Inside the Beauty

by Joan Fennell Carringer

  She breathed in a deep sigh of relief when they were all finally gone. At the same time, the sudden silence brought back the memory of the previous night’s terror. She was completely alone now and the thought wasn’t pleasant at all.

  Although she needed to be working on the new order she’d received the other day, she didn’t feel a bit like doing it. Maybe she just needed a little distraction. She turned on the TV, but after flipping through the channels for what seemed forever, she turned it off again. Maybe some music? She put her favorite CD in the radio player and turned up the volume. That was better. That was exactly what she needed. Before long, she was feeling like herself again, singing along and dancing through the house.

  When Jackie called, wanting to know if she’d like to go shopping, she jumped at the chance to get out for a while. It wasn’t until she hung up the phone that she wondered if she’d done the right thing. As soon as her friend found out what had happened, she’d be trying to convince her it was because somebody was thinking she was getting too close to Crew. She almost called back with an excuse not to go, but decided Jackie would find out sooner or later and it may as well be sooner.

  Jackie was so excited that Sharris didn’t have a chance to say much of anything when they started toward the shopping center. “Donovan called last night and asked me out! He sounded like he really wanted to take me, Shar. We talked for a long time. Wish me luck, okay?”

  “You don’t need luck. All you need is to be yourself.”

  “So you don’t think I need to buy a blonde wig today?” Jackie’s eyes twinkled as she smiled at her friend.

  “If he wanted to date a blonde, he wouldn’t have asked you.”

  “Do you know anything about his wife that died? What she looked like?”

  “I have no idea. One time, the subject came up and it may have been one of the others that was with me that mentioned it. I’m not sure. All I know is his wife had some kind of terminal illness and died not long after they were married.”

  “But it was long enough ago that he should be over her?”

  “I think it was several years ago.”

  Silence prevailed for some time as Jackie parked her car and they strolled leisurely through the store. Sharris helped her friend pick out a new outfit to wear on her date with Donovan. The two of them giggled and carried on like a couple of teen agers as Jackie tried on one after the other before she found the right one.

  It was nice to feel so happy and free. Sharris never brought up the subject of the attempted break in the night before, nor did she talk about Crew. All she wanted was to remain as joyful as she suddenly felt. Any future trouble would take care of itself. There was no point in hurrying it along.

  Just the same, when Jackie pulled into Sharris’ driveway much later, the sky was dark and the house even darker, Sharris couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling. “Why don’t you come in for a while?” she asked.

  “We’ve been together all day. Aren’t you tired of me yet?”

  “I was thinking, since it is so late, you might want to spend the night. It’s been a long time since you’ve done that.”

  “Because you never really wanted me to. Don’t argue. I know you love me, but you always seemed to like being there by yourself. I wondered for a while whether or not you even missed Marna and Taryn when they moved out.”

  “Of course I did. I do like my time alone, but I don’t want to be alone all the time.”

  “Why don’t you want to be alone tonight?”

  Sharris sighed. “Come on in and I’ll tell you.” There was no more time to put it off. She might as well prepare herself for another lecture.

  To her surprise, Jackie was too concerned for her safety to start in on any ‘I told you so’s.’ She looked at Sharris seriously as the two of them sat at the kitchen table. “I would’ve gone with Taryn or Marna if it had been me. You’re braver than I gave you credit for.”

  “I feel like it was an isolated incident. It was just a burglar who looked at this big, beautiful house and figured he could make off with a nice haul by breaking in. Poor Judy. It scared her to death, but Jackie, when I saw her with those wide eyes, it almost made me laugh. It reminded me of those old comedies on TV – the really old Amos and Andy and ones like that – where the black people’s eyes would get so big when they got scared.”

  “Oh, gosh. I haven’t thought of those sitcoms for years!” They laughed together, despite the irony of the situation. Jackie was the first to sober up. “But where is Judy?”

  Sharris purposely hadn’t mentioned it all day, simply because she hadn’t said anything about the break in. “She’s going to stay with her son Jess for a while.”

  “So she thinks there was another reason for what happened. Why else would she leave you alone?”

  Sharris sighed, a certain affirmation as to the truth of Jackie’s words. “I want to ask you something very personal, Jackie.”

  Jackie chuckled. “Since when have you ever had to warn me in advance?”

  Sharris ignored the pun. “Do you still have feelings for Crew?”

  “Is that what’s bothering you? For goodness sake, we were about sixteen when I had that crush on him. It was over with years ago. To be honest with you, I don’t know what I saw in him to begin with. He isn’t that good looking.”

  “What’s wrong with his looks?”

  Jackie laughed. “I figured I’d rouse you up with that. There’s nothing wrong, I guess. I never thought he’d be the type of guy that you’d fall for, though. I mean, look at the ones you’ve dated – that one named Beau, Jacob, and not to mention Donovan. Guys with movie star looks.”

  “And movie star egos, all except for Donovan.”

  “Are you absolutely sure you want to hand him over to me?”

  “I’m not handing him over to anybody. He has his own free will, you know.”

  “Yea, just like we all do, but we often regret our choices. I don’t want you looking back and being sorry you didn’t grab him while you could. You need to know that if he ever falls for me, I’m going to keep him.”

  Sharris laughed. She couldn’t help it. Jackie was so serious.

  Jackie started laughing, too.

  Sharris’ phone interrupted them. When she saw Crew’s number come up, she felt her heart lurch. “It’s Crew. Why don’t you go get comfortable while I talk to him? You know where my pajamas are. We’ll both sleep in my room, since I only let John and Devon board up the windows in there.”

  With a shrug of her shoulders, Jackie stood up and left the room.

  Just the sound of his voice was all it took to make her heart start racing.

  “You’re not home alone, are you?” was his first question.

  “Jackie’s here with me.”

  He laughed. “Little Jackie Carter. Funny, how I knew her long before either of us had ever met you and now she’s your best friend. I hope she hasn’t told you any wild tales about me.”

  There was no way she’d tell him what she knew about the night he’d been beaten so badly. “Only that she had a crush on you one time, but she got over it. She’s all excited about a new crush right now.”

  “I figured she’d be married with a couple kids by now, to be honest with you. But back to you, are you okay? Do you feel safe?”

  “I do. John and Devon came over and insisted on boarding up my bedroom windows and putting deadbolts on the doors.”

  “I should’ve thought of that. I’m glad they did.”

  “How’s Judy? I didn’t want her to leave. I miss her.”

  “She’ll be fine. Jess and Jeannie are in their glory, having her there. She made them a big old country dinner and Jess swore he was never letting her leave again.” He chuckled. “I gotta admit, I enjoyed it as much as he did. I forgot what a good cook she was.”

  They talked for a while longer, simple light-hearted conversation that relaxed her. When the call ended, she was smiling – the whole way from her lips to the tips of her toes. Never in a mil
lion years would she believe that the mere sound of someone’s voice could make her feel so totally happy.

  ∞ FOURTEEN ∞

  TIME PASSED, as it always does. There were no more scary incidents and Sharris was convinced what happened was nothing more than an isolated burglary attempt. Jackie stayed for two nights before she went back home, but not before insisting Sharris call her if she needed her assistance again. The way she said it made them both laugh.

  Sharris dove back into working with the ads that had accumulated, not realizing how far behind she had gotten. If she kept neglecting her work to have fun with her best friend, she would soon lose her income. She was glad when Taryn dropped by soon after Jackie left and started helping her out. Since her sisters had gotten married, even though they worked from their own homes, they were also busy with their families and most of the work had fallen onto Sharris. It made her realize what a perfect team they had once been and how difficult it was without the others.

  When she answered the doorbell Friday evening and saw Crew standing there, every other thought that had been on her mind the entire week was forgotten.

  He smiled. “I was hoping we could spend a little time together before I leave in the morning.”

  Her own smile froze. He was leaving in the morning? That soon? “I’m glad you came by. Come on in. Believe it or not, I just finished making a pot of spaghetti that will last me forever. Are you hungry?”

  He chuckled. “There’s hardly ever a time when I’m not hungry and I love spaghetti.”

  “I hope Judy and Jess’s family do, too, because I’m going to send some to them.” She kept talking as she started toward the kitchen and he followed. “Is everything okay there? I haven’t heard from Judy at all and I haven’t talked to you for a while.” Not since that night Jackie had been there. She could almost count the hours.

  “Things are good. I’m starting to think you were right about what happened. I really hope you are.”

  “I hope Judy will come back soon.”

  “I think she misses you. She likes her independence and she has it here, more so than with Jess. Jeannie doesn’t mean to but she gets a little jealous of all the attention her husband gives his mother.” He followed her to the cabinet.

  She took out two plates and handed them to him. “Get however much you want from the pot on the stove and put it in the microwave. I’ll fix the salads.”

  He dug right in, filling first his plate and then hers and warming them both up. When they finally sat down together, he reached for her hand and bowed his head. She waited as he prayed, but didn’t hear much of what he said. She was too busy thinking about how good it felt to be holding his hand.

  Could he be thinking the same thing? He didn’t let go as quick as the Amen had been spoken, but instead looked at her and smiled, their hands still cupped together.

  She was the one who withdrew. She was afraid if she didn’t, she’d do something foolish – like pulling him closer to her and kissing him. What in the world was wrong with her? She couldn’t believe it when that thought ran through her mind. She quickly took a bite of her salad, only to have it go down the wrong way and choke her.

  “Hey, you okay?” He waited for her to quit coughing and finally started patting her on the back.

  That got her tickled and she started laughing, which only aggravated the choking and made it worse. Finally managing to get her water glass, she took a sip, then another. “Whew!” she said then. “I’m okay now.”

  He was very close, his hand still on her back. “What caused all that?”

  She grinned. “It went down the wrong way. Surely, it’s happened to you before.”

  “Yea, it has. I was getting worried, though, because your face was so red.” He smiled. “It’s still pretty, though, even being red as a beet.”

  They both laughed, he moved away and resumed eating.

  When they’d finished, she asked if he wanted to play a board game or watch a movie. When he chose the movie, she was glad. She hated Monopoly, and it was the only game she had. Maybe she should pick up some others, for times such as these.

  The movie had no sooner started when the doorbell rang. Of all times for someone to decide to visit, this was the worst. There was nobody she could think of that she wanted to see. This was her last evening with Crew for possibly a long time and she didn’t want it interrupted.

  Suzi stood on the doorstep. “Hi!”

  What could she do but smile back at her?

  “I just thought I’d come see you for a while. I think Mommy and Daddy want to be alone. They haven’t said it, but well, I can tell, so I told them I’d come over here for a little while. You know?”

  How well she knew!

  “Well, hello there!” came Crew’s voice from beside Sharris. She hadn’t known he’d followed her to the door. “Suzi, right?”

  “I remember you. You’re Crew. You sang at the party. Umm. What do I smell, Sharris?”

  “Are you hungry?” Sharris asked, hoping she’d say no.

  “If it’s spaghetti, I am.” Without invitation, Suzi entered the house and closed the door, then immediately headed to the kitchen. It wasn’t unusual. She’d always made herself at home there.

  Crew looked at Sharris and grinned.

  She shrugged her shoulders, grinned back and went to the kitchen.

  “So what movie are you watching?” Suzi wanted to know as she finished eating. “I hope it’s one I can see.” She stopped at once and listened. “Hey! Somebody’s here!” Jumping up she ran back to the living room and looked out the window. “Oh, it’s Evie and Ricky.” She looked at Crew, who was watching her. “They’re my cousins! Gee, this is great. We’ll find something to occupy ourselves if you grownups want to watch a grown up movie.” She flung open the door and ushered in Evie, then Ricky. After they all hugged each other as if they hadn’t seen one another for years, Suzi greeted Taryn and John. “Uncle John, Sharris has some of the best spaghetti you ever ate.”

  Sharris might not have to worry about having any left to send home with Crew. Looking at him, she grinned.

  “Marna and Devon are on their way,” Taryn said as she took some more plates from the cabinet. “We all seemed to decide at the same time we needed to come check on you. Guess Crew did, too, huh? I’m glad you have something cooked. I’m starved!”

  John chuckled. “She’s eating for two, you know.” Looking at his wife, he winked and then started filling his plate.

  Sharris stole a glance at them, thinking back to when they’d first met. John had been rail thin and carrying the load of a haunted past. How things had changed for both of them. Taryn had lost her excess weight and John had gained what he needed. All because they fell in love with each other.

  Her mind stopped when Marna and Devon entered the kitchen. No one had even heard them drive up. “Boy, that smells good,” said Devon, grabbing the plate Taryn held out for him.

  Talking and laughter went around the table. Even though Crew joined right in and seemed to be enjoying himself, no one noticed that Sharris didn’t have a lot to say.

  Thank goodness they couldn’t read her thoughts. As much as she loved her family, this was one time she wished they had all stayed at home!

  ∞ FIFTEEN ∞

  HE WAS GONE. Sharris tried to get her mind on her work the next day but it always came back to that one thought. Crew had called before he left that morning to tell her how much he’d enjoyed the evening with her family. He also said he didn’t know when he’d be back, that it might not be as soon as he’d thought.

  She missed him. They’d spent so much time together the last few weeks. It was hard to imagine opening the door without even the possibility of seeing him there on the doorstep, smiling at her. So many times they’d sat around the table or on the porch swing and talked about anything and everything. He’d still call, but it wouldn’t be the same as him being there.

  She was lonely. It took a long time before she would admit it, even to herself. Sh
e’d always had her sisters with her. For quite a while after they left, she’d enjoyed the solitude but then she started missing them more than she could have imagined. The time with Judy made things better. Although she hadn’t planned to form any kind of close relationship with the lady she hired to clean her house and cook for her, it had come automatically. It made no difference to her that Judy was black. She loved her exactly the way she was. The truth be known, her heart was much purer than a lot of her white friends.

  She had friends, the best of them being Jackie, but they all had their own lives to live. They were usually busy at the times she needed them the most. Besides, being with girlfriends, who were often competing with her instead of being proud of her accomplishments, wasn’t the same as being with a man who openly complimented her and appreciated the things she did.

  Was she having second thoughts about never marrying? She shook her head, trying to convince herself she wasn’t, but just the same, she wasn’t as sure about it as she used to be. Not since she’d met Crew. The only thing was, he had no desire to make a commitment. Even if she changed her mind, would he? He might not be having the same kind of feelings about her that she was having about him. He had never even tried to kiss her.

  She sighed. Maybe she needed a vacation. How long had it been since she’d actually gone on one? She couldn’t remember, but it was at least five years because it was when her parents were still living. Where could she go? What would she do? It wouldn’t be much fun going alone. Would Jackie go with her?