Dare to Love

by A. L. Brooks

  She scowled at him as she rearranged her hair back into place. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He threw her a wave over his shoulder, bent to pick up his bag, and left.

  Chapter 12

  Ash lounged on the couch, one leg crossed so its foot rested on her other knee, her arms outstretched across the back of the furniture.

  It was five minutes after seven, and Carmen had messaged a few minutes ago to say she was on her way, apologising in advance for the fact that she’d be a few minutes late. Ash hadn’t let it bother her; Carmen was ridiculously busy. Based on what Carmen had told her, it was a situation Ash thought Carmen should be doing something more serious to fix, but it wasn’t her place to tell her new friend that. While she knew she had a tendency to try solving everyone else’s problems, she wasn’t going to do that with someone she barely knew. Especially not when their burgeoning friendship was still in its infancy. She’d almost overstepped when telling Carmen to ignore that call the last time they’d had coffee. She wouldn’t make the same mistake again with someone she was only spending some casual time with.

  She snorted softly to herself as Damian’s teasing words came back to her about Carmen.

  Sorry, mate, but I really am going to disappoint you on this one. Memories of the mess with Vikki played on her mind, and she told herself for the tenth time that day Carmen was and always should be in the friend zone.

  A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts. She stood and smiled widely as Carmen peeked through the window at her.

  Ash swiftly crossed the shop and unlocked and opened the door. “Hey!”

  “Hello. Sorry again that I’m late. But to be fair, it’s a miracle I made it out this early.”

  “I bet.” Ash grinned. “Want to come in for anything or just get going?”

  “No, I’m good. Let’s go.”

  “Cool, then just give me a sec to get my bag and lock up.” Ash grabbed her messenger bag from the couch. She slung the strap over her shoulder, then walked around the studio flicking off the last of the lights. After the usual alarm, locks, and shutter routine, she turned to Carmen. “All set.” She paused and allowed her brain to register Carmen and how she looked for the first time. “That colour looks amazing on you.”

  The orange top definitely did, somehow adding even more of a glow to Carmen’s blonde curls.

  “Oh.” Carmen smiled shyly. “Thanks. I love your shirt. Very cool.”

  Ash grinned and looked down at her shirt. “It’s great, isn’t it?” The white shirt had a classic shape with a stiff collar and cuffs, which Ash always loved, but a variety of cacti dotted the cotton, each plant in garish colours. “I love wearing wild shirts. I make a point of collecting at least one from every place I visit.”

  She motioned to Carmen for them to start walking up the street towards the main road, where they’d have a better chance of flagging down a cab.

  “And where does this one come from?” Carmen easily fell into step alongside Ash, although she was a little shorter, so had to look up to talk to her.

  Ash realised that Carmen’s outgoing personality and confidence had made her seem much taller in all their meetings so far. “This is from San Francisco. Found it in a flea market on a stall that specialised in second-hand clothes, but like, really good quality stuff, you know?”

  “It looks it. So what other shirts like that do you have?”

  They chatted about Ash’s fashion tastes for the two or three minutes it took to find a cab. Once inside, they fell into a conversation about their respective working days while their driver weaved them expertly through the streets to Shoreditch.

  “So was being a talent agent something you always wanted to do?” Ash asked as they exited the cab. She handed Carmen a tenner as contribution towards the fare but was waved off.

  “I’ll get this. You can get the first round.” Carmen gave her a cheeky grin, then paid the cabby and thanked her before stepping back to face Ash.

  “Hmm, okay, I guess that’s fair.”

  “And no, in answer to your question,” Carmen said as they walked up to the door of the bar. “Not remotely. I’ll tell you all when I have a gin in my hand.”

  Ash held the door open. “Then after you.” You’re acting like you’re on a date. Stop it. She can open a door for herself.

  Sloe Down was built into a space that used to be a car repair garage. To suit its modern, funky vibe, the owners had left the original shuttered vehicle access doors in place at the front of the building. They entered the bar using the narrow pedestrian door to the left. Once inside, Ash glanced around appreciatively. The interior was industrial with more than a touch of comfort in the many sofas that were dotted all over the cavernous space. Clever use of large but soft lights hanging down from the high ceiling added to the relaxed atmosphere.

  “Oh, this is fab!” Carmen gazed around the room.

  “Isn’t it? Great choice to come here.”

  “Good.” Carmen smiled at her. “Shall we try to get to the bar?”

  Ash looked over to where Carmen pointed and winced. The queue was long, but she shouldn’t have been surprised since the bar was already trending on social media. She sucked in a breath. “Okay, I’m going in. What would you like?”

  “I’d love a Negroni, please.”

  “Oooh, a classic.” Ash nodded. “All right, if I’m not back in about fifteen minutes, send in the search party.”

  Carmen laughed. “I’ll try to find us a spot to sit, okay?”

  “Sure, I’ll find you.”

  As it was, Ash had to admire the efficiency of the bar crew. They had a good system going of ordering at one end of the bar and obtaining drinks at the other. Within less than ten minutes, she weaved her way through the busy room, looking left and right for Carmen, until she spotted her waving from halfway up a spiral staircase towards the rear of the space.

  “They have a terrace!” Carmen said when Ash joined her. “Do you mind?”

  It was a warm, cloudless night, and Ash lit up at the thought of spending it outdoors. “God, no, not at all.”

  Ash handed Carmen her drink, and they stepped carefully up the curved, wrought-iron steps, arriving on a steel landing at the top. Two paces forward took them to an open doorway. Beyond was a terrace that ran the length of the building. It was decorated with a few potted plants and some basic outdoor tables, one of which Carmen swiftly snagged for them.

  “Nice.” Ash looked around as she sat. “I mean, it’s London, so we won’t see any stars when it gets dark later, but it’s still cool to be sitting outside.”

  “Isn’t it? I forget how cooped up I get in my office, so I don’t know why I’m surprised I get so excited about outdoor eating and drinking.”

  Laughing, Ash raised her glass, and Carmen tapped hers against it. “Cheers,” Ash said. “And thanks for the invite. I love discovering new places.”

  “Cheers. And me too.”

  They sipped slowly. Each let out appreciative moans as they replaced their glasses on the table’s polished aluminium surface.

  “What are you drinking?” Carmen looked quizzically at Ash’s glass.

  “Ah, I’m boring, I’m afraid. Plain old gin and tonic. Although I did go for Elephant Gin, as I’ve heard it’s a little different.”

  “And?”

  “And yes, it is. There’s an unusual flavour in there I can’t put my finger on. Want to try?”

  Carmen tilted her head. “Sure you don’t mind? I mean, I might have germs.”

  Ash grinned. “I’ve eaten street food in tiny villages all over the world. You know, the places you’re never supposed to attempt if you’re a westerner. I think I’m safe with you taking a little sip from my drink.”

  Carmen laughed and reached for Ash’s glass. “Fair enough.” She sipped, and Ash had to force herself not to watch Carmen’s lips.

  Humming, Carmen set the glass back down. “Yes, that is different, isn’t it?” She laughed once more. “Oh, I so needed th
is, Ash. Thank you so much for accepting the invite.”

  “Hey, you’re welcome.” Ash was about to ask more, then stopped herself. No, you’re not her therapist, remember?

  “So, street food all over the world, huh?” Carmen leaned forward slightly in her seat. The shoulders of her top moved with the action and revealed more bare skin around her collarbone.

  Ash admonished herself for noticing.

  “You like travel, then?” Carmen continued.

  Ash snorted. “Oh God, you could say that. It’s my addiction.”

  “I can think of worse addictions to have.”

  “Now that’s true.”

  “So, where have you been?” Carmen asked. “You mentioned Australia and New Zealand. They were first?”

  “Yes, that’s where I really got started. I mean, I’d done lots of the European cities, and with my job I’d been to the States a couple of times. But with the latter you never actually get to see the place you’re visiting. Just your hotel, the office, and the airport.”

  Carmen nodded. “Yes, I know. I’ve been to L.A. so many times over the years and still couldn’t tell you anything about it.”

  “Yeah, I get it. I think that’s why the Australia trip has such good memories for me. It’s the first trip I did where I got to fully explore the place, get an understanding for it, feel the culture.”

  “Tell me.” Carmen settled back in her chair with her glass in her hand, her gaze focused on Ash.

  Whenever Ash had tried talking to her sister or to her ex, Leesa, about her travels, their eyes had glazed over with boredom. Damian was the only one who understood her passion for it, but Carmen looked genuinely eager to hear all about it too.

  “Do you remember I quit my job at the bank?” Ash asked.

  Carmen nodded.

  “Well that was the catalyst. For a lot of things, but travel was definitely one of them. I worked at the bank with an Aussie guy called Damian. We got on like a house on fire—in fact, he was the only one who kept me sane in the last couple of years there. Anyway, he suggested meeting me in Australia and we’d do a road trip. I ended up staying there for over three months.”

  “Wow!”

  “Yep. It was so good. We saw so many places, met so many amazing people.”

  “Tell me,” Carmen repeated quietly.

  “Really?”

  “Yes. Please. I’d love to hear about it. A road trip is something I have a dream of doing for myself.” She chuckled. “In a convertible. Clichéd, I know, but… One day.” She pursed her lips. “So tell me what I’ve been missing.”

  When Ash finally noticed how dark the sky had become, she was stunned to realize she’d talked for nearly an hour. Her drink was long finished; Carmen had offered her another, but she’d declined and switched to water. Carmen had bought herself a second Negroni but also sipped at water too. She’d returned from the bar with a selection of nuts and crunchy snacks that they’d been nibbling on for the last ten minutes or so.

  Carmen had asked insightful questions, appeared genuinely enraptured by some of the stories Ash had shared, and couldn’t seem to get enough of hearing about the world and all the places she’d yet to see. Talking to Carmen was like talking to her own younger self, the person she had been fifteen years ago, when she had started to earn the serious money at the bank and the world opened up to her.

  “So where’s next?” Carmen asked.

  Ash grinned, her excitement instant. “Three weeks in South Africa next month. I’m heading to Kruger National Park for a self-drive safari, and I cannot wait.”

  “Okay, I’m not jealous. Not at all.” Carmen grimaced, but her eyes sparkled. “God, that sounds amazing!”

  “I know. I’ve been planning it for months, and I can’t believe it’s less than four weeks away.”

  “So what happens to the studio while you’re gone?”

  Ash shrugged. “It’s closed. I never book clients in August—lots of people are on holiday themselves, so I decided early on to take that month off every year. So far it’s worked brilliantly.”

  “God, I can’t imagine closing my entire business for a whole month!” Carmen shook her head.

  “When was the last time you took a proper holiday? From your reactions to my tales, I get the impression it’s been a while.”

  Carmen huffed out a breath. “Yes, it has. I think I mentioned how hard I’ve worked to build up my agency, to get the kind of reputation I have now. Well, of course, that’s come at a price.” She gave a rueful smile. “My brother lives in Paris, and he keeps inviting me over to stay for at least a weekend. I can’t even find time to do that.” She absently stroked the pale skin of one of her forearms as she spoke.

  Watching Carmen’s fingers move made Ash wonder how they would feel touching her skin. Stroking her, teasing her. Whoa. Ash reached for her water and took a long gulp. “So how did you get into this line of work? And is it what you were always going to do? I mean, if I’m prying, then say so, but it just… Well, it seems to me that your work doesn’t make you very happy at the moment and stops you doing other things you’d really like to do, so…”

  Carmen’s shoulders slumped. She drained the last of her Negroni. “Once I got started in this industry, I loved it. I loved how every day threw up something different. I loved how many interesting people I met. When I took the step to branch out and start my own agency, I was so excited about what I could do. Scared, yes, but I had confidence in myself because I knew I was right where I was supposed to be.”

  “That’s so cool. Not many people have that luxury. They end up in jobs that just bring in the money, not jobs that challenge them or satisfy them.”

  “Exactly. I saw it happen to so many of my peers from university. I knew I was lucky, and I’ve counted my blessings ever since. So it doesn’t sit well with me that I’m so unsatisfied now.”

  “Is it really dissatisfaction, or are you simply tired?”

  “That’s the sixty-four-million-dollar question, isn’t it? And the trouble is, these days I’m too tired to even begin to figure out the answer.”

  “And is work one of the reasons why your last relationship didn’t work out?”

  “Not directly.” Carmen pushed her empty glass around. “I don’t think relationships are really my thing. Work is what I’m good at.” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “I’ve only ever had one serious relationship in my life, with a guy called Lewis in my early twenties. God, I loved him to distraction.”

  “What happened?”

  “Lewis was always deeply invested in the well-being of others. He wasn’t religious, but helping others was almost like a calling for him. We met at uni, in a walking group, and we fell hard and fast. But within a year of him leaving—he was a year ahead of me—we knew we had to make some big decisions. He was applying for jobs with refugee agencies and charities that would take him far from home for months at a time. I knew it was what he really wanted, so I didn’t want to stand in his way.”

  “And he left?”

  “He did.” Carmen shook her head. “It was awful. We were both heartbroken. But although it took me a while to get over him, I don’t regret what happened. He would write to me, still does occasionally, and the sheer joy that came off the page was wonderful to experience.”

  “Ugh, that’s kind of sad but great.”

  “It is, isn’t it?” Carmen hesitated, looking across the table at Ash. “What about you? Any great loves in your past?”

  Ash wondered how to word her response. “Um, two, I suppose. Although one wasn’t even a relationship. My last serious girlfriend, Leesa, I was with for about two years. We split up soon after I left the bank when I discovered she was only after my money.”

  “No! Seriously?”

  Ash nodded. “Yes. When I announced I was leaving and likely to set up a tattoo studio in the future, she freaked out. Turns out she’d got quite used to the money I earned, the posh dinners we could have, the luxury weekends away in the countryside.”


  “Oh, Ash, that’s awful!”

  “Yeah, it hurt; I can’t lie.”

  “I’m scared to ask how the other one ended.”

  “Other one?”

  “You said you’d had two great loves, but that the other one wasn’t even—”

  “Oh. Yeah.” Ash huffed out a breath. “That one’s more difficult to talk about.”

  “Oh. Well, another time, maybe.”

  Now Ash felt guilty for holding back. “Okay, short version. We worked together. She was engaged to a guy, but she and I got…close. Nothing in particular happened, but I fell for her, big-time. Then she married him anyway. It was pretty messy.” And that’s an understatement.

  “Oh.”

  Ash stood up; she needed to get away from this conversation. “Want another drink?”

  “Love one.” Carmen rifled in her handbag and pulled a twenty from her purse. “My turn to pay though.”

  Ash grinned. “No problem.”

  “Wait, you went on a walk in an area known to have rhinos, and the advice you were given if you saw one was to climb up the nearest tree?” Carmen put down her drink and stared at Ash.

  Ash laughed and shook her head. “Look, you make it sound worse than it was. Honestly, it was fine. There were two guards, both armed. The walk was properly certified, and I’m pretty sure the guy was joking with the tree-climbing advice.”

  Carmen didn’t know whether to be envious of Ash’s devil-may-care attitude or alarmed by it. Ash was so many things Carmen wasn’t—brave, carefree, relaxed. She could admit to herself that she might have a little bit of a hero-worship crush thing going on right now.

  Listening to Ash talk was as intoxicating as watching the way she used her hands to emphasise her words and the way her entire face lit up whenever she shared a particularly happy memory. Carmen had even managed to forget about her phone all evening. Usually the thing was practically glued to her left hand, but there was something about being in Ash’s presence that made it easy to want to forget her work for a couple of hours.