The Mayor of Noobtown

by Ryan Rimmel

We continued flying down the path. AvaSophia’s Stamina dropped lower and lower, as the creek got closer and closer. I moved behind her as more arrows were fired, bringing both children to my chest. This made the already awkward running I was doing even, more awkward, considering the supplies on my back. We ran down a slope and a wolf broke out in front of the pack. All we had to do was get to the top of the next ridge and the creek would be right there.

  AvaSophia abruptly spun around, holding a dagger. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I understood her stance. She had become a mother bear, trying to protect her young from the wolves. Standing tall despite terrible odds in an attempt to give her children just a bit more of a chance.

  I just wasn’t having any of it. I stuck out my arm and grabbed her too, moving myself from overburdened to severely overburdened. My Stamina bar dropped below 25% and running was so much harder; I had a headache to slay the gods. The wolf was so close, I could feel its breath on my back.

  Then, mercifully, we were over the ridge. I tumbled with the family, splashing into the water. The supplies flew everywhere as the wolf lunged at me. Lunged and promptly caught fire, from everywhere. I’d seen what the barrier did at range, and I’d seen the aftermath up close, but that was after everyone was already dead. Now I was able to experience it up close, and it was every bit as terrible as one could imagine.

  The wolf had been running at full tilt when, quite suddenly, he was engulfed. Not just on fire, because not a patch of his fur was burning. From the inside of his mouth to his eyeballs, he was shooting out hot blue flames that were uncomfortable to me at a few paces away. From snout to tail, he was consumed, with all thoughts of anything other than not being on fire gone from his mind. The wolf bucked his rider, who was also similarly afire. The goblin sailed through the air like a burning comet and landed with an audible screaming crack. The wolf dove into the creek; however, it was a magical fire. Water does not extinguish magical fires. The thrashing wolf was quickly surrounded by blue flame and boiling water.

  The barrier caused 20 points of damage to Stamina, mana, and hit points per 6 seconds due to an effect my Lore skill described as Barrier Burn. The wolves had less than 18 seconds of hit points, and goblins only had 12 seconds of hit points.

  “What happened?” screamed AvaSophia, as the wolf thrashed in the water.

  “The barrier,” I replied.

  “That was real?” she half screamed, “I thought you just made it up. No village has a barrier, anymore.”

  “Well, mine does,” I replied, looking around. “We have company.”

  My Stamina was almost, but not quite, gone. Unfortunately, being seriously overburdened had done a fair amount of Stamina damage, so it was recovering very slowly. I had just gotten to my feet when the rest of the goblin party came to a stop at the other side of the barrier.

  The magical goblin looked even worse up close. The regular goblins were like ugly, green 10 year olds, with drunkard noses and few sharp teeth. This one was more angular, clearer eyed, and had tattoos everywhere. Oddly enough, he was white, or at least I thought so for a moment. Upon closer inspection, it looked like he was wearing some form of war paint that was caked on rather heavily.

  My Lore skill activated when I examined him.

  Gerk’Tik’Alk

  Goblin Shaman Level 5

  Obscurification spell active: Lore cannot determine any further information

  Goblin Shaman are the religious centers of any goblin community and, given that they don’t typically have communities, many live as hermits in the woods. Goblins have a great deal of clan colors. This one appears to be from the Ghost Path sect of goblins, known for their spiritual magic such as Obscurification spells.

  “You seem to enjoy hassling travelers,” I stated coolly, as I plopped down onto a large rock at the edge of the creek, just inside the barrier.

  “We will kill anyone who trespasses in the Shadow Lands,” called out the goblin shaman, “I do not know how you reactivated the town’s barrier, but I will break it down and slay you.”

  “You are welcome to try,” I stated, turning towards the town. I heard an audible crack behind me. One of the goblins bellowed as his weapon flew away, now nothing more than a flaming hunk of smoldering metal.

  “Gerk’Tik’Alk will not be ignored,” cried the goblin as he pointed towards the barrier and a blast of ice shot from his staff towards AvaSophia. She jumped down too late, but the blast had already deflected off the barrier.

  I turned to face her, “He’s not nearly powerful enough to hurt the barrier.”

  “You dare ignore Gerk’Tik’Alk?” he screamed, though in truth it was so high pitched by this point it was hard to make out, “I will eat your eyes!” He began waving his hands high over his head, gathering up a much larger orb of magic. It took him nearly 20 seconds before he was ready and the orb flashed down quite impressively.

  The orb hit the outside of the barrier in a manner that I would describe as ‘soft boiled eggs hitting a windshield’. His mana bar was greatly depleted. He started cursing under his breath. I signaled to the group that it was well past time to get going, so we recollected our supplies. Mine had gone everywhere and were drenched. I started gathering it all up while the goblin got himself back under control.

  “What is your name, Human,” called Gerk’Tik’Alk, “I would know who I kill.”

  “I am Jim,” I replied.

  The goblins all paused, then looked between each other, “Just Jim? Did your mother know you were a foolish dog from birth, so she didn’t waste words on you?”

  That was getting old. I managed to get my pack properly piled so that it could be placed upon my back again. The goblins stood there glowering for a few more moments before two of their number started walking away and the remaining Warriors looked to follow. Gerk’Tik’Alk stared daggers at me for another moment before he, too, finally started to follow his companions.

  That had been a close one, I thought. Had it gone another way, it might have ended badly. I reached down to start lifting my pack when I heard the audible smack of a wet rock against the back of someone’s head. JoeClarance had a good arm; the throw had caused one point of damage with an improvised weapon.

  Which of course, negated the barrier. I could tell not only from the blue light fading, but also because I got a convenient popup informing me that the barrier had failed and that it wouldn't be restored for just under 5 minutes. That was assuming that no more attacks were forthcoming from inside the failed barrier. I hissed a quick warning to the former hostage family about any further attacks to the goblins.

  Gerk’Tik’Alk twisted around on his wolf, snarling at me. “Gerk’Tik’Alk will not take such insolence. Your deaths’ will come as soon as your accursed barrier is …” He trailed off, finally truly looking. There was a slightly visible difference in the barrier now; I could tell due to my Perception skill, which I had ardently hoped he might not have.

  “The barrier is down,” called Gerk’Tik’Alk and his warriors returned to him, suddenly interested. Just not quite so interested as to check it themselves, as they glanced at the scorched ruins of what had been an expensive weapon or the smoldering carcass of their former companion. Several went up to the edge of where the barrier had been a moment before and paused.

  “It's totally down. Just one more step,” I called out, sitting down on my pack and obviously preparing for defense. Well, trying to obviously be not obvious, as I got my daggers ready. I wanted them to think that this was all part of some stupid plan to get them to cross the barrier.

  The goblin warriors noticed and several backed off a pace. Gerk’Tik’Alk glowered and walked right towards the barrier. “You fools! Don’t you see? If he attacks from the barrier, the barrier will not protect him.”

  “Sure. I certainly attacked him while your backs were all turned. Make sure you attack me when you cross the barrier, otherwise you’ll catch fire,” I said, glancing over at the burnt ruin of their former team member.

 
“That was a river rock, one of those three threw it,” called one of the other riders, “He’s still protected.”

  “That’s not how barriers work,” growled Gerk’Tik’Alk, “he’s bluffing.”

  I stood up and walked right over to the edge of the barrier. Three of the goblin warriors stepped back, only leaving the shaman and one warrior. Stage whispering conspiratorially, “They know you are almost out of mana and you can’t know about the barrier for certain. How about this? I’ll let you tap me with that staff of yours, if you aren’t afraid to lose it when the barrier incinerates it.”

  The goblin warrior twitched, looking at me and then Gerk’Tik’Alk. He seemed to be edging towards the wrong conclusion, so I said quietly, “You must really trust the shaman.” He looked at me and the shaman again. He thought for a moment before deciding. Snorting, he walked back to be with his clansmen.

  “What’s it going to be?” I asked Gerk’Tik’Alk, looking at him evenly, as his enormous wolf growled at me. I spared a moment to truly look at the wolf and realized that wasn’t really what the creature was. It was a much larger beast and its eyes showed an intelligence far greater than a wolf should have. As it seemed to be disinclined to attack me, I pushed it from my mind.

  “Gerk’Tik’Alk knows… I know you are bluffing,” stated the Shaman, collecting himself, “I know that this barrier is down and I have full confidence in my own conclusions.” He walked his wolf, who carefully avoided the spot where the barrier had been, sidelong towards me. He was facing me with his right arm pointed fully at me. This was the easiest position to tap me with the staff, but still leave his wolf a path of retreat if the barrier was intact.

  That was just what I had been hoping he would do. As the shaman moved to touch me, I launched myself at him. I propelled myself over him in an acrobatic leap, a front somersault that would end up with my feet against the wolf’s back. As I launched, I drew my dagger with my left hand and jammed it into my opponent’s eye. With my right, I grabbed his staff. As my feet hit the back of the wolf, I used it to propel myself backward. Rotating in the air, I landed where I started inside the barrier. The body of the shaman fell backwards off his now fleeing mount.

  “Anyone else want to test the barrier?” I called out, as I flicked the blood and brains of their former leader off my dagger.

  It turned out that the other goblins didn’t. I sat watching them for five whole minutes as they rapidly fled the area. My head throbbed like a particularly obnoxious Christian death metal beat. I was exhausted, but afraid to show a moment of weakness. Finally, the countdown faded and the barrier resumed its former shade of protective blue.

  The headache was so bad, afterwards I threw up. I mean I held it in until the goblins had gotten out of sight but then, I threw up properly. I don’t recall eating carrots. After I had recovered sufficiently and rinsed my mouth out with the cooling water of the creek, it was time to loot the bodies. Well, body. I was pretty certain I wouldn’t recover anything from the wretched smoldering remains of the one. I went over to the goblin shaman and searched his corpse. He had an amulet and a pouch full of crystals, wadded up in some paper. Adding those to the staff I already had in hand, it seemed like a good haul.

  Next, I picked up my pack and started walking over a ford in the creek back to my village. I tried not to glare when I passed JoeClarance, but it was so damn hard. It hadn’t been his fault, but he’d almost gotten all of us killed. I stomped back towards the town, still with a throbbing head making me slightly dizzy. AvaSophia and her family followed me wordlessly. As the barrier was almost exactly a mile from the town center, it would be awhile before I could stop and rest properly.

  I walked straight into the least destroyed house that was serving as my campsite and found where I’d been keeping my bedroll. I promptly collapsed into it, wishing for sleep or death. Either was fine. The cloud of flatulence that followed me everywhere was able to keep up using his increasingly functional wings. He landed nearby, still invisible to all but me. Good shit, I hope he isn’t expecting a cuddle.

  When AvaSophia came in a few minutes later to check on me, I sent her away with orders to leave me alone until tomorrow, unless there was food. I groggily recalled briefly stirring awake to a plate of beans with bits of unidentifiable meat some time later, though I could not distinctly remember eating.

  I slept until the next day.

  Chapter 15: A Weird Village Life

  Sleeping in a town has a number of benefits over sleeping in the wild. You gain double hit points back; certain injuries recover at improved rates, like Stamina Crashes and Mana Crashes. When I woke up, I felt great. I was no longer dizzy or exhausted. I also didn’t have a headache to wake the dead.

  I yawned loudly and stepped out into my village. The village square was a largish field that was chalk full of weeds and some decent sized trees. It was clear you could probably have played football in it, with only a slight change of rules. The few respectable sized trees had grown up since the town had been abandoned. There appeared to be a fountain in the center, if one looked past all of the weeds and things.

  My house was right off the square. I was fairly confident that my house was an old shop of some sort, but I didn’t really spend too much time thinking about that. Next to my home were a few of the crafters’ shops. There was a blacksmith, with all the equipment mostly rusted, a bowyer, with a grotesquely posed goblin corpse that had started to rot, and several more mundane buildings. The actual town hall was nearby, on the square. The church stood on the opposite side. Neither were in good enough repair that I’d wanted to camp in them overnight, as the portions with roofs were limited.

  That was actually the main issue with most of the town, honestly. It was in pretty dire straits and, barring tearing it down and rebuilding it from scratch, I didn’t see how this whole place could be salvaged. The only thing the town had going for it was the magical barrier, which I had gleaned from AvaSophia’s surprise was rare for a town these days.

  Also, I didn’t see any other people. The statue dude was probably still in the church, but where were the town’s three newest residents? I was about to start searching the town, figuring that the two small children would be easy enough to hear, but then I remembered the town map. Bringing it up, I found the small family had taken up a house that was on the outer edge of the town, near the meandering creek. There was some clear land, or at least land that could be cleared of weeds and debris, nearby.

  As per usual, I had several prompts. The first was the simple exclamation mark that told of a quest.

  Quest: Defeat the Goblin Menace 1: You live in a land of danger; your town is surrounded by goblins. Slay the goblin champions, their captain, and their chieftain, so your town can be saved. You will gain a reward each time one of the goblin heroes is slain.

  You have slain: Gerk’Tik’Alk, Goblin Shaman. The enemy Shaman are now leaderless and many will desert You gain a 500 experience points bonus.

  So, the more goblin ‘heroes’ I killed, the easier it would get outside town. That sounded promising.

  Another prompt glowed at the bottom of my vision that looked a bit like a Silver Town icon.

  AvaSophia has requested ownership of “Creek House” and the surrounding fields. Will you grant this request?

  I selected “yes”, of course, and noticed that the population of the town jumped by three in the menu. They had been listed as guests before, and their icons changed from blue to green on the map.

  As I walked down the lane, Main Street I supposed, I didn’t hear the sounds of children playing. Instead, AvaSophia was standing in front of the house she had claimed, with both her children behind her. JoeClarance was trying to look brave and EveSophia’s face was buried in her mother's skirts. All three were staring at me. I checked behind me just to make sure there wasn’t a goblin or something sneaking up on us.

  “That’s far enough,” she called out as I started walking up the short path to her new home. I raised an eyebrow. She watched
me carefully for a moment. “What are your intentions?”

  I considered replying ‘breakfast” but answering that flippantly with my wife always had about a 50/50 chance of making the situation much worse, so I took a moment to collect myself. I chose to respond to her question with one of my own “What are you expecting from me?”

  With that, JoeClarance broke free of his mother’s grasp and moved several yards off the porch. He held his dagger in his fist, as it was a confidence granting talisman, before yelling, “I’m sorry about attacking the goblins. I know it broke the barrier and we could have died; I’ll accept any punishment, but don’t hurt my family.”

  Oh, that was it. From their perspective, I’d gotten very surly for most of the trip for no apparent reason. Then, I had to repeatedly save their necks when worse came to worst. AvaSophia had thought I was lying about the town; she hadn’t believed the barrier even existed. She’d turned around just before it, thinking I was lying and they were all going to die. Up until this point, I assumed she was following me because she had no better option. Now, it dawned on me that she was following me with her family, when she didn't trust me, because she was scared of refusing me.

  She’d been ready to fight off the goblins to buy her children a few more moments, fully thinking it was a desperate last stand. They probably had only stayed because they knew the village was safe, but did they think I was? I wondered if me stirring when she brought me food was the only reason, she hadn’t slit my throat last night. Looking into her eyes, I became quite sure that, if I’d been totally unconscious, she’d have done it to protect her children.

  Hard woman.

  “Well, no harm little one,” I said carefully, “You didn’t know any better and you did what you thought you had to do. I was there to protect you and I’ll always do my best to keep you safe.”