"Something the matter, Marlin."
"No, you just look great. Cool clothes."
"Just because we don't live like your friends in the Celebration Cluster doesn't mean we don't take advantage of the custom clothing here."
"I can see that."
"Well, get cleaned up, and I'll meet you upstairs. No rush, but don't keep me waiting either. There's a lot I want to show you today."
"I'll get moving. Thanks for coming to get me."
"No problem. See you up top." Hadder thought he noticed Lilly's eyes drop and look over Hadder's underwear-clad body as the door was closing. At least he hoped that was what he saw.
Hadder showered quickly and dressed, frowning in the mirror at his funeral director's clothing. On his way to Cranesman's main level, Hadder found a lemma manikin on its way to complete some trivial task and asked to go to a garment room. He waited patiently as the lemma manikin sewed gray pants and a white t-shirt. After thinking it over, Hadder also ordered a light black jacket with the back showing an animated grey Ophidian blowing smoke. Finally, he had his black and white high tops remade. Lilly Sistine was right, it would be a shame not to take advantage of Station's more enjoyable perks.
Suited for the oncoming Solay, Hadder took the steps up to the bar level two at a time, crashing through the doors with excitement. Glenn and Lilly sat together at the counter, talking and sipping on orange drinks. They stopped their conversation as Hadder approached.
"There he is," said Glen cheerfully.
"Nice threads," added Lilly, spinning Hadder around while admiring his clothes. "Care for something to drink?"
Hadder stared at their drinks. "What are those? Number 3s?"
Glen and Lilly laughed in unison. "It's just orange juice, Marlin. We don't need to get high first thing in the Solay here."
"Plenty of stuff out there to get you high naturally," added Glen, nodding his head towards the Bar's front door.
"Sorry, habit, I suppose," replied Hadder. "Sure, I'll have some."
Lilly handed him her drink. "Here, just finish mine. I want to get going." She picked up a brown paper bag from the counter. "Glen was kind enough to make us some breakfast-to-go."
Hadder looked at Glen with confusion. "You cooked? Why?"
Glen shrugged. "I cooked breakfast for my family every day in the Before. Why not do it for my young friends here in Station? There's a joy to be found in the little things, Hadder. The regular things that those in the Celebration Cluster take for tedium can bring great pleasure. Remember that."
"I will," said Hadder as Lilly dragged him away and towards the Bar entrance.
"Oh, thank you, wise sage Glen. There will be odes to your timeless words," said Lilly jokingly, tussling Glen's hair as she passed.
"You two kids enjoy yourselves! Plenty to see in Station! The raw materials are here to mold your own utopia!" Glen's words chased after them as they exited Cranesman.
Hadder shielded his eyes against the full Idol Moon. Lilly laughed. "Geez, it has been a while since you've been out this early."
"Where to?" asked Hadder as his eyes adjusted to the brightness of Station's other night.
"Leave that to me," said Lilly, grabbing his arm.
Lilly led Hadder west and then north, taking a twisting series of garden paths. As they walked, she pointed out interesting aspects of Station's natural environment. They watched in silence as a small bunny rabbit stood on hind legs the length of a human's to reach the bright red berries of a tall plant bordering their path. When it had its fill, the legs folded down like an accordion, leaving a normal-sized rabbit to hop away into the garden. A rather unimpressive tree with a large hollow, small branches, and sickly yellow leaves sang "Ave Maria" from its opening when Lilly tickled its bark with her black fingernails.
Not long after turning north, they came upon an ornate bridge crossing the Lethe River. While the foundation of the bridge was white marble, the railings were pure crystal, granting pedestrians an exhilarating feeling of exposure as they crossed the hypnotizing waterway. Lilly informed Hadder that there were several bridges over the river; this one was the Bridge Gab'Riel.
After leaving the bridge behind, Lilly continued to traverse various garden paths, traveling in a generally north-easterly direction. This far north in Station, the gardens were tall and thick, and Hadder was utterly lost within minutes. Should Lilly abandon him now, he thought, his bones would become a permanent part of the complex ecosystem.
"We're almost there," said Lilly as they passed an onyx statue jutting out from the garden in the shape of a man kneeling down with fists raised, frozen in a scream as if he were cursing the heavens. Just minutes later, their small path emptied into a large clearing, and Lilly threw her arm around Hadder. "This, Marlin, is the Samsara. It's my absolute favorite thing in Station. Except for some of the wonderful people, of course."
Hadder looked around, taking it all in. If this was Lilly Sistine's favorite place, it must be truly magical, and he wanted to appreciate it fully. The border of the clearing was simply manicured grass, green and vibrant. Dominating the open space, however, was a large circle of silky white sand, perfectly combed as if it were a Japanese art exhibit. In the center of the circle sat the most giant tree Hadder had seen in Station, dwarfing the Monarch trees that lined main thoroughfares. This was the Samsara.
While enormous, the Samsara appeared dead, its black bark looking like it had been pulled from the fires of hell and its bare branches looking like they hadn't given life to leaves or blossoms since Christ himself walked the earth. Despite its cadaverous presentation, however, the Samsara stood in dark contrast to the white sand that surrounded it like a loyal proselyte, creating a wholly moving image.
"Impressive," was all that Hadder could say. "Very impressive."
"Oh, it gets better. Come on, I'm hungry."
Lilly led Hadder forward and dropped Indian-style on the soft grass. She patted the carpet of green. "Join me. Please."
Hadder did as he was told, and was surprised by the soft, spongy quality of the ground that made for an excessively comfortable seat. Lilly opened the brown paper bag and took out two round sandwiches that had been carefully wrapped in wax paper. She handed one to Hadder and tore open the other. Hadder followed suit and found that Glen had made them bacon, egg, and cheese biscuits. Taking a bite, Hadder's eyes widened at the quality of the sandwich, equaling that of anything any manikin ever provided. "Wow, this is pretty damn good."
Lilly nodded vigorously in agreement. "I know, right? I think Glen makes the biscuits from scratch."
"What's his deal," Hadder asked between bites. "I mean, he seems so together, nothing like the others I've met here. How does he end up in a place like this?" Lilly remained silent for a moment, enjoying her biscuit, and Hadder took this to mean that he had overstepped, something he had done routinely in the Celebration Cluster. "Sorry I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business, I know."
"No, no, it's quite alright, Marlin. We aren't like those residents who try to act like the Before didn't exist. We often talk about the Before and what we miss about it. We also talk about what drove us here and how we can learn from the low points in our lives. In Glen's case, you're right; he is pretty normal. Had a wife and two grown daughters that he loved very much. He was a tower crane operator, and a good one, nearing retirement, I think. He was working on a new skyscraper in the city, I forget which one, and conditions got bad as a storm moved in. He kept pushing as the winds picked up. Thought he could handle it and keep the project on schedule. Anyways, a huge gust comes along like a rogue wave and sends his load spinning hundreds of feet in the air. He tried to regain control, but one of the clips snapped under stress, and some items came loose and fell to the ground. A mother pushing her baby was struck and died instantly. The courts ultimately found him not liable, just a sad accident, but he never forgave himself. I guess you can figure out the rest. He was one of the original residents of Station, known as Keys. Most of the Keys
have gone completely bonkers in their time here; I think you've met a few. But Glen remains Glen, a sweet guy who couldn't recover from one bad day at work. You done with that?"
Hadder, absorbed in Glen's story, looked down to see that he had finished his breakfast sandwich. He handed the wax paper to Lilly, who added it to her own and balled it up with the brown paper bag. "Check this out," she said as she threw the ball of trash onto the Samsara's white sand. Hadder watched in amazement as the refuse disintegrated and disappeared before his eyes, hundreds of years being played out in seconds. "Cool, huh?"
"Very."
Lilly looked at Hadder as if waiting for something. "So you want to share your story, Marlin? It's just me here."
Hadder stared at the Samsara, wondering how he could escape this conversation, wondering if he really wanted to. He had worked hard over the past few months not to think about the family that was stolen from him, attempting to whitewash a beautiful painting that stirred up uncomfortable emotions. "I don't know if I can, Lilly." Tears began to well up in Hadder's eyes. He looked away in embarrassment.
Lilly continued to stare forward, offering Hadder privacy even in their closeness. "You don't have to tell me, Marlin. You can tell the Samsara."
Hadder didn't understand, but he focused on the Samsara, nonetheless. Its bare black branches remained unmoving, twisted arms that looked to provide little comfort and even less understanding. Still, he stared, narrowing his vision to the tree's dark trunk, allowing himself to shrink down, become ethereal, penetrating the antique bark and boring deep inside the cold wood. Hadder's world went black as he swam within the Samsara, endless tunnels of lifelessness, vast expanses of nothing.
Just as he turned to exit, another impotent experiment exhausted, he spotted a flicker of light in the shadowed distance. Hadder willed himself forward, squeezing through idle veins and hardened pulp, eventually coming upon the Speck of light, the last crumb of a once vibrant life. Although minuscule, the Speck gave off tremendous warmth, and Hadder moved closer to gain a reprieve from the miserable cold of death. Soon, the Speck took up Hadder's entire field of vision, so close they were, and he could feel its energy pulsing, pulling, and pushing, locking him in its orbit.
"Share," it said to him, the singular word echoing in his head, each reverberation growing louder and stronger. Hadder continued to orbit the light, rotation speed increasing, warming then comforting. As he spun, layers flew off of him into the dark beyond, unneeded armor in this sanctuary. Stripped clean with nowhere else to hide, Hadder invited the light in.
And let go.
Hadder spoke of his troubled years as a young man, drugs and violence preventing any kind of personal growth. He spoke of his parents, their heartbreak in witnessing the failures of their only child. Hadder spoke of Mom's cancer that ate away at her over two years, leaving her a shell before taking that, as well. He spoke of Dad's inability to cope, how he literally wasted away without her, joining her eighteen months later. Hadder spoke of meeting Emily while bouncing one night, her soft eyes cutting through the booze and pills to touch his heart. He spoke of how he became a better man for her, the bottles of pills discarded, and the alcohol put back on the shelf. Hadder spoke of going back to school, earning his Master's, and landing with a respectable outfit. He spoke of the angel that they brought into the world together, how she taught him more about true love and responsibility without being able to say a word. He spoke of the suffocating guilt he felt for acting too slow, for becoming the man his parents wanted him to be when it was too late for them to take pleasure in it.
He spoke of the accident that stole everything, that second that he glanced back to check on baby Mia. That second that may have allowed him to see the truck out of the corner of his eye, a small reaction that may have changed everything.
And Hadder spoke of how he found himself alone in a sea of despair, how he wasn't much for friends because he had poured everything into his two girls. He spoke of how he treaded water for as long as he could, but the ocean of loss proved too vast. He spoke of how he ultimately ended up exactly as his parents knew him, how he wasn't worthy of the world and how it didn't deserve his toxic presence.
Tale of woe complete, Hadder's rotations around the Speck halted. The pulsing light began to swell, encompassing Hadder in energy that warmed his soul and greased his smile. Safely bathed in the Speck's light, Hadder could feel the grief, anxiety, guilt, and anger drain from him through infinite pinholes. Soon after, he drifted in the luminescence, emptied but not empty, a man with loss who was no longer lost.
"Thank you for sharing," boomed the Speck, voice emanating from everywhere all at once. "Now live."
On that cue, Hadder was thrust violently from the Speck's light, watching as it disappeared from sight, leaving Hadder in the dark once more. Until he opened his wet eyes.
The Samsara was before him once more, sitting silently on its foundation of white sand. Hadder was lying on the soft grass, his head cradled in Lilly's lap as she stroked his hair. Sitting up, he noticed the wet spots on Lilly's jeans and offered an abashed apology, which she waved away. While Hadder recovered from what must have been heaving sobs, Lilly sat patiently, silence the greatest gift she could have given him.
"Was I talking out loud that whole time," he asked, unsure of what had just transpired.
Lilly smiled sweetly. "Yes, but I only listened to most of it. I'm sorry for what happened to you, Marlin. I truly am. How do you feel?"
Hadder took a moment to evaluate. "Better. Much better." He took a deep, shaky breath, let it out slowly. "How about you, Lilly? What's your story?"
"Later, Marlin. Time for that later." She put her arm around Hadder's shoulder's, pointed at the Samsara. "Look at what you've done."
Hadder looked on in astonishment as the Samsara began to change. Its expired coat slowly turned from black to brown to beige to white, matching the sand found beneath it. The Samsara's decrepit arms grew thick and durable, giving birth to large blossoms that ran the spectrum of colors. Hadder's eyes went wide at the metamorphosis, from the remnants of what was to the pinnacle of what was possible. Lilly held him tight as the Samsara towered over them, vibrant and healthy, its brightness warming the entire courtyard and stealing residual negativities from his mind.
A breeze entered the courtyard, and the Samsara danced at its introduction, its large blossoms moving to and fro in time with a muted melody. The breeze became a wind that whipped through the courtyard in a counter-clockwise direction. Blossom petals leaped from their perch to join the wind, riding its circular currents. More and more fell until a cyclone of color surrounded the Samsara and filled the air, raining color upon Hadder and Lilly.
Hadder stood, and Lilly joined him, transfixed by the scene playing out around them, grateful to be background characters in a living Van Gogh painting. Petals tickled their faces, many sticking to Hadder's tear-slicked cheeks, and he laughed loudly, an honest sound that came from a place just recently rediscovered.
Lilly, her face a chromatic work of art, cupped Hadder's face with her hands and brought him in for a kiss as they stood in the blossom storm. It wasn't a deep, passionate kiss like Reena's, but rather the warm, comforting kind that Hadder had thought off-limits to a wretch like him.
As they separated, the wind died down, and the storm of petals became a gentle snowfall, scraps of color falling to the green grass and white sand, only to disappear seconds later. The Samsara, its show concluded, darkened again, shedding its last remaining blossoms as it thinned. Minutes passed, and it stood dark once more, an inkblot on the white canvass.
"Well, what do think, Marlin," asked Lilly, one arm still over Marlin's shoulders.
"I think I'm ready to see the rest of your world. All of it."
"You sure? You might not want to leave."
"I'm counting on it."
CHAPTER 12
Lilly Sistine led Hadder across the Bridge Gab'Riel once more and due south along one of the more significant thoroughfar
es that Hadder had seen. Just off the street and down a medium-sized garden path, they eventually passed into a large clearing. To the left, a group of residents was playing volleyball, enjoying the fresh air and heatless light of the Solay. To the right, a man with four arms played a double-neck guitar for an enthralled audience that surrounded him on the grass. In the center of the clearing stood a large three-story wooden Bar bordered by a lush, manicured garden on its sides and back. Five steps led up to an impressive porch and the main entrance, which were below an overhang that was supported by four wooden columns. Although the building looked to be an antique theater, the front overhang was trimmed with yellow neon, and the words The Royal Jelly were spelled out in matching neon of vibrant blue. The Bar was unlike anything Hadder had encountered in Station to date.
Lilly stopped on the small footpath that led up the Bar and extended both arms towards the building, cracking a smile that lit up her face and melted Hadder's weakened heart. "This is my home, Marlin. This is The Royal Jelly. Come on!"
Taking Hadder's hand, Lilly pulled him towards the Bar. Twin golden bees, standing on opposite sides of the footpath just before the stairs and standing at twice Hadder's height, welcomed them. As they neared, the statues' golden wings began to slowly flutter, reflecting the Solay's rays in small explosions of brilliant light. Up the stairs they went, and through the large double doors.
Hadder walked into a warm, open space that was lit with what almost seemed to be natural sunlight, and he was besieged by Sunday morning memories that almost caused him to trip. He moved forward, investigating this place that obviously meant so much to Lilly. On each side were comfortable seating areas, many of which were presently home to residents, wrapped in dark leather that begged for someone to enjoy them. Beyond the sitting areas, centered in the room, was a small bar that looked mightily stocked, carrying much more than Station's standard numbered offerings. Stairs descended on both sides of the small bar to another level, where another small bar backed into the one above it, creating an interesting dual-level effect. The second mini-level also contained numerous seating areas in addition to a long counter that looked down to the last lower level. Several more residents occupied this bench, engaged in quiet conversations over cold drinks.
Station Page 13