The Break Free Series Box Set [Books 1-3]

by Fitch, E. M.

  Even now, in the relative safety of the New North America, Kaylee's mind kept circling back to the conversation she had overheard between Patricia and Michael, that and the van filled with homemade grenades and explosives. She had thought and thought on that, and the more she pictured the cans with fuses hanging from the duct taped lips, the more she realized that that was what they were. Homemade bombs that could be lit and thrown. But against whom? The infected? Not likely. They could only be put down with a shot to the head and grenades were deadly but imprecise weapons. But humans? Grenades would still work against non-infected humans.

  They were starting a war, it was the only explanation Kaylee could come up with. They were afraid that Kaylee, Andrew, and Anna would deliver intel. Though what intel they could deliver, Kaylee didn't know. And what kind of war they could wage against this giant colony with its massive wall, Kaylee wasn't sure either. But Rebecca's last words rang in her consciousness. Not just the warnings, the propaganda Michael spread about the leaders being insane, the rules being too strict (though in truth, they might be); but the declaration that Michael wanted them to take it, overthrow the New North America and claim it as their own. A disturbing thought flashed through Kaylee's mind. The discomfort, the fend-for-yourself attitude of the Circle, maybe it really was all perpetuated on purpose. Maybe they kept their group in the slums so the people would have no choice but to want for more, even if that meant war to get it.

  The van had followed them into the night. They had to ditch the jeep pretty early on, only avoiding being found by luck and coincidence. Anna had needed a private minute, so Kaylee and Andrew decided to do the same. They each spread out along a nearby river, using the privacy to wash and relieve themselves. Had they been closer to each other, they may have been talking, making the noise that would lead to their discovery.

  As it was, they were three separate and silent observers as the van pulled along side the jeep and lit it up with bullets before any of the men of the Circle realized it was empty.

  It turned into a game of cat and mouse. They'd find a house to sleep the day in and the van would creep along the streets, constantly searching, seeming to know their next move before even they did. The further away they got, the worse it became.

  "But you got away?" Emma breathed. Kaylee nodded in affirmation. They had gotten away, or at least, the van had stopped following them once they made it to the smoking city. As though an invisible barrier had been erected, once Kaylee and the rest passed that first block of rubble, the van disappeared back to the rest of the Circle. Though, Kaylee still had the suspicion, they were planning on coming North eventually, armed with a van full of explosives.

  She didn't tell the Council. Not yet. After her time with the Squatters, she was more hesitant to give up information, not when she couldn't be sure she trusted the people she was telling. Jack agreed with her. The Circle wasn't coming up soon, none of the people had known about Michael and Patricia's plan. They would need to rally them before they could arrange an attack. And there was still something, something irking her about the new place she landed.

  The camp was definitely more cohesive than it had been with the Squatters. It was a collective here, everyone pitched in, everyone worked. Meals were served in much the same way as Kaylee remembered school lunches, everyone being scooped equal amounts of food that had been cooked by people who worked in the kitchen. Everyone in the camp had earned their meal by the work they did all day long. It seemed fair. People seemed, if not happy, at least content.

  Something seemed off though, or not quite like how she imagined it would be. It was hard to pinpoint what was causing that feeling though.

  It may have been the rules. They were strict, the main laws written in bold, black letters on a white board in the mess hall. She pointed it out to her sister when they lined up for lunch and Emma had squinted that way and then shrugged. Emma was never one for memorizing the rules. It had always been second nature to Kaylee. In school, when they were handed their codes of conduct, tucked neatly into the front half of their school's yearly agenda book, Kaylee spent her first free period reading it in its entirety. Andrew had always teased her about it. She didn't think her sister even glanced at it once.

  But it was hard to ignore the presence of the rules in the New North America. They roared above the crowd, the only written word in any of the common buildings.

  The top laws were common sense. No murder, no theft, no assault. But there was no differentiation between those and the lesser rules: mandatory curfew, do not question direct orders, timeliness enforced on work details. That seemed very odd to Kaylee. What was worse, there was no punishment listed for individual crimes. Would you be punished in the same way for murder as you would be if you missed a curfew? Laws cannot be enforced without consequences. No one mentioned what happened if a law was broken. They were just told, quite plainly, to follow the rules. No exceptions.

  Something was niggling in the pit of Kaylee's stomach. She couldn't pinpoint it exactly. Not yet.

  She wasn't alone with Jack until after dinner. He hadn't left her side and they found ways, throughout the day, to touch each other. It was as though they both needed the confirmation that yes, they were together again. His hand would find its way to her hip, lingering just long enough to make an impression of warmth. She'd sit close enough to press the length of her leg against his. He caught her eye frequently, silently asking permission, asking that it was okay, both his proximity and the declaration he had made for them.

  It was okay. She had been glowing since he said those words, told her that he had said she was his wife. The look in his eye, half apology, half humor, wouldn't leave her mind. She kept picturing that sheepish grin every time her eyelids closed.

  When the rest had turned towards the cabin after dinner, Jack had asked her to walk the perimeter with him. It was something he had been doing since he arrived. It was, he explained, mostly for her, watching the fence for any sign that she was coming. Tonight, it was for the privacy the cold air and setting sun could provide.

  He didn't speak until the rest of the group was out of sight and Kaylee took her cue from him. Once the square and the last of the cabins were behind them, he started softly.

  "What Emma said to Andrew, that's true for you, too," he murmured. Kaylee frowned, keeping pace with him as she tried to decipher his meaning.

  "I don’t-"

  "There's people here," he said, "For you too, if you wanted them.”

  "You mean wanted them, instead of you?" she asked. A low laugh escaped before she could stop herself. "No, Jack. Not for me. But if you were only saying it to protect me, if being married to me is not what you-“

  "No," he said in a rush, "I didn't want to speak for you though.”

  "Oh, I don't mind too much," Kaylee answered breezily. "I enjoy listening to you speak.”

  She grinned at him and nudged him with her elbow. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.

  "So that's it then?" he asked, turning her gently to face him. He stared down at her. His brow was drawn and his eyes bore into hers. "Shouldn't it be bigger? Don't you want something more elaborate? Or are we just married now?”

  "I'll tell you what," she whispered, leaning up to him and pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth. "Next time you're passing by a jewelry store, grab me a big diamond. I think I'd like that.”

  He chuckled and turned to capture her lips, drawing her closer and tucking his hands under her jacket. His fingertips were cold on her back but were steadily warming. She shivered as she moved into him.

  "Are you sure?" he whispered into her hair. She could hear the tension, the nerves in his tone. She thought suddenly of her father. Nick in a tuxedo; her in a white dress holding a bouquet of wild flowers; Emma in a bright red dress, flirting with the groomsmen; a future that never could be, never would happen. But the man at the altar, that was Jack. Even in her bizarro, impossible future. And so what did it matter if she were in snow boots and a winter jacke
t, if she didn't have a ring and Emma wasn't wearing a ridiculous puffed-up dress? Jack was here, Jack wanted her. She wanted him. They didn't need a piece of paper, just the commitment, the promise of forever.

  "Do you promise you'll love me, stay with me, until the day that I die?" she whispered into his neck. He nodded before pulling back.

  "I do," he said. He kissed her fiercely, with an urgency that stole her breath. She didn't get the chance to say the words back, not yet, so she put it in her kiss, promising him today, tomorrow, and every day after.

  ~

  Emma wasn't in the cabin when they finally got back. Anna and Andrew were awake, playing a game with a deck of worn cards they had found on a shelf.

  "Looks like we're about to have the most chaste wedding night in human history," Jack whispered in her ear. Kaylee could feel the heat in her face as Anna smirked over at her.

  "I'll go check on Emma," she said to the room at large. She couldn't help but notice the tension in Andrew's back.

  Emma wasn't far. Kaylee could see the outline of her from the stoop of the cabin. She looked small, hunched up and hugging her knees on top of a large flat rock by the lake. The snow from the morning was still there, lighter, just a dusting, the flakes crystalizing in the cold, winter sun. The light was gone from the sky. The stars shone brightly, as they always did now. Huge sprays of light blanketed the sky.

  Kaylee walked across the empty square. Curfew would be soon but even now, in this cold, most of the people were inside. Kaylee didn't say anything, she just sat beside her sister.

  "Did you have a nice night?" Emma asked. There was s smug teasing to her tone, but Kaylee knew it was to cover up the hurt. She hummed in acknowledgement but didn't offer anything else. The stone was freezing below her and she shifted so she would be seated more firmly on the bottom of her coat. It helped some. "Did you meet Willy? Did he recite his poem for you?”

  "We did!" Kaylee answered, caught off guard. Her astonishment showed in her tone. "He's a little creepy, isn't he?”

  Emma laughed, a small puff of frozen breath forming in front of her mouth. "I think he's mostly harmless though.”

  "And that pit…"

  "Yeah, not so harmless there.”

  "I don't like it," Kaylee said, her voice low. "It's so, so wrong to use them like that.”

  "I know," Emma said quietly before lapsing into silence. The air was cold and still, all traces of insects and wildlife gone. They were there, Kaylee knew, dormant or dead or skulking quietly in the brittle underbrush. Animals who have survived their first summer, learned the meaning of stealth, and the price those paid who didn’t.

  "Why are you out here?" Kaylee finally asked, nudging Emma lightly with her shoulder. The younger girl cringed away and didn't answer. "You're not used to it, are you? Being touched.”

  "You know I'm not," she answered, avoiding eye contact.

  "Yeah, but Jack should have-“

  "He was exactly right," Emma interrupted, shifting away from Kaylee. "He's the only one. The rest of you are idiotic. I need to leave. I shouldn't be here, it's ridiculous. But I have no choice because you'd only keep following me and following me!”

  The frustration was saturating her tone, her voice rising steadily in volume. Kaylee watched her fingers clench into a fist and then straighten reflexively. She frowned.

  "Don't pretend like you don't have any choices here," Kaylee started.

  "But I don't!" Emma cried. "If I leave, he follows. If I stay, he pushes. I can't stand it. I hate being touched and none of you will stop. At least Jack understood, he respected me and he respected the infection. The rest of you…"

  She trailed off, resting her head on her bent knees. Kaylee cleared her throat before speaking.

  "He's in love with you, you know," Kaylee said softly, watching her sister. Emma was silent for a long time.

  "You're not helping," she finally said, her voice muffled by her jeans.

  "You're in love with him, too.”

  "And now you're making it worse," she finally brought her face out of her knees though she didn't look at her sister. She scrubbed her hands over her face and Kaylee couldn't tell if she was crying, or trying to keep herself from crying.

  "I'm sorry; it's shitty," Kaylee said, smiling slightly as she leant into her sister.

  Emma nearly choked on a laugh.

  Kaylee chuckled. It was the same way her sister had comforted her on a night that now seemed like ages ago, when Kaylee had first heard of Bill's plan for her and Andrew to be together. So much had changed since then. Since Jack came into her life and Emma was bit and infected, since their parents were gone and their friends were lost.

  Emma sniffed. "Is it real then? Your marriage, I mean.”

  Kaylee glanced at her sister and found her peeking at her. She nodded, a grin impossible to keep at bay. Emma's mouth twitched into a sad smile.

  "You're sure?”

  “Very."

  "'Cause there's people here for you, too," she added, looking back over her shoulder at the empty camp.

  "Not for me," Kaylee said.

  "Well, I'm happy for you, for both of you. You know how much I like Jack.”

  Kaylee hummed in response and Emma's eyes flit back to the still lake. The edges had frosted over in the cold, fragile layers of ice creeping in lace tendrils towards the center.

  "It might not be so bad, Em," Kaylee said conversationally. "Once we settle in here, if you want to move back to the dorms, if it seems safe. Until then-“

  "Until then, just pretend I'm in love?" Emma asked bitterly.

  Kaylee felt the frown slip over her features; but she didn't respond, just nodded. The problem for Emma wouldn't be how difficult it would be to act in love, the problem was how easy it would be for her. How comfortable and right it would feel. All of Andrew and Emma's fighting, bickering, and teasing was obvious. It was more than flirting, it was a denial of what they could have so easily been. It was the safest and easiest way for Emma to pretend that she didn't really want him, didn't want what he could represent for her, a partner and friend, someone to love. Because she could never really have those things, not in the way the rest of them could, because touch and intimacy was out of the question, dangerous.

  "How am I supposed to do that to him?" Emma asked, dragging her eyes from the lake and to her sister. "You know that's what he wants, right? He's told me as much. And I'm supposed to act like I love him, just let him in completely? I've kept him out for months now. Months!”

  "But you do love him," Kaylee reminded her sister gently. Pain spasmed across Emma's features. But she nodded miserably.

  "I can't even tell him, Kay," she said softly, her eyes now tracing fissures on the rock upon which they sat. "You've seen the way he looks at me. It's like he's daring me to say it. And I can't. Do you know he wants to test it out, see if I'm infectious?”

  "We talked about that. After you were burned. I told him you'd kill him."

  "Well, at least you have your head on right," Emma murmured, flexing her arms in front of her before pulling her hands back, fingers clenched in a fist.

  "Not because of the infection," Kaylee corrected softly. She reached over and pulled one of her sister's cold hands into her own. She ignored it when Emma flinched. "I said you'd murder him if he tried.”

  "Oh, well that's true, too.”

  They stayed quiet for a long time, Kaylee waiting her sister out, letting her build whatever courage or strength she needed from the cold silence and the warm press of her hand.

  "It will hurt him badly, loving him and letting him see it," Emma finally whispered through a yawn.

  Kaylee nodded. "But it's really not up to you, is it?”

  "No, that was made perfectly clear.”

  "That's not what I mean," Kaylee shook her head and Emma looked over inquisitively. "You can't help that you love him, and he can't help that he loves you. Hiding it from him, that's as much protection for you as it is for him.”

  Emma bri
stled as Kaylee knew she would. "That's not fair," she argued.

  "Denying him your love, just so you don't have to feel guilt," Kaylee pressed. "That's the definition of selfish, Em.”

  Emma spluttered, staring with shock at her sister. "It's wrong! And completely impractical. He can't... We couldn't ever... And letting him think I might let him try? No, Kaylee. You're wrong.”

  "He loves you already, and I'm sure he's admitted as much. Hiding your feelings from him protects you, makes you think you're giving him some mythical chance with someone else. But that's not the way it's supposed to work. It's not honest. Honesty would be telling him you love him and that you can't physically be with him and letting him choose what to do about it. He could choose to stay by your side regardless. He could choose to leave you. But if you never tell him, you deny him that choice. And that's not love. It's manipulation. And even if your heart is in the right place, the act itself is still wrong.”

  Kaylee's words hung in the frozen night, stinging like the air she was drawing in for breath. She knew they were harsh. But they were also truthful. Not an easy truth, but some truths never would be easy. Emma's hands were clenching in her pockets, Kaylee could see the outline of them flexing against the fabric of her coat. Clench, unclench, clench, unclench. It came as naturally as breathing to her younger sister.

  Her younger sister. Only sixteen now. But in love just the same. And there was no more finishing high school, planning for college, getting a job, none of the old excuses for starting your life at whatever age you chose. It made sense then; to wait, to date, to find what makes you compatible with another human being. But there were so few uninfected humans left. And what sense was it to wait when the chances of making it to the next day were so remote as it was?

  When Emma finally spoke, her voice was soft. "I guess we could always hope some slob eventually tests it out for us, yeah?"

  "Don't be such a pain!" Kaylee chastised, rolling her eyes. Emma offered a weak grin in return before settling her gaze back to the night sky. It was only a few minutes later that a warning bell sounded, the first warning before curfew was called. The girls stood as though commanded, trudging back to the cabin and the promise of warmth.