Inside the Beauty
Page 3
There was a long silence on the other end.
Did he think she was pushing her friend onto him? Of course, that was exactly what she was doing but she didn’t want him to know it!
Finally, he said, “That might be fun, if she wants to. I really would like some company and Jackie’s fun to talk to.” He chuckled. “Maybe I should say to listen to.”
Did Jackie talk too much to his way of thinking? She’d have to mention it when she called her and suggest she give Donovan plenty of opportunities to join the conversation. “She does like to talk, but she’s a good listener, too. Really, she is.”
“I’ll need to leave in an hour or so. I don’t have her number, so why don’t you go ahead and give her a call and have her get back with me?”
She couldn’t help laughing the minute the call was disconnected. Jackie was going to be so happy!
That is, if she didn’t suddenly have her heart set on Crew.
∞ FIVE ∞
AS THE DAYS PASSED, Sharris and Crew spent a great deal of time together. He turned out to have a very creative mind and gave her some terrific ideas for some of the ads she was working on. He never pointed out an error but laughed about it instead and told her how he would’ve done it differently. When he very nearly did the entire design on one of them, she teased him and told him she was going to owe him a payday, to which he assured her she could give it to him through his stomach, by taking him out to dinner. Which she did.
He was one of those people who seemed to perpetually be happy and upbeat and he laughed a lot. Several afternoons, they sat on the porch with Judy, talking and telling jokes. Judy always wanted him to sing and every once in a while, he’d give in to her whims. Sometimes, his mother and Sharris would join in, then laugh because they knew their voices did nothing but spoil the sound of his.
Once, he went with her to visit Ottie. When the old man started on his stories about some of the antics he’d gotten into with Conrad, and Sharris’ grandfather Mike, they all laughed until the tears ran down their cheeks. But before they left that day, Ottie shared the testimony of his near death experience. When he finished, they were crying a different kind of tears, and they prayed together. Sharris could sense that Crew’s heart, like her own, had not only been touched but also enlightened.
At times like that, she hoped her Christianity was showing through. When they attended church together, she couldn’t help remembering him telling his mother that a lot of people went to church but what mattered to God was the condition of their hearts. She hadn’t given it much thought up until then, but afterward it was constantly with her.
Only once, he voiced some of the terror he’d been through as an abused child, before Judy and Jimmy had taken him under their wing and finally, after yards and yards of red tape, gained legal custody as his guardians. His genuine love for them shone through every word he spoke, but so was his concern for his birth parents. He missed his mother. He had an older brother, Tom, and he often wondered about him - if he ever thought of him and how he’d turned out. After the court hearing, they’d moved away and he’d never heard another word from any of them, until an aunt had called quite unexpectedly one day to tell him they were all dead. They’d been killed in an automobile accident. He was saddened the most by the loss of his father, because if he hadn’t changed his ways, he was paying for them for eternity. He knew his mother was a Christian and hoped Tom was, but he didn’t know.
During those solemn times when he was telling her about his life, she would reflect on her own childhood. She and Marna and Taryn had always been so close to each other. They played together, went to school activities together, and then grew up and worked together. Their parents had been loving and kind, disciplining them only when it was necessary. How could any parent be as abusive as Crew’s father had been? She couldn’t imagine living, even for a day, in such an environment.
She had no idea that Crew never told her the one thing that hurt him and haunted him the most - the fact that his brother had sworn they would never speak to him again if he told the court he preferred to be with a black family, instead of them.
Mostly, when they were together, they tried to be upbeat. He was a great conversationalist and she found it easy to talk to him about anything that was on her mind. He was fun to be with, mostly because she never felt like there were any strings attached to their friendship. She liked that. They often stressed their intentions of remaining single and pursuing their careers, without the responsibilities and heartaches of raising families. He never so much as tried to hold her hand, and she felt perfectly safe when she was with him. He would never be a threat to her losing her dream of attaining the future she wanted, nor would she stand in the way of his.
One very warm day they went swimming at the local community pool. As they relaxed on lounge chairs between laps, he looked at her and smiled. Of course, that was nothing unusual. He smiled a lot. This one seemed different somehow. She couldn’t tell if it was a happy smile or a sad one.
“You’re very beautiful,” he said then, his eyes sparkling to match the smile on his lips.
Her heart jumped. It wasn’t what he said but how he said it. Oh, please don’t ruin our perfect friendship by getting serious, her mind silently cried. Even as she thought it, at the same time she was flattered. She was always being told she was beautiful. It was nothing new to her, but for some reason, coming from Crew it seemed different. She said nothing, but simply waited for him to go on.
“I know you hear that all the time. How could you not? I just don’t think I’ve ever said it and I should have. Lord knows, I’ve thought it often enough.” He laughed. “I’m not trying to get fresh, Sharris. Honest. I just want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed the time we’ve spent together the last couple weeks. I would’ve had just as good a time if you’d been ugly as sin, but my male pride has been boosted because you aren’t.”
A wave of relief washed over her. She met his gaze and smiled. He’d gotten a nice tan since she’d first met him and she couldn’t deny that he looked pretty good himself. “It has been nice, hasn’t it?” She laughed then, when a sudden thought came to her. “You know, since you’re in the complimentary mood, I would like to let you know that your nose doesn’t look nearly as crooked as it used to.”
He roared with laughter.
“What happened to it anyway?” She asked then, never losing her grin.
His joviality ceased. “It was broken once.”
Apparently, whatever happened to his nose was a taboo subject. Was it the result of his abusive childhood?
For a moment, he was silent, but then he said. “I hate to see all these good times with you end, but I have to go back soon. My leave’s just about over.”
Up until that moment, she hadn’t given a thought to the fact that he would soon have to return to his duty station. He often talked about his career in the army, how much he loved it and the things he did, but still she didn’t think about him having to leave soon. “Where will you be going?”
“Not too far away, actually. I’ll be spending the next couple years in Georgia. Of course, it’s always subject to change, but that’s the plans as of now.”
“Any chance of you coming in on weekends or anything?”
“A good chance.” He yawned. “Sorry. All that swimming’s worn me out. Not to mention, make me hungry. Want to go have a bite to eat somewhere?”
“I’d love to.” As she stood up, pulled on her beach robe and stretched, she had an unusual feeling come over her. Like somebody was watching her. Taking her completely by surprise, it startled her, and she instinctively looked around.
“Something wrong?” he wanted to know.
She laughed, more to shrug off her uneasiness than anything else. “Not a thing. You know what I’m hungry for?”
He waited.
“Chinese food.”
“Sounds good to me.” Reaching out, he put his hand on her shoulder, gave her a quick hug and then let go of her.
It was probably a good thing he would be leaving soon.
∞ SIX ∞
SHARRIS ANSWERED THE DOOR the next morning to see her friend Jackie standing on the doorstep.
Without so much as a hello, Jackie stepped inside and said, “We need to talk.”
Something was wrong. Jackie was never without her trademark smile and she was never so blunt. “Let’s go in the living room.”
“Where’s Judy?”
“She’s doing some shopping.”
“Good.” Jackie walked as she talked, and a moment later she plopped down on the sofa. “I wouldn’t want her to overhear what I have to say. I like Judy. I really do.”
What in the world was bothering her? Sharris sat down beside her. “Okay, what is it?”
“I don’t know where to start.”
“Why not at the beginning?”
“I’m not sure where the beginning is.”
Sharris sighed. “Oh, come on! Quit beating around the bush and just spit it out.”
Jackie fidgeted. “Do you know you haven’t called me for two weeks?”
“You haven’t called me either. I guess we’ve both been busy.”
“You weren’t even curious about the trip I took with Donovan to Asheville. We could’ve run off and eloped and you’d never even know.”
Sharris laughed. “Oh, I’m sure you’d have told me if that happened.”
“But it never will. My hair is too short and too black, instead of long and blonde, and my name is Jackie Carter, instead of Sharris Cord.”
“For goodness sake…..”
“He’s crazy about you! Seems like every word he said had something to do with you.”
“I was hoping you and him would have such a good time together that sparks would start flying between the two of you.”
“They might have done that – if you’d been sitting there between us.”
Sharris sighed. “I like Donovan, but one of these days he’ll have to accept the fact that we can never be more than friends. If you’ll be patient…….”
“……I can be standing by to let him cry on my shoulder? Oh, sure!”
“Let’s have some coffee.”
“I don’t want any coffee.”
“Is Donovan the only reason you’re here or do you have something else on your mind?”
“I have something else on my mind.”
“Okay, spit it out.”
Jackie grimaced. “You aren’t going to like it.”
“Try me and let me decide for myself.”
Jackie looked around. “You’re sure Judy isn’t where she can hear?”
“What does Judy have to do with this?”
Silence.
“Jackie Carter, explain yourself.”
“She’s Crew’s mother.”
“So?”
“She’s black and he’s white.”
“So?”
“Sharris…..look, I know how much time you’ve been spending with Crew. Everybody’s been seeing the two of you together – in restaurants – just about everywhere.”
Was Jackie the one who had been watching her at the pool? “Were you at the pool yesterday?”
“No. Why are you asking?”
“Just wondering.”
“Why?”
“I was there with Crew and I felt like somebody was watching me.”
Jackie chuckled. “Somebody probably was. A lot of somebodies.”
“What in the world are you talking about?”
“You and Crew.”
“Are good friends and that’s all.”
“Shar, that might be true right now, but what if your feelings change and you fall in love with each other?”
“It isn’t going to happen. Neither one of us wants a lifetime commitment with anyone. But, if it did happen – and I’m saying ‘if’, mind you…..if it did…why are you so upset about it?”
“He was raised in a black family.”
“So? Don’t tell me you’re a racist! Jackie, for goodness sake!”
“I’m not a racist! I think all colors of people are equal in the eyes of God and there are good and bad in all of them. But, you don’t understand how people would talk if word got out that you and Crew might be getting serious.”
“I don’t care what people say. I never have and never will, but Crew and I are not going to get serious.”
“Maybe you already know it couldn’t work.”
“What I know is, I do not plan to get involved with a man, any man, not now, not ever. I’m happy the way I am. I love my life and I don’t intend to take a chance on messing it all up by falling in love.”
Jackie laughed. “Which means you are in total control of your heart?”
“If I have to be, yes.”
“So if you start to fall for Crew, you’ll just tell your heart it isn’t going to happen and it will listen to you.”
“You’re talking crazy.”
Jackie sighed. “Oh, Shar, I don’t want to see you hurt. You’re my best friend. And I love Crew like a brother. I don’t want him hurt either. But if you keep seeing each other, people are going to talk.”
“They’re going to talk anyway. When they’re talking about me, they’re leaving somebody else alone.”
“But what if it affects your business?”
Sharris flinched. That couldn’t happen.
“Everybody’s not as accepting as we are. Once the word gets out that Crew’s mother is black - even though she’s not even his real mother, she still raised him up - the truth about the situation will get all twisted up and things can get out of control.”
Sharris was still thinking about her job. It was her livelihood. If she started losing customers, she couldn’t survive. No, it wouldn’t happen. There was no way.
Jackie’s next words brought her mind abruptly back. “I had a crush on Crew once. It was several years ago, when we were teen agers, when we both lived in Atlanta, before I even knew you. We went to the movies one night and when we were walking home – we didn’t have a car to drive – a group of boys followed us. They….” Jackie paused, swallowed, and then continued. “They ganged up on Crew and beat him up really bad. That’s when he got his nose broken, why it’s crooked.”
Sharris eyes widened. No wonder he didn’t want to talk about it! If she’d had any idea what happened, she’d never have mentioned it. She’d certainly never have joked about it!
“He never told Judy or Jimmy or anybody what really happened. He just said he got into a fight and it was his fault. He refused to see me again. He was afraid they might hurt me, instead of him, the next time.”
“He should’ve gone to the police.”
“He didn’t figure it would do any good. And it probably wouldn’t have. The ones who did it were rich boys with influential parents. They’d have somehow turned around the truth to make it look like it was all his fault.”
“But that was years ago, Jackie.”
“So how much has changed? You tell me.”
There was a long silence, before Jackie spoke again. “Crew’s a great guy, and he would be very easy to love.”
“He doesn’t want to fall in love any more than I do.”
“Just because you don’t want something to happen, doesn’t mean it won’t.”
“Are you in love with him?”
“No. We had a teen age crush and that was all, but the memory of what happened because of it still scares me to death when I think about it. Especially, if you might be involved.”
“I’m sorry about that incident, but I’m not going to stop being friends with Crew because you told me about it. You’ve got to remember that was in Atlanta, and Atlanta, Georgia is
like an entirely different world than where we live here in Marble, North Carolina”
“It doesn’t matter where you live, the people are the same.”
“Crew is a grown man now. If anything was to happen, he’d be able to handle it.”
Jackie shook her head. “But could you? I should’ve known better than to expect you to understand. Your heart is already involved, whether you know it or not.”
“I told you, we’re friends.”
Jackie stood up. “We’ll see soon enough, won’t we?” She started walking across the room.
Sharris followed her. “You’re mad at me because I refuse to walk away in fear, aren’t you?”
“Don’t you care what happens to you? You could have any man you wanted. You could have Donovan with the snap of your fingers. You’d be respected by just about everybody in the world because Donovan’s a great guy with a great family behind him.”
Sharris sighed and said nothing. Jackie was only going to hear what she wanted to hear, so why bother arguing with her?
Jackie opened the door and when she looked at Sharris, her eyes were wet with tears. “Be careful. Think about it. If you really can control your heart, tell it to fall in love with Donovan.”
∞ SEVEN ∞
SHE WASN’T FALLING in love with Crew, and it had nothing to do with anything Jackie said. She refused to let herself fall in love with anybody. There was no room for all the complications of a love affair in her busy life and she had no desire to experience the pain it inflicted on so many hearts. She wouldn’t allow hers to be one of them
Studying her reflection in the mirror, she sighed. Sometimes it seemed more like a curse than a blessing to be so beautiful. She wasn’t thinking vainly. Her own eyes weren’t lying about what they saw. Neither did the eyes of the men she dated. She was 26 years old and had already turned down at least a half dozen marriage proposals. Men wanted what they saw. What would they want in the future, when she was suddenly old? Someone else who was still young and gorgeous, even though they, themselves, were also aging?