Untamed Series, #1

by Madeline Dyer

  I nod and unwrap a new parcel. It contains thin strips of fatty meat, and I wrap it back up carefully.

  “They’ll be fine, y’know,” she says. “Aye, they’re always fine.”

  I look up at Marouska, and I can see in the way she holds her head at a slight angle that she doesn’t want to accept reality. But accepting reality is something you have to do, if you want to have the tiniest chance of surviving and beating your enemies. But, after all, the Enhanced are the perfect beings; is it reasonable, or just delusional, for us to believe we can actually survive in a world dominated by them and their robotic, mechanical version of humanity? What if becoming Enhanced really is the next stage of evolution…and we’re resisting the progression of mankind? What if it comes down to dying or becoming Enhanced? Would it be so bad if that were the choice? We’d be safe if we were Enhanced, we’d have food, shelter, and water. We’d be safe. A lot safer than we are now.

  I think back to my room at the Enhanced compound. I think of my teddy bear, John. How I left him behind, where he’s safe. I think of the cake. My mouth waters. My stomach groans. I touch the augmenter in my pocket….

  But we wouldn’t be ourselves if we were Enhanced. We’d be going against everything we fought for. And we’d be joining them, the murderers. And if the Enhanced have me, they’ll have all the Untamed. That’s what the bison told me. I grimace.

  By the time evening draws in, we’ve sorted through all our food, spare clothes, and the few weapons the raid party left behind, and we’ve cleaned the car’s interior. Surprisingly, Marouska is still in possession of the AK47 look-alike gun.

  “Aye, Seven, these tires ain’t in too good a shape.” Marouska kicks at one, which doesn’t help the situation. “An’ look, we’ve lost a hubcap.”

  We’re going to lose another one, if you carry on doing that.

  I watch her walk around the car, tutting and shaking her head as she goes. My seat on the mossy ground is damp, despite no rain, and the gnarled bark of the tree trunk digs into my back.

  “Should’ve got a better model than this,” she says, and I snort. “It’s surprising this vehicle’s made it this far before it died.”

  “It overheated,” I say. “And we’ve practically no fuel left.” I fold my arms across my chest. “It’s a perfectly good car. Any other car would be in the same situation.”

  She tuts under her breath. “The bonnet’s starting to rust through. I’m surprised we ain’t had no oil leak yet.”

  I shake my head and get up. “It’s not easy to steal a car,” I mutter, thinking of Kayden. Really, this is his car. He got the Land Rover Discovery. “There isn’t a catalog we can order from.”

  Marouska looks up at me, her pale gray eyes getting bigger and bigger. But she doesn’t say anything. She just looks at me. After a minute or so, I have to look away.

  I go back to my seat on the ground and breathe deeply, try to remain calm. But I can’t.

  Because everything is going to go wrong. I can feel it. My Seer powers? Or just common sense? But, either way, I know it: Three, Esther, Corin, and Rahn are going to be killed. I’m never going to see them again.

  Going to New Sié is a suicidal mission. They’ll have scanners in the city for sure, and our people will set them off.

  I rub at my forehead. Why didn’t I stop them? I didn’t even try. I didn’t say a word. I could’ve made something up about a Seeing dream. They would’ve listened. They would’ve stayed. I wouldn’t be on my own now. They wouldn’t be dead.

  But you’re not on your own. Marouska’s here too.

  My legs shake, and I clamp them together. But they don’t stop shaking. The vial of Calmness in my pocket shakes with them. I can see its rough shape through the khaki fabric of my shorts. It’s so obvious. Why did I even put it back there?

  A jolt runs through my body, and I look up at Marouska. Her back is turned. She can’t see it. It’s fine. I breathe deeply. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. It’s perfectly fine. I won’t need the augmenter, because I’m not on my own.

  You’ll never see them again. They’re probably already dead.

  Tightness pours through my body. They’ll be, what, nearly there by now? Anything could’ve happened. A car could’ve come along; the Enhanced would’ve found them, converted them.

  No. Rahn and Corin and Esther and Three would’ve shot themselves.

  I try to blink away that thought, but can’t. The image won’t leave me alone, drills itself into my head, over and over again.

  I clench my fists. I take big breaths. I look up at the sky, then at the trees. But the trees are whispering about their deaths. I feel sick, like I can’t swallow enough air. But I can. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Of course I can, I’m still alive.

  I haven’t just walked off to my death. I’m still here. I can survive. And I’m with Marouska, I’m not on my own. This is nothing like when they left me in the car alone for a couple of hours at a time after I was shot, while they went off raiding. I’m not even on my own. I’m being pathetic. I need to get a grip.

  A jungle bird screeches overhead. I jump. The trees are all closing in on me. The sky’s falling on me.

  Oh, Gods and Goddesses! Help me!

  My good hand’s on the vial in my pocket. My fingers clasp around it.

  Don’t do it, Seven.

  Do it, drink it. It’ll make you feel better.

  It’ll make you a traitor.

  It’ll calm you, you can think straighter then.

  It’ll change you….

  I can hardly breathe.

  What if I never see them again? What if that was the last time I ever saw my brother, the last surviving Untamed person of my family? I can feel my blood pressure rising. My heart pounds, racing ahead of me until I know I’m going to fall. I can hardly breathe. Rushing noises fill my ears, and my throat’s too dry. The roof of my mouth feels like the cracked surface of cold lava, and my teeth taste dirty.

  I gag as I pull the augmenter from my pocket. My fingers clench the vial closer to me.

  No. Don’t do it. You’re stronger than this.

  It’s true. I’ve had the augmenter for weeks. I’ve had it with me, and I haven’t taken any of it. When I got shot, I could handle the physical pain. When they left me alone while they went raiding, I coped. I didn’t actually take any.

  But today’s not like those days. And I don’t know if I can handle this. This uncertainty. Three and Corin, Esther and Rahn, they could be gone for up to five days. Longer, if they get into trouble.

  Forever, if they’re caught. I gulp.

  I stare at the augmenter. The bridge of my nose feels prickly, the kind of prickliness that leads to tears. I unscrew the cap.

  Don’t do it. Put it away now.

  Drink it. It’ll make you calmer, then you can work out how to help your brother. How to help all of them.

  You don’t need it. You don’t want to be an Enhanced One again. You’re an Untamed Seer. You don’t need it. You haven’t needed any yet, and you don’t need any now.

  Look at you! You’re too worked up to be of any use at the moment. Everything will work out better if you drink it. You’ll be calmer. You can plan a rescue mission for Three if you drink it. You can help everyone.

  I raise the vial to my lips. The glass rim tastes cold against my tongue. I salivate; my fingers shake as I tip the end up slightly.

  No. Don’t.

  I take a deep breath. Memories of safety flood back. The security of the Enhanced Ones’ compound, the food, my teddy bear….

  The Calmness comes in a slow trickle at first.

  But the tap’s been turned on. I’m actually doing it. A part of me can’t believe it. But I am. I’m drinking it. I’m embracing it again. And, this time, it’s my choice. I’m not being held down against the desert floor. I’m not being strapped to a bed, force-fed. I’m not being drowned.

  It’s my choice.

  I gulp the Calmness back like it’s water, like my v
ery life depends on it. It’s beautiful. So beautiful—

  It was inevitable that I’d find out.

  I gulp, choking, and wrench the vial from my lips. Half the Calmness is gone. I can taste it in the crevices of my teeth, under my tongue, on my chapped lips. A sort of sweetness that melts away, leaving a strong aftertaste.

  I breathe deeply. My hands stop shaking.

  There’s still half left.

  Ration it. Rahn said to ration everything. Oh Gods. He’s right, that’s what I need to do. With inner strength I didn’t know I had, I screw the lid back on, then pocket the vial.

  But, oh, Gods….

  The augmenter’s kicking in. I can feel it diving through my veins, spreading its goodness in a tiny web that’s so intricate and complicated it can’t be removed.

  I take a deep breath and partly close my eyes. I run a hand through my hair. It’s tangled, but that doesn’t bother me. Nothing can bother me now. Everything is so beautiful. There isn’t anything that can worry me. I feel weightless, free.

  Safe. For the first time in weeks, I feel safe. Like at the compound. With Raleigh—no, that’s not… I blink. My face relaxes. My head clears. The jittery feelings in my chest evaporate. Weight lifts from my shoulders.

  I feel like a naughty child who’s stolen some baked sweets from a forbidden jar. I feel giddy with it, delirious, happy.

  I smile. If I go back to the Enhanced, I can be like this all the time. I’ll be with my mother. Maybe my father and Five too? We can look for Three and the others then. The realization drops on me like the daintiest of feathers, and I smile broadly.

  I’m not on the run anymore. I can go back now. I know how to get to New Sié. Three spent ages last night planning the route with Rahn and Corin and Esther. I overheard everything. I could trail them at a safe distance. I could watch out for them. We can all join the Enhanced.

  We’d be together, safe, and we’d be on the winning side of the war. I want to leap up and run around, do something crazy and stupid. Why isn’t this obvious to them, to everyone? Why do the Untamed even exist? Why are we resisting? Why was I? Because I thought I wouldn’t be myself.

  But I am. This is me. I can still think. I am still me. This is who I am.

  This is who I am, and now I can survive. No one can hurt me now.

  “Shania?”

  I jump and turn. The trees spin.

  Oh Gods.

  But it’s okay, a voice in my head tells me. She’ll understand… It doesn’t matter….

  But the look of betrayal and hatred Marouska gives me says that it does matter. That it matters very much.

  For what seems like an hour, neither Marouska nor I say anything, and the dog just whines from inside the car. Marouska watches me, her eyes big and sad and grayer than usual, with her lips scrunched up. She’s breathing slowly and deeply through her nose. With every breath she takes, I hear a wheezy sound, like the soft howl of a distant wind.

  I lean back against the tree trunk, letting the rough nodules of bark dig into my back, but it doesn’t hurt. I stare back at her. Should I just run off now? Head straight for New Sié? But it’s late; if I go now, I’ll be traveling at night. Not the safest of times.

  “What’ve you done?” Marouska asks at last. Her voice is faint.

  I don’t say anything. I just sit here. I can feel the vial in my pocket. It digs into my skin, harder and harder. But if feels nice, safe.

  “Seven? What was it?”

  She pauses and reaches out, as if to touch me, then changes her mind. Why’s she even sitting here with me? She should be running away. She knows what I am. I can’t hide it. I thought I could. I persuaded myself I was still Untamed. But Rahn’s survival lesson is right.

  Never let yourself be Enhanced. Once it’s done, there’s no going back.

  Because the Enhanced life is safer.

  “Which augmenter was it?”

  I look up at her. “Calmness.”

  “You got any left?”

  “No,” I lie. I don’t know why I lie. I just do.

  She nods slowly. Then she grabs my hand, tugs at it. She leaps backward, wrenching me forward. Her fingers dig into my bad shoulder. I stumble as she drags me along. And, suddenly, I see the sky. How beautiful it is. Mesmerizing. Stunning. I can’t see enough of it, but I need to!

  I trip over a tree root as we reach the back of the car.

  “Sit there,” Marouska says, pushing me to the ground.

  I watch as she opens the boot of the car. Her large figure hides what she’s doing. My breathing is deep and slow; its rhythmic quality makes me want to fall asleep, but I can’t. I have to see the beauty of the world. I take another deep gulp of air and look at the sky. It’s a peachy color, with streaks of the setting sun and mauve filtering through it. It’s so beautiful. Why wouldn’t Marouska want to appreciate this?

  I look back at Marouska and gulp. What’s she doing? My eyes widen. We—we keep weapons there, and Rahn and the others didn’t take all of them when they left. She’s going to… Would she? Would she really? What would Rahn say when he returned? Corin? Esther? My brother?

  No. She wouldn’t. But she has justifiable grounds. She killed all those Enhanced Ones back at that department store. She could kill me. It’s what she needs to do, to save herself.

  But I can save her. I start to reach for the augmenter.

  “Drink this.” Marouska’s harsh voice interrupts the beauty of the world, and she shoves a wooden cup toward me.

  I take hold of it. My hands feel too heavy.

  “Drink it, now.” She’s watching me, hands on her hips. That disapproving look still hasn’t left her face.

  Raising the cup to my mouth, I sniff the orange liquid. It’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever smelt. Poison?

  “What is it?”

  “Just drink it,” she snaps. “Then run over there.” She jerks her head to the left, to a thicket of trees.

  I sniff the liquid again, my nostrils curl. This is bad. I shouldn’t drink this. Every rational part of my brain is telling me this. Don’t drink it. I don’t want this serene feeling to go—and I know it will if I drink whatever this liquid is.

  But you’ve done something terrible.

  No, I’ve chosen my own pathway. No one forced me. For the first time in my life, I’ve chosen who I want to be. No one can tell me what to do anymore. I’m being strong. Everyone’s always telling me to be strong, to stand up for myself.

  Now, I am. This is me.

  “Drink it, Seven.”

  I stare at the orange liquid. I feel more relaxed now than I have in weeks. I don’t want it to end. The vial in my pocket feels heavy.

  It was inevitable that I’d find out.

  Marouska knocks the cup against my mouth. The edge of it hits my teeth, but the foul-tasting liquid goes everywhere—all down me—and I end up taking a gulp of it. Droplets trickle down my throat. I drop the cup as the world around me spins. My throat burns.

  Marouska grabs my shoulders, pulls me to the left. I fall, scraping my knees on the roots, and wince. But Marouska doesn’t let go of me, she’s still pulling. I try to scrabble to my feet, but I can’t. I cough and splutter.

  “Come on,” she hisses. “I said get over there!”

  I throw up all over her feet.

  “I’m really sorry.” I gulp and look up at Marouska in between splashing water over my face, hoping she doesn’t realize just how high-pitched my voice is.

  Marouska makes a hmmf noise and hands me a cloth. She turns away, so I can’t see her disproving look as I clean myself up.

  After a few minutes, I follow her back to the car. She sorts through some stuff in the boot, and I climb straight into the back of the car and lie down. The world around me spins. The beautiful colors have gone. Now, it’s all grays and blacks and navys. Now it is full of darkness, with only pinpricks of light.

  My eyes will be Untamed again very soon—that’s what Marouska says that liquid did. It destroys the eye-m
irrors. I don’t know how she knew about it. I take a deep breath, then groan as I swing myself up into a sitting position and lean forward, pulling down the fold-up mirror over the passenger’s seat. For several seconds, I stare at my reflection.

  I’m not the girl that I was. My eyes, although they are still deep brown in color, also hold fading ghosts of flickering silver. My face is lined, and my dark skin has several cuts and scrapes on it. My hair looks limp; the tangles are disgusting.

  I groan again and lean back onto the seat, blinking rapidly. Tears come to my eyes. Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t I be Untamed and safe? Why’s it have to be one or the other, because once the need for self-preservation kicks in it can only go one way. We all know that. If we’re not safe, we’re going to be dead. I could die tomorrow.

  Or I could leave, find the Enhanced, and join them. I’d be with my mother again. I’d survive. I’d have a home, safety, security, food. No more starving. No more raiding for resources. No more getting caught.

  It’s so obvious, it hurts.

  Marouska opens the driver’s door and gets in. I sniff and turn away as she looks at me in the mirror. Her unblemished Untamed face meets mine for a second.

  “I won’t tell ’em,” she says. Her voice is strange, kind of soft, but kind of hard at the same time.

  I look up at her. “Why?”

  She pauses. In the mirror, I see the corners of her mouth lift up. “It can be our little secret,” she says. There’s a long pause, and she doesn’t say anything else.

  “Thank you.” I manage to choke the words out.

  “But that liquid doesn’t destroy the effect of the augmenter,” she warns. “Just changes your eyes.”

  I lie back into the seat, curling myself up into a tight ball despite my protesting shoulder. I don’t feel calm at all.

  The augmenter is still in my pocket. Marouska didn’t search me—stupid, if you ask me. But I’m glad. It’s security. The option is still there. Thinking about the sweetness of the Calmness, how it purified me, makes my mouth salivate.

  I scratch my arms, desperately. I bite my tongue, then my bottom lip, until I feel pain. If Marouska catches me taking it again, she’ll kill me. We won’t have our little secret any longer.