by Nicole Thorn
“I don’t know. Maybe a lot, maybe a little. Practice is the only way to figure it out.”
“So, you need absolute concentration?”
“Yes. Now hush, please.”
“I think I should conduct further tests.”
“Again,” I snapped, “hush.”
I felt his fingers travel slowly up my back until they reached the strap on my cami top. He pulled it—along with my bra strap—down my arm.
“Ezra…”
“Shh, concentrate.”
The rock already started to drop, just a couple inches. I focused harder, and got it up a little more. It wouldn’t stay still anymore
I held back a gasp when I felt Ezra’s lips on my shoulder. His hand went to my stomach as his lips continued to graze my shoulder. I tried to remember how to talk, but it seemed impossible.
I closed my eyes when he kissed behind my ear. If I had a pulse, it would’ve been going insane. I could feel myself losing control of the rock and my ability to breathe at a normal rate.
“Stop it,” I said in a whisper.
His hand went from my stomach to the top of my chest, where my heart used to beat, then to the side of my neck. He made a low noise in the back of his throat. “Maybe if you say it like you mean it.”
I didn’t mean it. I seemed far too willing to do whatever he wanted.
I felt his lips close around my earlobe before his tongue moved against my skin. When his teeth lightly came down, I heard the rock slam against the boulder below.
My eyes flew open, and I leaned forward. Ezra’s hand went back to my stomach to keep me from falling. The rock had split in two.
“You definitely need to learn to concentrate better,” he said in a light tone.
I turned to Ezra and smacked him in the arm before I stood up.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
I ignored him as I climbed down the rocks. I walked over to the middle of the beach and sat down with my legs tucked to my chest.
I couldn’t believe I let him do that. I could have—should have—stopped him. I wasn’t even mad because he did it. I was mad because the only reason he did it had been to fuck with me. Ezra lived for that.
I wanted him to want me, because I wanted him.
Oh God. I did.
The man who would kill me… I wanted nothing more than to be his.
I almost started crying.
It didn’t matter. It could never happen, for about a million reasons.
I felt Ezra drape his jacket over me, but I didn’t move my head from my knees.
He sat next to me. “Anna.” His hand went to my head and I recoiled.
“Don’t touch me.” I scooted away from him.
He breathed out. “I’m sorry.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “Why do you hate me?” I asked.
He looked pained. “I don’t hate you.”
“Then why would you do something like that to me? More of your exercise to make me feel? Well congratulations, Ezra, you made me feel something. You made me feel…”
“Tell me.”
I looked him in the eye. “You made me feel like a toy for you to play with. You hold my life in your hands. Can you imagine how it feels to be with someone who plans on killing you? I know how you see me. You see me like I’m nothing.” My voice broke. “Don’t try and make me think otherwise, because we both know the truth. It wouldn’t matter anyway, because I’ll be dead soon. Right?”
He didn’t say anything.
I didn’t know how much time passed before he spoke. “Anna, you’re not nothing.”
“Stop it.”
“No, listen to me. You matter.”
“Shut up.”
“You’re not just a body, or an assignment. You aren’t hollow. You’re—”
“Stop!”
He held on to me, and forced my head to his chest. “You aren’t empty. You aren’t dead.”
I struggled in his arms. “Leave me alone,” I cried. “Please. Please, just kill me. Get it over with.”
“Shh.” He stroked my hair and held me tighter. “Stop, Anna. Breathe. Please hear me.”
“No,” I sobbed into his shirt. “Please. I don’t want this anymore. I wanna go back. Please. Make it stop. Make it go away.” I stopped fighting him, and wrapped my arms around his back.
His fingers combed into my hair, and I felt his cheek on my head. “This is part of life, Anna. Living through pain. Finding a reason to keep going even when you think you don’t have one.”
“There’s no point. Why should I even try?” The sobbing stopped, but tears still poured from my eyes.
“Because that’s what people do. When things get hard, you don’t stop fighting. You take the pain and soldier on.”
“But you’re going to kill me,” I whispered into his chest.
“Don’t waste the time you have left. Live as much as you can while you can.”
His words didn’t soothe me. I had been marked for death. There would be no convincing him to spare me. Even if he could, I didn’t think he would.
“Why are you trying to make me feel better?”
He stayed quiet for a few seconds before he said, “Because I care how you feel, Anna. I just do.”
I wanted that to be true. For him to feel a hint of what I felt for him. I held him on that beach for I didn’t know how long. And Ezra held me back.
Chapter Fourteen: I Intend to Fade
Ezra
I woke up feeling sick. I couldn’t remember them, but my dreams had been bad.
I missed the pleasantness I woke up to the day before. Anna had been on me, for whatever reason. She was asleep when I woke up—as usual—but I didn’t move. I just laid there pretending to sleep. Then she woke up and I waited for her to get off of me, but she stayed. Not only did she stay, but she touched me, kissed me. For a few seconds I thought that I could lie like that forever.
I got ready for the day while Anna slept. I needed to get back to work.
I didn’t want to kill Anna. I didn’t think I ever really did.
Some people deserved to lose their life, but that girl didn’t. She would still die for a second time.
When Anna woke up, she tried hard to not look at me. I assumed because of what I did yesterday. I shouldn’t have done it, but I didn’t regret anything. It would’ve been the only chance I’d have to kiss any part of her. God only knew just how badly I wanted to touch her. The struggle was getting harder and harder to deny. It made me wonder how long it would be before I lost control.
She thought that I didn’t see her as a person, but she was the only person I saw. Hell, I didn’t even think of most people as people. More like props or furniture. Replaceable and unimportant. Anna was neither of those things, but she’d never believe that, especially coming from me.
Anna tried to scurry past me, but I grabbed her and set her on the bed.
“Is there something you need to talk to me about?” I asked.
She finally looked at me, and shook her head.
“You are a terrible liar.”
Anna breathed out and opened her mouth. I expected a comment about yesterday, but what she said made my blood run cold. “Who’s Divina?”
The name stung. I’d not heard the name aloud since before I died.
Anna continued. “You said her name last night when you were sleeping. You were… you sounded upset.”
So that was what left me feeling sick. Of course. I didn’t dream of her often, but when I did, it burned me.
“What’s wrong?”
I took Anna’s hand, not looking at her. I pressed my lips to her palm before I let go and stood up.
“Please don’t ask me about her again.”
Anna looked confused and upset. “Why?”
“It’s not for you to know.”
“But—”
“Anastasia,” I said so roughly that she flinched. “Do not ask me again. My life is mine, and you are not welcome to pry into it. W
e are not friends, and we won’t be sharing sad stories. Do you understand?”
I might as well have hit her. I’d hurt her worse than that with what I said.
Anna couldn’t know this story without learning of the other. Without her finding out what I’d done, and who I really was. A monster undeserving of a love I once had…
Before ~ I
“Ezra,” my father called to me from downstairs. I followed his voice until I found him. He sat at the dining table alone, more food on it than our whole family could eat, but that didn’t matter to him.
“Father.” I nodded. “Did you wish to speak to me?”
“I did.” He bit into his chicken leg. He took only one bite before throwing the remains on the floor for the dogs. “I’ve found you a wife. Her father is a good man, wealthy and well respected among his peers. You are to be married within the month.” He smiled with food in his teeth.
I was speechless. Father didn’t know that I already had a love. One of our servants, Divina. She came from a poor family and her mother sent her to us in exchange for a rather large sum of money nearly a year before. She belonged to us, and always would.
Father would never approve of our being together, so we kept the secret. We’d meet in quiet corners, during the spare moments we could find. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.
“Well, boy.” He chewed on his food, “Say something.”
I couldn’t marry the girl he’d chosen. I wouldn’t live a life without my love.
“Father, I cannot do as you wish.”
His eyes widened, and his face turned red. “Say again, boy. I must have misheard you.”
I breathed. “I won’t marry her. I love another.”
His face relaxed ever so slightly. “Well, why have you not told me? From what family does she come?”
“None that you know.”
“Does she have a name?”
I nodded. “Divina.”
He stood, and his chair fell back against the stone ground. “The slave girl? You must be joking.”
I shook my head.
“Ezra, the servants are not meant for you to marry. Have your fun with them if you must, but do not forget what they are. They are nothing. Their lives mean nothing.”
Rage filled me. “I love her, father. And I will not marry anyone else you bring me. I can never love anyone but her. I refuse to try.”
She was my world. The sun rose with her and left us when she fell asleep.
“Rebekkah!” my father shouted. My mother appeared within seconds.
“Yes?”
He pointed to me. “Tell your mother. Tell her!”
I didn’t.
“The boy’s fallen in love with one of your servant girls,” he told Mother.
My mother covered her hand with her mouth. “No. Who, Ezra?” Her rose with my father’s.
“Divina,” I said.
Disgust colored my mother’s expression. “Divina?” she said the name like a curse. “With the girls that your father has found for you? The beauties that he offers? You want the slave?”
“Yes,” I growled.
Mother shook her head. “No. The people in this village look to us for leadership. Your father is the patriarch. You must marry someone the people can respect. They would not stand for this. You cannot marry a worthless, dirty little slave girl. You cannot keep her.”
“She’s not something to keep,” I said. “She’s a person, and I love her.”
“You refuse to marry who I have for you?” my father asked.
“I do.”
“That’s your final word?”
“It is.”
He nodded. “So it is. Goodbye, Ezra. Come, Rebekkah.” He pulled my mother away.
***
Her body had started cooling when I found her the next morning. I remembered the agony of walking into her room and finding her covered in blood. I didn’t believe my eyes at first.
Her throat had been sliced open with a dagger. Her brown eyes were dull and unseeing, and her matching hair had been soaked with her blood.
I touched her face for what would be the last time, and sank to my knees, holding her hand in mine.
I cried. God, did I cry. I didn’t know a body could make as many tears as mine did that day.
Finally, I stood to go and find my father. He was in his quarters, hands in a bucket of water. A blood-soaked rag laid on the table next to him. As I approached, I saw that the water in the bucket had also turned bloody.
I knew what he did.
“Ah, Ezra. How are you this morning?” he asked as if he didn’t just murder the only girl I could ever love.
I tried to breathe. “Why? Why would you…”
“She was in the way. I took care of it.” He waved his hand. “Give it a few days. You won’t remember her name.”
“Does Mother know what you’ve done?”
He laughed. “Who do you think told me how to solve this, boy?”
I shut my eyes until my head could function again. My parents had killed her, and in turn, me. Forever I would be nothing, and that was all I wanted to be.
As my father went to dry his bloody hands on the rag, I picked up the dagger. I sank it into my father’s stomach, and pulled it up.
His blood poured over me and I looked into his eyes. Surprise. Betrayal. Pain. It all flashed in his eyes at the same time.
I pulled the dagger out and watched the man who used to be my father as he sank to the floor.
I stepped over him, and went to look for my mother…
***
“Anna,” I said to the girl as I parked. “Stay beside me, and don’t look at anyone too long.”
I’d taken an educated guess on how Travis earned his money. There was a fairly unknown—at least to this town’s upstanding citizens—poker den. Perfect game for a mind reader.
“Tell me you understand,” I asked her.
She nodded.
We got out of the car and when we walked in, we met with the doorman.
“How’s your day, sir?” he said. I’d been told this would be the first half of a password, thank to some people I’d bribed.
“Another Sunday morning coming down,” I responded.
His eyebrow went up, he handed me a card, and we walked further inside.
that was two steps below the entrance.
The building was officially a Chinese restaurant. That would be what the police would see if they chose to search this place. It was well hidden and operational for the past ninety years. I’d spent a few nights in here long ago. Trying to waste away and not being satisfied when I still woke up the next morning.
“Table for two?” a woman asked, and I flashed her the card. She nodded and led us behind a curtain. It hid an elevator.
The woman gestured for us to go in, then she pressed a gold button at the bottom of the panel.
Anna and I were alone, and I wanted to say something. Instead I put my hand behind her neck and pulled her to me.
The elevator door opened into a small room. It was well decorated with flower filled vases and candles. It was dark, both in lighting and atmosphere. A rectangular wooden table sat in the middle. It had a plastic bin on it.
“Welcome,” a man said as he appeared out of nowhere. He was short and round.
“Hello,” I said.
He clasped his hands together. “We start with a pat down for any weapons. They are not allowed beyond this point, and anything you have must be given to me to return upon your departure.”
Anna didn’t have anything, but I had my dagger. No way I’d give him that.
“Nothing,” I lied.
“Okay. Just so you know—hi” He opened his jacket to reveal a gun. “—you don’t get a second chance to tell the truth. One and done.”
“My answer remains,” I said.
He smiled and looked to Anna. “You first.” His eye went up and down her body.
“I need to pat you down”
She huffed, and sp
read her arms and legs.
“Clear,” he said, after running his hands over her.
My turn. I didn’t know what I’d do once he found my dagger. I couldn’t kill him. Someone would see, and my plan would be ruined. I’d lose my target.
Anna’s eyes locked onto a vase as the man bent to my legs. Her eyes narrowed, and the vase exploded, causing the man to stand and turn around.
“What the Hell was that?” he said as he took a step toward it.
Anna quickly slid her hand under my shirt and took my dagger, tucking it into her jacket. She smiled wickedly at me.
My chest swelled with pride. So clever. The glint of joy in her eyes was intoxicating.
“Odd.” The man turned around and finished his search. “Clear,” he said when he finished. “Twenty is the minimum.”
I nodded, and he brought us through another curtain.
The room had a table—round—full of people. One of them being Travis McGuire. I was a lucky, lucky man. The rest of the table looked like a melting pot of depravity.
“She won’t be playing.” I reached into my pocket, and pulled out the stack of money, throwing it on the table.
The man pointed to a couch behind the table, and instructed Anna to sit on it.
She did.
I took a seat at the table that would allow me to see her.
Travis exchanged my money for chips. His file said that the mind reading only enabled him to hear one voice at a time, so I had a little breathing room. I just needed to focus on the game.
I went out on the first hand. I could play poker, but I didn’t need these people thinking I was a hustler.
I watched as Travis’ chips piled up. Two men eyed him. One leaned into the other, speaking in another language. I couldn’t be sure, but it sounded Russian. I didn’t have a damn clue what he said.
Anna’s eyes went up and widened. She knew what he said.
In English, other man said, “I don’t see how.”
The first man shrugged, and the game went on. A couple men took off over the next hour, leaving me, Travis, the two Russians, and one other man.