Love & Seduction: A Forbidden Love Suspenseful Standalone Romance: A Love & Ruin Novel (The Love & Ruin Series Book 7)

by J. A. Owenby

  “You will. It took me a while, but then Mac and Hendrix strolled into my life. Hendrix reached me through music, and Mac just refused to let me hide anymore. They were both instrumental in my healing. Don’t get me wrong, though, Claire. Some days are still hard. The memories rush back with a blazing force that tears me up. On those days, I can’t control all of the pain and fear it brings.”

  “How do you deal with it?” If I could have one thing to turn to during the shitty days, maybe it would help. I sure as hell had nothing to lose.

  “I glance around me and remind myself of how far I’ve come. I’m not a victim anymore. I know how to fight and defend myself, but more than that. I’m engaged to an amazing man who has loved and supported me through it all. He met me when I was trying to heal and shutting everyone out, especially men. He continued to show up over and over, though. He honored his word. He protected me and loved me unconditionally. He wrapped me up in safety and created a world that was beautiful and healing. I sing, write songs, and I’m performing on stages in front of thousands of people. My days are full of fun. If you have those people around you, Claire … you’re going to be just fine.” Gemma gave me a kind smile.

  “She’s right. Cade reappeared at the perfect time when I needed him. My nightmares were hell, and he had offered to sleep next to me on the bus so I could get some rest. He offered me a safe space as a friend. I was over-the-top exhausted from the trauma. After a few weeks, my emotions caught up with his, and we’ve been together ever since. Plus, my man is fucking hot, if I do say so myself.” Mac grinned and wiggled her brows.

  My eyes found Vaughn’s before I could stop myself. He’d done the same for me last night. I swallowed hard and took a healthy gulp of my drink.

  “As I mentioned earlier, I started a nonprofit for rape victims last year. It’s based in Louisiana and growing. Offering resources for women to mend has contributed to my healing, too.”

  “Gemma is fucking amazing. She’s put a lot of hours in this project and created something special for these ladies.” Mac bumped Gemma with her shoulder. “She gets embarrassed when I talk her up, but it’s the truth.”

  “It sounds wonderful.” My stomach growled loudly, inserting some humor into a heavy discussion. “Apparently I’m hungry.” I laughed and finally took a bite of pizza.

  “Do you know what you would like to do moving forward?” Gemma asked, following suit as we all began to eat again.

  Even though the topic was helpful, it was extremely difficult. We all needed to steer the conversation toward a lighter subject. “I’ve thought about it some, but I’ve not landed on anything concrete yet. I’ve considered finishing my degree, but my heart isn’t in it.”

  “When you find your passion, you’ll know it.” Gemma crumpled her napkin and placed it on her plate. “Do you have a hobby you really love? I mean, mine was singing, and it turned into an a very lucrative career.”

  “She’s an incredible dancer,” Vaughn interjected.

  My head snapped around in surprise. I’d nearly forgotten he and Zayne were in the room with us. I didn’t miss the curiosity in Zayne’s expression as his attention bounced between us.

  “I’m serious. She’s amazing. Her dance studio connects with the workout room, and I’ve seen her.” Vaughn collected the now empty pizza box between him and Zayne and discarded it in the trash.

  I pulled my focus away from his muscular legs and how well he filled out his jeans. This wasn’t the time to drool over him. I could do that later tonight.

  “Seriously?” Gemma barely contained her excitement.

  “Yeah. I used to teach at the college for a while.” Before Tucker. Everything was before Tucker. I should have referred to it as the BT years.

  “Oh, we should take the wine and go see your studio. Maybe crank up some music, you can show off, then we all can dance. That would be so much fun. Cade and I hooked up for the first time after we danced together at a club.” Mac covered her mouth and giggled.

  My eyes widened without my permission. Heat rushed to my cheeks as I remembered Vaughn dancing with me.

  “Mm, girl, from the look on your face, someone else has had the same steamy experience. You can fill us in while we go to the studio.” Mac hopped off the barstool, topped off her drink, and drained the bottle. She took a sip, then tossed the empty container in the recycling. “You did good picking out the wine, Gemma. That’s some tasty stuff.”

  “Thanks.” Gemma laughed while she collected a few of the unopened bottles and her glass.

  “I’ll grab the opener,” I said.

  After we gathered enough alcohol for an army, we made our way to the workout room and studio.

  I flicked on the lights with my finger and set my belongings down next to the door.

  “Wow, this is amazing.” Gemma placed the contents in her hands next to mine on the floor. She walked around, eyeing the mirrors, ballet bar, and wood floor.

  “What kind of music do you two like?” I opened the closet, revealing the top-of-the-line stereo system and a clean stack of hand towels. Movement caught the corner of my eye, and I spotted Vaughn and Zayne in the weight room. Apparently they were sticking close to us tonight.

  “You pick whatever you want to dance to.” Mac offered while she sat on the floor, crossing her legs at the ankles. Gemma hurried back to her side while I scrolled through my Spotify lists and selected “Joke’s on You” by Charlotte Lawrence. The bass shook the speakers, and I lowered the volume a bit.

  I ran and dropped to my knees, sliding into the middle of the studio, then moved into the splits. Bringing my legs together, I stood and effortlessly eased into a routine that I loved. As the music pumped new life through my veins, I surrendered. All the darkness, all the fear, all the fucked-up memories slipped away. I combined classical ballet with contemporary dance as I used every inch of the space. This was the one time I allowed myself to feel with my entire body. It was my safe place.

  The song came to an end, and Mac sprang up off the floor, clapping enthusiastically.

  “Wow!” Gemma grabbed the sides of her head and bunched up her red hair in her fingers. “I can’t even tell you how incredible that was. Wow.” She dropped her hands and looked at Mac, who was pumping her fist in the air. “I know, right?”

  “Ask her.” Mac gently tapped Gemma’s shoulder with the back of her hand. “Girl, seriously. You can’t let this go!” Mac’s big brown eyes emphasized the importance of her statement.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, grabbing a hand towel and wiping the sweat off my forehead.

  “Claire, you’re so talented. I had no idea, or I would have talked to you about this already. The band is working on a new stage show before our next tour. It’s huge. Fire, strobe lights, and dancers.”

  “That sounds awesome. I’d love to see a performance sometime.” I spread the now-damp towel over the ballet bar.

  “How about we do better than that. How would you like to be one of the dancers we hire for the next August Clover tour? Also, do you choreograph? We have a few lined up, but I would much rather hire someone I know and trust.”

  “Are you shittin’ me?” I tried to contain the squeal of excitement, but it escaped anyway.

  “Not shittin’ you,” Mac added, bouncing up and down on her feet.

  Vaughn appeared at the door, followed by Zayne. This could be my chance to make money doing what I loved. I’d given dance up for so long, but it was a part of me as much as the blood that flowed through my veins.

  “I’d love to talk about it.” I didn’t miss the concern that flashed in Vaughn’s eyes, but this wasn’t his choice.

  “Great. Let me talk to Hendrix, then we can all get together and discuss it. I think you’d be perfect, and it would help you heal and move forward.” Gemma ran over and threw her arms around me. “No matter how you feel right now, you’re going to be okay. Life gets so much better.”

  “Thanks.” I returned her hug, reality weighing heavily on my shoulders
. There was no way I could take the job until the mess with Saul was resolved, and I was safe. I couldn’t put Gemma and the group in jeopardy. I released her and stepped back. “When would the tour start?”

  “Not for a while. You’d have plenty of time to plan and teach the choreography and dance with everyone else. It’s all in the works,” Gemma said while she beamed at me.

  Hope flickered inside my chest. Maybe it could work out after all. I grabbed my wineglass and downed the remaining bit that lingered at the bottom.

  “Refill time.” Mac grabbed the opener and popped the cork on the next bottle. She filled mine first, then Gemma’s, and hers last. “We should make a toast.”

  We met in the middle of the room, our gaze traveling from one to the other.

  “To new beginnings and friendships,” Gemma toasted.

  We clinked the rims of our glasses and giggled as the red wine spilled over the edge and plopped on the light-colored wood beneath our feet. Each drop that landed jerked me back to Coen’s murder. His face flashed before me. His blood had splattered on the tile beneath him as the life drained from his body. My pulse rang in my ears, and I stumbled backward. Vaughn was at my side before my ass hit the floor, and my glass shattered.

  12

  “Look at me, Claire. I’m here.” Vaughn rubbed small circles on my back in an attempt to ground me to the present moment.

  “Coen,” I whispered, hanging my head. Shame washed over me, and I cursed the situation. I’d had a flashback in front of my friends. Vaughn had seen me come apart at the seams a few times already. Goddammit. I was a fucking mess. How in the hell could I work for Gemma and August Clover like this? I couldn’t even keep my shit together in private.

  Mac sank to her knees and took my hand in hers while Gemma and Zayne cleaned up the glass and alcohol.

  “It’s okay, Claire. It’s all good. You’re in this beautiful home that was built to keep everyone safe. You’re not with anyone that would want to hurt you.” Mac patted my fingers while she continued to talk. “And Jiminy Christmas, can you dance. You’re phenomenal. I literally watched you transform as the music took you over. Stunning is only one of the words that comes to mind. Whatever just happened, girl, let it the fuck go. You’ve got so many amazing things ahead of you. This was a tiny blip on the screen. No one here is going to hold it against you.”

  “Nope, wouldn’t even consider it,” Gemma added, joining us on the floor. “My PTSD was over the top, and I hid in my house for four years. You’re out in public, you moved here from Portland, and you’re dancing again. You are way farther along than I was.”

  “I’m all right.” My throat tightened, and I swallowed, shoving the ball of emotions back down. I clung to Gemma and Mac’s words, appreciating their non-judgmental support.

  “Are you okay? Do you want to stand?” Vaughn’s concern hung heavy on his words.

  “Yeah.” I allowed Vaughn to take my hand and help me up. “Thanks.” I rubbed my face with my hands and groaned. “I’m sorry.”

  Mac and Gemma got off the floor, empathy apparent in their expressions.

  “You have my word that it gets better. Until then, Mac and I are here anytime you need to talk or to have some fun. We’ve both been through it. There’s no judgment here.” Gemma patted me on the shoulder and smiled.

  “I think I need to take a few minutes. I’ll be right back.” A punch of emotions hit my chest as I hurried out of the studio and gym. I nearly ran through the house, up the stairs to my bedroom, and into my bathroom. Locking the door behind me, I allowed myself to fall apart. Sobs shook my shoulders, and I slid down the wall. Seconds later, anger erupted inside me. The second I had a chance to redirect the path of my future, my mind betrayed me in front of people I cared about.

  Suddenly I stood, my fingers clenching together at my sides. Fuck this. My family loved me, I was gaining new friends, and I had an opportunity to have a real relationship with a guy. I slapped the palms of my hands on the counter and stared at myself in the mirror. This was my life, and I was sick of it being controlled by other people and circumstances. It was time that I took back my power and rewrote my story. Everything I had ever dreamed of was staring me in the face.

  I turned on the cold water, rinsed my cheeks, then dried off. For the first time in a while, a spark flickered in my green eyes. I was worth fighting for. I deserved to have a good life. I would fight for it, and I would be damned if anyone ever took it from me again. Squaring my shoulders, I smoothed my shirt and shorts. It was time to rejoin my friends.

  The rest of the evening flew by, and before I realized it, three in the morning had arrived. The girls and I had enjoyed the remainder of the wine as we danced and laughed together. It had been an unspoken agreement that there wouldn’t be any additional conversation about serious shit. We needed to relax and have fun.

  I stifled a yawn and gave the girls a sleepy smile. “You guys should stay the night, and maybe I can talk Zayne into taking you home in the morning.”

  “That sounds awesome. I think I could crawl into bed and pass out in seconds.” Mac stood and stretched.

  “I’ll text Hendrix and let him know I’m staying, then. Thanks. Maybe you can talk Vaughn into cooking breakfast for us, too.” Gemma smiled as she tapped out a text message to Hendrix. “I hear he can cook like no one else. Pierce used to talk about his meals.”

  “It’s true.”

  I led the girls to two separate guest rooms and a bathroom down the hall from mine.

  Exhaustion seeped deep into my bones. Overall, it had been a fantastic night. Other than my episode, I couldn’t have hoped for a better time with Gemma and Mac.

  I strolled into my room and grabbed a clean pair of pajamas from my dresser. A soft knock caught my attention.

  “Hey. You seem to be doing better,” Vaughn said, leaning on the doorframe.

  “I am. Tonight was exactly what I needed.” I gave him a shy smile and crossed the room toward him. “Thank you for being there for me.”

  “Don’t mention it.” He slid an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. “It was good to see you laughing afterward. I didn’t want the episode to ruin your night.”

  I placed my hands on his muscular chest. The steady beat of his heart thumped beneath my palm.

  Although I was no longer drunk, I was still a bit tipsy, but it felt good. My shoulders had relaxed as the evening moved on.

  “You’re so beautiful,” Vaughn said, his minty breath caressing my cheek. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, bent down, and brushed his lips against mine. “I’m glad you’re doing better.” He leaned down, his forehead touching mine while he sighed softly.

  “Claire? Oh. Um. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Gemma said, standing in the hallway with a full view of our intimate moment.

  Dammit. We’d been stupid. I’d been stupid. I should have pulled Vaughn into my room and closed the door behind us. Fuck. If Gemma told Pierce and Sutton, shit would hit the fan. Panic exploded in my gut, and I shot a worried look at Vaughn.

  “Gemma. Please.” I dropped my hands from Vaughn’s chest, and we both stepped away. “Can we talk?”

  “Of course.” Gemma followed me into my room, appearing nervous.

  Vaughn remained in the hall, then pulled the door closed.

  I sank onto my bed. “I’m not going to tell you it’s not what it looks like. It is what it looks like.” I chewed on my thumbnail, scrambling for the words I needed to explain the situation. “I’m sorry to ask you this, but please, please don’t tell anyone.” I jumped up and paced back and forth in front of her.

  “Claire, it’s okay. I won’t even tell Hendrix.”

  “Really?” I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to calm my rapid pulse.

  “Yeah. This isn’t for me to share. What I just saw … Claire, you two … Are you two in love?”

  My mouth gaped open. I pointed at her, then shoved my hands in my pockets. “We’re new.” Relief flooded through me. I ne
eded another female to talk to about Vaughn. “I’m terrified shitless, but we’re exploring where this might go. The only problem is …” I slapped my palms against my cheeks and groaned. Dropping them to my sides, I continued. “Pierce and Sutton made it clear to the guys that I was off-limits and vice versa.”

  “Oh.” Gemma’s mouth formed a big O. “Now it’s making more sense.”

  I plopped down on the mattress next to her. “I met him in Portland right after the FBI found the industrial container full of women. Obviously, I wasn’t in a place to pay attention to him, but he was very kind to me. Then we talked at Sutton and Pierce’s wedding.” I barked out a laugh. “That’s an understatement. I came onto him, and he shot me down.”

  Gemma grimaced. “I can’t imagine that did loads for your self-esteem.”

  “I know, but he did explain to me that I deserved better than a quick fuck in the bushes.” I folded my hands in my lap, trying not to fidget as I bared my soul to my new friend.

  “He’s right. You do deserve better. Don’t get me wrong, a good quickie in public can be fun with the right person.” She flashed me a quick smile.

  “That’s just it, though. I’d barely met him. He was hot as hell, and I was drunk.” My lips pursed together. “I really like him, and apparently he’s tried to erase me from his mind since then, but now that we’re living under the same roof ... At first he fought it, but then he sat me down and told me if I wasn’t into him, he needed to have someone else assigned to me as my bodyguard. Basically, he’d have Zayne take over.”

  Gemma’s brows knitted together. “Why do you need a bodyguard? Are you in trouble?”

  “Ugh. Maybe I’m still drunk. I’m well versed in keeping secrets, but apparently not around you.”