Gaming the System

by P A Wikoff

  Excited to loot the corpse, I was hoping to get another one of these axe heads. Maybe I could dual-wield them or something equally cool. Rummaging through the gore like a vulture, I desperately looked for my prize. Much to my chagrin, there wasn’t anything to loot. Come to think about it, none of these buggers had dropped a single thing.

  I looked at my weapon and remembered what Marv had said, “…it’s bad luck to craft using stolen or desecrated materials.”

  Holding up my arm, I noticed that I had negative one to my Luck stat. That must have been what Moogi meant when it said I had a “pincher short axe -3.” That negative was how much of a detriment it had on my Luck.

  “Well, now I know which statistic affects item drops.”

  I wasn’t going to let this misfortune ruin my time. I was finally winning, and I needed experience more than I needed loot anyway, or so I thought.

  Not giving up on my streak, my search for Sally continued, leaving a trail of bug corpses behind me. Occasionally, my boldness would result in getting hit once or twice, but nothing too serious for me to be concerned with.

  Spotting the same knotted tree as before, I knew we were getting close. At the base of the tree, there was an earwig munching on something. I wanted to sneak up on it, to get another critical one shot, but since I learned about my horrible Luck stat, I decided against it.

  “Sally must be around here somewhere. Keep your eyes peeled,” I said to my sidekick. I wasn’t sure if that was something it could do, but I felt right saying it, all the same.

  Moogi pointed two furry fingers at its eyes then outward, to show it was paying attention.

  After making short work of the earwig, I walked over to see two small decaying lumps that the earwig had been chomping on.

  “What’s that?” I asked, and Moogi cringed.

  “No, really?” This side was much too nibbled on to discern what it was…or had been.

  Moogi stuck out its tongue as if it were going to puke.

  I turned one lump over on its side. It was like looking into a rotting mirror. It was the upper remains of my last death. The earwig had already gnawed off both my arms and legs.

  “Oh, no. That’s not right at all.” Now I was dry heaving.

  I felt like I was going to faint. This was not at all what I had expected to find. I didn’t know why I’d thought players just dematerialize or something when they died.

  I had to get away from the smell.

  “Let’s get out of here.”

  I tried to encourage my companion to leave with me, but it wasn’t following.

  What the fack is it doing? I couldn’t look to see for myself. It was all too gruesome.

  “If you want to ghost around corpses all day, be my guest,” I blindly said over my shoulder.

  It didn’t answer, not even a little Moogi peep.

  After taking a few steps away, my nausea had fully subsided.

  “Okay, what is it now? Did you find her? Sally, that is.” Partially shielding my vision, I spotted Moogi closing its eyes and pointing at an object on the ground.

  I crouched down, snatched it up, and stepped away again before I had to breathe in my death anymore.

  Once at a safe distance, I looked down at the object in my hand. “What did you find?”

  It was a half-drunk potion. No, wait. It was my potion that I had dropped before dying. But it should have gone away long ago. Much more than an hour had passed. I turned over the potion to see the expiration date, and it still said twenty-seven minutes.

  “One, two, three, four…” I started counting.

  “Moogi? (Why are you doing that?)”

  “Twelve, don’t mess me up, fourteen…”

  “Moogi. (I can set a timer for you, if you want one.)”

  Judging by its expression, yes, it could set one. But, no, it wouldn’t like it to.

  “Twenty-four, I’m halfway done, twenty-six,” I said, counting off the remaining seconds.

  I learned that my ghost asset really didn’t like to wait around. It was like torture for it.

  “…sixty. All done.” I turned the potion over once more and it hadn’t gone down to twenty-six. It was still stuck with twenty-seven minutes remaining. It was a glitch. I could hang on to this thing indefinitely. Unfortunately, I was getting low on life, with only ten hit points remaining. So, I chugged it down, bringing myself up to twenty-two. Not full, but close enough.

  Moogi looked at me with a confused look on its fuzzy face.

  “Shh.” I knew what it was going to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. Why waste a minute just to drink it down instantly? Well, I had my reasons, and I wasn’t going to waste another minute explaining them to the thing.

  “Let’s get ourselves a Sally,” I said instead, trying to change the subject.

  Moogi was right there with me, fist raised and ready for action.

  A slew of earwig encounters later, and I was close to leveling up. Anticipation was building inside me. Something new was going to happen, in this otherwise monotonous earwig grind. Every battle was almost exactly the same. Play it safe, and don’t get hurt. That was my motto.

  Landing a killing blow on my latest victim, I quickly checked my arm. 314/300 experience points. I had done it. Only, nothing seemed to change. There was no bright light surrounding me, no dinging sounds, not even a celebratory prompt.

  “Moogi, did I level?”

  “Moogi. (No. You have to bank your experience with a trainer in order to gain a level.)”

  “Of course it couldn’t be that easy.”

  “I guess we can find one of those after we settle this score. At this rate, I might be able to level up to twenty-five,” I said, getting back into the fray.

  One after another, after another, I killed earwigs with perfectly timed attacks, each one getting easier than the last. I felt unstoppable.

  Moogi also seemed to be enjoying the massacre.

  “Sally, we’re coming for you!” I yelled.

  Without having to loot the corpses, I just kept on slaying, only breaking long enough for my stamina to regenerate. We were taking out earwigs faster than they could respawn. The Twisted Forest started to feel empty, with no sign of Sally. She was turning out to be much rarer than I had thought.

  “Where could she have gone?” I asked Moogi, who was more interested in finding another target for me to attack.

  I looked at my weapon. Then it struck like a critical hit to the brain. “Wait, we’re having bad luck finding Sally, aren’t we?”

  Moogi gave a shrug and urged me to continue into the next outcropping of trees.

  “That’s because my Luck stat is in the negative. I’ve also only had, what, one critical hit during this whole run-through?”

  Moogi took a moment to ponder my observation and quickly nodded in agreement.

  “Why didn’t you warn me? We’ve been grinding this area for hours now.”

  Moogi pointed a finger as if it was about to tell me off, when I conceded.

  “You know what? Never mind. I don’t blame you. I blame myself. What’s done is done. No use crying over it.”

  Quick to ignore my bad attitude, Moogi ran to a flowery archway, an excited shake to its backside as it moved.

  “Fine. But after we clear this last spot, let’s go back and find a trainer so that I can level up or whatever. Sally isn’t coming.”

  Feeling like the top of the food chain, I strolled into the next area with great confidence.

  Only, there was something other than an earwig waiting for me—the real king of the forest…

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mega Man

  E ntering the clearing, the first thing I noticed was all the wreckage strewn about. Broken weapons, armor, and whatever else, had created a dense carpet of disarray. It reminded me of home, in a cluttered sort of way.

  Crunch, crunch, crunch. My footfalls were the only sound in the whole area. There were no birds, no scuttling earwigs. Even Moogi was silent as a ghost. I tr
eaded lightly, hoping to not destroy whatever treasures might be hidden underfoot, though it was most likely too late for that. This garbage had been here for a while and a half, or so it seemed.

  I turned to my little asset and mouthed, “Want to get out of here?” My confidence from a moment ago was already deflated.

  Moogi agreed with me wholeheartedly, making an abrupt about-face turn.

  Before I could follow its lead, something at the end of the clearing started to stir and rumble the unsteady ground beneath my feet.

  A large oak tree was uprooting itself and preparing for battle. Only, I didn’t want to battle, not with it, not now.

  Looking back at the exit, a corrugated wall fell down in stages, locking me inside the area. It was a magical barrier or effect of some kind.

  “Got any ideas?” I asked Moogi.

  Before I could get an answer, I saw the full extent of what I was up against. Towering above me, at about three times my height, was not actually a tree and not exactly a man. I could only describe it as a giant knight, outfitted in what appeared to be a wooden version of plate armor. Unfortunately, the massive thing was coming straight for me with its larger-than-life stride.

  I knew I couldn’t outrun it, so I jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding getting smashed with its oversized greatsword, which most assuredly was not made of wood.

  The force from the rolling wave of garbage that followed its attack knocked me off my feet.

  “I really wish this was Sally,” I blurted out, scrambling to create as much distance between us as possible.

  Soon the giant foe recovered from the attack and brought its monstrous weapon up over its shoulder. All the while, its dark green eyes tracked my every movement.

  Before I knew it, I had run out of stamina and was forced to rest. Next time, I would have to save enough to at least try and sidestep the attack.

  The wooden knight came at me again. This time, I noticed something dragging through the ground behind it like a snake. I couldn’t make out what it was exactly because its next sweeping slash came in fast.

  I dropped to my stomach and felt the wind and debris fly over me as the huge weapon soared past my back.

  This wasn’t a normal creature. It was most assuredly a boss, to the fullest extent of the meaning, and I was not at all ready for it.

  Moogi ran between its legs, guiding me out of harm’s way.

  That seemed like a reasonable plan, so I followed it.

  Up close, I could see thousands of nail-sized splinters, which were fraying the edge of its enormous armored foot.

  I don’t know what compelled me, but I launched up and took a stab at the knight’s foot with my pincher short axe, which I wished was a pincher long axe.

  When I hit, it felt more like chopping wood than slicing into flesh or even the hard shell of an earwig. The attack felt clean and precise. Splinters showered all over me.

  Still, one damage was all I did. I looked over at Moogi for answers.

  A thought bubble appeared over the ghost’s head showing that the boss still had 99.9% of its life left.

  Could I last against this thing for one hundred or more hits? It was slow, so it was possible. Maybe if I learned its attacks.

  I was cautious and reserved. I kept close to its legs and out of reach from its huge scary weapon. After about ten more little hits, I motioned to Moogi for a life update while I was recovering.

  “Moogi. (100%)”

  “What? He is healing faster than I can damage him?” And what’s with all these splinters? I kept trying to dust them off, but they were scratchy and everywhere.

  The giant started a new move I hadn’t seen before. It raised both its arms above its head and started to lean over like a falling tree.

  “Oh, no!”

  I tried to get back a safe distance, expending all I had into the run. I felt like I was much slower than I was before. The splinters were weighing me down somehow, keeping me sluggish.

  The knight collapsed to the ground in an enormous belly flop, crushing me for twenty-five damage. The thing was so big, there was no way for me to avoid it.

  If I had been at full life, I could have survived that attack. Unfortunately, I wasn’t, and it squished me outright. No time to bleed out or go into the negatives. I was just dead in the one shot.

  “Moogi. (You have been mortally crushed like a pancake by The Wooden Knight Ambrose.)

  ***

  “Let it be known that this is a…oh. Hey, Seph. How are things?” Erilyn said from back at the temple.

  “I got crushed.”

  “Was it a spider named Susie or a giant cricket name Chrissy?”

  “No, it was an Ambrose.”

  “Oh, my. You faced the weapon stealer alone, did you?”

  I nodded, still reeling from the effects of the crushing blow. Somehow, I was feeling an echo of intense pain that I hadn’t remembered feeling before. I looked over my body. Tiny crack-like scars covered my skin, almost like a texture. This must have been where my skin tore apart. Great.

  “Even parties of four or more haven’t been able to beat that ancient. You’re either really brave, or incredibly stupid.”

  “How about just ignorant?”

  “That works too,” she said with a chuckle. “Just imagine if you had beaten him. I bet he has a ton of great drops. And you wouldn’t have to share any of them with anyone.”

  It was quite tempting. Even if I were up to the challenge, I needed a better…everything. Maybe some superior loot, a couple of higher levels and a full party of players to back me up. In no way was I going to face him in my current state and alone, no less. Not with me losing valuable experience points every time I died.

  “My experience!” I jumped off the slab and checked my arm. I still had 269/300. Still not enough to level, but I was close.

  Wow, if this is half, I earned way more experience than I thought. How long were we out there grinding? Lost in thought for a minute, I checked my gear. Luckily, I still had my pincher short axe.

  “Whew, Ambrose didn’t steal my weapon.”

  “He doesn’t steal items. He utterly destroys them.”

  That explained all that trash on the floor. I checked my inventory once more, and sure enough, my eel leather was gone—most likely destroyed.

  Damn. I had plans for that.

  “How many people have died trying to beat this guy?”

  “Let’s just say that he has been keeping me employed quite nicely.”

  “You must be really high level by now.” If my calculations were correct, just from my deaths alone, she must have close to 500 experience points.

  “I’ve given up on that sort of advancement.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m happy just keeping myself busy. Doing the maker’s work, that’s all. Speaking of which…” She gave me a little wave.

  “Of course. I didn’t mean to keep you,” I said, making my way out of the temple once more.

  She wasn’t kidding, if this was the rate at which people were dying in these parts. But what did she mean about giving up on that kind of advancement? What other kind of advancement was there?

  Making my way past the shrine that I had stolen the lights from, I noticed that one of the two candles had been replaced. It made me feel a little better, in a strange sort of way.

  Outside the temple, I looked down at my ghost asset and noticed it was oddly quiet this time around.

  “What is it?”

  Moogi gave a sad little shrug.

  “Are you sad that my resurrection fatigue has consumed four of my hit points and seven of my stamina?” I held up my arm showing my tatts.

  “Moogi. (No.)”

  “Are you disappointed that we didn’t beat the boss?”

  Moogi nodded slowly.

  Deep down I thought it might actually be sad that it got me killed again, but boy was I wrong.

  “Let’s level up, round up some friends, and then we can try again.”

/>   Moogi looked up at me with its big round eyes in an endearing way. “Moogi? (You mean it?)”

  “Of course. I don’t run from bullies. I beat them, no matter how scary tall they are or how terrifying their green eyes might be.”

  My companion was instantly happy again and ready to continue on with our journey, which was better than it moping around.

  Taking the trail to the right, I figured we would gain the remaining thirty-one experience I needed along the way.

  Sticking to the path proved to be a safe way to travel. Even though I saw moths, blood-dogs, and other scary things off in the wilderness, they ignored us as long as we kept on the trail. This was most likely due to my Charm perk. I contemplated attacking, but I wanted to fight something familiar and easy. There was much too much at stake to chance it.

  The sun was cresting over the mountainside, shooting rays of multicolored light over everything.

  Beside the occasional traveler passing by, it was a lonely hike—just me with my little ghost thing by my side. I loved every minute of it. Deep down, I knew the trees, rocks, and everything in between was generated and just a part of the game, but it was still enjoyable to look at. It was eye candy for my soul. I finally got to have my nature hike, and it was far better than anything the real world had to offer.

  It was dark as we reached the end of the trail. We had made it to the crossroads without any trouble. I read the signpost that had three arrows on it. One pointed to Vale Manor on the right, Tamber’s Cave to the left, and the Proving Grounds straight ahead.

  “The Proving Grounds. That seems like what we’re looking for,” I said with a snap of my fingers.

  And so, we continued forward.

  This new area was filled with tall grey grasses, about shoulder length. Joining us on the path was a series of plump, wild turkeys that didn’t seem concerned with our presence, or even hostile. They must have been put in the game for food purposes.

  Come to think of it, I hadn’t had to eat anything since I’d been here. Maybe if I didn’t die all the time, then I might experience some sort of hunger. For now, it was a non-issue, so I let it go. Then another thought came to me, why aren’t they inside the brush? That’s where I would be if I were food—hiding.