The Christmas Women

by Elyse Douglas

  Trudie tried to speak but nothing came.

  Minutes later they were passing the courthouse square, viewing the manger scene and the grand 20 foot fir tree on the village green. Children were building a snowman and throwing snowballs.

  “I’d forgotten how lovely this town is during Christmas,” Kristen said. “It feels so good to be back here, and to spend time with you again. Keep driving, Trudie. Let’s just keep driving around. This is so much fun. Then let’s go to the mall and shop a little before we meet Ray. Shopping always makes me feel better.”

  Twenty minutes later they’d parked at the mall parking lot. Trudie killed the engine and they sat in a chilly silence, not moving.

  “Cole called me again,” Kristen said. “He said he’d never stopped loving me. I’ve been thinking about that. I’ve been thinking that I’d like to see him again. Hell, I want to see him again. What does that say about me?”

  Trudie looked away.

  “Don’t judge me, Trudie. Please. Not now. I’m all screwed up and confused. Alan and I are like strangers, and not easy strangers. We don’t even sleep together anymore. I think he has a girlfriend. I don’t know for sure, but I think so.”

  Trudie listened, and then looked at Kristen uneasily.

  Kristen continued. “Alan makes a ton of money, travels all the time and... I don’t know. I think he travels because he wants to get away from me. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and I say, hey, who the hell are you, girl? I don’t know you anymore. And I’m getting older. The lines are coming. The gray hair is here.”

  Trudie stared ahead, watching shoppers pass, clutching bags, talking on cell phones.

  “Kristen, why don’t you bring Alan to the reunion? It might do you both good to get away from everything and spend some time together in a different place. Bring Alexander too. Make it a family thing. A lot of the alumni are bringing their kids.”

  Kristen sat thinking about it, turning it over in her head. “I don’t know. Do I want him here? It might spoil everything. It’s nice being away from all that. It’s nice having an escape into the past before everything got all messed up.”

  “Do you hear yourself, Kristen? Spoil everything? What does that mean? You can’t go back into the past, Kristen. You know that.”

  “Maybe going back into the past is just what I need. The more I think about it, I think it’s just what I need.”

  Trudie pulled the keys from the ignition and dropped them into her purse, almost losing her patience. “Has Alan ever been to Deer Lake?”

  “Once... for just a couple of nights, before my parents moved away. He wasn’t thrilled. He called it the ‘back end of a hole in the wall’, whatever that means. And anyway, he and Alexander want to go skiing in Colorado. We have a house in Breckenridge. He wants me to fly out on Christmas day and join them.”

  Inside the mall, they didn’t talk while they browsed the aisles of the first store they saw and picked through a few racks of clothes, hearing familiar Christmas songs wherever they went. Trudie had never seen Kristen look so despondent. It wasn’t like her. Trudie nudged them over to a Starbucks and bought them both a sandwich and a cappuccino.

  While they sat staring out into the broad corridor at the shoppers, Trudie entertained Kristen with stories of her patients: the woman who wouldn’t stop talking even with the suction tube in her mouth; the business man who texted continuously while she struggled to clean his teeth; and the elderly man who kept a silver flask of whiskey in his hip pocket.

  They finally left, empty-handed, and drove to the high school, arriving before 3. Ray met them in the parking lot, and they mounted the front stairs and entered the school together. Inside the quiet hallways, they heard the soft echo of their footsteps, and Kristen remarked on how little it had changed in 20 years.

  When Ray opened the double auditorium doors, they entered into silence, stepping forward and gazing in absorbed wonder at the spacious hall, the dimly lit rows of seats, the deep shadows in the balcony and the wide proscenium stage, with its impressive burgundy velvet curtain. Memories flooded back—the echo of conversation, fragments of music and the drum of dance steps.

  Kristen flashed back, imagining Mrs. Childs marching about the stage shouting orders; hearing the mellow trumpets and chorus singing Deck the Halls; seeing, in slow motion, the three of them, The Christmas Girls, all dazzle and smiles, kicking high with swinging Rockette precision to Jingle Bells.

  Kristen turned, meeting Trudie’s gaze. The moment felt privately sacred, and they smiled under the spell of the past. Kristen linked her arm in Trudie’s and drew her close.

  “This is going to be so much fun, isn’t it? I am so excited.”

  Kristen’s phone buzzed. She glanced down at it, startled. “Oh God, it’s Cole. I’ve got to take this.”

  Ray and Trudie strolled down the aisle together, while Kristen drifted into shadows in the back of the house.

  “What’s that all about?” Ray asked.

  Trudie turned away. “Don’t ask.”

  TEN

  At Trudie’s house on Sunday, Ray and Kristen worked on promo ideas while Trudie called the motels around town negotiating lower rates for the confirmed 48 people and their families who’d be staying 2 to 3 days. Then she called three restaurants for availability and catering costs for the Christmas Eve party after the show. The only one available, with space large enough for 70 to 100 people, was good old Rusty’s Café. Next, she discussed the hours, menu and liquor costs. It wouldn’t be cheap, but at this late date it would have to do.

  Ray emailed a flyer and promotion materials, along with some firm budget numbers, to Don Rawlings and alumni who’d pledged financial support. At three o’clock, Kristen was packed and ready to leave for a six o’clock flight back to New York, leaving from Columbus. She and Ray had a final hug, promising to stay in touch. Kristen lingered in the doorway to ask him a question.

  “Are you involved with anyone, Ray?”

  “I wondered when you were going to ask.”

  Kristen’s expression turned apologetic. “I should have, Ray. I’m sorry.”

  “Oh stop it. I was seeing a guy in Columbus for awhile. He moved to Washington, D.C. He’s heavy into politics. I go there sometimes. He comes here sometimes. We’re close, but... Well, it ain’t perfect, but then, what is?”

  Kristen nodded. “Yep... what is?”

  “Enough, you two,” Trudie said. “You’re depressing me, and I refuse to be depressed during the holidays.”

  As they were approaching the Port Columbus International Airport, Kristen broke a long silence. “We accomplished a lot this weekend.”

  “There’s still a lot to do,”

  “I called Mrs. Childs while I was packing,” Kristen said. “She sounded better.”

  “Good. I’ll call her tonight.”

  “Mary Ann sounded good last night, didn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  Traffic was fast and erratic, drivers sliding in and out of lanes, horns blaring. Trudie took a couple of breaths and slowed down, adjusting her rearview mirror.

  “Can’t wait to see Mary Ann... and her daughters.”

  “Me too.”

  “Are you disappointed in me, Trudie?”

  Trudie glanced over. “What?”

  “You know. You’ve been avoiding me.”

  “I have not.”

  “You have...”

  “Kristen, you’re a grown woman. You’ve got to live your life the way you have to live it. What else can I say?”

  Kristen stared ahead, seeing the signs to the airport. “This silly reunion is bringing up a lot of shit. It’s like I’m 17 or 18 years old again.”

  “We’re not 18 years old, Kristen. We’re all grown up, or so we’re supposed to be, anyway.”

  Kristen looked at Trudie, curiously. “Why haven’t you gotten married? I mean, you’re smart and pretty...”

  Trudie felt the rise of a swift, trapped anger. It was a question she’d had to answer
too many times.

  “It’s what happened, okay!? It’s life.” She tried to control her anger, but it was seething inside her, pushing its way out. “Nothing ever seems to go the way you think it should. Do you think I want to be alone in that empty house—that I wanted to live alone with my father? No, I didn’t. It just didn’t happen, okay? I had some serious relationships. I was asked a couple of times...actually, three times. I guess I didn’t love them—any of them. The whole thing scared me. I mean, I look around at everybody and I think, maybe I don’t want to get married, because who stays married and who is happy anyway?” Trudie threw up a helpless hand. “Oh, the hell with it. It doesn’t matter.”

  But in the deep silence, anger continued to roll out of her. “I thought Cole and I would get married once. I thought I loved him. Well, guess what? That didn’t happen. He lied to me and went off with you! I guess he’s been in love with you ever since. Okay, so now you can both hook up again and pick up where you left off. So fine. So let’s drop the whole thing, okay?”

  Kristen spoke up. “Trudie, I didn’t mean…”

  Trudie cut her off. “I don’t care, Kristen. I just don’t care anymore.”

  Trudie whipped the car into the right lane, laying on her horn when a car in front slowed down. Then she jerked the car into the exit lane and sped off to the airport.

  Trudie lowered her voice, struggling to control her emotions. “It all happened a hundred years ago, Kristen. None of it matters now. I didn’t get married because I never found the right person. It’s that simple. Things just didn’t work out for me that way. Maybe they never will.”

  They arrived at the terminal and Trudie parked at the curb. They sat in an icy silence, feeling blunted and hurt. Kristen sat dead still, her eyes locked ahead.

  Trudie felt awful, wishing she’d kept her mouth shut. Finally, she opened her door and pushed out. She opened the trunk and heaved out Kristen’s travel bag, as Kristen came around to retrieve it.

  Without speaking they hugged. They avoided each other’s eyes.

  “You’ll stay in touch?” Trudie said.

  “Of course...”

  They stood, staring at the pavement.

  “Do we really want to go through with this whole reunion thing?” Kristen asked. “It’s starting to hurt.”

  “Yes, we are going through with it for Mrs. Childs, and for all the other alumni who are coming. We’ve set this whole thing into motion, so now we have to go through with it.”

  Kristen nodded, hugged her friend again and started off. She turned before she pushed through the glass doors. “Thanks for the weekend, sister girl. It was fun. See you on the 21st.”

  Trudie waved, managing a smile. “Have a good flight home.”

  Before leaving the airport, Trudie texted Kristen: Sorry about the outburst. I’m a bit nervous about everything. Call when you can. Love ya.

  As Trudie was sending her text, she received one from Kristen. I’m such a bitch sometimes. Forgive me. Are we having a midlife crisis? So much fun with you. Love ya.

  That night, back at the house, Trudie sat on the couch and re-read her texts, stopping on Jon Ketch’s. She was excited at the thought of seeing him again. He was the most famous person she’d ever known, and she knew he would be a big draw for the community. Ray and Kristen had placed his name on the flyer that was to be passed around town at the library, local businesses, restaurants, and malls.

  COME ONE! COME ALL!

  20-YEAR REUNION ALUMNI CHRISTMAS SHOW

  AT THE DEER LAKE HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM!

  FEATURING HOMETOWN BOY AND

  HOLLYWOOD ACTOR

  JON KETCH

  AS EBENEZER SCROOGE IN

  “A CHRISTMAS CAROL!”

  ALSO FEATURING

  THE CHRISTMAS WOMEN,

  LIVE ORCHESTRA, DANCERS, SINGERS

  AND SING-ALONG CHRISTMAS CAROLS!

  The house was quiet after Kristen left and Trudie wandered into the study and sat in her father’s leather desk chair, staring out the windows into the darkness. She read Jon’s text again. “A big slobbery kiss.” She smiled.

  She and Jon had dated a number of times, although he’d always pretended that she had turned him down whenever he’d asked her out.

  But how could she ignore that bright autumn day during their senior year, when they’d picnicked under the trees near the school? They had skipped Ms. Dillon’s social studies class, which of course didn’t matter, because Trudie would get an “A” anyway, and Jon would get a predicable “D”, for which he was proud.

  “A ‘D’ is nothing to be ashamed of, Trudie” he said, chewing vigorously on some French fries, his mouth open. “Getting a ‘D’ means that I have earned the devilishly DEElicious DEEstinction of DEEliberately DEEciding to DEEclare to the DEEhumanizing delegates of the dumb DEEpartment of education at Deer Lake High, that I, Jon DEE Ketch, DEEtest them and don’t give a big rat’s ass what grade they give me! They can all kiss my DEElectable arse!”

  Trudie laughed wildly. His rakish cleverness had always entertained her. He was a character from right out of Shakespeare, a Puck or The Fool in King Lear or a young Falstaff. He was a Ferris Bueller.

  They munched on Whoppers, fries and a large soda with two straws. They had stolen a towel from the gym locker room and had spread it out on the grass near a splashing stream, under the shade of shining autumn trees, from which they had an unobstructed view of the school. They lay there, staring up into the infinite blue sky, feeling the cool wind and burnt autumn smells. The sunlight dappled their faces.

  “I once went to New York City and had a Whopper on 5th Avenue,” Jon said, chewing, “And you know what I called it?”

  “The 5th Avenue Whopper?” Trudie asked, giggling.

  He pointed to Trudie. “You are clever, Lady Trudie Parks. It was the best Whopper I’ve ever eaten. Hands down. The best!”

  “Why was it the best? Give me details,” she asked.

  “Because it was a 5th Avenue Whopper, of course!” he said, lifting his chin imperiously. “It had class. It had attitude. It had the rich flavor of privilege and East Side breeding. It was a pompous Whopper...A stuck-up-your-ass Whopper.”

  “Was it a wealthy Whopper? A well-educated, well-bred Whopper?”

  “It was all that and much more, Lady Parks of Deer Lake.”

  “What more did it have?” she asked, enjoying this game, this play-acting. She pulled phrases from roles she’d memorized in Mrs. Childs’ class. “Give me more, you rascal you. You rogue, you rescuer of women, although I am still only 17 years old and would not call myself as such, that is, a woman.”

  Jon arched a startled eyebrow, looking her up and down. “Oh, but you are a woman, my Lady. Oh yes, when you lift that little skirt of yours, I can see, without any compunction or hesitation, that you are definitely a woman... Oh yes.”

  Trudie batted her eyes. “So tell me about this big, big Whopper.”

  “It was a Whopper unsurpassed in its ability to demand that one eat it with a special kind of style and grace.”

  Trudie laughed again, and then, quite suddenly—just like that—she was caught! She was sexually turned on and she was sure Jon saw it in her eyes. “Wow! I want that Whopper,” she said, with a sexy wink and sneer.

  John dropped down to the blanket and quickly kissed her, pinning her shoulders with his strong arms. Trudie reached for him, pulled him down and kissed him deeply.

  Maybe Jon scared her. He was wily, shocking and unpredictable. She didn’t feel secure around him, but he thrilled her; excited her; turned her on.

  Trudie’s father didn’t like him. Most of the teachers didn’t like him. In fact, her history teacher, Mrs. Wallingford, pulled Trudie aside one day. “Jon Ketch is a rebel, Trudie,” she said. “Be careful. He’ll probably wind up in a prison cell some day.”

  A week after that picnic, Trudie went on her first date with Cole Blackwell. Jon didn’t speak to her for weeks.

  Trudie gently rocked the d
esk chair, twirling the ends of her hair. She’d conveniently forgotten about that, or maybe she’d just shoved the guilty memory in a drawer someplace in the back of her mind. Jon wouldn’t look at her in the hallway and avoided her in social studies class. He grew brooding and quiet. Yes, she had forgotten that.

  Jon was a crazy fun guy, but he didn’t have the tall, aloof and graceful sophistication of Cole Blackwell, whose family had just recently moved to Deer Lake from Lansing, Michigan. Trudie had fallen hard for him. He was so popular, quickly becoming the top basketball star. She melted into his arms when he kissed her. She got weak in the knees when he spoke her name. She fell in love with him without understanding it. All she knew was that she felt lucky to be the chosen one. Out of all the girls, he had chosen her.

  Even now, when she recalled Cole, she felt a warm stirring across her skin. A gentle increased heartbeat and expectation, as if he were just outside her bedroom, ready to enter and make love to her.

  Trudie lowered her head, embarrassed by her adolescent memories. She was amazed by her body’s passionate recall after so many years. Twenty years meant nothing to the body or the mind, so it seemed. To them there was no time, just refurbished old sensation and the reawakening of a suppressed passion for a man who probably hadn’t given her much thought in 20 years. His passionate memory, his one desire, had been Kristen Anderson. Obviously, Kristen had been the love of his life. Maybe Cole was Kristen’s. Who was to say?

  Trudie strolled into the living room and stood staring into the dark, unlit fireplace. Maybe the old memories remained potently alive because she hadn’t been involved in a passionate relationship since. Why? She didn’t know. Too independent? Too scared? Too set in her ways? Too choosy?

  Trudie was eating in front of the TV when her phone rang. It was Julie.

  “Is this a good time?” Julie asked.

  “Of course. Is everything all right?”

  “I’m at the hospital with Mom. She was coughing and had a fever. I didn’t want to take any chances. I checked her in so she could be monitored.”

  Trudie switched off the TV, worried. “Do you need me to come over? You must be tired.”