HIM

by J. M. Elliott

  I've never had to worry about that because I'm very picky about my sexual partners. Which isn't very many. I've also never had someone force themselves on me or have ever been raped. Raped, I was raped last night, wasn't I? What did I do to have someone I know attack me and force himself on me?

  I step into the shower and somewhat relax as the hot water cascades over my naked body. I grab my loofah and bodywash then sit on the cold tile floor of the shower. I start to clean every inch of my body. As I scrub my arm, I notice I have some black and blue marks on my wrist and a little farther down my arm as well. I look at my other arm, which has the same bruising, but it's a bit darker. I scrub and scrub, trying to make them disappear, so I am not left with a constant reminder of what my co-worker/boss did to me last night. I want to cry in anger, sadness, and shame, but I've become numb to the situation. I need to be strong and show Brady what he did, will not break me.

  I scrub and rinse off every part of my body once more. I step out of the shower and pat myself dry. The bathroom door opens as Ris moseys on in, while I put on a tank top and shorts, then throw my hair up in a towel.

  "Morning," I say slowly.

  "Morning. How was your dinner with Brady?" she asks while half asleep but still a bit bitchy.

  "Fine," I reply and walk out of the bathroom.

  Ris doesn't say anything. I can hear her start the shower as I enter my room. I skim over my closet for something to wear, trying not the think about last night at all.

  My phone buzzes and I grab it, then sit down on the edge of my bed. It's Luke. I want to talk to him, but it's hard not to think about what I went through last night. He makes me forget about the negative in my life, but I don't know if he can heal this wound right now or if I can even tell him about it.

  Good Morning! I have a question for you.

  His text reads. I swiftly reply.

  Good Morning to you! What's your question?

  My phone rings.

  "Hi!" I answer.

  Slight silence is present on the other end, then I can hear Luke take a deep breath.

  "Would you be mad if I took the afternoon off and came to see you? Maybe, stay the weekend, you could show me around the city," he says.

  I want to cry, hearing his voice. I want to see him so badly right now and have him hold me in his arms. I want him here to protect me from Brady.

  "No, I wouldn't be mad. I would love for you to come and stay here for the weekend," I reply, trying to sound excited.

  Because I am excited, considering.

  "Barrett, my boss, put together a dinner for tonight in celebration of my landing the Christiansen account. It will be at a fancy restaurant, so make sure to pack an outfit like the one you wore to my dad's Will reading," I ramble.

  "A party with your co-workers and having to dress up. I don't know about all of that, Ali," he says.

  Luke sounds unsure, but I want him with me. Does he not want to come now? I need him here; I need to see him. I am not okay. I'm a wreck on the inside. I need to have him bring me back into that world I drift off to whenever we are together.

  "What? You do not want to come here now?" I ask, almost ready to cry.

  He starts laughing.

  "Ali, I was being sarcastic. I will be there and dressed to a 'T'. You can count on it. All you needed to do was ask," he chuckles.

  My heart drops into my lap. Maybe, I would have picked up on his sarcasm if Brady wouldn't have forced himself on me last night and ruined me. I'm glad Luke was only joking and will be accompanying me to the party tonight.

  "Okay, good!! I cannot wait to see you," I say eagerly.

  "I better get going to pack quick and head into work so I can leave here by noon," Luke states.

  "Yes, you best!" I reply.

  Finally, there is a light at the end of this very dark and horrifying tunnel. Luke is coming to save me, which he has been doing pretty much since we met.

  "See you in a few hours, Turtle," he says in a low tone.

  "See you soon!" I reply, melting in his sexy voice.

  We end the call, and I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I have to tell Luke about Troy as soon as he gets here before he's told by someone else tonight. I am sure Troy will be coming with Brady. I can also bet that Troy won't have the slightest clue about what his best friend did to me. Brady will act all calm and collective, I know it. How could Brady do that to his best friend? He knows how Troy feels about me. Drunk or not, he had no right to pin me down and violate me, all because I wouldn't kiss him.

  Maybe I should've kissed him, and if I would have, then perhaps he wouldn't have forced sex on me. Did I lead him on in some way last night to make him think I was interested in him, especially in a sexual way? I did stick up for him at dinner in front of his parents, saying he is handsome and that he can't help that every woman wants him. But I did not mean that I was also one of them.

  "Can you french braid my—Ali, are you okay?" Ris asks as she walks into my room, wrapped in a towel.

  I hear her muffled sounds and can see that she has entered my room, but I have disappeared into a world where I am scared, all alone, and feel as if I had a hand in what took place last night. I must have done or said something that made it happen, it's my fault. I triggered something in Brady, and he acted on it. To him, he thought it was okay. But there is no justification for his actions, he acted on his carnal and animal instincts, which should be relatively controllable when we call ourselves human beings.

  "Ali?" Ris says, now sitting on my bed and shaking me.

  I break free from the horrid bubble I am in, consumed by what-ifs and maybes regarding last night’s events.

  "Yeah?" I finally reply.

  "What is going on? I've been trying to talk to you for like the last five minutes, and you were just staring off and completely frozen. Are you okay?" she says, sounding very concerned.

  "Um... ya, I'm fine, just tired is. That's all," I say and sit up on the bed.

  "Did something happen last night between you and Brady?" she asks sternly.

  I cannot look at her without crying. I want to tell her, but I don't know where to start. I get up from my bed and walk over to my closet.

  "Luke is coming today to stay here for the weekend," I say.

  I try to change the subject, but my voice doesn't sound very convincing at all. I can hear Ris get up from my bed and walk toward me. She places her hand on my shoulder.

  "Ali, did Brady do something to you?" she demands.

  Knowing her, she's not going to let up. She wants answers; thus, she has ignored the news about Luke completely. She tuned out everything I said because she knows that something is wrong. We've known each other for so long, she can see right through me. I drop my head and let out a huge sigh; I begin to cry. Ris grabs my hand and holds me tightly. I turn into her and sob like a blubbering idiot on her chest for a solid ten minutes.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" she asks sincerely.

  I shake my head and continue to cry.

  "You can talk to me about it when you're ready?" she says softly.

  I squeeze her tightly.

  "Thank you. Please, keep this between us." I reply, sniffling.

  "I got you, girl. Always," Ris whispers and hugs me tighter, resting her chin on top of my head.

  She could tell that something majorly wrong took place last night. Maybe, she suspects what happened, or perhaps Brady has done something like this before. However, Ris is no dummy and can tell when something is not kosher. If Brady was known for such atrocity, she would have warned me. But, since I had mentioned it was a business dinner, maybe she thought I would have been safe. Either way, it's not her fault, and I am glad she is with me right now.

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Ris and I pull into the parking lot at Facade. She did not want me to drive due to how upset I was this morning, plus we usually carpool to work anyway. I was silent the whole commute to work. Ris knows something happened between Brady and me last nigh
t, just not exactly what. She knows I am not ready to talk about it, so she refrained from saying anything in the car.

  Ris holds my hand tight across the parking lot and into the building. She doesn’t let go of me until we reach my office. Thankfully, Brady is not occupying his right now. She hugs me and says she is only across the room if I need her. I thank her and enter my office.

  I sit down at my desk and begin going through the paperwork I set in the middle of it yesterday, but I can't seem to get focused at all. I'm trembling at the thought of seeing Brady for the first time since last night. I startle when I hear a deep voice, Brady's voice. Suddenly, a shiver runs down my spine.

  "Good Morning, Ali," Brady says, sounding quite chipper.

  I look up from my desk, scared for my life, but trying desperately not to show it.

  "Good Morning, Brady," I reply, calmer than I thought I would sound.

  He enters my office and hands me two folders then smiles his devious smile.

  "You left these in my car," he smirks.

  It's the Christiansen folders I had brought with me to our dinner last night that we never went over. I had completely forgotten about them until now. I take the folders from my desk and hold them up to my chest to cover myself.

  "You look nice today," he says with a smug look on his face.

  Brady's eyes scroll up and down my body, undressing me with his piercing stare. I feel gross and uncomfortable watching the way he is looking at me.

  "Thanks," I say, not amused at all by his disgusting gesture or words over my attire.

  He winks at me then leaves my office. I take a deep breath in and exhale out. That wasn't as awful as I thought it would be. I think I can handle the rest of the day until Luke gets here to protect me. My assistants and interns enter my office with their notes and messages, showing eagerness for their morning tasks. I quickly collect myself from Brady's brief encounter to focus on my job before the morning team meeting. I delegate duties out for the Christiansen account and a few smaller ones that are already underway.

  Ris comes to my office to walk with me to the morning meeting. My assistants and interns exit to begin their tasks. Ris closes my door.

  "How are you holding up?" she asks genuinely.

  I am glad she's here; otherwise, I would be feeling more helpless.

  "I'm good right now," I reply.

  I adjust my shirt under my little suit jacket, and we head out of my office toward the conference room. I try not to look around for Brady and act like my usual self. I need to be cordial and professional, showing no signs of weakness at all toward him. I walk to the back of the conference room with Ris. I grab a water and granola bar, and she grabs a diet soda and a muffin, then we take our usual seats. I stare at the white legal pad on the table in front of me while Ris engages in conversation about what's happening tonight.

  Brady walks in with one of the Project Managers who will be conducting our morning meeting. Barrett only does the afternoon one. Brady takes a seat next to me after grabbing his usual stupid protein fruit drink thing. Why is he sitting next to me? He always sits across from Ris. There is an empty seat over there, yet he chooses to sit next to me. I elbow Ris, who is still deep in conversation about the club she wants everyone to go to after the team dinner tonight. She sits up and notices Brady is sitting next to me.

  "You okay?" she whispers in my ear.

  I nod, even though I want to move to another seat but can't since they've all become occupied now. The meeting begins, starting with production stats and where the company is; as a whole. I try to control my breathing and ignore Brady's presence next to me. I try to pretend that he is not there at all, even though it is tough to do so. Brady is busy taking notes on the legal pad in front of him when the production stats and other information about Commercial is read.

  The Project Manager starts to talk about each quadrant, of which Landscaping is first. Brady leans back in his seat, setting his pen down, and removes his hands from the conference table. He takes his hand closest to me under the table and places it on my thigh. Trying not to make it obvious, I grab hold of his hand then remove it from my thigh. He puts his hand back on my thigh, in the crook of my pants where I am crossing my legs, and my leg meets my groin area. I take a deep breath, exhaling in short spurts of air. I'm not able to remove his hand this time since everyone is looking at the person next to him talking about the latest landscape project. Brady slides his hand farther down in between my crossed thighs, resting his pinky finger against the crotch part of my pants.

  I am becoming very uncomfortable and uneasy right now, trying my hardest to keep my composure. He starts to gently rub in circular motions over the part of my pants where my vagina is with his pinky. I clench my jaw and hold back my tears, then dig my fingernail as hard as I can into his hand. I hope my face is not turning red. I cannot believe that he is doing this to me right now and at work in front of over twenty people. I want to scream, but I do not want to cause a scene. I can see him out the corner of my eye, biting his lower lip, shifting himself in his seat as he watches me become distressed. I'm sure he thinks I'm enjoying this torture he has bestowed upon me. He has zero shame.

  He gradually picks up the pace with his finger, and I fling myself to my feet. My chair flies back hard into the wall. I couldn't take it anymore. I look around the room, embarrassed, then calmly excuse myself and walk as fast as I can out of the conference room. I rush to the bathroom as tears follow heavily down my cheeks. Brady is making it unbearably tough to be here. He has robbed me of my pride, my self-confidence, and my self-esteem. He has stripped me bare. Every time I think of him, I get reminded of what happened. Now, this.

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  I slide down the wall of the bathroom stall, crouching in a sitting position on the back of my calves in my nude heels. I am sobbing so hard into my hands that I've cupped them to my face. I hear the clacking of heels enter, and I try to soften my crying.

  "Ali?" I hear Ris call out in a concerned tone.

  She stops in front of my stall and knocks lightly.

  "Ali, are you okay?" she asks sympathetically.

  I remain silent.

  "Please, open the door. I saw, you know, under the—" she begins to say before I cut her off.

  "Ris, please, shhh!" I interrupt.

  I open the door, slowly bringing my eyes to hers. She grabs hold of me tightly.

  "What the fuck did he do to you?" She whispers with worry.

  She seems quite distraught, seeing me so vulnerable. I shake my head as I am still not ready to tell her or talk to her about it. She holds me tighter in the bathroom stall, rubbing my back, and hushing me as I sob uncontrollably. She reaches down for some toilet paper without breaking our hug and hands it to me.

  "Do you want me to take you home?" she asks.

  "No."

  I do not want to leave; I don't want Brady to win at any cost. I need to focus on my job and the Christiansen account. I have the rest of the day, and tonight, then I don't have to see him for a while. I collect myself some, and we leave the stall. We walk over to the mirror, Ris fixes my makeup, and I straighten up my clothes, then we depart from the bathroom. The meeting has ended, and the conference room is empty when we pass by it.

  Ris grabs my hand and pulls me into the "mother's" room. It's a private room for breastfeeding mothers to pump, and it happens to be soundproof. She probably feels we can talk here without anyone hearing us, and we can get much-needed privacy, especially from Brady.

  "Ali, please tell me what happened," Ris says, holding onto my upper arms.

  I take a deep breath in and exhale before I tell her about what happened last night.

  "Brady brought me to dinner at his parent's house," I begin.

  Ris drops her arms to her sides and steps back, sitting on the arm of the chair.

  "Brady was talking to someone on the phone and kept ignoring me when I tried to ask him where we were going. When we passed all the fine dining and casual din
ing places, I was quite confused about where he was taking me. We were supposed to talk about the Christiansen account over dinner, and that was it. I had no idea he was going to take me to his parents' place," I continue.

  "It was a very nice dinner, a fancy nine-course meal. His parents started belittling him about his love life and how he likes to play around with women. I interrupted them by sticking up for him, as it wasn't proper dinner talk, you know."

  Ris is nodding at me in agreement. I continue the story filling her in on every detail that I can remember. Everything is still so vivid and clear.

  "After dinner, he took me on a tour of his parent's house and their backyard. The entire place is immaculate," I say.

  "He kissed me, and I yelled at him for it. He claimed that he was caught up in the moment and all the wine we had at dinner. I said there wasn't a moment at all. He freaked out on me, saying that I wanted him to kiss me. I told I'm that I didn't."

  "I kept asking myself time and time again, whether I led him on or not," I resume.

  I can see the anger build up in Ris's face as she sits there, silent. I progress.

  "He demanded that I kiss him, but I told him that I didn't want to. He grabbed me and tried kissing me again, but I moved away. I rushed back to his parent's house, and he came after me apologizing," I say as I stop and take a deep breath.

  Replaying everything is so overwhelming that I need a breather.

  Ris stands up, rubbing my arm and telling me it will be okay. She asks if there is more. I nod and continue.

  "I made it to the door of the house, but he threw me up against it, holding my hands and face demanding that I kiss him. I end up slapping him, then he violently threw me to the ground, threatening me. Saying I would regret having done that," I tremble as I start to tear up.

  It is so painful recalling it all, but relief sets in as I tell Ris.

  "He carried me to the pool house and threw me on the floor inside. I tried to run from him, but he caught me. Throwing me back onto the floor," I sigh as a few tears release from my eyes.