by Haley Travis
Her nose crinkles as her head tilts from side to side. “I don’t know. I guess you’ll need to find out what happened. Whether he just made assumptions, or he just wanted everything to be easy to get the job done. Or maybe he thought you were so shy that you didn’t want your name on it.”
I pin her with a look, raising my eyebrow.
She shrugs with a giggle. “Hey, who knows what he might have been thinking. He could have just plain forgotten. You’re going to have to talk to him about it.”
My shoulders slump as my body practically turns in on itself.
“You don’t have to do it immediately,” Diana says quickly. “You can always tell him that you need a couple of days of space. Take a little time, chill out and shake off the stress of this week. Read next Wednesday’s book.”
Laughing with her, I nod. “Yeah, Becca really does have a thing for books about sugary sweet romance and flighty New York shopaholics.”
“We all need a little fluffy fun now and then,” Diana says. “Take the weekend off from all of your stress, then talk to Felix early next week.”
“You’re right. Thanks.”
“And if it turns out he put work, or his own company, or ego, above your feelings, at least you’ll know now instead of five years down the road.”
“That’s true.”
After Diana drives me home in her beautifully refurbished lavender car, I slowly drink a glass of water while thinking about what I want to say to Felix.
The fact that I miss him terribly shouldn’t make me as irritated as it does. When did I lose all control of emotions? Maybe when a brand new one appeared, in the middle of all of this stress.
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, I call him and leave a voicemail, relieved that he doesn’t pick up.
“Hey Felix, it’s Tanis. Listen – I feel that we’re moving too fast. Maybe it’s just me, and I’m nervous about a new relationship. Especially something as…intense as we are. But also I wonder if dating and working together might be a bad idea. I feel like we should spend a week apart so that we can sort things out. I know I’m being irrationally angry about the name thing, but I can’t help it. We feel what we feel, right? Anyway, I’ll text you next week. Bye.”
Stretching out on the rug, I sigh heavily. I thought it would make me feel better to get all of that out. Instead, the combination of fear, anger, worry, and desperation all combine into a spiky, heavy boot pressing on my chest.
If my insecurities have ruined everything, including a real shot at real love, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
~ Felix ~
Clunking.
No.
Banging.
No.
Knocking. Why is there knocking inside my head?
Bolting upright, sun is streaming in the windows and someone is knocking at my door. “What? Come in.”
The door opens slowly, and I blink hard as I focus on Oliver’s face. “Hey, Felix,” he says gently. “Are you alone?”
Even though I would be aware of nothing else but her soft, warm body if Tanis were here, I glance around the room. “Yeah.”
“I’m sorry to bother you, but you’ve been in here for at least twelve hours. We were getting worried. Dan had to open the gym, but he asked me to look in on you.”
“Tell me you have coffee,” I grumble.
“Sorry. The power was out all night. Just came back on two minutes ago, I can brew some now if it stays on.”
Scrambling for my phone from where I left it charging overnight, I see that it is at 1% battery. It was nearly totally dead when I plugged it in last night, so no wonder the alarm didn’t go off.
“Dammit,” I mutter. This neighborhood is wonderful until it’s seriously inconvenient. The random lack of water is one thing. But a power outage for more than a few hours? It’s like the stone ages out here.
“My phone is dead too,” Oliver says with a shrug. “But I’ll try to get you a coffee.”
“Thanks.”
Jumping up, I open my laptop, happy that it still has a ten percent charge, and that the Wi-Fi is back on. Quickly skimming my inbox, I’m relieved to see a note from the show editors.
Opening the JPEG, there’s a layout of the new credits, with a very clear line that says, “Video and animation by Tanis Johnson.”
It looks absolutely perfect. I almost close the laptop to save the battery, but then remember to read the entire email.
It honestly feels like my heart pounds for three beats, then stops.
The editor has enclosed a note that they have to send the files off by noon. So I need to approve this new layout by eleven, or they’re just going to use the old one.
If her name isn’t on her first piece of work, Tanis will be crushed. My only option is to approve it.
But staring at her name again, I realize that although I’ve heard her say her last name, I’ve never seen it written down.
Is it Johnson or Johnston? Or Johnstone? Argh .
Dear God, what if I get it wrong? Would having a misspelled name be even worse than not having it at all?
It’s already nine-forty-five am. Diving for my phone, the battery is still only at two percent, and I see that there’s a voice mail.
I listen in anguish as Tanis quickly tells me that she wonders if we’re moving too fast, and if both dating and working together may not be a good idea. She says that maybe we should spend a week apart to think things through, then meet for a coffee.
Normally, I would completely honor her request and simply send a text acknowledging that I received her message. But I have just over an hour to get her approval on this name, and I need to talk to her to do that.
Throwing on some clothes, I fire an email to the editors that they will be hearing from me by eleven, likely via phone.
Pitching my laptop into a bag, I grab a cable so I can charge my phone in the van and tear out the door. As soon as I begin driving, I call her office, but some woman named Marla says that she’s off today.
A long weekend. Tanis likes to take it easy on the weekends. She must be at home.
The van is parked in front of the huge window of the gym, so I wave to Dan before taking off. Fridays are pretty busy, so he won’t be needing it anyway.
Driving a bit too fast, I call Tanis, but there’s no answer. I leave a voicemail. “If you want to take a break, that’s fine, but I absolutely have to see you right now so that you can confirm the credits for the show. I need to verify that your name is spelled correctly. I’ll be at your apartment around…” I check the clock on the dashboard. “Ten-twenty. See you soon.”
It’s ten-eighteen when I knock on her apartment door, but there’s no answer. I grab my phone to send a text.
Me: I’m sorry it’s last minute – need your approval on the credits. At your apartment. Where are you?
No response.
I practically run back to the van, then call up a map of this neighborhood on my phone. Feeling like an absolute stalker, I look around and try to figure out where she might have gone.
I’ve never searched for a person before, and think back to every cop and detective show I’ve ever seen. Consider the person’s habits. Where might she go?
It could depend on how upset she still was.
Tanis seems so passionate about starting her creative career that it might be making her extra sensitive to the little details. Which might make my slipup completely unforgivable in her eyes, even if I do manage to find her in time.
If.
No.
A crushing pressure settles in the center of my chest.
When.
I will find her. I have to. I’m not going to lose the love of my life to a stupid mistake like this.
I still have forty minutes or so.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
~ Tanis ~
First thing in the morning, I grab my phone like a lifeline, checking for a message from Felix. Nothing.
Even though I asked for some space, I was positive that he would at least call or text about adding my name to the credits.
Unless it’s too late.
I could see him not wanting to leave that sort of information in a text.
Even though I’m the one who’s been wronged, I hated seeing his face fall yesterday. Of course I know that accidents happen, but how on earth could it have happened on my very first job?
The whole thing is tainted now. Imperfect. Spoiled.
That doesn’t make a lick of sense, but my brain is turning in circles over and back on itself.
The thing that ticks me off the most is how much I miss Felix. Even though it’s only been a day.
The logical portion of my mind says that there’s no way I could be this deeply in love with him already. But I am.
Checking the time, I see that I slept in terribly, but that’s what people are supposed to do on their days off, aren’t they? Setting the phone back down, I get up and dress. I need to get out of this apartment.
As I fuss around getting ready, it hits me. The creative process is how an artist releases their emotions. I had laid myself raw for the first time, allowing a large group of people to see my work. It is also the first time I’ve bared my heart and soul to a man before.
No wonder I’m completely oversensitive, and tearing up at the drop of a hat.
Grabbing my phone, I make a note to film a hat dropping, in case that ever comes up someday.
Slinging on my camera case, I walk outside, wandering in no particular direction, as I shoot some video clips of plants in my neighbors’ gardens.
Aside from the two other apartment buildings identical to mine, this entire neighborhood is small family houses. I know it’s the ultimate dream of most people, to buy a house someday, but it’s never really occurred to me.
It’s the kind of thing one does with a partner. Someone they will be spending their entire lives with.
Wiping away another tear, I stare down at a perfect pink and white rose.
Some people make a wish on a star, or the moon. Does it make any sense to make a wish on a rose?
Who cares. I’m going to.
I need Felix to be the one. I need for the mishap with the credits to have been an accident. I need him to be a good guy that I can trust.
And even though I don’t want to admit it to myself, I want to be the girl he chases after, so that I can honestly believe I’m worthy.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
~ Felix ~
Taking a deep breath, I stare at the map. Come on, Tanis, baby...where would you go?
There are several coffee and breakfast places to the east, and two parks to the west.
Closing my eyes, I try to imagine where Tanis would go if she were upset. She enjoys comfort food, but doesn't normally eat so early. I don’t think she would want to be near people. Would she take a walk in a park?
No. Not a walk...she’d be shooting videos of the plants in the park.
She’d be upset, then she’d get angry, and want to channel that into building her video library back up.
Slamming the van into gear, I tear down the street, pulling up minutes later beside the largest of the two parks. Scanning the area quickly, I see there is a flower garden in the center.
I sling on my laptop bag and grab my phone, noting the time is ten fifty-three.
There she is. A small figure in a black hoodie with a large camera.
“Tanis!” I call out as my shoes pound along the narrow concrete path.
She looks up, startled. I grab her by the elbow and lead her to a nearby bench. Her eyes look a bit puffy, and if I’ve made her cry, I’ll beat myself up about it later.
“I’m sorry – we can talk about everything later. I need your approval right now.”
Pulling out the laptop, I open it to the panel of the show credits. “Is your name spelled right?”
She blinks, peering at the screen. “Yes.”
“Is that wording all right with you? Video and animation?”
“Yes.” She looks confused, but her eyes sparkle as she sees her name on the screen.
“So you approve this completely?”
“Yes. Why are you so–”
I hold up a finger and grab my phone, praying that the six percent battery will last for a voice call.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Charles, it’s Felix. The latest version of the credits is approved, with the new video and animation line for Tanis Johnson added.”
I can hear him chuckle. “Right at the wire. That’s not like you.”
“Weird day. Power outage. Thanks for getting this done,” I say.
“No problem. We’ll process it with the new text panel, and off it goes. Talk to you soon.”
“Thanks.”
I hang up, put away the laptop, then slump on the bench, finally taking a full breath.
“I’m sorry,” I say softly, sitting down but giving Tanis plenty of room. “I had to get that sent before eleven, and I couldn’t risk either not having your name on your work, or having it spelled wrong. I’m sorry – I’ve never seen your last name written down.”
“Hmm,” she nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, it’s weird that it’s only been a week and a half. It feels like much more.”
“It is more. Time is an imaginary construct and all that,” I say, hoping to make her smile. “But you did say that you wanted a bit of space. And I want to give you everything you need.”
It’s nearly painful not to reach out and take her hand, but I don’t want to risk scaring her off by not respecting her boundaries to the letter.
“Shall I leave and let you get back to shooting, or would you like a ride home?”
Her pretty blue eyes seem lost in thought. “Home, thank you.”
We walk to the van, and as I offer my hand to help her in, she squeezes my fingers in a way that tells me she’s still mine. Relief courses through every vein, and I grin to myself as I start driving.
“Anything we should grab on the way?” I ask. “Groceries, furniture, anything you need a van and a brawny man for?”
I’m rewarded with a giggle. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”
When we get to her apartment, I help her out, then hesitate. Shutting the van door, I keep her hand in mine. I want to ask her if I can come in, but don’t want to feel the punch to the gut if she says no. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but I can’t leave without telling her that she’s already my world.
Standing uncomfortably in front of her building, I thread my fingers through hers and hold on, praying that she doesn’t let go.
I have no way of knowing whether she understands how tense I feel as I finally manage to ask, “Well, sweetheart, what now?”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
~ Tanis ~
For a few moments, I’m not sure whether I still think I need a little more time and space, or whether I should invite Felix in for a coffee and a good long chat.
The nervousness is still circling deep inside. Should I be angry or upset? He has clearly gone to great lengths to make sure the mistake with my name was fixed in time.
Come to think of it, he charged across town and hunted me down just to make sure that he hit the deadline.
I honestly can’t think of a single person in this world who has ever paid me so much attention. Who has ever cared for me so much.
The intensity of it still makes me uneasy, but this is likely because it’s so new. So delicate and fragile. I’m afraid to grab hold for fear I’ll break it.
Then I feel that Felix’s fingers are trembling as they hold mine.
Everything coiled up tight deep inside me begins to gently unfurl. He’s as frightened to lose me as I am to lose him. Or lose myself.
Finally I understand that Felix is part of me now. I don’t need to ever be totally alone again. If I ever had to, I could, of course. I could handle it. I just...don’t want to.
My mind tunes into my body, that is already stepping towar
d him. As the relief pours across his features, laughter bubbles out of me uncontrollably.
“I’m sorry,” I sputter, “You look so tense. Would you like to come in for coff–”