouch, now that hurts. You went way below the belt, missy. For your information, I’ve been told that I am mentally challenged, bipolar, and have ADHD. I am broken and I have other issues that can’t be explained. Now don’t you feel like a horse’s hiney? Anyway, I was just trying to be friendly.”

  “You’re stupid. So why don’t you and your crew get the heck out of here so that me and my man can continue bonding, you jerk?”

  “So let me get this straight. There will be no lip-locking between you and me this evening?”

  “You heard what she said, so push on, whack-job, or you’re going to get dealt with.” The guy raised up off the car.

  “Simmer down, hot lips. I’m just having a little fun. You two enjoy your night.” Ligon blew them both a kiss.

  They walked down a little further before they found a spot to sit. Ligon took out the half-full Johnnie Walker bottle and took a swig of the liquid then passed it on. After they talked and drained the bottle dry, they stumbled out of the parking garage, back onto the congested sidewalks and streets. A horse-and-carriage ride was halted at a stoplight.

  “Guys, I think I need to hijack that horse-and-carriage ride.” Ligon stood in contemplation. “Yep, I’m going to take over the duties of that disinterested tour guide with a lumberjack beard and straw hat.” His words slurred.

  He clumsily ran out into the middle of the street toward the carriage. He awkwardly climbed on the seat where the tour guide sat, startling the middle aged couple who obviously had no idea what was taking place. They just sat there in the carriage and smiled.

  “I’ll take it from here, Huckleberry.” Ligon slurred his words, took the straw hat from the tour guide, raised his left foot, and kicked him out of the seat. “Hold on to your knickers, it’s going to get a little dicey from here, y’all!” Ligon grabbed the reins, cued the horse, and off they went.

  “Yee-haw, I’ll be back, boys!” He tipped the straw hat he was wearing toward Ethan, Owen, and Wes. The tour guide got up, cursed, then went storming after them through the traffic.

  ***

  “Come on, come on, come on. Pick up, pick up please?” Ethan earnestly tried to get a hold of Zoe to tell her that the band had signed a record deal. “That’s it, I’m just going to have to go over there and tell her in person.” Knowing that it probably wasn’t a good idea since it was after two in the morning, he convinced himself that there was a pretty good chance that she would be dreaming of him anyway. So to be awakened in the middle of the night by the man of her dreams would be a serendipitous encounter, not to mention a great romantic moment that she could tell her girlfriends who would be green with envy. And if she was not thrilled and excited to see him…who was he kidding? She couldn’t help but be ecstatic. Plus, he would be bringing some life-changing news.

  He arrived at her house blaring Johnny Cash’s Understand Your Man. He tried calling her one more time only to reach her voicemail again.

  “Either she’s a pill popper or her phone is on silent.” He slid his phone back in his pocket. “Looks like I gotta go old school on her and climb up to her window like they do in the movies.”

  He turned off the engine, hiccupped up a few times, and then let out a belch so loud that Helen Keller could have heard it. Still somewhat buzzed from the bottle of Johnnie Walker, he slowly e
ased out of the car and stumbled ungracefully toward the house. The leaves crackled as he crushed them underneath his feet with every step he took.

  “Shh.” He put his index finger to his lips and giggled. A gentle breeze flirted with his face as he moved a little more swiftly to the back of the house. He climbed the back deck stairs, walked over to the guardrail, swung his left leg over and began to straddle it. “Whew.” He managed to get on his feet, barely balancing himself. “I don’t think that I thought this thing all the way through.” He looked up and stretched himself, trying to reach the roof. “This is hands down the worst idea in the history of ideas. This roof is a threat to me, I don’t know if I can reach it even if I jump.”

  He looked up again. “I can do this. Ain’t no thing but a chicken wing on a string. This is easy peasy lemon squeezy.” He tried to talk himself into jumping. “Okay, here we go. One, two, two and a half, three.” He jumped and grabbed hold of the gutter and pulled himself up. “Whew, I knew that I could, oh, ah, ah, ah!” He slipped and fell on his coccyx. The neighborhood dogs started barking, along with Tulip, Zoe’s dog. He got up and hobbled back to his car and took off. “I don’t think she’ll mind if I just tell her a little later today.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Ethan

  “Ah, this feels great, ooh, a little tight right there. I need to stretch it at this angle. Oh yeah, there it is, that’s the spot. That feels amazing, oh so good.”

  “Do you need to get a room and be alone with yourself? You’re making me feel a little uncomfortable over here,” Ethan commented on Owen’s stretching routine before getting on the elliptical at GetFit Anytime Gym, the place of Owen’s employment. He was wearing an Under Armour black tank top and compression leggings that were divulging his tight, hard, muscular and symmetrically flawless body.

  “Don’t hate, appreciate this amazing body, my brother. I’m methodical when it comes to my workouts,” he countered.

  With his dreadlocks pulled back into a ponytail, he got out his earbuds and put them in. He and Ethan stepped onto the ellipticals and started their journey of producing serotonin and dopamine. Owen increased the speed on the elliptical to give his endorphins a kick-start. He worked up a sweat that beaded and glistened on his unilluminated dark skin like stars.

  “Looking good there, Owen.” A beautiful honey-coated lady in black yoga pants approached him. She had mystical brown eyes, high, sharp cheekbones, and bountiful lips.

  “What did you say?” He took one of his earbuds out that was blaring a Sevendust song.

  “I said that you are looking good.”

  “Tell me something that I don’t already know, Vega.” He blew her a kiss. She laughed. Ethan raised an eyebrow, sensing the heat between Owen and Ms. Yoga Pants.

  “Baby girl, your upstage beauty would divert attention from any other woman that’s in your vicinity. Mm, mm, mm.”

  “You need to quit, boy. Hey, are you going to come to my class this morning?” She adjusted the yoga matt that was under her arm.

  “Only if you let me get a taste of those sweet lips of yours.” He licked his lips.

  “You know that I’m with Keith, baby, so stop tripping.”

  “Vega, you know you want to be with me. I can tell how you respond when I flirt and toy with you. Whenever we have those touch-and-go moments, you feel my magnetism pulling you in like gravity.” He slowed his pace on the elliptical. “I can see it in your eyes that you think about what my lips would taste like and how it would be to have these big, black, strong, industrious hands holding you gently like I hold my bass. Don’t even try to deny it, baby girl.”

  “Even if that was true, which it is not, I am with Keith.”

  “I know who you’re with and I know who you need to be with, and that’s me. Keith is the wrong one for you,” he said, his breath ragged. “And the reason I know he’s the wrong one for you is because he proposed to you twice and you rejected him both times. Besides, we both know that I’m the one who should be taking care of that heart and furnishing your needs.” He took a couple of breaths. “Let the heat from my embers ignite your desires, Vega.”

  Ethan gave him an are–you-kidding-me look.

  “Why are you torturing me like this, Owen?” She looked down then returned her gaze to him. She walked up to him, and he stopped when she put her lips against his left ear.

  “Meet me in the yoga room in ten minutes,” she said.

  “How about now?”

  “Mm, okay, but we have to make it quick and we’re keeping it PG, kissing only.”

  “You two need to work on your whispering game because I heard every word.” Ethan grinned and shook his head.

  “You need to get out of grown folk’s business, son.” Owen winked.

  After about fifteen minutes on the elliptical, Ethan walked up to the front of the gym by the office to wait for Owen to finish with his so-called hot yoga. He saw a tall, mahogany-skinned, muscle-bound man spill out of a silver Audi in the parking lot.

  “Good morning Big K, surprised to see you here this early,” a young, fit platinum blonde greeted him.

  “Good morning, Nicole.” He smiled at her and offered Ethan a what’s-up nod, then went straight to his office. He was wearing a black Jordan fleece tracksuit. His face was defined and regal, and accentuated by a well-groomed goatee.

  “My home printer is on the fritz so I had to come here to print out some registration papers for the NPC Elite Physique Championships.”

  “I didn’t know you were competing in that bodybuilding show. Hmm, as good as you look, you are going to devour those guys.” She pushed her hair behind her ear and smiled.

  “Was everybody in flirt mode his morning?” Ethan muttered.

  “I saw Vega’s car outside. Have you seen her?”

  “No, she might be getting ready for her class in the hot yoga room.”

  “I’ll go and surprise her.” He retrieved the papers from the printer.

  “She is a lucky girl if I have to say so myself.” She pushed her hair back behind her ear again and submitted an even bigger smile.

  “Excuse me, who is that?” Ethan inquired.

  “Oh that’s Keith, he’s the owner here.”

  “Keith!” That must be the Keith Vega was telling Owen about. If he found her with him, he was going to rip every single dreadlock out of Owen’s head.

  Ethan ran back toward the gym to try to find Owen and Vega before Keith did. He first checked the yoga room where Vega taught, but it was empty. Then he went to the sauna room next to it, but all he found was a girthy naked man lying down snoring. He checked the second sauna room that was for women only. “Hello, Owen, Vega, are you guys in there?” He knocked, cracked the door, and stuck his head in, his eyes darting from left to right.

  “Where are they? Then he turned around the corner to the aerobics room. It was dark, but he heard soft bedroom voices.

  “I can’t believe that we’re doing this,” she said between ragged breaths. “I’m having an emotional high speed come-apart…you…you…you got me tail-spinning out of control from the turbulent gale that’s swelling within me. We-we have to stop. Mm, never mind, let’s go for it.”

  Ethan was about to open the door when…

  “What the—!” Keith came in from the other end of the room and switched on the light

  “Keith!” Vega shouted. “Baby, it’s not what it looks like.” Her hands flickered like a flame on a burning candle. .

  “What do you mean it’s not what it looks like? It looks like you’re half naked and he was getting a DNA swab from your mouth with his tongue.” He clenched his hands as flames danced in his eyes.

  “Okay, it is what it looks like, but it’s not what it seems,” Owen intervened.

  “Shut up, that doesn’t even make any sense!” Keith charged toward Owen and tackled him to the ground.

  “Stop, Keith, please stop!” Vega screamed. Ethan rushed in the yoga room and tried to pull Keith off of Owen. A trainer sprint
ed in to help.

  “You are so fired, Owen. Get your stuff and get out of here,” Keith demanded while breathing heavily. “And don’t you think for one second that this is over with. You’re going to pay for this.” Ethan and the trainer still held Keith back.

  “Yeah, you’re right, this is far from over.” Owen wiped blood from his mouth. “You better watch your back, bruh. Just like I got to your girl when you least expected it, I’m going to get to you the same way, believe that.” He sneered. “I’ll be seeing you, baby.” Owen winked and puckered his lips toward Keith, then toward Vega while he walked away.

  “Baby, baby, I am so sorry.” Vega pleaded with tears descending down her cheeks.

  “Oh no, you’re not sorry yet, but I promise you that you will be. Everything that I have bought you and the life that you have been accustomed is now a faded memory.” Keith’s eyes narrowed and darkened.

  “It didn’t mean anything to me, baby. This was the first and only time, I promise, baby.”

  “I don’t want to hear another sound out of that trampy mouth of yours.” His voice soared with passion. “I’m cancelling all your classes, and I’m cancelling our relationship. You’re fired and I want your filthy butt and your filthy things out of my house before I get back from my competition.”

  “But—”

  “But nothing, you’re dismissed.” Keith pointed at the door where Ethan was standing. Ethan was there to make sure that Keith didn’t take out his anger on Vega physically.

  ***

  The wings of time take us through life faster than we want to go. It’s been three months since I’ve seen my heart because you have stolen it. Thank you for making my life magical and phenomenal. Can’t wait to breathe in your kisses. Love, Ethan.

  Zoe blushed from reading the card that came with a dozen roses that Ethan handed her.

  “You are beyond amazing, so thoughtful and romantic. I am so blessed to have you in my life.” She placed the roses in a vase.