by JM Butcher
He’s the Billy from TV. He’s got dark circles under his eyes, like he hasn’t slept in days. The angry, beaten-down Billy. The Billy who has enough hate in him to hurt people. To kill people. To terrorize people.
“What’s up, Maggie?” Billy asks. “It’s been a while.”
I don’t know what to say. When Jack told me Billy was here, I was glad. Even excited. Perhaps relieved. That meant that Billy was not in custody facing a fate of years in prison, death, or rehabilitation.
What does someone say to a person they once admired, but are now disgusted by? I used to have so many questions for him. Questions that I would never have the courage to ask. Questions about how real night thoughts can be. I don’t want to ask them now. He really did turn into a killer. His night thoughts became a reality, just like the White Coats say.
“Yeah, like four days,” I say. Then, not able to bite my tongue, I ask, “Been doing much killing lately?”
“No more than this guy.” Billy keeps his eyes on me, as he throws Hayden under the bus.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Hayden interjects, “we’re all friends here.” I pretend not to hear him.
“I better not fail algebra,” I sneer. “Not only will Sydney leave me, I might end up bombing a preschool too. It’s a good thing I passed that class freshman year. How about you, Billy?” It’s not my intention to be so cold, but I can’t help it. Before this, all I wanted to do was understand him. Now, his face sickens me.
“Don’t listen to that suburban trash,” Gia says to Billy.
“Last time I checked, Billy and I are from the same town. And his house reaches three whole stories high. Isn’t that right, Mr. Conroy?” Billy’s eye twitches. His chip is still activated. “That’s going to have to come out soon, right? To be dedicated, you’re going to have to lose the eye.”
Gia reaches over the table and grabs my shirt, pulling me close to her. “Ya better watch your mouth.”
“Hey now!” Hayden says in an effort to deescalate the confrontation. “Don’t sass the glass.” His attempt to lighten the mood falls flat, but Gia releases me.
“I don’t know,” Billy murmurs. His arrogant, angry expression shifts to lonely freshman Billy, pre-chipped Billy. “Maybe.”
“Hey hotshot, give the fella a break,” Gia says. “He did good. Stick around a bit and maybe ya will come to understand that.”
“And this is coming from a cleared kid,” I retort. “Why are you even here? To act like you’re protecting Unfavorables? With Jack? You’re saving us from the world, right?” I roll my eyes.
Gia doesn’t take kindly to this. She pushes my food tray, and whatever was left on my plate now covers my clothes. Gia stands up, preparing a speech. “Ya ‘burb girls are all the same. Ya just trample in here with your halo like you’re God’s gift to the world. Check yourself, newbie. Think good and hard about it. You’ll see we’re more alike than ya think. It comes down to if ya can hack it here. If ya can do what’s right.”
“Hey, Gia.” Hayden breaks in. “Cut her some slack.”
I envy Gia’s passion. I envy Billy’s conviction. I envy Hayden’s dedication. I’ve never been that passionate, driven, or dedicated to anything in my life. A part of me believes all of them—that what they’re doing is right. A part of me believes that if there is anyone who can break the government, it is each and every one of these people. Maybe even the whole of me believes it.
No, I don’t know what to believe. They shot Dad. They left Tyler without anyone. They kill innocent people. And even if those Mills employees are crooks like Jack said, do they still deserve to die? I probably can’t hack it here, but do I even want to try? I believe they believe. But I have no idea in hell what I believe.
I think about Seth and Grant, and how they’re fighting for their siblings. Appearances aren’t always truth. Gia surely has her own story. Hayden has his.
I give in. “You’re right. I don’t see. I shouldn’t judge.”
My eyes begin to tear up. It could be remembering Dad. It could be exhaustion. It could be from the T-Blox finally leaving my system. Or, it could be due to the fact that I know absolutely nothing about the world. I’m not like the others. I’m utterly ignorant. Until last night, I’ve had no opportunity to truly think; I’ve had no opportunity to be somebody.
“I’m sorry, Billy,” I choke out. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Oh, don’t cry.” Gia tosses a napkin at me. “You’ll get it or you won’t. Follow your own advice: don’t judge others on the account that you’re an entitled brat. Let go of that angst. Get your crap together and get to know people.”
I nod but don’t say anything.
“You should be one to talk,” Hayden says. “You weren’t this tough girl when you first came in. Or did you forget?”
“Whatever. Let’s bounce, Billy,” Gia says, flipping off Hayden. “Peace out. Oh by the way, Johnny had to make a trip to Columbus, so he won’t be back tonight. You’ll have to talk to him tomorrow. That means I’m off duty. You’re on your own.” She gives me a fake smile and stands up. Without a second glance, she turns on her heels and marches off.
“See ya around, Maggie,” Billy says, standing as well. “No hard feelings. Know, though, that this is my calling. These people accept me like a brother. I’m at home. I’m doing good. You can too.” Billy shifts his attention to Hayden. “Take care, brother. Feel better.” Billy gives Hayden a fist bump and makes his exit.
Feeling guilty for abandoning Hayden during that interaction, I offer a sincere apology. “I’m sorry, Hayden. I didn’t mean to…”
“Stop,” Hayden says. “Looks like you’re wearing your dinner.” He picks up a clump of potatoes from my lap and slowly puts it in his mouth. “So good.”
“What is wrong with me?” I put my hands on my head. “I am a mess.”
“Come on,” Hayden says. He stands and slaps my leg. “Let’s get you some more.”
“Nah. I need to lie down for a bit. Thank you, though.” I look at my shirt and pants. I look like a dinner tray. Imitating Billy, I put my fist out. “Accept my apology?”
He bumps my fist with his.
“Do you need help getting back?” he asks.
“I know the way, I think. Do I need a key to my room?”
Hayden raises his eyebrows, as if to call my question dumb. “We don’t have locks on our doors. It’s about trust here. I’ll see you later.”
“I’m sure you will.” I smirk.
I feel a smile on my back as I walk away from Hayden. Hayden had my back, even when I called him out. Maybe he is a good person.
I crack a smile too and don’t mind all of the stares as I exit the commons area.
Chapter 12
Dear Parents:
I have been informed by law enforcement that, although William Conroy was in Gray Coat custody, he escaped. It is a shame and a tragedy, too; because as we all know, Mr. Conroy is a suspect in the recent attack on the Mills Pharm and Tech plant in our own city.
For safety precautions, we will close Crosswoods High School. There is no specific date when the school will reopen.
Please continue to check your email for updates.
Thank you for your time.
Yours Sincerely,
Principal Dunbar, Crosswoods High School
-Message sent at 10:37pm, 14 October, 2040
I wake up on my own the next morning. I assume it’s morning, at least. There’s no way of knowing in a room without windows.
No breakfast has been left for me. There is a pile of clothes, though. I grab a blue shirt off the top and raise it to my nose. It smells fresh, like flowers. Unlike me.
Nobody told me where the shower is, and I haven’t really put any thought into bathing. I decide to be creative.
I grab another shirt from the pile. An ugly green one. I walk to the sink and turn on the left knob. After dabbing some soap on the shirt, I run some water over it. I focus on the three important areas: face, armpits, feet. It’s
like the improvised showers I do when I’m running late for school. I wish I could do something to clean my hair.
When satisfied, I dress myself in fresh underwear, the blue shirt, and a pair of fresh jeans. I don’t worry about the colors clashing. If Melli were here, I might.
There’s also some shoes near the pile. They aren’t new, but they’re cleaner than mine. Weirdly enough, they fit perfectly.
Once clothed, I walk to the door and open it. Hayden wasn’t lying. It wasn’t locked last night, and it isn’t locked this morning. I make my way down the gloomy hallway, which is becoming too familiar. I don’t pass anyone on my way to the computer room. When I get there, I see that there isn’t the usual busy activity.
The ceiling monitors are still running, but half the room is empty. The person I hope to see, though, is in her corner seat. Makayla notices me and stands up as I make my way toward her.
“Oh, good,” she says, “you got the clothes.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Thanks. What’s going on here? Did Jack fire everyone?”
“No,” she answers. She pulls a chair over for me and sits down. “There’s a mission going on. Some are out. Some are overseeing it, providing intel.”
“Ha,” I respond. “Like the mission for me? Who are they going to shoot today?”
Makayla doesn’t seem amused. “Chill out, Maggie.”
“Why aren’t you with them? Aren’t you a top ‘Hound’?” She shrugs in response to my air quotes.
“I stayed back for you. Now, sit down.” She begins to shift through windows on her computer.
“So you’re in on this with Jack, huh?” My body tenses up when she doesn’t answer me. “Don’t ignore me.”
“We’re doing you a favor.”
“So I’ve been told…”
I become distracted by a tattoo on her arm. Not the one with the URA flag being bitten. A different one. It too has snakes. Five to be exact. They slither up and around her arm, circling a set of letters written in a foreign language: vérité.
“What’s that mean?” I say, pointing to the tattoo.
“It’s French for ‘truth.’”
“Why truth?” I ask.
“That’s what we’re looking for, right? Truth? And the snakes, well, one bit me when I was a child. The poison gave me the most bizarre reaction I’ve ever felt. I almost died. Not sure why I became obsessed with snakes after that. They scare the crap out of me, to tell you the truth. Fighting fear with fear, I guess.”
Fear on fear. Water on water. Violence on violence. Terror on terror.
“I know I’m looking for truth,” I say. “Can you tell me what happened to my dad? Why I’m here? If my brother’s safe? Anything?”
“Your brother is fine. He’s with Melli. Johnny checked on them last night.” She faces me. “That’s why he made that trip.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “And Dad…?”
“I hate that it happened, Maggie.” Makayla tilts her head and puts her hand on my knee. “I seriously am. Please try to understand, it was an accident.”
“Is he back?” I ask. “Jack. Is he back? Did he talk to them? Are they okay?”
“I think he’s back,” Makayla answers. “But listen to me for a second. I want to explain how our system works. I want you to understand something.”
I stand up. “No. I’m going to Jack.” When I turn around, I bump into another person.
“This ‘burb girl bugging ya, Kay?” Gia asks, blocking my path. “Sorry for letting her roam alone. She was already up when I went to get her.”
“She’s fine,” Makayla answers. “Please sit back down, Maggie. It won’t take long.”
“You heard her, hotshot,” Gia says. Reluctantly, I comply.
Makayla pulls up a screen and points to a complex diagram. It’s more like some sort of code with a graphed picture of a human brain.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“I just want to explain something,” Makayla says. “See, some of the Techies formed this code to hack chips. Those monitors up there, well, they send us night thoughts. Like the government, we flag words. The Techies form narratives so that we know when someone might be in trouble. We try our best to rescue kids before the Coats get them.”
“Your missions,” I say. Turning to Gia, I ask, “Why aren’t you out with them?”
Gia shrugs and says, “Johnny told me to keep you in line.”
“So,” I say, “it takes two top Hounds to look after me?” I really am a big deal, though I haven’t sensed that others in the compound seem to care. “So who’s leading this one?”
Before one of them can answer, I hear excited voices. I look in the direction of the sound to see an open door and about a dozen people walking back into the main room. They give each other high-fives. Their excited voices drown one another out. I turn back to Makayla. She’s standing.
“What’s the news?” Makayla says.
The group of kids look around at each other. “You do it, Veronica,” someone says. They playfully shove one forward, patting her on the back. The girl’s face blushes and a large grin appears on her face.
“We did it!” she yells, throwing her fist in the air.
Enthusiastic cheering fills the room. Chairs are pushed aside. More high-fives. Fist bumps. Hugs.
Makayla grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “See, Maggie. We do good here.” She lets me go and runs toward the excitement. Gia follows right behind.
After giving everyone in the group a hug, Makayla claps her hands. “Hey, everyone!” she says. The cheers fade, but the smiles do not. “They should be coming back. Let’s line up and welcome them. Woooooo!”
The cheers start back up, and lines begin to form on either side of the aisle, beginning near the opening that leads back to my room. Instead of awkwardly standing in the station, I decide to join a line. I still feel awkward. A few of the people, including Makayla, nod at me. Others ignore me.
“I hear them,” someone says. “Shh. Get ready.”
The sound of footsteps echo through the hallway into the computer room. With each second, they grow a little louder. Six boys, dressed in full uniform, with eye patches enter first. They walk side-by-side, each step in sync. Three go one way and three the other, to create an opening between them.
A few seconds later, three more figures appear. Billy, Hayden, and a boy I haven’t seen before. I watch the boy, as he gazes around the room, with wide-eyes and an ear-to-ear grin. He looks at the people, at the computers, at the monitors.
I feel tears prickling in my eyes. The boy reminds me of Tyler, with shaggy hair that curls upward near the ends. His skin is a darker complexion than Tyler’s, but they have to be close to the same age and body type. His pants are torn around the knees, and his white tank-top is filthy. So is his face. The dirt doesn’t cover up the joy that seems to emanate from every cell in his body.
“Everyone,” Hayden says, “meet Dade.” Hayden puts his arm around the boy’s shoulders.
Claps and cheers fill the room again. Dade appears to take it all in. His eyes begin to water. He puts his head against Hayden’s chest and trembles. Hayden holds the boy close, as his body starts to shake. When ready, the boy turns back to the crowd and wipes his eyes with his dirty shirt. I choke back a sob as I imagine Tyler being as happy as this boy is right now.
I think I see Hayden wipe away a tear of his own too. There’s also a fresh cut on his cheek. Hayden waves in my direction. When I try to return a small wave, I realize I’ve been clapping with the group.
My body tingles, as if I’m floating amidst this rebel celebration. Slightly conflicted, I stop clapping and close my eyes. My train of thought doesn’t shut down.
I open them to see Billy receiving hugs. He doesn’t look like Billy from school or from the TV. He’s a new Billy, with a face beaming with color and joy. I guess he did find himself here. I guess he found his family. Maybe this Dade boy will find his family here too.
Will I ever find mine?
Makayla steps in front of Jack and places her hands on his chest. “Stop, Johnny. It’s okay.” He quickly steps around her. She reaches to hold him back, without success.
“You,” Jack repeats, stepping in front of Hayden. “My office.” That’s all he says. Then, he leaves the same way he came, with the same pace and fury.
Dade’s face becomes pale and he frowns. Hayden rubs the boy’s head and whispers something to him. The boy’s expression turns around fast, and he his eyes wander, like he’s searching the room. Hayden points at me, then takes Dade’s hand.
As they get closer to me, Hayden makes eye contact with me and winks. A wave of panic washes over me, then quickly disappears. I straighten my back as they approach.
“You weren’t kidding,” Dade says. “It’s really her.”
“Yep,” Hayden says. “Meet Maggie Gordon.”
I’m frozen by unfamiliar emotions. I don’t know whether to shake the boy’s hand or to hug him or to run. His glowing face makes me stay.
Catching me off guard, the boy hugs me and buries his head on my shoulder. I put my arms around Dade too, like I’ve done to Tyler so many times.
“Well,” Hayden says, “I’m off to see Johnny. Wish me luck.” He winks at me and goes on his way. As he walks off, Hayden yells back. “Billy, make Dade feel at home.”
Dade lifts his head and releases me, leaving a damp spot on my shoulder. “You are…”
“Maggie,” I say. “It’s nice to meet you Dade.”
Dade shakes me hand. With a shaky voice, Dade says, “You are Maggie Gordon.” He keeps shaking my hand.