Back for Good

by Heather Mar-Gerrison

  He blinked, “Fuck.” He said, “You need to get yourself down to Cornwall. We could totally go surfing.”

  Now that sounded like a plan. “Next time.” I said, “I’ll book some time off in the summer – and we’ll definitely go.”

  I went home full of plans to rent a nice cottage for us to share…

  Wade

  I felt slightly lost once Ed had gone home. The house was so quiet and it was such an effort to get off the sofa but I really needed to pee – and it was getting late.

  Ignoring the plates on the coffee table, I grabbed Petey and eased my leg into him. “Right, fella,” I said, “Behave yourself and we might get to the top of the stairs without getting stuck halfway tonight.”

  *

  I woke up the next morning, feeling completely unrested. My mind had been racing for hours before I’d finally dropped off to sleep. Full of ideas about going on holiday with Eduard. Would I be able to surf? Well, why not? I didn’t have to stand up on the board and I could sit at the water’s edge waiting for Ed to help me back to where we’d set up camp.

  My thoughts had taken me into unchartered territory, however. I couldn’t stop thinking about the poppadum incident and wondering what had happened between us.

  Punching my pillow into a more comfortable shape, I closed my eyes and willed myself to sleep. That was a mistake, since I dreamt about kissing Ed. What the fuck was that all about?

  I glanced at my clock and groaned. It was going to be hours before he was up and awake. Eduard had always loved his bed and was never up and about before lunchtime when we were kids. I couldn’t see that changing now that he was all grown up. He was on holiday this week… What on earth would he want to be up early for?

  My stomach was in knots. I really couldn’t wait to see him.

  I tried to convince myself that it was just his company that I wanted. It was true that I hated being alone – in the armed forces I’d always been surrounded by my mates – but with Eduard, I couldn’t deny it was so much more than that. Now I was fighting the urge to touch his fingers again just to see if the feeling that had gone right through my body last night was real. What was that feeling anyway? I’d never reacted to another person’s touch so dramatically before in my life!

  I’d really wanted to look at him to see if he’d felt it too but when I glanced his way, I got the feeling he was more interested in his poppadum and pickles than he was in me… It had left me feeling slightly disappointed.

  Don’t be so ridiculous, Wade. I told myself. You’ve never felt this way about him before… Only that wasn’t quite true either. I had, when I was fourteen – and I’d told his brother, Franz after a few shots that we weren’t supposed to have drunk. Still, I’d never fancied any other guy ever after that and I’d thought that it was just a fluke…

  But what if it wasn’t a fluke? What if I’d only ever felt this way about Eduard? I was going to have to go for the brush of hands again… just to see. God, I couldn’t wait for lunchtime…

  As it was, it was seven in the morning and I really couldn’t lie in bed a moment longer.

  Ignoring Petey who was stood leaning against my chest of drawers, I hopped across my bedroom to my en-suite bathroom.

  I was going to have a shower.

  *

  Leaning against the wall of the shower, I reached for the shampoo and started to wash my hair. I wasn’t really one for different products and generally used the shampoo to wash myself all over. I washed my armpits and then my arms, torso and then I reached for my cock. I wasn’t really aware that I’d been thinking about Eduard until I realised that I was hard and it was Ed I was thinking about…

  I took myself in my hand and started to work it. I closed my eyes and thought about our hands touching the day before. Seriously. What the hell had that been about? Did I really have feelings for Ed? Well of course I did. He was one of my best friends – and he’d always been someone I’d admired. Be honest with yourself Wade, you’ve fancied him since you were a kid.

  I’d done such a good job of convincing myself that I was straight in the army that I was completely confused at my newfound feelings for Ed – or rather, renewed feelings, since they weren’t really new at all. I realised that I’d just buried them – they’d never gone away at all. I came, gasping as my come ran down my hand and was washed away but the shower. My leg was shaking with the force of my orgasm. Fuck, that was intense. I’d never done that before. I’d never come to thoughts of Ed and I kissing. Thoughts of Ed sucking my cock? Well, maybe…

  So, what the hell did it mean? Was I gay? Bisexual? Pansexual? Gender fluid? Jeez, there were so many ways to describe your sexuality these days, most of which I had no clue what they even meant. It was no wonder I was confused.

  I shook my head and rinsed myself one last time before I switched the shower off.

  Reaching for my towel, I hopped out of the cubicle awkwardly and then, holding onto the sink for support, dried myself off.

  Trying me best to stop thinking about Ed and the fact that I’d just had an orgasm while imagining him kissing me, and yes, damn it, imagining that it was his hand around my shaft, I made my way back into my bedroom and got out a pair of boxer shorts.

  I wondered briefly what sort of boxer shorts Ed wore and then almost immediately had to stop myself from thinking about it, because I was beginning to sport wood again and I was going to be in danger of walking around with a semi on all damned day until I saw him – and then it would likely be a full-on stiffy and I had absolutely no idea how I would be able to explain it away.

  I looked at Petey. “Right you.” I said as I pulled on the stocking over my stump, “You and I are going to make friends today.” And if you let me down, even once, so help me I’m going to smash you against the fucking wall…

  I stood up. “Right.” I said, “Come on then.”

  I don’t know if I was just having a really bad day yesterday or if I’d woken up with a brand new and improved positive mental attitude, but suddenly, walking on Petey was like second nature. “Well, would you fucking believe it?” I asked myself in wonder as I got to the bottom of the stairs without having to resort to shuffling myself down on my backside. “Petey,” I said, looking down with a big stupid smile on my face, “You and I are so becoming buddies.”

  I chuckled to myself as I went through to the kitchen to get myself my breakfast.

  I’d just snapped the kettle on when the doorbell rang. I just about jumped out of my skin, but as I turned to answer the door, my heart jumped in my chest. I recognised Ed’s outline instantly. Fuck me. What the hell had happened to him in the last five years? Why on earth was he up at this time in the morning?

  I opened the door.

  His not-quite-brown, not-quite-green eyes twinkled at me as he held up a bag of yumyums from Greggs. “Breakfast?” he asked.

  I snorted, “That shit’ll give you a heart attack by the time you’re forty.” I said, “And you haven’t got that long before you get there.”

  “Cheeky bastard.” He grumbled as he pushed past me, “There’s only two each.”

  I laughed, “I’ll make us a coffee.” I said, “since when did you start getting up early?”

  He shrugged, “Since I had to leave behind my heady student days and get a job.” He answered with a grin.

  I grinned back at him, “Yeah,” I agreed, “Speaking of – did you make any enquiries about that pub next door to your place of work?”

  He nodded, “As a matter of fact, I did.” He said, “And I made us an appointment to go around it next week. I figured you and Petey needed a little time to get acquainted before we went walking all over town.”

  My heart skipped a beat, “Really?” I asked. How thoughtful was that?

  He blushed slightly, “I’d have gone on my own if you really couldn’t make it.” He said, “It’s a really nice building. There’s loads we could do with it. We could apply for a new licence for the pub or we could look into getting a chef on board an
d changing it to a bistro…”

  I raised an eyebrow. Did he just say we? Was he really serious about coming in on the business with me? “What did you have in mind?” I asked.

  He shrugged, “Well,” he said, “I’ve got a few ideas. Not that I’m complaining or anything – but there are no gay bars in the town centre.” He said, “I’m not suggesting that we exclude straight people or anything, but…”

  I nodded, “I hear you.” We could encourage an all-orientations-welcome policy…

  He nodded, “Yeah, or we could just go down the bistro route – then we don’t have to worry about all orientations being welcome because no one would even consider it. I’d really like to come in on the venture with you. I’d be happy to split the investment with you, too – and give up my boring-as-fuck job…”

  My heart swelled, “Thanks, mate.” I said, “I really appreciate it.” I felt like I was beginning to sound a little like a broken record. I didn’t know what else to say to him, though. I did appreciate everything he was doing for me. More than appreciated it, actually. I loved that he was looking out for me – but I didn’t want to encourage anything that I really didn’t know if I could handle. It wouldn’t be fair of me to start something I couldn’t see through. And right now, I really didn’t think I could do anything with Ed that I would normally do with a woman.

  Actually, that was a total lie. I could totally imagine watching Ed going down on me. I just couldn’t quite compute the idea of going down on him, although it was getting easier all the time. Images flashed through my mind of taking his cock in my mouth and sucking it but I pushed them to the back of my mind. I was genuinely baffled at the images in my mind. What the hell had gotten into me?

  I took a bite of the yumyum that Ed had thrust into my hand, “Oh, my God.” I breathed, locking gaze with him and grinning from ear-to-ear. “I’d forgotten how good these things were.”

  Ed laughed, “I know, right.” He said. “I don’t think I’ve eaten one in about six years!”

  I gazed at him, “You always used to bring them to the park.” You always shared them with me.

  He nodded, “Yeah.” He agreed with a chuckle, “It was because Mum said that the way to a man’s heart was through his stomach. I figured it was worth a shot.”

  “Ahh,” I replied playfully, “So that’s what you’re doing.” Oh, my God. Was that what he’d been trying to do all that time?

  He immediately looked mortified, “NO!” he shouted, “Honest, I just fancied them and wondered if you’d like a little company for breakfast and something nice to eat…”

  I didn’t know what to say to make things less awkward, “I was only joking.” I said as I passed him his coffee, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make things awkward between us.”

  He sighed and shook his head “This isn’t working.” He muttered, “I can’t help the way I feel about you – and you can’t help being straight. I’d better go home.” He pushed his chair out and stood up.

  I shot out an arm to block his exit, “Please.” I said, “Don’t go.”

  He looked at me, a myriad of emotions playing over his face. “I’ll stay.” He whispered. He looked up at me, his face a picture of anxiety. Anxiety that I was causing him and it cut me to the quick, “If I get too intense – you know? If I get too much for you to deal with.” He said, “Please, just tell me to go. Okay?”

  I nodded. He had nothing to worry about. I never wanted him to leave. As far as I was concerned, there was no fucking way he was ever going anywhere…

  Chapter 4 – A day full of apologies…

  Eduard

  Mortifying. That’s what this was, absolutely mortifying. What the hell had possessed me to say that?

  I was all ready to run, the old fight-or-flight instinct kicking in – but Wade had other ideas and he blocked my exit. Not that I couldn’t have pushed past him. It was more the way he asked me to stay.

  We’d definitely had a moment. The two of us just staring into each other’s eyes. I had no idea what he was thinking of, but I was wishing with all my heart that things were different – that he wasn’t straight and that he felt the same as I did. It was never gonna happen, though. It really was time I downloaded Grindr and went on a couple of no strings, sex dates…

  By the time I’d gotten my heartbeat back under control and the power of speech had come back to me, Wade had finished his two yumyums and had disappeared into the lounge. I followed him in, “You’re walking a hell of a lot better on that leg.” I commented.

  He nodded, a big grin on his beautiful face, “Yeah,” he agreed, “We had a little chat this morning.”

  “Who?” I asked in confusion.

  He patted his prosthetic, “Petey and I.” he said, “I threatened to smash him into the wall if he played me up – he’s been really well-behaved since.”

  I chuckled, “Well, I’m glad about that.” I said. Suddenly, I had an idea. The park wasn’t so far away from where we lived. Maybe we could take a slow walk there and back… “Why don’t we walk down to the park?”

  He raised his eyebrows at me, “Do you think I’ll make it?”

  I shrugged, “I could give you a piggyback ride home.” I said with a grin.

  He nodded thoughtfully, “Okay.” He said, “Let’s finish these drinks and then we’ll head out.”

  “Might want to leave it till the school-run’s over.” I said, “We don’t want you tripping over the rug-rats.”

  He nodded, “Good point.” He winked at me, making my dick twitch. Thankfully, I was wearing my jeans today so there was no chance of him noticing my semi-permanent boner…

  We finished our drinks, watched Jeremy Kyle for as long as we could stand it before we had to turn it off and then we headed out.

  It was slow progress but I felt that Wade was doing exceedingly well. We took his crutches with him but I was just carrying them in my free hand. My other hand was busy catching him whenever he had the slightest stumble. It would be fair to say that I couldn’t keep my hands off him…

  Finally, we reached the park. “Let’s sit down over there,” Wade panted, “I’m absolutely knackered.”

  I steered him over to the bench and we sat down. It was a gloriously sunny early summer’s day. Just the sort of day to go on a picnic – only we’d not got one with us. Next time…

  “Are you okay?” I asked, looking at his pale face a little worriedly. “Have I made you do too much, too soon?”

  He shook his head, “I’m fine.” He said, “I just needed a rest.”

  “Is your leg comfortable?” I pressed.

  He shrugged and nodded, “It’s a bit sore.” He admitted ruefully, “I’ll be okay.”

  I jumped up, shaking my head, “I’ll go and get my car.” I said, “I can’t have you in pain.” I’d rather die than be the one to ever cause you pain.

  He shot out an arm and grabbed mine, “Sit down.” He commanded, “I’m fine.”

  I nodded and sat down next to him, “Sorry.” I muttered, “I’m not used to this…”

  He raised an eyebrow, “Me either.” He said, “I’m used to being with a massive group of guys, all of them taking the piss out of each other and generally being a bunch of obnoxious twats.”

  I smiled, “But you miss them almost as much as you miss your leg?”

  He shrugged, “I did,” he agreed, “to begin with…” he trailed off and I totally got the feeling he was about to say something else but he stopped himself.

  Awkward silence…

  I looked at him, “Were you going to say something else?”

  He looked up at me sheepishly, “I was just going to say that I did miss them – until I re-discovered you.”

  I blinked. “Me?” I asked. I honestly thought he’d be sick of me hanging around him like a bad smell by now.

  He grinned, “Yeah.” He said, “I always liked you best out of the three of you – you were the only one any good at playing the X-Box games for starters.”

  I
smiled at him, “Yeah.” I agreed, “That was part of your charm too.”

  We sat there, chatting and reminiscing about all sorts of things before we realised that we were, once again, absolutely starving. “Shall I get my car?” I asked, “It’s uphill on the way back.”

  Wade was a stubborn bastard. He shook his head, “I’ll walk.” He ground out. “I might have to hang on to you, but I’ll fucking walk.”

  I nodded. Fine with me…

  Chapter 5 – Lean on me…

  Wade

  My leg hurt. Not unbearably so but I could feel it.

  I guess I could have managed it home without asking Ed for help, but what the fuck was the point in having mates if you couldn’t lean on them sometimes?

  So, I leaned on Ed – literally. He had his arm around me all the way home, pretty much pushing me up the hill as I hung onto him for support.

  At last, we made it. “Thanks mate.” I gasped as we both collapsed onto my sofa, “That was really hard work!”

  He beamed at me, his weirdly beautiful brown-green eyes glowing with something that looked awfully like pride, “You did amazing.” He said, “You’ve only been out of rehab for a couple of weeks – you’re incredible.”

  I smiled, feeling inexplicably buoyed up by his praise, “Thanks, mate.” I said, “Would you do me a favour? Stick the kettle on, would you?”

  He nodded and headed off into the kitchen. I leaned back against the sofa cushions and closed my eyes. I sighed happily. I’d walked to the park and back. That was fucking incredible…

  Ed was back in in a couple of minutes, putting a steaming mug of tea in front of me, “I put one sugar in it.” He said.

  I frowned, “I have two.” You know that…

  He shook his head, grinning cheekily, “Not when you’ve had two yumyums for your breakfast you don’t.”

  I chuckled, “Okay, Mum.” I said.

  That earned me a punch. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into me. He fell slightly awkwardly and ended up half in my lap.