The Mayor of Noobtown

by Ryan Rimmel

  After a long moment, my next shot presented itself. One of the riders turned his back to me as he continued walking and his companion was clearly not looking in my direction. I loosed the arrow, which buried itself in his back. The goblin bucked forward and died. The other goblin with him twisted around in his saddle, looking up into the trees near me. Suddenly, my stealth icon exploded into an eyeball, although that particular goblin appeared to continue searching.

  One of the goblins in the Warg food fight had been knocked from his saddle but, still being alive, he’d managed to roll away to avoid being eaten. It was he that had noticed me take the shot. He leveled his crossbow and fired at my chest.

  I learned a few things in that instant. When an opportunity to dodge occurred, there was a point where you could consciously recognize that a dodge was necessary. You had the briefest of moments to choose if you were going to dodge or take it. Furthermore, you got some basic sense as to how difficult the attack would be to dodge, and some idea of how much damage the attack would inflict. So, when the crossbow fired at me, I became aware that the cost of the dodge was very high and the damage was also going to be very bad.

  Jerking to the side, I watched the bolt fly past me and impale a nearby tree with an audible crunch. The bolt buried itself down to the feathers in the tree and I was abruptly aware that my arrows barely pierced down past the arrowhead. I was also aware than I had just spent 32 Stamina to dodge a bolt.

  Two more goblins had loaded crossbows. The one that had just fired was running his Warg to the tree while drawing his short sword. I fired at one, who took the arrow in the side and screamed, but did not die. His Warg jerked forward, running him out of my line of sight, leaving me bereft of targets. I then heard the heavy footfalls of a Warg, bringing his rider towards me.

  Drawing my short swords, I got ready for him. I caught sight of the Warg as he leapt into the air, the goblin launching himself off the back of his mount. He had only a single blade; I instantly realized that my dual blades would give me an advantage. His smaller size let him maneuver in the trees more easily than I could, but my larger size gave me a real advantage in strength.

  What I didn’t anticipate was that all 420 lbs. of the Warg would slam into the tree at nearly the same moment. The tree I’d selected had been reasonably large, but it had not been some massive monstrosity. There was a limit to the amount of force it could take. The tree shook violently, and my branch suddenly shot nearly a foot over to the side. Mobility made it easier to dodge and move, but it didn’t do anything to keep you on top of a rapidly bucking tree branch.

  Reaching out, I realized that I had swords in both hands and by the time I’d released one I was already spinning down to the ground. Fortunately, my Mobility let me land on my feet. Unfortunately, both remaining goblins with crossbows had them aimed at my chest.

  They fired in unison and I watched the cost of the dodge spike well over anything I could expend to dodge them. I opted to evade one, at the insane cost of 64 Stamina. The second caught me in the chest, driving through my breastplate and deep into the shoulder. The force of the impact was enough to propel me backwards several feet, leaving me momentarily stunned.

  My health bar dropped sixteen points from the strike, which had a special ability to ignore Defense. It looked like the goblins’ crossbows were classified as heavy weapons and that prevented the Damage Mitigation skill from activating while wearing light armor. Learn something new every day.

  Sixteen points of damage was actually quite a bit better than I thought it might be based on getting shot by a crossbow at short range. It was then that I noticed the Wargs, charging towards me, snarling. Their riders just dropped their crossbows, which were attached to the saddles with a strap, and drew their short swords. I doubted they could reach me from the backs of their mounts. Then again, I doubted that they needed to reach me, considering what their mounts were.

  Tearing the bolt from my chest, which caused a bleeding condition, I rolled to my feet. Launching myself towards one of the Wargs, I was able to cut off the other charging animal. The remaining Wargs were scattered. One was recovering from his literal run in with the tree, another was nursing wounds received in the rush for food, and the final appeared to have fucked off into the forest.

  Reaching into my opposite bracer, I grabbed a dagger I had stowed there. I quickly leapt with it, and my short sword, at the ready. The Warg lunged and we met in a snarling, snapping strike. It bit at my right arm, the one with the sword, which I blocked with the bracer. I drove my knife into its throat twice, before the other Warg got close enough. The second Warg started snapping at my heel. I took my knife from the first Warg’s throat and drove it into its eye. It yipped, releasing me, just as the second Warg grabbed my ankle and dragged me away.

  I could feel blood flowing from my arm where the now deceased Warg had done some damage, but that was nothing compared to what was happening to my foot. Blocking effectively doubled the armor of my bracer, but the defense on my foot wasn’t anything like that. Just getting my leg chewed on allowed the damage to mount quickly. Even using Mitigate, I’d still suffered over 10 more points of damage already.

  Driving my heel into the Warg’s nose for the first two strikes didn’t seem to do much, but I’m nothing if not persistent. The third strike caused it to loosen its grip, allowing me to wrench my ankle free. This, of course, caused even more damage. Not only that, it also left the Warg in position to jump at me again; with my damaged ankle I couldn’t make use of Mobility. I could barely even use Dodge. I noticed a status icon appear and realized that it meant some form of leg damage.

  I quickly realized why the goblins didn't have spears. With as aggressive as the Wargs were, they were far more likely to stab their own mounts with them than add any meaningful damage to enemies. They seemed to use their swords more to goad their Wargs at targets than for attack, though the one that leapt at me demonstrated they could do that as well. With my attention focused on the one in front, the Warg behind me lunged, just as the one in front did the same.

  My Perception allowed me to see both these Wargs, as well as the Warg nursing his wounds. He was being slashed at repeatedly by his goblin rider, desperate to bring him into the battle. The unmounted one was slinking around, but not attacking. That’s when I realized the futility of aiming at the Warg’s, who would simply slink away without their riders.

  The Warg behind me finally leapt and grabbed my bad leg, causing the status icon to refresh. The Warg I was facing snapped at my neck. I allowed it to chomp down on my left arm’s bracer this time. As it did so, I drove my short sword into the belly of its surprised rider. He tried weakly to defend himself, but he was too far forward on his mount. I was able to drive the blade into him repeatedly, before cracking the Warg on its head with the pommel of my weapon.

  The Warg released his grip on my bracer and stepped back, dreading a rider’s command that was never going to come. The second rider realized my strategy and, at a barked command, the Warg tossed me away. I landed in a heap, my leg refusing to work as I tried to roll back onto my feet. Then, I heard a scream cut through the air like thunder.

  From the tree, the airborne goblin jumped down at me. He held his short sword in a two handed grip, blade pointing at my chest. I didn’t fully understand the math behind the strike, but it seemed like that would do a whole bunch of damage. Waiting until the last moment, I rolled to the side, but not before bracing the pommel of my short sword into the dirt directly underneath the goblin.

  His blade sunk deep into my bracer, splitting it and causing even more blood to pour down my arm. He landed on my short sword and the blade impaled him. It entered by his groin and shot out the back of his neck, piercing every vital organ on the way out. It seemed a particularly miserable way to die. Unfortunately, that left the blade buried in such a way that it was going to be challenging to get it back.

  I drew my second dagger from my other bracer and stood, ready for the ankle biter. That was when the bo
lt slammed into my side, driving me back to the ground. Glancing over, I saw the Warg still licking its wounds, but the rider was spending his time far more productively; he was getting ready to reload.

  Things got fuzzy, leading to the realization that I’d dropped below half health. I pushed myself back up as two goblins stared at me in disbelief. Wait a minute! Hold the phone. Five minus four is one. I was fuzzy, but not that fuzzy. Where the hell had that other one came from? Had there been six all along?

  “How is he still alive?” cried the ankle biter’s rider.

  “He’s not fast anymore. Just start shooting him until he dies. It has to happen eventually,” said the new goblin, as he strode towards me.

  I saw my bow on the ground and started crawling for it. Checking my status page, I had the hobbled condition.

  You are hobbled: base 8 hours - 2 Spirit - 1 Endurance. You are hobbled for 5 hours, Demonic Boon reduces long wounds to a tenth of their normal value. Your total time hobbled will be 30 minutes, 29:37 remaining.

  Well, that was terribly not useful.

  “He’s going for his bow,” called the distant goblin. His cohort realized this and led his Warg over to the direction of my bow. As he got closer, I hurled my dagger at him; it slammed into his chest with a meaty thud. The Warg snarled but the goblin continued heading it towards the bow, so I threw my second dagger. It hit a few inches away from the first with another sickening thud. The goblin struggled in his seat for a moment. I could see his life bar; he was still alive, just horribly injured.

  “You are out of weapons,” he cried and turned the Warg towards me. The wolf was smart enough to recognize an unarmed target and, after a few apprehensive steps, began running towards me in earnest. I painfully pushed myself to a standing position, as if to bravely meet my death. Of course, I wasn’t unarmed.

  As the Warg lunged, I blocked with my left arm and reached down with my right, tearing the crossbow bolt from my side. I jerked the Wargs head around and drove the bolt into the goblin’s leg, causing blood to spill out of the wound. I tore the bolt free and began driving it into the Warg’s neck until he let go and ran His rider tumbling away behind him.

  I grabbed both of my daggers and waited a moment as the final, surprise appearance goblin readied his crossbow again. As he loosed, I whipped the body of his newly dead comrade into the path of the attack. The bolt exploded through it, striking me in the face. My helmet provided no protection from the attack, but the goblin’s body had stopped about half of the damage.

  Tossing him aside, I tried to rally. The pulsing red in my vision had become much worse as my health continued its downward spiral. I sat for a moment as the goblin examined me. I yanked the bolt out of my cheek and tossed it to the ground, reaching for my bow.

  “No,” stated the Goblin as he continued to wind his crossbow, “it is not possible.”

  I had to stand again to shoot, which continued to become more painfully difficult every time. I got to my feet once more, just as he got his weapon ready. I felt the meaty crunch as his bolt slammed into my leg, but the limb was already dead weight. I miraculously kept my balance, even as he spun his Warg around and began to run.

  I fired arrows at the fleeing goblin. I will admit that it was more just wildly firing at this point than actual aiming. The first slammed into his side, causing his small body to tremble. The second tore through his arm, as I staggered from my injuries. The final arrow caught him in the neck, causing him to tumble from his mount. The surviving Wargs trampled him as they fled into the forest.

  Status: Jim

  Hit points: 12/125

  Stamina: 18/135

  Mana: 40/40

  You have gained a level Warrior

  You have gained a level Woodsman

  New Skills

  Conditioning: Unskilled

  Improved skills:

  Swords: Novice

  Shields: Novice

  “Well, you got your ass kicked,” commented the demon.

  “If you could have helped me, you would have, right?” I asked.

  “Most certainly. As I’m a giant floating ball, I’m pretty much just here for moral support.”

  After a few minutes of checking to ensure I wasn’t bleeding out, I began taking stock of myself. I had three wounds on my leg. The first was a 15 point wound that would reduce my movement 50% until it healed. My Endurance had reduced the duration slightly but, even with my enhanced healing, that was around four and a half hours for the wound to heal. On top of that was another four and a half hours to recover the hit points. I also had two additional wounds at lesser levels that were essentially the same thing, at twelve and nine hit points each.

  As wounds healed in series, I was going to be at half movement speed for a bit over 10 hours. I was looking at another 30 hours of healing after that. Several of the Wargs had escaped. If they returned to whatever place they came from, possibly the Western Fortress, someone would figure out what had happened. My only hope was that the dead goblins had something on them that would be useful.

  I quickly searched the three mostly intact goblins. Two of the others had been dragged off by their mounts after they died, and the other had been torn to shreds.

  The goblins’ short swords were worse than mine, but the crossbows were interesting.

  You have found: Goblin Crossbow: 16-20, Durability 10/15, heavy weapon, penetrating 12, high velocity, mechanical (high velocity).

  Focusing on the properties of the weapon, I was able to find out some additional details. Heavy weapons meant that it affected heavy armor normally. Penetrating reduced my defense by a like amount, twelve in this case, which explained why they did so much damage. High velocity meant that it was much harder to dodge than normal, which I certainly understood. Mechanical was another property; having the mechanical property allowed the device to have an additional augmented property. In this case, that property was high velocity. However, it also required that the device be maintained. So, a normal high velocity weapon would be hard to dodge; this weapon made it extremely difficult.

  I grabbed the best looking crossbow and several bolts. The disadvantage of these weapons is that it took around 12 seconds to reload them. This long reloading time made them challenging to use in a regular fight. However, they were very effective, from what I’d experienced so far. Also, firing them in volleys made the total cost of the dodge increase. If multiple goblins shot in unison at a target, that target would be in deep trouble.

  Opening their pouches, I found an assortment of mostly junk. There were some small coins and useless goblin knick knacks. I kept the coins. I also discovered several large pieces of jerky and what I thought were seasonings, based on the smell of several smaller pieces of meat.

  I sniffed one of the pieces and took a bite. It wasn’t terrible, just jerky. It did have a strange, indescribable aftertaste. I decided to try it with a piece of the dried root herbs, which didn’t improve the flavor much. It was very bitter. I was about to spit both out when I noticed a new prompt, a glowing heart.

  You have gained the status: Slow heal, you will recover 1 hit point per minute for the next 6 minutes. Due to your Spirit, your recovery period is 1 hit point for 50 seconds. Due to your Endurance, the duration increases from 6 minutes to 7 minutes.

  You have learned about Herbalism, you are unskilled. You possess a green thumb.

  Of course, there would be herbs. I pondered this. There were herbs and my attributes directly affected how well they worked. That also meant that my Herbalism would probably impact them. Instead of recovering 6 hit points, I would recover 7. As I had a total of five herbs, that would give me a total of 35 hit points recovered. Assuming that it affected my wounds the same as natural healing, I’d be able to walk at normal speed after the last of the herbs finished working.

  After verifying that the other goblins didn’t have anything else useful, I started hobbling towards the goblin shish kabobbing my short sword. I removed the blade, which had its durability reduced by f
ive. I then took two herbs and spent several quality minutes trying not to puke up said herbs. The first thing I needed to do after this was find some water to cleanse myself. Also, my sword. Goblin guts stink.

  I was in terrible pain and the herbs were not doing much to reduce that. I noticed that I had a level up prompt and figured that the extra hit points would probably reduce my pain level somewhat. It was worth a try.

  I dreaded going into menu time when injured. Whatever level of pain you were in is where you stayed during that time. There was no decrease or abatement whatsoever. The promise of sweet relief from extra hit points coming out of menu time still made it something I didn’t want to put off any longer.

  Level UP, Warrior 4

  You have gained one Perk. Please select it from the Warrior menu.

  You have gained a stat buff. Please apply within 24 hours or it will be randomly assigned to your lowest stat.

  Your hit point total is increased by 10. Your Stamina is increased by 10.

  Level UP, Woodsman 4

  You have gained one Perk. Please select it from the Woodsman menu.

  You have gained a stat buff. Please apply within 24 hours or it will be randomly assigned to your lowest stat.

  Your hit point total is increased by 10. Your Stamina is increased by 10.

  Stat buffs, finally. I hadn’t gotten any of those since I started here. Looking at my Warrior sheet, it appeared that I gained a stat bonus every four levels. That seemed pretty normal from my D&D experience, come to think of it. It looked like level 5 was the Class Specialization level, so I had that to look forward to.