The Duchess of Malfi
Page 42
Would we might perish else.
C. GIRL. Nay, then I run, sir.
Leaves the basket, and exit
1ST PRO. And ne’er return, I hope.
2ND PRO. A politic baggage! she makes us swear to keep it;
I prithee look what market she hath made.
1ST PRO. Imprimis, sir, a good fat loin of mutton.
[Taking out a loin of mutton]
What comes next under this cloth? now for a quarter
Of lamb.
2ND PRO. No, for a shoulder of mutton.
1ST PRO. Done!
2ND PRO. Why, done, sir!
1ST PRO. By the mass, I feel I’ve lost
’Tis of more weight, i’faith.
2ND PRO. Some loin of veal?
1ST PRO. No, faith, here’s a lamb’s head, I feel that plainly;
Why, I’ll yet win my wager.
2ND PRO. Ha!
1ST PRO. ’Swounds, what’s here!
[Taking out a child]
2ND PRO. A child!
1ST PRO. A pox of all dissembling cunning whores!
2ND PRO. Here’s an unlucky breakfast!
1ST PRO. What shall’s do?
2ND PRO. The quean made us swear to keep it too.
1ST PRO. We might leave it else.
2ND PRO. Villainous strange!
Life, had she none to gull but poor promoters,
That watch hard for a living?
1ST PRO. Half our gettings
Must run in sugar-sops and nurses’ wages now,
Besides many a pound of soap and tallow;
We’ve need to get loins of mutton still, to save
Suet to change for candles.
2ND PRO. Nothing mads me
But this was a lamb’s head with you; you felt it:
She has made calves’ heads of us.
1ST PRO. Prithee, no more on’t;
There’s time to get it up; it is not come
To Mid-Lent Sunday yet.
2ND PRO. I am so angry,
I’ll watch no more to-day.
1ST PRO. Faith, nor I neither.
2ND PRO. Why, then, I’ll make a motion.
1ST PRO. Well, what is’t?
2ND PRO. Let’s e’en go to the Checker at Queenhive,59
And roast the loin of mutton till young flood,60
Then send the child to Branford.61
Exeunt
SCENE III
Enter Allwit in one of Sir Walter’s suits, and Davy trussing62 him
ALLWIT. ’Tis a busy day at our house, Davy.
DAVY. Always the kursning63 day, sir.
ALLWIT. Truss, truss me, Davy.
DAVY. [Aside] No matter an you were hanged, sir.
ALLWIT. How does this suit fit me, Davy?
DAVY. Excellent neatly;
My master’s things were ever fit for you, sir,
E’en to a hair, you know.
ALLWIT. Thou’st hit it right, Davy:
We ever jumped in one this ten years, Davy;
So, well said.—
Enter Man with a box
What art thou?
MAN. Your comfit-maker’s man, sir.
ALLWIT. O sweet youth!
In to the nurse, quick, quick, ’tis time, i’faith.
Your mistress will be here?
MAN. She was setting forth, sir.
Exit
ALLWIT. Here comes our gossips now: O, I shall have
Such kissing work to-day.—
Enter two Puritans
Sweet Mistress Underman
Welcome, i’faith.
1ST PUR. Give you joy of your fine girl, sir:
Grant that her education may be pure,
And become one of the faithful!
ALLWIT. Thanks to your sisterly wishes, Mistress Underman.
2ND PUR. Are any of the brethren’s wives yet come?
ALLWIT. There are some wives within, and some at home.
1ST PUR. Verily, thanks, sir.
Exeunt Puritans
ALLWIT. Verily you’re an ass, forsooth:
I must fit all these times, or there’s no music.
Here comes a friendly and familiar pair:
Enter two Gossips
Now I like these wenches well.
1ST GOS. How dost, sirrah?
ALLWIT. Faith, well, I thank you, neighbor;—and how dost thou?
2ND GOS. Want nothing but such getting, sir, as thine.
ALLWIT. My gettings, wench? they’re poor.
1ST GOS. Fie, that thou’lt say so;
Thou’st as fine children as a man can get.
DAVY. [Aside] Ay, as a man can get, and that’s my master.
ALLWIT. They’re pretty foolish things, put to making in minutes,
I ne’er stand long about ’em. Will you walk in, wenches?
Exeunt Gossips
Enter Touchwood junior and Moll
TOUCH. JUN. The happiest meeting that our souls could wish for!
Here is the ring ready; I’m beholden
Unto your father’s haste, has kept his hour.
MOLL. He never kept it better.
Enter Sir Walter Whorehound
TOUCH. JUN. Back, be silent.
SIR WAL. Mistress and partner, I will put you both
Into one cup.
DAVY. [Aside] Into one cup? most proper;
A fitting compliment for a goldsmith’s daughter.
ALLWIT. Yes, sir, that’s he must be your worship’s partner
In this day’s business, Master Touchwood’s brother.
SIR WAL. I embrace your acquaintance, sir.
TOUCH. JUN. It vows your service, sir.
SIR WAL. It’s near high time; come, Master Allwit.
ALLWIT. Ready, sir.
SIR WAL. Wilt please you walk?
TOUCH. JUN. Sir, I obey your time.
Exeunt
SCENE IV
Enter from the house Midwife with the child, Lady Kix and other Gossips, who exeunt; then Maudlin, Puritans, and other Gossips 1ST GOS. Good Mistress Yellowhammer—
MAUD. In faith, I will not.
1ST GOS. Indeed it64 shall be yours.
MAUD. I have sworn, i’faith.
1ST GOS. I’ll stand still then.
MAUD. So, will you let the child
Go without company, and make me forsworn?
1ST GOS. You are such another creature!
Exeunt 1st Gossip and Maudlin
2ND GOS. Before me?
I pray come down a little.
3RD GOS. Not a whit;
I hope I know my place.
2ND GOS. Your place? great wonder, sure!
Are you any better than a comfit-maker’s wife?
3RD GOS. And that’s as good at all times as a pothecary’s.
2ND GOS. Ye lie! yet I forbear you too.
Exeunt 2nd and 3rd Gossips
1ST PUR. Come, sweet sister; we go
In unity, and show the fruits of peace,
Like children of the spirit.
2ND PUR. I love lowliness.
Exeunt Puritans
4TH GOS. True, so say I, though they strive more;
There comes as proud behind as goes before.
5TH GOS. Every inch, i’faith.
Exeunt
ACT III, SCENE I
Enter Touchwood junior and Parson
TOUCH. JUN. O sir, if e’er you felt the force of love,
Pity it in me!
PAR. Yes, though I ne’er was married, sir,
I’ve felt the force of love from good men’s daughters,
And some that will be maids yet three years hence.
Have you got a license?
TOUCH. JUN. Here, ’tis ready, sir.
PAR. That’s well.
TOUCH. JUN. The ring, and all things perfect; she’ll steal hither.
PAR. She shall be welcome, sir; I’ll not be long
A clapping you together.
TOUCH. JUN. O, here she’s come,
sir!
Enter Moll and Touchwood senior
PAR. What’s he?
TOUCH. JUN. My honest brother.
TOUCH. SEN. Quick, make haste, sirs!
MOLL. You must despatch with all the speed you can,
For I shall be missed straight; I made hard shift
For this small time I have.
PAR. Then I’ll not linger,
Place that ring upon her finger:
[Touchwood junior puts ring on Moll’s finger]
This the finger plays the part,
Whose master-vein shoots from the heart:
Now join hands—
Enter Yellowhammer and Sir W. Whorehound
YEL. Which I will sever,
And so ne’er again meet, never!
MOLL. O, we’re betrayed!
TOUCH. JUN. Hard fate!
SIR WAL. I’m struck with wonder!
YEL. Was this the politic fetch,65 thou mystical66 baggage,
Thou disobedient strumpet!—And were you
So wise to send for her to such an end?
SIR WAL. Now I disclaim the end; you’ll make me mad.
YEL. And what are you, sir?
TOUCH. JUN. An you cannot see
With those two glasses, put on a pair more.
YEL. I dreamed of anger still.—Here, take your ring, sir,—
[Taking ring off Moll’s finger]
Ha! this? life, ’tis the same! abominable!
Did not I sell this ring?
TOUCH. JUN. I think you did;
You received money for’t.
YEL. Heart, hark you, knight;
Here’s no unconscionable villainy!
Set me a-work to make the wedding-ring,
And come with an intent to steal my daughter!
Did ever runaway match it!
SIR WAL. This your brother, sir?
TOUCH. SEN. He can tell that as well as I.
YEL. The very posy mocks me to my face,—
“Love that’s wise
Blinds parents’ eyes.”
I thank your wisdom, sir, for blinding of us;
We’ve good hope to recover our sight shortly:
In the meantime I will lock up this baggage
As carefully as my gold; she shall see
As little sun, if a close room or so
Can keep her from the light on’t.
MOLL. O sweet father,
For love’s sake, pity me!
YEL. Away!
MOLL. Farewell, sir;
All content bless thee! and take this for comfort,
Though violence keep me, thou canst lose me never,
I’m ever thine, although we part for ever.
YEL. Ay, we shall part you, minx.
Exit with Moll
SIR WAL. Your acquaintance, sir,
Came very lately, yet came too soon;
I must hereafter know you for no friend,
But one that I must shun like pestilence,
Or the disease of lust.
TOUCH. JUN. Like enough, sir;
You ha’ ta’en me at the worst time for words
That e’er ye picked out: faith, do not wrong me, sir.
Exit with Parson
TOUCH. SEN. Look after him,67 and spare not: there he walks
That ne’er yet received baffling:68 you are blest
More than ever I knew; go, take your rest.
Exit
SIR WAL. I pardon you, you are both losers.
Exit
SCENE II
Enter Midwife with the child, Lady Kix, Maudlin, Puritans, and other Gossips
1ST GOS. How is it, woman? we have brought you home
A kursen69 soul.
MIS. ALL. Ay, I thank your pains.
1ST PUR. And, verily, well kursened, i’ the right way,
Without idolatry or superstition,
After the pure manner of Amsterdam.70
MIS. ALL. Sit down, good neighbors.—Nurse.
NURSE. At hand, forsooth.
MIS. ALL. Look they have all low stools.
NURSE. They have, forsooth.
2ND GOS. Bring the child hither, nurse.—How say you now, gossip,
Is’t not a chopping71 girl? so like the father.
3RD GOS. AS if it had been spit out of his mouth!
Eyed, nosed, and browed, as like as a girl can be,
Only, indeed, it has the mother’s mouth.
2ND GOS. The mother’s mouth up and down, up and down.
3RD GOS. ’Tis a large child, she’s but a little woman.
1ST PUR. NO, believe me,
A very spiny72 creature, but all heart:
Well mettled, like the faithful, to endure
Her tribulation here, and raise up seed.
2ND GOS. She had a sore labor on’t, I warrant you;
You can tell, neighbor?
3RD GOS. O, she had great speed;
We were afraid once, but she made us all
Have joyful hearts again; ’tis a good soul, i’faith;
The midwife found her a most cheerful daughter.
1ST PUR. ’Tis the spirit; the sisters are all like her.
Enter Sir Walter Whorehound, carrying a silver standing-cup and two spoons, and Allwit
2ND GOS. O, here comes the chief gossip, neighbors!
Exit Nurse
SIR WAL. The fatness of your wishes to you all, ladies!
3RD GOS. O dear, sweet gentleman, what fine words he has!
The fatness of our wishes!
2ND GOS. Calls us all ladies!
4TH GOS. I promise you, a fine gentleman and a courteous.
2ND GOS. Methinks her husband shows like a clown to him.
3RD GOS. I would not care what clown my husband were too,
So I had such fine children.
2ND GOS. Sh’as all fine children, gossip.
3RD GOS. Ay, and see how fast they come!
1ST PUR. Children are blessings,
If they be got with zeal by the brethren,
As I have five at home.
SIR WAL. The worst is past,
I hope, now, gossip.
MIS. ALL. So I hope too, good sir.
ALLWIT. What, then, so hope I too, for company;
I’ve nothing to do else.
SIR WAL. A poor remembrance, lady,
To the love of the babe; I pray, accept of it.
[Giving cup and spoons]
MIS. ALL. O, you are at too much charge, sir!
2ND GOS. Look, look, what has he given her? what is’t, gossip?
3RD GOS. Now, by my faith, a fair high standing-cup
And two great ’postle-spoons,73 one of them gilt.
1ST PUR. Sure that was Judas then with the red beard.74
2ND PUR. I would not feed
My daughter with that spoon for all the world,
For fear of coloring her hair; red hair
The brethren like not, it consumes them much;
’Tis not the sisters’ color.
Re-enter Nurse with comfits and wine
ALLWIT. Well said, nurse;
About, about with them among the gossips!
[Nurse hands about the comfits]
[Aside] Now out comes all the tasselled handkerchers,
They’re spread abroad between their knees already;
Now in goes the long fingers that are washed
Some thrice a day in urine; my wife uses it.
Now we shall have such pocketing; see how
They lurch75 at the lower end!
1ST PUR. Come hither, nurse.
ALLWIT. [Aside] Again? she has taken twice already.
1ST PUR. I had forgot a sister’s child that’s sick.
[Taking comfits]
ALLWIT. [Aside] A pox! it seems your purity
Loves sweet things well that puts in thrice together.
Had this been all my cost now, I’d been beggared;
These women have no consciences at sweetmeats,
<
br /> Where’er they come; see an they’ve not culled out
All the long plums too, they’ve left nothing here
But short wriggle-tail comfits, not worth mouthing:
No mar’l I heard a citizen complain once
That his wife’s belly only broke his back;
Mine had been all in fitters76 seven years since,
But for this worthy knight,
That with a prop upholds my wife and me,
And all my estate buried in Bucklersbury.77
MIS. ALL. Here, Mistress Yellowhammer, and neighbors,
To you all that have taken pains with me,
All the good wives at once!
[Drinks; after which Nurse hands round the wine]
1ST PUR. I’ll answer for them;
They wish all health and strength, and that you may
Courageously go forward, to perform
The like and many such, like a true sister,
With motherly bearing.
[Drinks]
ALLWIT. [Aside] Now the cups troll about
To wet the gossips’ whistles; it pours down, i’faith;
They never think of payment.
1ST PUR. Fill again, nurse.
[Drinks]
ALLWIT. [Aside] Now bless thee, two at once! I’ll stay no longer;
It would kill me, an I paid for it.—
Will’t please you to walk down, and leave the women?
SIR WAL. With all my heart, Jack.
ALLWIT. Troth, I cannot blame you.
SIR WAL. Sit you all merry, ladies.
GOSSIPS. Thank your worship, sir.
1ST PUR. Thank your worship, sir.
ALLWIT. [Aside] A pox twice tipple78 ye, you’re last and lowest!
Exeunt Sir W. Whorehound and Allwit
1ST PUR. Bring hither that same cup, nurse; I would fain
Drive away this—hup—antichristian grief.
[Drinks]
3RD GOS. See, gossip, an she lies not in like a countess;
Would I had such a husband for my daughter!
4TH GOS. Is not she toward marriage?
3RD GOS. O no, sweet gossip!
4TH GOS. Why, she’s nineteen.
3RD GOS. Ay, that she was last Lammas;79
But she has a fault, gossip, a secret fault.
4TH GOS. A fault? what is’t?
3RD GOS. I’ll tell you when I’ve drunk.
[Drinks]
4TH Gos. [Aside] Wine can do that, I see, that friendship cannot.
3RD GOS. And now, I’ll tell you, gossip; she’s too free.
Exit Nurse
4TH GOS. Too free?
3RD GOS. O ay, she cannot lie dry in her bed.
4TH GOS. What, and nineteen?
3RD GOS. ’Tis as I tell you, gossip.
Re-enter Nurse, and whispers to Maudlin
MAUD. Speak with me, nurse? who is’t?