He Remains Faithful

by Laurie Gilbreath

  Chapter 18

  Over the next few weeks, Andrew and Kelly found ways to get together on several occasions. Mike never questioned Kelly working late or going to dinner with colleagues; he knew she was in the middle of a presentation. Often, Andrew and Kelly spent long hours talking after they were together, sharing dreams and discussing work or just watching television. It became harder and harder to tear themselves away from each other after each visit.

  Sometimes Andrew found himself troubled about their relationship. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being with Kelly, because he did. He had thought some, though, about her family, how it might affect them if they ever found out about the…affair. Yes, that’s really what it was. And that bothered Andrew somehow. He knew that Kelly was basically married in name only, that she and Mike might not even stay together. But she was married now. Andrew wasn’t sheltered. He had been with a few girls he had dated. But sleeping with a single girlfriend and sleeping with a married woman didn’t seem like the same thing. The latter seemed worse somehow, even though he knew the Bible said the same thing about both. For some reason, the conversation Andrew had had with Kelly while they were working on the first presentation came to his mind. The conversation about Regina. How ironic that he had confided in Kelly how disappointed he had been in Regina when she made it clear that she wanted to sleep with him.

  Something else bothered Andrew as well. In the email over a month ago, Kelly had said she was vulnerable. He knew what that meant. She was hurt over what she saw as the death of her marriage. And she had put herself on the line admitting her attraction to Andrew. She told him that she was fine with a more casual type relationship, but he wasn’t so sure. There was something in her eyes when she looked at him after they were together. Something unguarded and completely open. He had to admit; had feelings for her too, but he suspected that they weren’t near as strong as Kelly’s. It made him feel heartless, as if he was using her. His body and desire were pulling him in one direction, and a voice from somewhere deep inside was pulling him in another. Eventually, though, he shook it off. They could control this; contain it. After all, it wasn’t like it was something permanent. He knew he had made Kelly feel good, safe, and secure. She deserved that. She needed that. And if he enjoyed the time with her along the way, whom would it really hurt? But still, the voice persisted quietly. Andrew turned off the computer and began getting ready for church.

  That Sunday morning, Kelly’s pastor preached about purity. He talked about guarding the heart and God’s promise to provide a way out when temptation comes. He talked about marriage being a picture of Christ and the church and God’s design for intimacy. Kelly tried to think of something else. The pastor’s comments grated on her ears. His words made her angry. No one understood what her life had been like for the past two years, how starved she had been for affection and attention. It was well and good to talk about purity when you had what you needed. Kelly felt her throat tightening. She told God that she was the exception because she wasn’t truly married anymore anyway. She waited for some kind of conviction, but she couldn’t hear a response. Finally, she took out a scrap of paper and began making a list of the things she had to do the following week. Thankfully, the service finally ended, and they could leave.

  As the family was lounging around Sunday afternoon, Mike brought up the topic of visiting family. “Kelly, it’s been awhile since we’ve seen my parents. What do you think about going to Tennessee this weekend?”

  Kelly thought for a minute. “Mike, things are really busy right now. We are getting ready for the next big presentation, and the sales consultant is coming in a couple of weeks. That’s going to take a lot of preparation.”

  “Can’t we just get away for a couple of days? My parents are dying to see the kids.”

  “Tell you what, why don’t you and the kids go? The boys can take their handheld games along, and you won’t even know they are in the back seat. Then I can spend the weekend working on work stuff.”

  “I don’t really like going without you,” he said.

  “Well,” Kelly replied crossly, “we’ve certainly done our share of going places without you. I don’t know when the last time you came with us to see my parents was.”

  Shaking his head, Mike sighed. “You’re right about that. I’m sorry. I guess it can be just us boys this time if you’re sure you’ll be okay.”

  “I’ll be fine. I can work in peace and quiet all day long.”

  Kelly inwardly congratulated herself for deflecting the trip. Though she did have work to do, the real reason she didn’t want to go was Andrew. She wanted to be in town just in case. And if he called her again, they could spend more time together because no one would be expecting her at home. Smiling to herself, Kelly got up off the couch and said, “I think I’ll take a Sunday afternoon nap.”

  “Want some company?” Mike offered.

  “That’s okay.” Kelly said, and she left the room without seeing the disappointment on Mike’s face.

  Sometime during her nap, Mike slipped into the bed. When Kelly woke up, she found him asleep beside her. Suddenly, Mike’s meaning behind his offer of company became clear. Mikey and Sam were playing down the street, so they were alone. A nervous shudder went through her. It seemed strange to come together with Mike when she had been with Andrew the day before. The whole thing was a little confusing. The more she thought about it though, the more she realized that she felt more of a connection with Andrew than she did with Mike. A wave of fear washed over her. She and Andrew hadn’t discussed the direction of their relationship. It had been easier just to let things flow. Were they just enjoying each other, or was something deeper going on? Would she end up getting hurt, or could she detach herself enough to just enjoy their time without feeling too much?

  “Hey,” Mike said, as he woke up, “Nice nap?”

  Kelly yawned and stretched. “Very nice. I didn’t realize how tired I was.”“What time will the boys be home?” Mike asked.

  “Let’s see,” Kelly thought aloud. “It’s 4:00 now. They should be home between 4:30 and 5:00.”

  Mike stared out the window for a moment. “I that case, I guess we had better get up.”

  It bothered Kelly just a little that she breathed a sigh of relief. But when she thought about the distance of the past two years, being invisible to her husband, and the seemingly secretive behavior that Mike had displayed, she brushed aside the troubled thoughts. If Mike loved her, she wouldn’t have turned to Andrew. Her heart had grown bitter; she no longer felt connected to Mike. And she still felt no remorse, no guilt. She had convinced her heart and mind that she deserved this bit of happiness.

  The Bowling’s had developed the habit of missing Sunday evening church, and tonight was no exception. Kelly called for pizza and settled herself down to read a book she had just purchased. Whenever she read a book, she got lost in the pages. She was completely oblivious to the world around her. And this book had a compelling plot: mystery, suspense, and a few steamy love scenes. One of her favorite authors had written it, and she drank in every word. Mike sat beside her on the couch playing an online computer game, and the boys were watching a movie in the playroom. It was a peaceful evening.

  “Kelly,” Mike said, putting his laptop on the coffee table. “Do you think things are any better with us?”

  “What do you mean?” Kelly asked, continuing to read.

  “I mean, we don’t have as many arguments, which is good, but we don’t seem to be communicating at all. Do you still feel the way you did before, like we are just coexisting?”

  Kelly sighed and put down her book. “I understand our relationship now. I know you are committed to our family. You work hard, and you care about us. I have learned to live with the fact that you don’t feel anything for me.”

  Mike’s eyes revealed that her statement had pierced his heart. “I wish I could turn back time and d
o better. But I can’t. Can’t we just move forward and forget all that?”

  “I’m sorry Mike. I just can’t move forward right now. With all that we have gone through and in all of our conversations, I have never once heard you apologize or take any responsibility for our problems.”

  “Then you haven’t been listening. I told you I was sorry I sometimes shut you out. I told you I was going to try not to do that no matter what mood you are in.”

  “Do you hear yourself? No matter what mood I am in? It’s like I am the root of all our problems. You apologize, and then you explain how it’s my fault because I made you act that way.”

  “You’re not listening, and you’re not being rational, Kelly. This is what I am talking about. We just talk in circles.”

  “Well, not anymore,” Kelly snapped. “I’m going to the other room.” And with that, Kelly grabbed her book and walked away.

  What was wrong? Mike thought as he sat there alone. Kelly seemed so angry. Even though she was no longer ranting or mercurial, something was not right. He knew he had to take some of the blame for their problems. But how could he be there for her when she was so combative, so hurtful? There was a lot of water under the bridge, but he figured if he could get past and forgive, surely she could too. What would it take for them to get back on track, and was it too late to even try? Mike shook his head; he didn’t have any answers.