Dare to Love

by A. L. Brooks

  “Come, sit down.” Carmen led her over to the conference table and eased her into one of the chairs. “I’m so sorry that happened.”

  “Oh, it’s not your fault.” Beverley shook her head. “I never did like her. And she’s rubbish in that soap.”

  Monica snorted, then full out laughed. “You’re dead right. Jesus, what a drama queen.”

  Carmen turned back to Beverley. “I think we should all call it a day now, don’t you? Are you okay to go home, or shall I call you a cab? You know what, I think I want to call you a cab anyway.”

  Beverley gazed up at her. “That’s lovely. And I won’t argue with you. That gave me quite a turn.”

  “Here, I’ll take care of this. Get your stuff, and we’ll leave together,” Monica said. “I’ll call for the cab while you pack up, then wait downstairs with you for it.”

  Carmen threw Monica a grateful smile. “Thank you.” She took a step back to give them room. “Right, you two get going, and I’ll lock up.”

  “Sure you’ll be okay on your own?” Monica frowned. “What if she comes back?”

  “She won’t.” Carmen rolled her shoulders, her muscles taut with tension. “She’s said her piece. And I’ve cut her off with the offer of lunch tomorrow.”

  “You’re not going to give in to her, are you?” Monica’s voice was quiet.

  “I…I don’t know.”

  Monica opened her mouth, closed it again. With what looked like some effort not to say anything else, she turned to Beverley and helped her from the room.

  Felicity opened the door and let Carmen into the house. “My God, you’re as white as a sheet!” She pulled Carmen into a hug. “And you’re shaking. Come and sit down.”

  Carmen, her mind numb, followed Felicity down the hall to the lounge. She waited there while Felicity quickly rustled up some sparkling water for them both.

  “Here, drink this.” Felicity handed her a glass.

  “Thanks.”

  “I have to say, I’m with Beverley. I think you should have called the police.”

  Carmen rubbed at her face. “I think that would have made things considerably worse.”

  She’d filled Felicity in on the details as she’d ridden in the cab over. Carmen prided herself on respecting her clients’ privacy, but after that scene, she’d needed someone to talk it through with, and Felicity was the obvious choice, given Ash was working.

  “Hmm, maybe.” Felicity sipped her water. “So, what now? I assume you’re going to have your lawyer with you when you meet her for lunch tomorrow?”

  Carmen blinked rapidly. That hadn’t even occurred to her.

  Felicity shook her head. “You must, darling. God knows what she’d say or do otherwise. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to take her back, is it?”

  “Um…”

  “What? Carmen, you can’t be serious! She’s a talentless hack who doesn’t deserve you, especially after this evening’s pathetic performance.”

  “But what if…what if she can do all that damage?”

  “Then you’ll find a way to deal with it. Have more faith in yourself. You didn’t get this far without being brilliant, did you?”

  Carmen’s eyes pricked with tears. “I know, it’s just…”

  “What? Hard? Of course it’s hard. Most of the important things in life are.” Felicity leaned forward, pinning Carmen with an intense gaze. “You have every right to run that business how you choose. But the last few weeks you’ve been a different person, and it’s been wonderful to see. And the reason is that you’ve allowed something other than work into your life. I don’t just mean Ash. I mean the concept of free time, of going out without it being anything related to your job. Are you actually going to sit here and tell me you want to give all that up again just to keep Annabella bloody Mitchell happy?”

  Carmen couldn’t help her wry smile. “Well, when you put it that way.”

  “See? You know I’m right.”

  “Whatever.”

  They locked gazes and smiled at each other.

  “So, how is the lovely Ash? Last time we talked, things had moved on from that silly ‘let’s just be casual’ idea. Is everything still going well?”

  “It is.” Carmen swirled her drink, watching the ice cubes bump their way around the glass. “It’s wonderful. It—she—really has grabbed me. Although I’m a little scared, if I’m honest.”

  “Of what?”

  Carmen frowned as she tried to conjure the right words. “Of the way this seems to be consuming me already. Am I going to fall fast and deep and then get my heart broken?”

  “Quite possibly.” Felicity shrugged. “But that’s absolutely no reason to back away from it. Sometimes we just have to do it. Be brave with our hearts. Dare to love, even though we’re scared of how it might turn out. Because sometimes it turns out just fine.”

  Carmen took a deep breath and laid her hands on her knees, straightening her shoulders as she did so. “You’re right. Again. Damn, I hate that.”

  Felicity laughed.

  From somewhere in Carmen’s bag her phone pinged with a text message notification. She pulled it out.

  Still on for tonight? I have one more client and she’ll be here any time now. Really looking forward to seeing you xx

  Oh God. Ash. Dinner tonight. She’d forgotten all about it in the drama of the evening. Maybe she should cancel. She’d hate to do so because they couldn’t see each other again until Sunday, but…

  No, fuck that. I need to see Ash . But she also wanted to give Ash the chance to cancel—after all, Carmen knew she might not be able to shake this off and relax fully into the rest of the evening.

  Only fair to tell you I’m not in the best of moods. Had a client turn up earlier and rip us to shreds for letting her go. It will be okay but I’m rather tired. Will totally understand if you’d prefer to cancel x

  Definitely not! I want to hug you now.

  Carmen’s heart swelled, and she took a few moments to breathe before responding.

  Then I’ll see you at nine. Can’t wait xx

  Chapter 34

  “Have you spoken to your brother lately?” Ash sat back in her chair, willing her body to relax.

  “Hmm.” Carmen gazed into her espresso cup. “Last week.”

  “All good with him?”

  “Yes.”

  Ash sighed. It was like trying to get blood out of a stone. Carmen was obviously exhausted after her intense day, and their conversation had been this stilted since they’d met an hour ago. “Look, do you want to call it a night? You’re obviously tired, and that’s okay, but—”

  “No, I’m fine.” Carmen’s smile was forced. She took a sip from her drink. “How does your weekend look?”

  “You, um, asked me that already.” Ash kept her tone gentle. She wanted to support Carmen, of course she did, but right now it was difficult to know exactly how to do that. Except, I guess, by just being here.

  “I did?” Carmen flushed and shook her head. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Ash saw the waitress approaching. “Shall we get the bill?”

  “Sure.”

  Ash added her credit card to Carmen’s on the small tray that held their bill.

  As soon as they’d paid, Carmen stood and stretched. She walked around to Ash’s side of the table and stepped in close. “I’m so sorry. I’m being crap company, aren’t I?”

  She looked contrite and sad, and it broke Ash’s heart. Knowing from running her own business that reputation was everything, she could sympathise with how upset Carmen was at what that stupid actress had said.

  “I know that was hard for you this evening. But please don’t worry that you’re not on top form. I understand.”

  “But it’s such a waste of your time, isn’t it? You deserve better company than I can offer.”

  Ash smiled and motioned for them to leave the restaurant. “Look, you are totally allowed to feel the way you do. Like I said earlier, I’m pretty sure I’d do the sam
e in your position.”

  They stood outside the restaurant, the cool evening making both of them immediately pull on their jackets.

  Carmen slipped her hand through the crook of Ash’s arm and looked up at her. “I’m worried that, with all my drama, I’m too much for you to take on. That you’ll run out of patience.”

  Ash pulled her closer. “I doubt that. You’re an amazing person, and we’re having a pretty amazing time together so far. So tonight isn’t so good. Well, that happens. It wasn’t anything to do with us . It was work-related, and anyone can have that happen to them. I don’t see that as drama at all. Just normal life.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, with my whole new sexuality thing too, I don’t want to—”

  Ash slipped her arm free so that she could wrap both arms completely around Carmen, loving again just how incredible Carmen felt in her arms. “I’m sure. Trust me, okay?”

  A smile, a real one, broke out on Carmen’s face. “I do, you know. Completely.”

  Ash’s heart beat a little faster at the conviction in Carmen’s tone. “Good.”

  “I don’t want to go home yet.” Carmen exhaled loudly. “I’ll understand if you don’t want to, so please feel free to say no, but could we maybe find a pub or bar for another drink?”

  Although she wasn’t entirely sure it was the right idea, there was no way she was going to dampen Carmen’s attempt to lift herself out of her mood. “I’m in. Come on. There’s a place just up the road I know.”

  Carmen linked their arms once more. “Then lead on.”

  Five minutes later, they snagged a small table with two less-than-comfortable chairs in the centre of a pub that was busy but not heaving on this Thursday night. Ash politely pushed her way to the bar, ordered their drinks, and returned to their table with the two tall glasses carefully held out of harm’s way as she weaved her way back.

  “Here you go.” She put the gin and tonic down in front of Carmen and gave her a warm smile before setting her own drink down.

  Carmen’s return smile was gorgeous, and Ash’s heart thudded. This woman…

  “Okay, before I sit back down I need to go to the loo,” Ash said. “Be right back.”

  There was a queue for the toilets, but it was short. While she waited, Ash scrolled through the news on her phone and checked the notifications for the studio’s page on Facebook. She was pleased to see she’d picked up another two five-star reviews, which was always good for business.

  When she’d finished in the bathroom and washed her hands, she made her way back through the throngs towards their table.

  She was perhaps twenty feet away, working her way around a big group of lads all drinking pints and talking loudly to each other, when she slowed her steps. There was a man sitting in her seat, chatting to Carmen. He was good-looking, with short, dark hair, a classically chiselled jaw, and, from what she could see of his upper body, totally fit.

  Carmen laughed at something he said, nodded, then held out her hand as he offered her a card.

  Is she taking his number? Ash’s blood ran hot and cold; sweat broke out on the small of her back, and her stomach tightened to a sharp knot.

  No, not Carmen. Not her. She’s different. She’s not like Vikki.

  Is she?

  Just as she managed to make her legs work again and pushed her way through the group, the man stood and threw Carmen a dazzling smile. Moments later, he walked out of the pub.

  Carmen turned to Ash as she approached. “You were gone a while, is it busy back there?”

  “Who was that?” Ash heard her own voice, heard the accusatory tone in it, but there was nothing she could have done to stop it.

  Carmen flinched. “No one.” Her tone was even, but a spark of fire flashed in her eyes. “Just some overeager man.”

  “You took his card.” Ash’s pulse pounded so loudly in her ears it almost drowned out the sounds of the pub around her.

  “I think you should sit down.” Carmen’s voice was like cold steel.

  Ash roughly pulled out her chair and sat, disgusted to feel the remnants of the body heat he’d left behind on the seat.

  Carmen pinned Ash with a stare. “He came over to talk to me the minute you’d gone. Rather than cause a scene, I let him talk.”

  “You took his card,” Ash repeated, her voice like gravel, her anger and fear making her shake.

  “Yes. I did. Because it was by far the easiest way to get rid of him.” Carmen sat back and shook her head. “Have you any idea how little some men understand the word no ? I have learned over the years that with egos like that, it is far easier to assuage than argue. God knows they’re stupid enough to think I will call them back.” She shook her head again. “But I have to say, it’s pretty upsetting that I’m having to explain myself this way. How on earth could you think that there was anything more to it than that?”

  Ash swallowed. Was she jumping to the wrong conclusion, letting her fears take over? But Carmen had looked so relaxed with him…

  “Oh my God.” Carmen stared at her. “You still don’t trust me, do you? Don’t trust in what I’ve said I feel for you. Jesus, you’re still waiting for me to walk away from this, from us.” She blanched. “You can’t get past this idea in your head that I’m only experimenting. When actually what I feel for you is stronger than anything I’ve felt in years.”

  Is that it? Do I trust her? I thought I did but… “No, it’s…” She didn’t know how to explain it, how to even explain her fears to herself, never mind Carmen. “This, us, has all happened so fast. I’ve been used to protecting myself, being cautious about who I get to know. Who I let in. Some things that happen to us have big consequences, you know? They affect us and—”

  “I understand,” Carmen said intently. “But tarring me with the same brush as that woman from your past is grossly unfair, isn’t it?”

  “On some level I do know that. Really I do.”

  “But you can’t let it go?” Now Carmen’s voice was quiet and sad, and Ash didn’t know how to take that away, not when, deep down, Carmen might be right: Ash couldn’t seem to let go of her fears. Not enough to make this work.

  They stared at each other in silence for a few moments.

  Carmen placed a hand on her forehead and let out a long breath. “This day has been awful. And I have literally no energy left tonight to prove myself to you.” She shoved the man’s card under her glass and stood. “I’m going to go. Please think about what I’ve said. I think we could have something special here. Something amazing.” Her voice cracked. “But if you’re always going to be looking over your shoulder for what could go wrong, what’s the point of us continuing?”

  Ash watched her pick up her bag. She should say something, make Carmen stay, but the words wouldn’t come.

  Carmen’s eyes were wet, and she wiped quickly at them with a finger. “I… You mean so much to me, Ash. And I really wanted us to see what this could be. But I can’t do that if you’re not as committed to it as I am. If you come to the resolution that you can be, call me, okay? Please?”

  Ash nodded, numb and unable to lift even a hand to wave goodbye. She watched Carmen walk out of the pub, her heart heavy.

  Chapter 35

  “Are you okay?” Monica frowned as she looked at Carmen. “You don’t look very well. Are you sure everything went okay at lunch?”

  “It did. The lawyer was great. Like I said, I don’t think we need to worry about Annabella anymore. I’m just a little tired.” She found a smile from somewhere. “Don’t worry.”

  “Okay.”

  Carmen made herself a coffee and returned to her desk. She hadn’t totally lied to Monica; she was tired. Exhausted, actually. But at least Annabella had been dealt with and wouldn’t be heard from again. And Carmen had decided to stick to the plan and change the business around. It would be far too easy to use work as an excuse to escape from what had happened with Ash, but Carmen knew her tiredness today wasn’t just about the argument—break-up?—with Ash. T
he last fifteen years had been one hell of a ride, and she did need to slow down a tad now.

  Her phone pinged with a text message. Her hopes rose that it was Ash but dimmed when she saw it was Felicity.

  Fancy a drink around 5? Short notice, I know, but I’m in the area for a dress fitting this afternoon x

  She hadn’t told Felicity about the evening before. While a part of her had wondered if getting it all off her chest with her best friend would help, she had simply been too tired when she’d finally returned home from the pub.

  After packing up her desk just before five, she said her goodbyes to her rather surprised team and headed out. The bar Felicity suggested was only a five-minute walk from the office, which she was grateful for. She found her friend at a table near the window.

  “Hello, darling.” Felicity stood to greet her and held out her arms for their usual quick hug and cheek kissing.

  To Carmen’s horror, she found herself clinging to Felicity, fighting back tears.

  “Carmen? What’s happened? Are you okay?” Felicity eased back a little and looked at her. “My God, you look dreadful!”

  “Thanks.” Carmen chuckled, but it lacked mirth. “I feel it.”

  “Sit down.” Felicity pulled out Carmen’s chair and poured her a glass of wine from the bottle sitting in a cooler on the table. “Are you ill? Did something else awful happen?”

  “The latter.” Carmen sipped from her wine and composed herself before launching into the tale.

  Once Carmen sank back in her chair, words exhausted, Felicity said, “I…I don’t quite know what to say. You definitely said all the right things.” She shook her head. “Imagine getting so stuck on one idea that you let it rule you all these years later. I mean, just because one woman did that to her. And don’t get me wrong, I do sympathise with her; that must have been painful. But really.”

  “I know. That’s the most frustrating thing about it. She’s so level-headed about so many other things, so calm and understanding, yet this one thing she can’t seem to leave behind.”

  “Will you contact her?”

  “No.” Carmen toyed with her glass. “As much as she means to me already, I won’t run the risk of being put in that same situation again. She needs to work this through for herself and come to me when she has.”