by Dana Mason
“Why are you worried?” I ask before I can stop myself. I place my hand on her face and lift it toward me, so we’re eye to eye.
Her shoulder inches up in a slight shrug.
“I can sense the stress you’re feeling. Share it with me.”
“I’m worried about Raegan. I don’t know how this is going to affect her.”
When she says this, I realize I have a lot to learn about parenting and a lot to learn about being there for my family. “You think our relationship is going to have an effect on her?”
“Yeah, I have to assume it’s going to. I’m just not sure how she’s going to react. I think we need to move slowly. Give her time to get used to the idea.”
“I’d like to officially meet her before we spring anything else on her. My sister’s chomping at the bit to meet her too… and my parents will be here next week.”
Rachel stiffens and then her eyes close. “Oh… crap.”
“Don’t worry about them. I’ll handle it. But I’m not sure what to do with Raegan. It’s so weird that she already knows about me, but she’s pretending she doesn’t.”
“I know. I’m pissed at her for lying. What if you weren’t her father? What if she’d gotten it wrong?” she says.
“And how in the hell did she figure it out? That’s insane to me.”
She laughs, and I feel it move her body up and down. “You cannot underestimate that girl. She must have gone through my stuff to get your name.”
“Do you think she read those journals?”
“No, those were locked up, but I have some boxes in my uncle’s garage. Wait!” She sits up quickly and slides off the bed, grabbing her robe from the floor. “She’s not here, I can snoop through her room.”
“No, Rachel, you can’t do that.”
“The hell I can’t,” she says as she rushes from the room. “I’m her mother, not her friend. I’ll do whatever’s needed to protect her—even if I have to protect her from herself. The first rule of parenting, Michael. Sometimes you have to fight dirty.”
I stand and look down at my nakedness. I can’t wander around her house like this. I walk into the bathroom and grab a towel and wrap it around my waist then head toward Raegan’s room. Rachel is opening and closing drawers.
“There must be something…”
I glance around and see a backpack sitting in the bottom of her closet. “She’s out of school for the summer, right?”
“Yeah. Why?”
I point and say, “What about that backpack?”
“Oh, smart!” She rushes over and unzips it. “That sneaky little girl!” She takes out what looks like our high school yearbook and a zipper pouch, then a large t-shirt. She lifts the shirt and unfolds it.
“Holy shit, that’s my shirt.” I reach out and take it, pointing to the few little paint spots. “I gave her this when she helped us paint. I didn’t want her to get paint on her clothes… I completely forgot about it.”
Rachel takes it back and holds it to her face and closes her eyes. “She kept it… wow.” After a moment, she walks over and sits on Raegan’s bed. She’s upset, but I’m not sure why.
“You okay?”
She nods and quickly wipes her face with the t-shirt. “She’s missed you as much as I have… I’m such a fool, Michael. Look what I’ve done to her. Forced her to seek you out and keep you a secret.” She bows her head and takes another moment. “She wants her dad, and I’ve put her off because of my own stupid fears and insecurities.”
I squat down next to her and brace a hand on her knee. “Listen, Rach, we can’t fix the past. Right?” She nods, and her eyes look so heavy it’s hard not to take her in my arms and love the worry away for her, but I know she needs more than that. “We can only move forward, but we need to do that together. We can’t let anything else prevent us from fixing this.”
“I promise you, Michael, I will never let anything come between us again.”
“I don’t want you to continue to beat yourself up over this either. We’ll talk tomorrow, and you can say whatever you need to say to Raegan to make amends, but after that, I don’t want you walking around with all this guilt. That won’t help anything.”
“Okay… I’ll let it go. Hopefully, she can too.”
“She’s going to follow our lead, so we need to lead her in the right direction.”
“You’re right. Thank you.”
I hand her the other stuff from the backpack, and her eyes brighten. “Wait until you see this.” She unzips the pouch and shows me what’s inside.
“Oh, wow, notes. I bet there’s some good stuff in there. Are those all from me?”
She nods. “I only kept yours. I threw the others away. I had these in storage at my uncle’s house.”
She carries the pouch and the yearbook into her room and tosses them on the bed. As she does, several photos slip out from between the yearbook pages. There are three or four, and they’re all of me. I pick one up: it’s worn, and the corners are bent. Rachel snatches it and flips it over.
“That little thief. This was in my desk drawer.”
“You kept my picture in your desk drawer?”
“Of course.” She glances down and picks up a few more. “She must have gotten these from storage. Well, now we know how she got your name. It’s written on the back with the date. It’s from the summer before she was born.”
We both climb onto the bed as she unzips and dumps the folded notes I gave her in high school into a pile. We both start unfolding them and reading.
“Man, I was a dork.”
“No, you weren’t. You were the coolest guy in school.”
I come across a note about one of our former teachers. “Do you remember Mr. Gardner?”
She snorts out a sarcastic laugh. “How could I forget? My mom ruined his life.”
When her sad eyes lift to mine, I realize how important that memory is for her… and now me. I remember all the news stations camped out in front of our school. “Do you really think she did that?”
“I have no doubt it was her.”
“Do you think she was lying about the girl?”
“Do you think Mr. Gardner would make out with a young girl in his car?”
“I always thought Mr. Gardner was gay.”
“So did I.”
“That’s why you left me, isn’t it? You knew she really could hurt me if she wanted to.”
She nods, and I can see the heartbreak all over her face. “I’d already seen her do it. I had no doubt, and I wouldn’t let her do that to you.”
“I’m sorry she put you in that position. That was a terrible thing for her to do… I wish I knew why she hated me so much.”
“I wish I knew too. I mean, she always acted like you weren’t good enough, but it’s not like you were some drugged-out hoodrat. You were an honor student and captain of the football team… you came from a great family.”
“Yes, but I did get you pregnant.” I fold up the note I just finished reading and say, “That’s a really great reason for her to hate me.”
“It takes two, Michael.”
“I know, but still—Christ, Rachel, you were a mother at seventeen.”
“How frightening is that thought with a teenager?” She scoffs and says, “Of course, the difference is, I’ve taught my daughter to talk to me. She’s not sheltered, and she’s nowhere near as naive as I was.”
“I hate to break it to you, but, Rach, she didn’t talk to you. Not when she figured out who I was.”
Her face grows sad, and her eyes lower. “I know, but that’s my fault. When it came to you, I always shut her down. I couldn’t deal with it.” She refolds the note she was reading and says, “Even after I promised to find you, I still put it off. Even now, I haven’t told her anything. I was trying to give you the time you needed, and I didn’t want to get her hopes up.”
“We’re getting this all out in the open tomorrow—are you ready for that?” I reach for her hand and haul her to me. “Why the
hesitation? What are you afraid of?”
She links her fingers with mine and says, “I should feel relieved. I should be celebrating, like a war is ending, but instead I can’t get past the sense of dread. Like everything I’ve been fighting with for all these years is about to be lost.”
“Not lost. Found.” I push the hair from her face and say, “Get your mother’s voice out of your head. Stop with the emotional beat down. Listen to me, not her. Everything is going to be okay. You are a wonderful mother and a wonderful person. We, together, created that child and she wasn’t a mistake. Your parents’ interference in our lives and our decisions was the mistake. Okay?”
She meets my eyes, and I see the shimmer of tears lingering.
“I’m not saying this isn’t going to be a tough adjustment, and I realize teenagers are volatile creatures, and I realize she may be angry and difficult at first, but it will work out because this is what we all want.”
“And what is that, Michael?”
I smile at her because I know she’s scared too, just like Raegan’s going to be, but I refuse to be anything but optimistic. “A family… our family.”
When her mouth spreads into a smile, I tug her closer and devour it. I’m not sure I’ll ever get enough of her now that she’s back in my life. I’m not sure I’ll ever not want to be buried balls-deep inside her. That thought alone has me pushing the notes and yearbook off her bed and pinning her down. But as soon as I brace her hands over her head, I hesitate. I don’t want to scare her, and as this thought enters my head, I understand why she didn’t want to tell me about the rape.
Fucking Christ. She’s right. I do want to treat her differently now. I feel the need to be gentle, and that’s not what she wants.
“I want you to ride me, Rachel,” I say, trying to save face. This is something I need to get past, not something she needs to focus on… and I will get past it. I’ll have her every day if I have to.
I slide my hand around her waist and flip us over so that I’m on my back and she’s on top of me. She shrugs the robe off, and I’m faced with her perfect double D’s. Fuck, she’s gorgeous. Every fucking inch of her is sweet perfection. I reach up and pull her down so I can kiss her.
“Ride me, baby, I want to watch you.”
She grinds against me and says, “My pleasure.” Then she lifts her ass and lines herself up on my erect cock but stops there.
“You’re killing me. Do it.” I lift my hands to her hips and try to pull her down.
“No, you don’t. I’m doing the riding, remember.”
“Yes, baby, yes, I want you to… go now.”
She smiles and then slides the rest of the way down. Once she’s fully seated, the smile slips from her face, and instead she’s wearing the expression of someone completely enthralled. Her head tilts back, and her mouth is open. She sits there for a moment, and I’m about to beg her to move when she leans forward and grips my chest.
Her hips lift and slide back down. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever felt.
“You are so incredible, baby. Please don’t stop.”
She lifts again and then finds her rhythm. With each thrust, she groans and her boobs bounce inches from my face. I lift one hand to grip her breast and the other clamps down on her hip, pushing her to keep the steady pace. When I lift my mouth to suck her nipple between my teeth, she groans again, and it’s loud.
God forbid we ever do this with other people in the house because I’m not sure she’s capable of being quiet. Honestly, I’m okay with that. Listening to her cries is one of my favorite things, and it spurs me forward. I start lifting my hips to meet her thrust for thrust, and the sound is so erotic. She’s so sexy. It’s amazing to see her so uninhibited and free. I love her like this. Confident and happy.
When I feel her tighten around my cock, I lift hard, grunting as I fight off my release. Rachel’s panting, but then she sits upright on her knees and starts lifting then lowering herself down in a position that feels completely different. It must feel different to her too because the look on her face is one of complete pleasure.
I reach down and place my thumb over her clit and move in a circular motion. This causes her eyes to pop open and meet mine.
“Let go, babe, I’ve got you, I promise.”
She lifts then lowers a few more times, but she’s having a hard time staying upright, so I link my fingers with hers to give her some leverage. She shifts, grinds and the sensation is fucking amazing. Then she does it again, and her head falls back.
“Oh, God, Mike. Oh, God.” One, two, three more times, and she’s a goner. Her eyes slam shut, her head tilts forward, and it takes everything I have to hold her up as she comes. When she rests on top of me, I grab her and flip her onto her back. Then I drop into a plank and pound her over and over until she’s doing it again. Fuck, yeah, that’s what I want. Her screaming my name. “Rachel, sweet Jesus. Rachel, come for me again, babe.”
I take her mouth with mine, and I feel her tighten again, her nails biting into my skin as she does, and once I’m sure she’s finished, I let go too, releasing every ounce of energy I have.
Thirty-One
Rachel
Waking up with Mike’s warm body wrapped around me is the absolute best thing in life. I’m so content and happy, I momentarily forget what we have to do today. I don’t move because I don’t want him to pull away. He’s spooning me, and his large arm is draped over my hip. It’s bliss. Everything about this morning is pure bliss.
As if he senses I’m thinking about him, he draws me closer until I’m flush against him. A moment later, a quiet moan sounds against my neck then he says, “Good morning.” It comes out in a deep baritone, and the sound sends a jolt of heat down my center.
“Good morning,” I whisper, trying to hide the smile in my voice.
Warm lips land on the back of my neck, and then he says, “What time do you have to be at work?”
“I should be there by nine. It’s going to be crazy soon after that. It’s a big wedding and we’re at capacity. How about you?”
“I have a PT session at nine and then an appointment with the electrician at ten. I’ll probably have lunch with my sister and then two more PT sessions this afternoon.”
“You have a full day scheduled, are you sure you can be here this evening?”
“Are you seriously asking me that?” His voice is clear now, no more sleepiness.
“Um, yeah… I know you’re busy with your grand opening.”
“First of all, you and Raegan are more important than that. You’re my new priority. Second, I already have everything under control. This evening isn’t a problem at all. I’ll have all night. Diana can’t even complain because she wants everything worked out with Raegan as much as I do.”
Hearing all of this brings a huge smile to my face. It’s been so long since I’ve been anyone’s priority. Everything about this morning is precious. Hearing about his day is mundane yet so exquisite at the same time. Should I be afraid that maybe it’s too perfect?
I think about the last week and how things have developed, the few things I’ve learned about him, about the discipline it takes to run a business like CrossFit. As I think about the man he’s become, I realize I can’t wait to see him as Raegan’s dad.
I slowly roll over to face him, and as I do, he keeps me close. Not that he has to worry. I have no intention of leaving this bed yet. I rest my hand on his face, and this forces his dark eyes to open and focus on mine. He’s so lovely and I so regret the time lost. The things he’s gone through that I wasn’t there for. The things Raegan and I have been through that he wasn’t here for. This is when I remember he lost his brother.
“Michael…?”
His eyes twinkle as he stares at me. Then he says, “What, baby?”
“I’m sorry… I read about Brad last week. I’m sorry you lost him. That must have been hard.”
The light in his eyes dims a little. “It was a really rough time. He was on the ver
ge of having everything, and he threw it all away.”
“I read that it was a drunk-driving accident and that he was engaged to his partner.”
“Yeah, he was engaged to Kelley. They were planning to get married the following October. Instead, he got himself killed and really screwed up her future at the same time.”
“You sound like you’re still angry with him.”
“I guess I am. I’m angry for Kelley’s sake, not to mention having to watch my parents stumble through their grief. It’s been a mess, but I still miss him. We were close, but he was also so reckless most of the time.”
“The opposite of you. I don’t remember you ever being reckless.”
“No, because I always had to follow him around and keep his ass out of trouble.”
“And it’s not in your nature to be like that. You’re a thoughtful person. You always have been.”
“You act like you know me or something,” he quips. “Maybe I’ve changed over the last several years. I’m a big scary man now, you know, full of brooding darkness.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “Ha! Yeah, okay. The big scary guy who gives free gym memberships to neighborhood teenagers—not to mention still worrying about his dead brother’s fiancée years after his death.”
“Shh,” he hisses, “don’t tell anyone, I don’t want to ruin my reputation.” I laugh at that but then he says, “You know who she is, don’t you? Kelley?”
“I vaguely remember Brad’s dance partner, but I couldn’t point her out if I met her on the street. Why? Should I remember her?”
“She’s the reason I was at The Sutter on Monday. She’s the friend whose wedding I’m helping with. Kelley’s husband is Mac Thomas, the radio DJ.”
“Oh, wow! That’s her? It sounds like she’s doing better now.”