by Fitch, E. M.
“Maybe I’m not that hungry,” she said, shrugging.
“Well, there’s always the mall,” Jack continued undeterred. “Or, I think I saw a museum a few miles away.”
“And if we couldn’t find anything we agreed on to do?” Kaylee asked, following Jack as he steered them around an obese infected man who was lying prone in the street.
“Then you’d finally let me hold your hand and we’d just walk,” he answered simply, grabbing her hand again. She didn’t protest this time, just rolled her eyes and followed him. The roads were in far worse a condition than the last time she had traveled them, though admittedly that was a long time ago. Jack steered them west and Kaylee followed blindly, trusting in the weight and pull of his fingers.
“Sit with me?” Jack asked, stopping suddenly. He tugged on her hand as he dropped to the pavement. He sat in the center of an intersection, looking up at her expectantly.
“In the middle of the road?”
Jack turned his head from side to side, glancing down the traffic-empty streets, the wind blew lightly and scraps of long discarded paper were picked up and lifted, twirling aimlessly in the abandoned night. “I think it’ll be okay,” he said, smirking up at her. Kaylee pursed her lips but knelt. His fingers squeezed hers in approval.
The concrete was cold, holding no warmth from the sun. The spot Jack had picked was clean, just a dry patch of silvery road. But it had crumbled some over the years. Lack of maintenance combined with the continual pounding of bare feet had left it gritty, not uncomfortable, just noticeable. Kaylee wasn’t sure if Jack noticed or not. He was laying back now, his free arm propped under his head. Kaylee had a fleeting desire to tuck herself into the crook of his shoulder, but she dismissed it almost instantly.
“It still amazes me,” Jack said, staring up into the night sky.
“What does?” Kaylee asked when he didn’t elaborate.
“This,” he said. “The sky.”
Kaylee craned her neck and looked up. She had no memory of the stars being so bright. She always supposed they were somewhere, but never in the city.
“It’s pretty,” she said.
“Pretty?” Jack scoffed, blinking up at her. “You’re not looking correctly or you couldn’t say just ‘pretty.’ C’mere.”
He pulled gently on her hand and she lay next to him. Not on his shoulder, which looked warm and inviting, but on her own arm, bent back behind her head as his was.
“See them? See how brilliant?”
They were, Kaylee supposed. They were bright and numerous and yes, if she were pressed, she could admit that they were interesting. But, there was something tragic about them too.
“I guess,” she conceded to Jack. “But they’re so far away. Did you know that the stars we see could already have died? The light travels so far that by the time it reaches us, the stars could already be gone. Something about that seems so sad to me.”
“Not sad,” Jack corrected gently, as though he wasn’t talking just about the stars. “Amazing. Think of something that glows so bright and strong that it can reach us here and now from so far away. It can give us this moment. There’s power there, in that little white light. It’s beautiful.”
Kaylee had never thought about it quite like that. Never thought of the stars as tiny, shining moments in time, as tributes to the very now. Put like that, they did become kind of beautiful.
Jack’s fingers squeezed hers with a now familiar kind of pressure, gently applauding her as he felt her change of heart.
“What about their stories?” Kaylee asked, resting her cheek on the cold pavement as she turned to squint at Jack’s profile.
“Stories?”
“Yeah, the Greek and Roman ones? You know, someone stole someone else’s wife and killed their own brother and now they’re trapped in the stars as punishment.”
Jack laughed. “I know some of the Greek ones but if you mean can I point out constellations? I’m afraid I can’t. New York, remember?”
“Right. We could never see them from here either,” Kaylee murmured, looking back to the sky.
“But I could make some up for you,” Jack offered, a smile in his voice. “See that there,” he started, bringing up their combined hands to trace a diamond in the sky. “That’s a large kite.”
“And there’s a book,” Kaylee added, moving their fingers to another patchy, square cluster of stars.
“Right, and how about a T.V. over there, see?”
“You mean the one with the antenna?”
“Obviously,” he answered. “Well, at least we’re original. I don’t think the Greeks wrote about television sets.”
Kaylee rolled her eyes. “They could also see things that weren’t just square.”
Jack laughed. “True, maybe we’re not that original.”
“I guess that depends on the story you come up with. Something epic revolving around a kite, a book, and a T.V.”
“With an antenna.”
“Right, of course, with an antenna.”
“And there has to be a girl. No story’s complete without one,” Jack added in a low tone. Kaylee nodded her silent agreement. “And maybe a boy? Or two?”
“One’s enough,” Kaylee answered. Jack chuckled but nodded.
“You’re probably right.”
Kaylee felt an involuntary shiver course through her from the prolonged contact with the pavement. She scooted closer to Jack but he was already getting up. He pulled her to her feet with him and started the walk back towards the firehouse.
“So tell me honestly,” Jack started, giving Kaylee a sideways glance before turning his gaze back towards the pavement, “what’s with Andrew?”
“I… I’m not sure I…” Kaylee’s forehead wrinkled as she frowned. His hand was still wrapped around hers and she was suddenly very aware of the constant press of his fingers. “What do you mean exactly? He’s Andrew.”
“What is he to you?” Jack clarified.
“My best friend,” Kaylee answered honestly, looking sideways at Jack. His hand slid from hers and her palm felt instantly cold.
“Ah,” Jack murmured, shoving is hands in his pockets and looking up into the starry sky. “And he won’t like it that you’re out here with me, will he?”
“Probably not,” Kaylee conceded. “But I’m glad I came.” Jack grinned at her and stopped walking. She faltered her step before turning to face him.
“I’m glad too,” he said and his voice took on a husky quality. “I’d like to do this again.”
“You mean before you leave?” Kaylee questioned, ignoring the crushing sense of loss that overcame her at the thought. For the first time since she met him, Jack looked almost upset. His brow wrinkled and he swallowed roughly.
“Right, yeah, before that,” he said.
“So you are then?” she asked in a small voice. “You’re definitely leaving?”
“I’m with Quinton,” Jack answered in a tone that sounded rehearsed. “I’m not going to leave him.”
So, that settles it.
There was really no point in getting to know Jack any better than this. In a few days time, he would be gone. He was going north. He was never coming back. Kaylee blinked and was taken aback at the moisture that had collected in her eyes. She swiped at her face with the corner of her sleeve, removing all evidence of emotion.
But, as disappointed and upset as she was, in a way, she understood. She knew Jack had been alone for six months at the start of the outbreak. He spent six long months foraging for food, running from the infected, living off the forest floor. He had been on his own, isolated, lost. Having to question whether you are the last human alive was a fear that was embedded in every survivor’s mind. Jack had lived that terror for six months. He couldn’t force that on Quinton, he wouldn’t.
The walk seemed much shorter as the firehouse loomed ahead. Jack was walking just slightly in front of Kaylee. An explosion of sound broke the stillness followed by a loud whooping from the roof.
“I’m lucky to have her,” Kaylee agreed. She stepped up to Jack’s side and watched Emma celebrating her improving skills. “And I understand why you have to leave,” she added in a soft tone. She saw him nod, both in acknowledgement of her words and in acceptance of his fate. He gave a sidelong look and offered a small smile before he started walking again.
“Oh, and Jack?” Kaylee said, stopping him. He turned to look at her and she momentarily forgot what she was going to say. The moon was high in its’ orbit now and it cast him in soft shadow. The normal olive tone to his skin was glowing pale and his dark, endless eyes were watching her. He smiled as he waited. “Seventeen,” she said in a breathless whisper. The night was so still that he heard her easily.
“Hmm?” he hummed in confusion. Kaylee saw his brow wrinkle as his head tilted to the side.
“I’m seventeen,” she clarified, walking past him towards the firehouse. She noticed his grin return as she passed.
Chapter Seven
“Kaylee!” Andrew shouted, grabbing her by the forearm and dragging her into the garage. “Where the hell have you been?”
She scowled at him as she shrugged out of his hold, Jack ducking into the firehouse beside her. “I went out for a walk.”
He stared incredulously for a moment and Kaylee could practically see the thoughts flying through his brain. Emotions flit rapidly across his expression and Kaylee knew him well enough to identify them: shock, anger, fear, betrayal. But he finally settled on one. Rage. And it was not directed at her.
“You!” he growled, rounding on Jack. “You have been nothing but trouble. She’s never been injured before, not until you came around. And now you’ve got her running all around the city! It’s not safe out there, you know that!”
“Andrew,” Kaylee pacified, rolling her eyes as she stepped between them. “It’s dark, there’s nothing to worry—”
“The dogs?” he shouted, still staring Jack down. “What about them?” Kaylee looked from Andrew to Jack in confusion.
What dogs?
In response, Jack lifted the corner of his shirt. Tucked into the waistband of jeans, held tight by a leather belt, gleamed the handle of a gun.
“Oh perfect!” Andrew snarled, pushing past Kaylee and into Jack’s face. “Now you listen to me,” he warned through grit teeth, “you’re to stay away from her. I’m not going to stand by and let you—”
“Wait, what dogs?” Kaylee interrupted, this time her voice was loud and forceful.
“The wild dogs,” Andrew answered, turning back to look at her. “They run in packs throughout the city.”
“Towards the edge of the city,” Jack corrected, leaning casually back into the wall. “You were in no danger.” Andrew’s eyes flashed and Kaylee thought he looked ready to explode. Kaylee’s mind was reeling.
Packs of wild dogs? Where did they come from? And how dangerous was it really? If he had to carry a gun…
“Get out of here,” Andrew growled in Jack’s direction. Jack stared at him, not moving, his jaw set, until Kaylee spoke.
“It’s okay, Jack,” she said, unsure that was true. “Maybe you should go upstairs.” Jack’s eye flit towards her and it took a moment, but eventually, he nodded.
Andrew turned away from Kaylee as soon as Jack disappeared up the rope ladder that was now hanging by the fire pole. His shoulders were tense, rigid, from the stress and worry he was exuding. He leant heavily unto outstretched arms that reached for a shaky, wooden workbench.
“Please don’t go anywhere without one of us knowing,” he whispered, his back still to her.
“Quinton knew—” she started in a small voice but he cut through her.
“One of us,” he insisted through grit teeth. His grip on the wooden work surface tightened and the screwdrivers resting there trembled, clanking into each other.
“Okay,” she agreed, watching him in concern. She had never seen Andrew loose control like that. He rolled his shoulders and rotated his neck. His fists remained clenched. “Andrew, why are there wild dogs?”
His frame relaxed by degrees and he offered a rough laugh. “They weren’t always wild,” he said, turning to face her. He wasn’t smiling but he looked more at ease answering her benign question. “Some still have collars on. They’re the dogs, the pets, of the city. Their owners obviously can’t take care of them anymore.”
“But you said they were wild?”
“They are now. There’s not exactly any Kibble ‘n Bits set out in bowls for them. Dogs have to eat and they’ll eat whatever they find: smaller dogs, cats, us, whatever.” Andrew shrugged and leant back into the tool bench, the old wood creaked as his back pushed it into the wall. “They’ve been hunting in packs for a while now.”
Kaylee drew a breath. She hadn’t expected that. Anna had a dog; she knew that she did. His name was Pavlov and he was a fluffy, old thing. Kaylee never stopped to think what Pavlov had done when Anna escaped the building. He wasn’t with her, that’s all Kaylee knew.
“I didn’t know,” she whispered, feeling foolish and then a bit irritated.
Just how much has everyone been keeping from me?
“Your Dad didn’t want—”
“Of course not,” she spat, her feeling of foolishness coming to her aid in the form of anger. “Why would anyone tell stupid, fragile, little me anything? Do you think I can’t handle it? That I’ll fall apart, breakdown?”
“You know I don’t!” Andrew retorted, kicking away from the old bench and coming to stand in front of her. He grabbed her by the arms and held her still, shaking her a bit in an attempt to get her to look at him. She stubbornly kept her eyes past his left shoulder. “But you don’t go out there, or you didn’t,” he corrected with a grunt, “and it wasn’t necessary information—”
“Not necessary?” Kaylee interrupted, staring incredulously at him as she backed out of his hold. “It’s dangerous for you, you could get seriously hurt!”
“I’m careful. I know what I’m doing.” Kaylee frowned at him. His tone was defensive, as though Kaylee had insulted him. An awkward silence fell and Kaylee huffed in frustration, crossing her arms. She was so sick of how awkward things had become with Andrew. She didn’t understand where was the nice easy friendship she had once so enjoyed had gone.
“Did you have a nice time?” he asked. He was staring over her head now, his jaw muscles jumping.
“It was fine,” Kaylee shrugged, watching him. He nodded but wouldn’t look at her. She sighed. “Andrew, it’s going to be okay. He’s leaving.” The last part was said in a low whisper, the words catching in her throat as a pang of regret beat through her chest.
“I know he is,” Andrew said, stepping closer. “I don’t think you should forget that. He’s leaving you. I’m not.”
“It’s not like that,” Kaylee protested, shaking her head. Andrew reached out and grabbed her chin. He held her face still, tilting her head back slightly so he could look her right in the eye.
“It’s exactly like that,” he whispered, searching her face. She knew her features were arranged in an expression of confusion, confusion and terror perhaps. She didn’t want this to happen now. She hadn’t the time to process how she felt. Jack and Quinton’s appearance had shaken her. And Andrew was asking her for a commitment that she didn’t know she could offer.
“Andrew please,” she whispered, closing her eyes against his penetrating stare.
“Why Kaylee?” he asked, his face now so close his breath passed over her, it was clean and warm and comfortable and so very Andrew. “Why not try? You love me; I know you do. Maybe you could love me like that, love me the way I—”
“Andrew don’t,” she said in a rush. Her eyes blinked open and she inhaled sharply. He was very, very clo
se. She could count every freckle across the bridge of his nose, see each eyelash individually. “You can’t take it back if you say that.”
“I wouldn’t want—”
“Don’t,” she pleaded. Her eyes lowered to watch her hands finally move from her side and land on his chest. She didn’t push him away, but he couldn’t get closer either. His chest rose and fell under her touch as he sighed in frustration. But he released her chin and turned away. His back muscles were taut again, tension rolling off him.
“I’d be good for you, you know,” he said. It came out strangled. Kaylee knew he was fighting to keep the anger and disappointment from his tone.
“I know,” she whispered in agreement. Because it was true, Andrew would be very, very good for her and there were moments when she felt like an idiot for not just falling in love with him, as she knew she should. But she couldn’t lie either. She didn’t love him that way, not now. Maybe she never would. And though she accepted that she would have to be with him someday, that human survival may depend on it, she didn’t fool herself into thinking that she needed to be madly in love with him for that to happen.
Andrew exhaled slowly. “Can you get up the ladder on your own?” he asked in a hollow voice. Kaylee hummed an affirmation. He turned towards the ladder and left her.
It was disconcerting how inviting the cold metal of the fire truck bumper was. She sat slowly, her eyes tracing the grooves in the pavement, her fingers tracing the diamond pattern on the step to the truck cab. She sat for a long time, emotions flitting though her so rapidly and in such perplexing patterns that she couldn’t process them. The cold seeped through her jeans and distracted her, but it didn’t motivate her to move. Andrew was up there, and so was Jack. And she didn’t want to face either.
“Anyone down there?”
The familiar voice broke through Kaylee’s thoughts, pulling her from the mess in her head. “I’m here,” she called out to Anna. Her head popped through the hole in the ceiling, looking disconnected from her body as she grinned.