by Nicole Thorn
“She’s married?” Anna asked.
“She is.”
“Do a lot of Made demons get married?”
This girl is just fulla questions today. “No, but on the very rare occasion one falls in love, they sometimes choose too. Far more rare for her husband’s kind to settle down. Antichrist,” I said before she could ask, because I knew she would.
“Can’t be that rare. I knew an antichrist who said his brother and sisters both settled down. I helped him once. He asked me to give a note to Caroline, so she could give it to a hellion to put it on their door.”
I turned to her. “Really?” I grinned. Interesting. She knew the brother I helped them contact.
“Yup. I just hope they got it.” She sat on the made bed in the room.
“I’m sure they did.”
I tossed the room and found nothing I could use. I was almost ready to leave when Anna said something. She had a small white piece of paper in her hands. “Look at this.” She handed it to me.
It had the number ten thousand on it, and the name of a horse track. The piece of paper was thin and had that off, money smell to it.
“Could he use his mind reading thingy for gambling?” Anna asked as she moved behind me to look at the paper again.
“I suppose so. He can at the very least get information he could use to his advantage.”
It made sense. He needed money if he wanted to keep moving around. It’d be hard to outrun the Devil. Or me.
“So, we have a lead?”
“We do. Sometimes I’m so glad I married you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Let’s go.” Anna walked out of the room, and I followed her to the car.
When we got to the car, I said, “That place is high class. We need to dress the part if we want any answers.”
“Are we going shopping?”
“We are.” I pulled out of the parking lot, and headed for the nearest clothing store.
***
“I feel really stupid right now,” Anna sighed as she smoothed out her skirt. We had both dressed for the part. I wore a black suit, and she had on all black as well, with a baby blue undershirt. She tied her hair up in a bun and fiddled with her clothes.
I walked over to her and grabbed her wrists. “You look beautiful. So shut up and get in the car.”
“I hate you.” She looked at the sidewalk below us. She’d said that she hated me half a dozen times since we met, and I didn’t care. This one caused a small sting in my chest.
I left Anna and went to get in the car. Before she got in, she took her heels off. I thought they’d help with the lie, but she seemed pissed off about it.
When she got in the car, Anna put her nylon clad feet on the dash and clicked the heels of her shoes together.
I set out to find the racetrack that Travis McGuire went to. I didn’t know how helpful the employees could’ve been, but I couldn’t ignore a lead like that.
When we pulled up to the building, I watched the people for a few seconds. High rolling men stood in clusters, and others desperate for a win huddled in corners.
The place had an openness to it. You could see the track from the parking lot. It sat in the middle of a circle of seats.
I got out of the car, and riffled through my bag until I found my police badge.
“How the Hell did you get that?” Anna said as she appeared behind me. She had the heels on again. I looked away from her, so I wouldn’t think about how accessible they made her.
“Lucifer got me some things he thought I might need to make the process quicker. I have a lot more. Some I made and some he did.”
“You good at making fake IDs?”
“You pick up tricks when you’ve been doing this as long as I have.”
She tilted my hand, so she could look at the badge better. Her cool skin touched on mine, and it made me feel warm.
“Sam Harbor? That’s your fake name?”
“One of them.”
She let go of me. “How many fake names do you have?”
“A handful. I use them for different things. On my current birth certificate, I have my real name. I get a new birth certificate every twenty years or so, since I don’t age. Wouldn’t be good for people to see my license, and have my age say I’m forty.”
I could’ve passed for eighteen if I had to, so I started at that at every new rotation. For renting a car, I had a whole different ID. That pesky ‘no one under twenty-five law’ got in the way.
“What’s your real name?”
“I didn’t lie to you. Ezra is my name.”
“Do you have a last name?”
“Yes.”
She looked expectant, but it was another piece of me. I couldn’t keep letting her know more of me.
“It doesn’t matter.”
Her forehead crinkled. “It does. Your name is who you are. When you have nothing left, you have a name. It keeps you connected to yourself.”
“My name is mine, Pet. Please, let me keep it that way.”
She looked surprised. “Okay.”
We walked inside and looked for the betting windows. It was a noisy room, TVs blaring and people chattering. Tickets had been ripped up and dropped on the floor.
The betting stations lined the back wall. The employees stayed separated from us with thick glass. There were seven lines and bet takers at the end of them. A wooden panel separated each line.
“Anna.” I turned back to her. “I don’t have a badge for you, so you’ll need to stay relatively quiet. Can you manage that?”
Her eyebrow went up. “Dunno. We’ll see.”
I rolled my eyes and we went to the only empty line. The man behind the glass looked uptight. I could tell that much from his stance. I flashed my badge and said, “I’m Officer Harbor and I’m looking for a man named Travis McGuire—”
“Sorry, sir.” The man stopped me. “We don’t share information about the people who frequent this establishment.”
“If you don’t comply you’ll be hindering a police case, sir,” I said the word sharply.
“You can come back with a warrant if you’d like. Until then, I don’t have to tell you anything.” He bent under his counter and picked up a small sign that said ‘closed’. “Have a nice day.”
Anna and I walked back to the hall.
“Did you see that guy?” she whispered.
“What guy?”
“He was a few windows down. He got all twitchy when you said that guy’s name.” She pointed to a short man with glasses. He had twitchy written all over him.
“I’ll go talk to him.” I went to start walking, but Anna grabbed my arm.
“No.”
I turned back with confusion. “Why?”
“Look at him. He’s a mouse. He heard you say you were an officer. There’s no way in Hell he’d say a word to you. But…” She grinned, “He didn’t see me.”
Anna brought me over to an empty area as she took her jacket off and handed it to me.
“What are going to do?” I asked.
“The best I can.” She rolled her sleeves up to her elbows and pulled at the bottom of her shirt until four buttons came undone. She tied it in a knot across her stomach. Anna pulled the top of her skirt down and tucked the bottom of it up, cutting the length in half. Then she undid her top buttons until a spectacular amount of cleavage showed. She nearly killed me when she started pulling at her bra, trying to make herself even more appealing. The last thing Anna did was pull the pins out of her hair and shake it out. The long wavy blonde mess poured over her, and my heart actually started to race. “Do I look okay?”
I almost choked on a laugh at her absurdity. “You look…” My eyes traveled her body. “Lovely.” Only one of the words I wanted to use, but I stopped myself.
“Thank you. Keep an ear out.” Anna turned on her heel and left for the nervous teller.
“Excuse me?” she said in a voice higher pitched than her own. “Can you help me?”
“Y-yes,” the
man said.
“What’s your name?” She smiled at him like no one else existed. He would be wrapped around her finger in seconds.
“Allen,” he breathed.
“I’m Kimmy. I’m looking for my brother. A lot of people are. His name is Travis McGuire. He’s in trouble, and I need to find him before someone else does.”
“Um.” The man tapped his fingers on the counter. “I—I don’t know—” He pulled his glasses off of his face and cleaned them.
Anna reached her hand under the glass and touched his hand. “Please help me, Allen. I’m so worried about him.” God, she was convincing. She leaned on the counter, and I just knew that Allen got a Hell of a show. His eyes seemed to be glued to her chest.
He leaned closer to her and whispered, “He used to come in here a lot. Less lately.”
“You know him?”
“Sort of. Just how he bet. He loses a lot. He owed us a hundred and twelve grand. Then yesterday, he paid it all off. He placed a bet on one of our new horses and won about thirty.”
“Do you know where he might have gone? Did he say anything?”
“I heard him on the phone when he was in line. Something about Camarillo and Thousand Oaks. He sounded like he wasn’t coming back any time soon.”
On the run, of course. It wasn’t much to go on. Two towns I had to search. Now I knew he had a little money, at least. He would probably try to get more
“Thank you so much, Allen.” Anna bounced on her feet and Allen’s heart nearly exploded. “There’s a man after him, and it would be just terrible if he found him.”
“Glad I could help.” His eyes went back to her chest, and it made me want to stab him. I knew it had been the whole point of her little outfit, but I didn’t like it.
Anna came back to me. “You hear all that?”
I stared at her, unable to find words. The very sight of her felt like sweet torture.
It made me want to find a room, and rip off that outfit. I couldn’t deny that I wanted that from her. It started becoming less and less about her body. The things she did gave me these moments of near insanity, not what she wore. My touch would ruin her.
“I did. Let’s go.” I put my hand on her back, and we walked out to the car.
I found us a nicer place to stay that night, in Thousand Oaks. It looked clean and Anna seemed grateful for that. I heard her murmuring in her sleep the night before; she had sounded so unsettled.
This room had only one bed in it, so we’d be sharing again. I didn’t even think to ask for a room with two, like I imagined she wanted.
When we settled into the hotel, Anna put her dress back on. “Are we gonna look for him?”
“Yes. We’re going out on foot. I want to try and find places to search in the morning. Take my jacket, it’ll be cold.” Jesus, did I really just say that?
“You don’t want it?”
“Keep it.”
Her eyebrows knit together. “Why?”
“I can get it back later,” the words left my mouth, and the hurt look on her face made me suicidal.
She put the jacket on and we left.
Chapter Thirteen: To Be Without
Anastasia
I woke up on top of something warm, with a heart beating. I opened my eyes and found Ezra.
When we went back to staying in a nice hotel, he went back to sleeping in just his boxers. My skin rested against his in that moment.
I didn’t flinch away, and I didn’t move. I didn’t want to.
I stayed and listened to his heart, trying to remember what it felt like to have one. My chest felt hollow, like the rest of me. The past few days hadn’t felt so bad.
I refused to believe I’d somehow developed any positive feelings for this murderer. My emotions were still just out of whack. Was I so self-destructive that I’d want a person like him? Who planned on killing me? I read his diary and found out his real feelings for me. It hurt, and I knew why.
This would ruin what remained of me. If he knew. He would mock me; maybe just kill me that second. Get rid of his little nuisance once and for all. He wouldn’t want a living-dead girl. I looked at him while he slept. Ezra looked young. When you couldn’t see his eyes, he looked like a boy. When that beautiful deep green stared at you, you could see his age, the things he’d done. His soul.
I didn’t mind it. It made him seem like a real person. More than just his anger and indifference.
I pressed my lips to Ezra’s heart. I could feel it beating fast, and I was jealous.
Sitting up, I stared at nothing. I was still cuffed, and I couldn’t do much else. It only took a few minutes for Ezra to wake up.
He didn’t say anything to me as he undid my handcuffs and got dressed. I left to get ready, and when I came back, he had his nose in his diary. He didn’t look up at me.
“Are you okay?” I finally asked him.
His eyes had gone soft when he looked up from his notebook. “Are you?”
I laughed without humor. “I’m never okay. I really don’t know what I am anymore.”
“You used to know?” He closed his notebook.
I sat on our bed and looked down at my hands. “Not so much when I was alive. I was worried about everything. A shadow could scare me. But at least fear is a feeling. Now I’m left without… anything.” Nearly.
He joined me on the bed, but he didn’t speak.
“Is numb a feeling?” I looked at him.
He smiled, but I knew he wasn’t amused. “If not, then I’m left without too.”
“I don’t want to be numb anymore. I feel so hopeless. And… empty. Like I left everything in that coffin. I’m just a body, my soul is floating around somewhere far from me.”
“Anna, you are not just a body. You think that you can’t feel—that you’re still dead—but it’s not true. I’ve seen more life in you than I’ve seen in most people. Just because it takes a little more to get something out of you now, it doesn’t mean you’re not capable of feeling. You just know more than most people do. You’re harder to please.” He smiled.
“Before, I knew exactly what I was. A dead girl. I knew where I belonged. Everything made perfect sense. It was calm, and I felt warm. Safe. And now I’m here. Nothing makes sense anymore. I just want to feel like I’m home again.”
“I’m not going to pretend like I know how you feel. We both died, but I never got the peace that came with it. I never felt closure or the calm. I died, and Lucifer made me a hellion right after. Even if he didn’t, I wouldn’t have had what you had. I was Hell bound. Heaven wasn’t within my reach, because I don’t… I don’t deserve it.”
Be a good girl, Anna. Don’t ask. If he wants you to know, he’ll tell you.
“I really wish they left me where I was.”
Ezra looked like he wanted to say something, but stopped himself. He stood up, and pulled me with him. “Get your coat, Pet. We’re taking a trip.”
“Where?”
“You’ll see.”
***
“Welcome to Point Mugu,” Ezra said as he opened my car door.
I looked out, and saw an empty beach. He led me to the edge of the water. “Take your shoes off.” I eyed him. Before I could speak, he stopped me by holding his hand up. “Just trust me, love. Take your shoes off and step into the water.”
I did as he told me. The water was freezing, but I didn’t get out of it. “Now what?”
“Today will be spent showing you all of the little things that can make you glad you’re alive. In the end, it’s not the big things that can bring you to life, it’s the little things.” He tossed his boots next to my sneakers and stood next to me. “Close your eyes.”
I did.
“You are not empty and there is a lot more to you than you can even begin to understand. Take a deep breath and tell me how this makes you feel.”
I inhaled, and the scent of the seawater filled my nose. I took another breath and thought about where I was. One beach, in one town, in one state. Just
a spec. “I feel tiny.” I smiled. “But still a part of everything. A little piece of something big.”
I opened my eyes, and Ezra grabbed our shoes.
“Come with me.” He started walking toward the massive rocks on the other side of the beach.
We climbed the rocks until we got near the top. We walked to the edge.
I had my hands on his arms, and his rested on my waist. I felt quite proud of myself for not attacking him right then. It always seemed hardest when he acted sweet.
I let go of him a second before he let go of me. Ezra went to sit on the edge of the rock. I went to join him.
“I should have brought a picnic for us,” he laughed.
“A picnic in December?” I shrugged out of Ezra’s jacket, and laid it between us. The air was cold, but it felt nice on my skin.
“Why not?”
I laughed, and looked ahead.
The ocean eclipsed all things. It looked endless. I couldn’t even see the sand anymore.
I swung my feet over the edge as Ezra tossed rocks into the sea. I looked at him.
“I like to watch the water ripple,” he said.
I glanced at some of the black rocks around us. “I wonder if I can do a trick.”
“A trick?”
I stood up, and went to find a rock I could use. I found a huge one that looked like a dinosaur egg, and brought it back to Ezra. “Let’s see what I can do.” I set it on my lap, and tried to focus.
Elisa said I had the power in my head. I just needed to concentrate on what I wanted to happen.
Nothing happened.
I breathed deeply and tried again. I closed my eyes and pictured the rock floating in front of me.
Ezra’s gasp made me open my eyes. The rock had moved a foot from us, hovering over the ocean.
“Oh my God.” I grinned. “I did it! All by myself!”
“That you did, Pet.” I didn’t look at him. I kept my eyes focused on the rock.
“How are you doing that?” he asked.
“Not really sure. I’m just concentrating on keeping it in the air,” I said, not even blinking, for fear it would fall.
“What else can you do?”
All these questions. I knew why he asked. He thought I lied about how much I knew. I didn’t know how I could convince him, or even if I should. Once he knew for sure, I was a dead girl. Again.