Marlin Hadder was wrong. All the drugs and sex in Station weren't enough to keep his mind from drifting backward. And truth be told, he didn't want to burn the past from his soul. It was too dear to him.
Beyond many residents' reluctance to honestly share anything more than their bodies, Hadder had also stumbled upon another taboo topic in Station. While his mind was too shattered to grasp where he had ended up the previous Haela, upon reflection, Hadder recalled Miles's brief introduction to the city and had reached a conclusion. He had wandered across the Skirt, and, in doing so, had encountered one of Station's more twisted citizens. Whispers of the division floated through parties, and talk of Risers was accidentally overheard late into Haelas when tongues had been greased by drink and smoke. Now, with the image of a bladed beast bearing down on him permanently etched into his brain, Hadder understood that something much more sinister was going on in Station. Something that everyone knew about but refused to discuss, as if giving voice to concerns would make them real.
Hadder was pulled from his dark thoughts by the returning manikin who had new clothes draped across one arm and was balancing a large bowl of stew on a tray with the other. Hadder took the clothes and food with shy words of thanks, still uncomfortable speaking with Station's caretakers. Before the manikin turned to go, it reached behind its back to pull out Hadder's old clothing, once again folded and tied into a neat package. It held out the bundle.
"Burn those," was all Hadder said as he showed the manikin out. As always in Station, the stew was delicious, and the clothes were a perfect fit. Regardless of his severe questions about the city, Hadder couldn't deny that it offered many enjoyable benefits.
The food and fresh clothes calmed his nerves and evaporated the gloom residing in his head better than any pill or chemically-laced drink. Now with only depressing thoughts and unnerving questions plaguing him, Hadder exited the living quarters, grateful for their existence. The halls were similar to those found in countless other Bar sub-levels, so he quickly found his way through them and up to the Bar's main floor.
Entering the main bar area, Hadder was thankful for what he found and even more grateful for what he didn't see. The last thing he wanted to walk into was another costumed party filled with frolicking zombies offering mind-numbing concoctions. Luckily, Hadder discovered that he was in an unfamiliar Bar, one that was, for the moment, peaceful. It resembled many of the bars that Hadder had frequented in the Before, with a long mahogany counter running the length of one far side with bar stools, three of which were occupied by residents, and tables with chairs dominating the remainder of the space. Muted lo-fi hip hop filled the room, adding to the relaxing environment.
Hadder took a seat at the bar and ordered a Number 7, the kindest drink he could think of, from the glume manikin operating the counter. After a few sips from the glass, feeling its soft effects, Hadder turned to the nearest resident, an older gentleman with salt and pepper hair wearing simple blue jeans, a flannel shirt, and boots. Hadder cracked a smile before speaking, the man's modest garb tickling something in Hadder's past that he dearly missed. "Excuse me, what Bar is this? I was kinda out of it when I got here."
The man chuckled, the act making his thick beard dance and turned to Hadder. "You weren't out of it; you were delirious. And dangerously dehydrated to boot. We had a manikin give you an IV while you slept it off. You were lucky Cal got you here when he did."
Hadder's face flushed with embarrassment. Although Station was a haven for the out of control, Hadder still prided himself on being able to take care of himself at all times. "I'm sorry about all that. Thanks for helping me; I really appreciate it. Is this Cal in here? I'd like to thank him as well."
"Cal doesn’t need thanking. It's his job." Hadder's confused look forced the man to continue. "Cal's one of the Caesars. Told me he found you fucking around down by the Skirt, out of your mind. You're blessed that he found you in time."
Hadder had an inkling of the answer but pressed anyway. "In time for what?"
The man turned back to his beer. "Never mind."
"I'm sorry; I didn't get your name to properly thank you. I'm Marlin. Marlin Hadder."
The man's eyes remained forward. "Name's Glen. No need to thank me, either, Hadder. But tell me, what got you in such a state? I mean, there's messed up, and there's what you were. That wasn't just a man drunk on chemicals that I saw. That was a man with a broken spirit." Glen turned back to Hadder, his dark eyes swirling like a thunderstorm. "What broke your spirit, son?"
Glen's eyes bore holes into Hadder, but he refused to look away. "I visited Inferno. It's a Bar in…"
"I know what Inferno is," interrupted Glen. He spat on the floor after saying the name of the Bar. "What were you trying to accomplish by entering that foul establishment?"
"Accomplish?"
"People only go to Inferno for three reasons. One, to lobotomize themselves, keep any real thoughts or feelings from disturbing their endless summer. Two, to actually feel something. They've done so much fucking and drinking that only the most extreme can blow their hair back. You know what we called those people in the Before? Fucking serial killers. And three, to briefly remember the past, but only to curse it and bury it deeper. Which of those fits you, son?"
Hadder pondered Glen's question and couldn't deny the truth of the options he presented. "I think it was number two, but looking back, it may have been all three. I made a big mistake."
The storms raging in Glen's eye calmed as he detected the truth and melancholy behind Hadder's response. "You know, a trip to Inferno" - another spit - "proves an inflection point for many residents. From there, you either sink lower into Station's muck, or you decide that there's more to living than forgetting."
"Did you ever go to Inferno, Glen?"
A deep sigh. A disturbing flashback. "Long time ago. Last time I ever set foot in the Celebration Cluster." Glen shook the memory loose. "Look, kid, if you're trying to forget, there's less destructive ways to do so. Why don't you go check out the Lethe River? This Bar is called Cranesman; it's a fair way northwest of the Celebration Cluster. When you walk out the front door, take the small path to the left and stay straight. It'll spit you right out onto the Lethe's banks."
"Thanks, Glen. I'll do that." Hadder took the rest of his drink down in a gulp and stood. He took another moment to enjoy the ambiance of Cranesman. "You know, I really like this Bar. I've missed places like this. And the conversations that they bring."
"Thanks, I had it built myself. I modeled it after a place that was special to me in the Before."
"You can have Bars built? How?"
"You gotta petition Mister Rott. A simple form, really. But it was a lot easier back in the day when there was open land everywhere. I had this built away from everything else, my own selfish sanctuary. Now there's six other Bars within five minutes. Just as well, I ain't running from anything anymore."
"Well, I'm glad you got it made, regardless of the reasons."
Glen stood and shook Hadder's hand, a firm thing that reminded Hadder of a life almost buried. "You're welcome at Cranesman anytime. I know it's empty now, but this is more of a Solay Bar. I was just waiting for you to rise to make sure you were okay."
Hadder nodded his sincere appreciation and walked to the entrance. At the door, he stopped and turned back to Glen. He raised his finger to the ceiling. "Lo-fi hip hop?"
Glen smiled. "I died. But I ain't dead. This old dog keeps up with the times."
Hadder laughed as he turned back and exited. Walking out into the deep Haela, Hadder smiled. He had met plenty of residents that he liked, but Hadder finally met someone he could relate to.
Hadder followed Glen's instructions and took the small path to the left, staying straight as it cut through lush gardens and split off to either side. Hadder rediscovered Haela plant and animal life as he walked, soaking in the animated leaves, glowing insects, and multi-colored creatures of Station's night.
Before long, true to Glen's word,
Hadder left the life-filled gardens behind and stood on the bank of a large river that cut through the city like a scythe. The river was several hundred feet across, and its currents moved swiftly. As Hadder approached the water's edge, he discovered the real magic of the river. Below its surface, ropes of prismatic light danced and swirled, exposing the river's frightening depth. The Lethe's expanse gave off a gentle indigo light, bathing its banks in a glossy shine that created a calming atmosphere.
Looking down the bank, Hadder noticed that benches had been placed every fifty feet or so. He took one, spotting a silhouetted figure on the other nearest seat. Leaning forward, Hadder stared deep into the churning waters, watching the swirling colors dance and pulse. Within a few short minutes, Hadder's heartbeat had aligned with the Lethe's vibration, and Hadder fell into a trance.
His mind followed the twisting chromatic ropes beneath the surface and dove deep, passing blue-glowing lantern fish and stingrays whose barbed tails left trails of color crisscrossing the water. Down the river, Hadder's mind leaped, pulled by the current and driven by his own desire to lose himself. Hadder closed his eyes but still saw everything, the ropes of light soaring past his body and turning on a dime to strike his chest, entering powerfully and warming his heart. Hadder sucked in air as he felt the Lethe's energy flowing into his soul, repairing some of the damage caused by Inferno and Jackie Crone.
Hadder relinquished all control to the Lethe as it drove him deeper, farther, faster, only to return him to his seat on the bench sometime later. Feeling reinvigorated, Hadder opened his eyes and almost jumped out of his chair, startled to find someone standing in front of him.
She laughed softly, honeysuckle on a summer breeze. "I'm so sorry to have frightened you." Hadder looked around, found that the bench closest to him was now empty. She continued, "We seem to be the only ones out here. Do you mind if I join you?"
Hadder weakly motioned towards the empty seat. As she sat, the light from the Lethe kissed her face and gave Hadder a view of true beauty. The woman had long silver-blonde hair pulled back into a loose ponytail and cognac eyes that made Hadder want to build a home where they would live their shared days out in happiness. As Hadder's mind raced with something witty to say, the woman simply sat in silence, looking into the enchanted water. After some time, Hadder gave up on his creative writing assignment and simply relished sitting quietly with the mysterious woman.
Several minutes later, she finally broke the silence. "You trying to forget?"
"What do you mean?"
"The is the Lethe River, where you can supposedly forget that which hurts you. A lot of residents come here when the Before starts seeping back into their lives. They stare and stare. And stare. Let their minds go blank and wash away unwanted memories. It takes them downstream and out of the city. Then they get up with a clean slate and go back to their lives of diversion. Is that what you're doing here?"
"I don't really know what I'm doing here. But I don't think that's it. I like staring into the river. And while the idea of stripping away those memories that hurt so much sounds nice, I don't think that's what I want." The words poured out of Hadder, aimed at a woman he didn't know, but with whom he wanted to share everything. "Those memories hurt so much because of how essential they are to who I am. Do they often bring me sadness? Yes. Hell, they brought me to this city, didn't they? But after months of burying them, I see now that they also bring me joy that no short-term fix can provide. No matter how drunk I am or hot she is." The woman laughed at this. "No, I think I need to keep them, cradle them. Somehow make them a part of me without allowing them to destroy me. I failed at this in the Before. I'd like to try again here. But I don't know how."
The woman stayed silent for a long time, digesting Hadder's monologue. Instead of responding to Hadder's existential contemplations, she sat, sharing the musical sounds of the Lethe's current. Hadder grew anxious, wondering if opening his heart to a stranger that he fancied was the best approach.
"My name's Lilly. Lilly Sistine."
"Pretty name."
"Thanks, but it's not my real name. I mean not the one I had in the Before. That takes some of the shine off it, I think."
"I'm Marlin. Marlin Hadder."
"Interesting name. You come up with that yourself?"
"Real name, no gimmick."
Still staring ahead, Lilly placed her hand on Hadder's leg, an action of comfort and friendship rather than sexual strategy. "It's nice to meet you, Marlin Hadder, no gimmick. You're gonna be ok. I like you already, and I'm going to help you."
Hadder's face split in two from the goofy smile that crash-landed there, and he was thankful that they were both still looking towards the Lethe. "I would like that."
"Me too. But let's enjoy the Lethe for a bit longer. Lost people come here to forget. Found people come here to remember."
Hadder liked that.
Hadder and Lilly sat for a while, enjoying the sounds of the Lethe and each other's quiet company. Suddenly, Lilly slapped Hadder on the thigh and stood up, motioning him to do the same. "It's getting late, Marlin. And you look like you've been through a shit storm recently. Let's get some sleep."
"You don't sleep during the Solay like everyone else?"
"Everyone else isn't the Celebration Cluster, you know. There's a lot of us who try to live more normal, fulfilling lives here. You want to give it a shot?"
Hadder was unable to deny that although he had woken from a long slumber a few short hours ago, he was already exhausted, weighed down heavily with thought and worry. He rose and followed Lilly away from the Lethe, silently thanking it for not only its cathartic effects but for bringing him together with this lovely woman. Lilly wore faded blue jeans that hugged her long, fit legs, a tight gray tank top, and weathered black boots. Her outfit was a far cry from the varied material, multimedia, stream of consciousness ensembles that those in the Celebration Cluster worked so hard to create. And Hadder loved it.
As they walked, Lilly spoke. "I usually stay at The Royal Jelly and have permanent living quarters there. But I'm tired, and you look like the living dead. Or at least someone who works with the dead." Hadder looked down at his black on black clothing and shrugged shyly. "Anyways, you mind if we just crash at Cranesman? It's the closest bar, and I'm friends with the proprietor."
"Yeah, I know it. I ended up there last Haela. Or maybe it was Solay. Anyways, I met Glen already. Happy to go back there."
"Good, then it's settled."
They came upon Cranesman a few minutes later and entered the modest building. Now late into Haela, Glen was gone, and only one resident remained at the counter, fast asleep on the hardwood. Lilly kicked the small man's bar stool as they walked past, and he lifted his head. "Get to the living quarters, Squeak. The ghosts won't follow you to your bed."
"Ok, Lilly," was all that the small man weakly offered.
Hadder trailed as Lilly led him back down to the Bar's sub-level and its living quarters. Walking down several halls, she finally stopped at a door and pressed her hand to the glowing white mark on the wall to the right. The door slid open, unveiling a room identical to the one in which Hadder had awoken. For all he knew, it may have been the very same room. Lilly gently pushed Hadder inside. He walked forward to the room's center and turned around, confused when Lilly remained at the doorway. "When we sleep isn't the only difference here compared to the Celebration Cluster."
Hadder's stomach clinched in embarrassment. "Oh, I didn't mean to…"
Lilly chuckled, holding up her palm to shush the stammering Hadder. "It's quite alright. I get it. But let's just get to know each other first. We have nothing but time here." Hadder offered a grateful nod. "I'm gonna stay next door. Buzz me if you need anything. I usually get up within the first hour or so of Solay. You want me to come to wake you?"
"I barely remember what early Solay looks like. Yes, please wake me."
"Dreams are rarely sweet in Station, so I always say, ‘have a restful time.' So, have a restful
time, Marlin Hadder."
"You, too, Lilly Sistine."
With that, the door slid shut, leaving Hadder alone with his thoughts. These thoughts, however, were much brighter than those he started his shortened day with. Images of Jackie Crone and twisted killing machines were replaced by visions of Lilly Sistine's cognac eyes staring at him from the pillow next to his and her silver-blonde hair tickling his face as they danced closely to Motown music.
Hadder sat down slowly on the bed and laughed to himself. In his months at Station, this was the first instance when he had spent time with a woman only to end up alone. But Hadder didn't mind. For the first time in a while, warm anxiousness had appeared in his stomach, promising something special in the Solay to come.
Hadder laid down and closed his eyes. Jackie Crone didn't caress him in the darkness, and no scythe arms swung his way in the pitch black. Hadder didn't have sweet dreams. But he rested.
CHAPTER 11
Hadder was ripped from a deep, restful slumber by a knock at his door. Looking over at the Moon Clock through bleary eyes, Hadder saw that Lilly had kept her word, coming to get him a couple of hours into Solay. Despite being in deep REM sleep moments earlier, Hadder quickly shook off his tiredness, the possibility of an entire Solay spent with Lilly Sistine sweeping away all cobwebs.
Opening the door, Hadder's breath caught as he saw Lilly again for the first time. He exhaled in relief as the fear that last Haela was a construct - that his sadness, worry, exhaustion, and confusion had made him build this woman into more than she was - dissipated into nothing. Lilly was all that he remembered and more. She now wore worn gray jeans, a white tube top, and a weathered jean jacket. Her hair fell past her shoulders like a blonde-silver waterfall, and she displayed a silver choker crafted in the shape of a snake eating its own tail. The snake slowly consumed more of its tail, which continued to grow from the back of its head, giving the piece an entrancing quality. Black Converse sneakers topped it off, with white graphics that moved of their own accord like shoe anime.
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