[Gives them the will carelessly, over his shoulder]
CORB. Is that the will?
MOS. Down-beds and bolsters—
VOLP. Rare!
Be busy still. Now they begin to flutter:
They never think of me. Look, see, see, see!
How their swift eyes run over the long deed,
Unto the name, and to the legacies,
What is bequeathed them there—
MOS. Ten suits of hangings—
VOLP. Ay, in their garters, Mosca. Now their hopes
Are at the gasp.
VOLT. Mosca the heir!
CORB. What’s that?
VOLP. My advocate is dumb; look to my merchant,
He has heard of some strange storm, a ship is lost,
He faints; my lady will swoon. Old glazen eyes,
He hath not reached his despair yet.
CORB. All these
Are out of hope; I am, sure, the man.
CORV. But, Mosca—
MOS. Two cabinets.
CORV. IS this in earnest?
MOS. One
Of ebony—
CORV. Or do you but delude me?
MOS. The other, mother of pearl—I am very busy.
Good faith, it is a fortune thrown upon me—
Item, one salt139 of agate—not my seeking.
LADY P. Do you hear, sir?
MOS. A perfumed box—’Pray you forbear,
You see I’m troubled—made of an onyx—
LADY P. How!
MOS. To-morrow or next day, I shall be at leisure
To talk with you all.
CORV. IS this my large hope’s issue?
LADY P. Sir, I must have a fairer answer.
MOS. Madam!
Marry, and shall: ’pray you, fairly quit my house.
Nay, raise no tempest with your looks; but hark you,
Remember what your ladyship offered me
To put you in an heir; go to, think on it:
And what you said e’en your best madams did
For maintenance; and why not you? Enough.
Go home, and use the poor sir Pol, your knight, well,
For fear I tell some riddles; go, be melancholy.
Exit Lady Would-be
VOLP. O, my fine devil!
CORV. Mosca, pray you a word.
MOS. Lord! will you not take your dispatch hence yet?
Methinks, of all, you should have been the example.
Why should you stay here? with what thoughts, what promise?
Hear you; do you not know, I know you an ass,
And that you would most fain have been a wittol,140
If fortune would have let you? that you are
A declared cuckold, on good terms? This pearl,
You’ll say, was yours? right: this diamond?
I’ll not deny’t, but thank you. Much here else?
It may be so. Why, think that these good works
May help to hide your bad. I’ll not betray you;
Although you be but extraordinary,141
And have it only in title, it sufficeth:
Go home, be melancholy too, or mad.
Exit Corvino
VOLP. Rare Mosca! how his villainy becomes him!
VOLT. Certain he doth delude all these for me.
CORB. Mosca the heir!
VOLP. O, his four eyes have found it.
CORB. I am cozened, cheated, by a parasite slave;
Harlot,142 thou hast gulled me.
MOS. Yes, sir. Stop your mouth,
Or I shall draw the only tooth is left.
Are not you he, that filthy covetous wretch,
With the three legs,143 that here, in hope of prey,
Have, any time this three years, snuffed about,
With your most grovelling nose, and would have hired
Me to the poisoning of my patron, sir?
Are not you he that have to-day in court
Professed the disinheriting of your son?
Perjured yourself? Go home, and die, and stink.
If you but croak a syllable, all comes out:
Away, and call your porters! [Exit Corbaccio] Go, go, stink.
VOLP. Excellent varlet!
VOLT. Now, my faithful Mosca,
I find thy constancy.
MOS. Sir!
VOLT. Sincere.
MOS. A table
Of porphyry—I marle144 you’ll be thus troublesome.
VOLT. Nay, leave off now, they are gone.
MOS. Why, who are you?
What! who did send for you? O, cry you mercy,
Reverend sir! Good faith, I am grieved for you,
That any chance of mine should thus defeat
Your (I must needs say) most deserving travails:
But I protest, sir, it was cast upon me,
And I could almost wish to be without it,
But that the will o’ the dead must be observed.
Marry, my joy is that you need it not;
You have a gift, sir, (thank your education,)
Will never let you want, while there are men,
And malice, to breed causes. Would I had
But half the like, for all my fortune, sir!
If I have any suits, as I do hope,
Things being so easy and direct, I shall not,
I will make bold with your obstreperous aid,
Conceive me,—for your fee, sir. In mean time,
You that have so much law, I know have the conscience
Not to be covetous of what is mine.
Good sir, I thank you for my plate; ’twill help
To set up a young man. Good faith, you look
As you were costive;145 best go home and purge, sir.
Exit Voltore
VOLP. [Comes from behind the curtain] Bid him eat lettuce well. My witty mischief,
Let me embrace thee. O that I could now
Transform thee to a Venus!—Mosca, go,
Straight take my habit of clarissimo,146
And walk the streets; be seen, torment them more:
We must pursue, as well as plot. Who would
Have lost this feast?
MOS. I doubt it will lose them.
VOLP. O, my recovery shall recover all.
That I could now but think on some disguise
To meet them in, and ask them questions:
How I would vex them still at every turn!
MOS. Sir, I can fit you.
VOLP. Canst thou?
MOS. Yes, I know
One o’ the commandadori, sir, so like you;
Him will I straight make drunk, and bring you his habit.
VOLP. A rare disguise, and answering thy brain!
O, I will be a sharp disease unto them.
MOS. Sir, you must look for curses—
VOLP. Till they burst;
The Fox fares ever best when he is curst.147Exeunt
SCENE II
Enter Peregrine disguised, and three Merchants
PER. Am I enough disguised?
1 MER. I warrant you.
PER. All my ambition is to fright him only.
2 MER. If you could ship him away, ’twere excellent.
3 MER. To Zant,148 or to Aleppo?
PER. Yes, and have his
Adventures put i’ the Book of Voyages,
And his gulled story registered for truth.
Well, gentlemen, when I am in a while,
And that you think us warm in our discourse,
Know your approaches.
1 MER. Trust it to our care.
Exeunt Merchants
Enter Waiting-woman
PER. Save you, fair lady! Is sir Pol within?
WOM. I do not know, sir.
PER. Pray you say unto him,
Here is a merchant, upon earnest business,
Desires to speak with him.
WOM. I will see, sir.
Exit
PER. I pray you.—
&n
bsp; I see the family is all female here.
Re-enter Waiting-woman
WOM. He says, sir, he has weighty affairs of state,
That now require him whole; some other time
You may possess him.
PER. Pray you say again,
If those require him whole, these will exact149 him,
Whereof I bring him tidings. [Exit Woman]—What might be
His grave affair of state now; how to make
Bolognian sausages here in Venice, sparing
One o’ the ingredients?
Re-enter Waiting-woman
WOM. Sir, he says, he knows
By your word tidings, that you are no statesman,
And therefore wills you stay.
PER. Sweet, pray you return him;
I have not read so many proclamations,
And studied them for words, as he has done—
But—here he deigns to come.
Exit Woman
Enter Sir Politick
SIR P. Sir, I must crave
Your courteous pardon. There hath chanced to-day,
Unkind disaster ’twixt my lady and me;
And I was penning my apology,
To give her satisfaction, as you came now.
PER. Sir, I am grieved I bring you worse disaster:
The gentleman you met at the port to-day,
That told you, he was newly arrived—
SIR P. Ay, was
A fugitive punk!150
PER. No, sir, a spy set on you;
And he has made relation to the senate,
That you professed to him to have a plot
To sell the State of Venice to the Turk.
SIR P. O me!
PER. For which, warrants are signed by this time,
To apprehend you, and to search your study
For papers—
SIR P. Alas, sir, I have none, but notes
Drawn out of play-books—
PER. All the better, sir.
SIR P. And some essays. What shall I do?
PER. Sir, best
Convey yourself into a sugar-chest;
Or, if you could lie round, a frail151 were rare,
And I could send you aboard.
SIR P. Sir, I but talked so,
For discourse sake merely.
[Knocking within]
PER. Hark! they are there.
SIR P. I am a wretch, a wretch!
PER. What will you do, sir?
Have you ne’er a currant-butt to leap into?
They’ll put you to the rack; you must be sudden.
SIR P. Sir, I have an engine—
3 MER. [Within] Sir Politick Would-be!
2 MER. [Within] Where is he?
SIR P. That I have thought upon before time.
PER. What is it?
SIR P. I shall ne’er endure the torture.
Marry, it is, sir, of a tortoise-shell,
Fitted for these extremities: pray you, sir, help me.
Here I’ve a place, sir, to put back my legs,
Please you to lay it on, sir [lies down while Peregrine places the shell upon him]—with this cap,
And my black gloves. I’ll lie, sir, like a tortoise,
’Till they are gone.
PER. And call you this an engine?
SIR P. Mine own device—Good sir, bid my wife’s women
To burn my papers.
Exit Peregrine
The three Merchants rush in
1 MER. Where is he hid?
3 MER. We must,
And will sure find him.
2 MER. Which is his study?
Re-enter Peregrine
1 MER. What
Are you, sir?
PER. I am a merchant, that came here
To look upon this tortoise.
3 MER. How!
1 MER. St. Mark!
What beast is this!
PER. It is a fish.
2 MER. Come out here!
PER. Nay, you may strike him, sir, and tread upon him;
He’ll bear a cart.
1 MER. What, to run over him?
PER. Yes, sir.
3 MER. Let’s jump upon him.
2 MER. Can he not go?
PER. He creeps, sir.
1 MER. Let’s see him creep.
PER. No, good sir, you will hurt him.
2 MER. Heart, I will see him creep, or prick his guts.
3 MER. Come out here!
PER.[Aside to Sir Politick] Pray you, sir!—Creep a little.
1 MER. Forth.
2 MER. Yet farther.
PER. Good sir!—Creep.
2 MER. We’ll see his legs.
[They pull off the shell and discover him]
3 MER. Ods so, he has garters!
1 MER. Ay, and gloves!
2 MER. Is this
Your fearful tortoise?
PER. [Discovering himself] Now, sir Pol, we are even;
For your next project I shall be prepared:
I am sorry for the funeral of your notes, sir.
1 MER. ’Twere a rare motion152 to be seen in Fleet-street.
2 MER. Ay, in the Term.
1 MER. Or Smithfield, in the fair.
3 MER. Methinks ’tis but a melancholy sight.
PER. Farewell, most politic tortoise!
Exeunt Peregrine and Merchants
Re-enter Waiting-woman
SIR P. Where’s my lady?
Knows she of this?
WOM. I know not, sir.
SIR P. Enquire.—
O, I shall be the fable of all feasts,
The freight of the gazetti,153 ship-boy’s tale;
And, which is worst, even talk for ordinaries.154
WOM. My lady’s come most melancholy home,
And says, sir, she will straight to sea for physic.
SIR P. And I to shun this place and clime for ever,
Creeping with house on back, and think it well
To shrink my poor head in my politic shell.
Exeunt
SCENE III
Enter Mosca in the habit of a Clarissimo, and Volpone in that of a Commandadore
VOLP. Am I then like him?
MOS. O, sir, you are he:
No man can sever you.
VOLP. Good.
MOS. But what am I?
VOLP. ’Fore heaven, a brave clarissimo; thou becom’st it!
Pity thou wert not born one.
MOS. [Aside] If I hold
My made one, ’twill be well.
VOLP. I’ll go and see
What news first at the court.
Exit
MOS. Do so. My Fox
Is out of his hole, and ere he shall re-enter,
I’ll make him languish in his borrowed case,155
Except he come to composition with me.—
Androgyno, Castrone, Nano!
Enter Androgyno, Castrone, and Nano
ALL. Here.
MOS. Go, recreate yourselves abroad; go sport.—
Exeunt
So, now I have the keys, and am possessed.
Since he will needs be dead afore his time,
I’ll bury him, or gain by him: I am his heir,
And so will keep me, till he share at least.
To cozen him of all, were but a cheat
Well placed; no man would construe it a sin:
Let his sport pay for’t. This is called the Fox-trap.
Exit
SCENE IV
Enter Corbaccio and Corvino
CORB. They say, the court is set.
CORV. We must maintain
Our first tale good, for both our reputations.
CORB. Why, mine’s no tale: my son would there have killed me.
CORV. That’s true, I had forgot:—[Aside] mine is, I’m sure.
But for your will, sir.
CORB. Ay, I’ll come upon him
For that hereafter, now his patron’s dead.
Enter Volpone
VOLP. Signior Corvino! and Corbaccio! sir,
Much joy unto you.
CORV. Of what?
VOLP. The sudden good
Dropt down upon you—
CORB. Where?
VOLP. And none knows how,
From old Volpone, sir.
CORB. Out, arrant knave!
VOLP. Let not your too much wealth, sir, make you furious.
CORB. Away, thou varlet!
VOLP. Why, sir?
CORB. Dost thou mock me?
VOLP. You mock the world, sir; did you not change156 wills?
CORB. Out, harlot!
VOLP. O! belike you are the man,
Signior Corvino? ’faith, you carry it well;
You grow not mad withal; I love your spirit:
You are not over-leavened with your fortune.
You should have some would swell now, like a wine-vat,
With such an autumn—Did he give you all, sir?
CORV. Avoid, you rascal!
VOLP. Troth, your wife has shown
Herself a very woman; but you are well,
You need not care, you have a good estate,
To bear it out, sir, better by this chance:
Except Corbaccio have a share.
CORB. Hence, varlet.
VOLP. You will not be acknown, sir; why, ’tis wise.
Thus do all gamesters, at all games, dissemble:
No man will seem to win.
Exeunt Corvino and Corbaccio
—Here comes my vulture,
Heaving his beak up in the air, and snuffing.
Enter Voltore
VOLT. Outstript thus, by a parasite! a slave,
Would run on errands, and make legs157 for crumbs!
Well, what I’ll do—
VOLP. The court stays for your worship.
I e’en rejoice, sir, at your worship’s happiness,
And that it fell into so learned hands,
That understand the fingering—
VOLT. What do you mean?
VOLP. I mean to be a suitor to your worship,
For the small tenement, out of reparations,158
That, to the end of your long row of houses,
By the Piscaria:159 it was, in Volpone’s time,
Your predecessor, ere he grew diseased,
A handsome, pretty, customed bawdy-house
As any was in Venice, none dispraised;
But fell with him: his body and that house
Decayed together.
VOLT. Come, sir, leave your prating.
VOLP. Why, if your worship give me but your hand,
That I may have the refusal, I have done.
’Tis a mere toy to you, sir; candle-rents;
As your learned worship knows—
VOLT. What do I know?
VOLP. Marry, no end of your wealth. sir: God decrease it!
VOLT. Mistaking knave! what, mock’st thou my misfortune?
Exit
VOLP. His blessing on your heart, sir; would ’twere more!—
Now to my first again, at the next corner.
The Duchess of Malfi Page 20