Much Ado About Nothing (Arden Shakespeare: Third Series)

by William Shakespeare

  Benedick. Think you in your soul the Count Claudio hath wronged Hero?

  Beatrice. Yea, as sure as I have a thought or a soul.

  Benedick. Enough, I am engaged. I will challenge him. I will kiss your hand, and so I leave you. By this hand, Claudio shall render me a dear account. As you hear of me, so think of me. Go comfort your cousin. I must say she is dead. And so farewell.

  [Exeunt.]

  [Scene 2. A prison.]

  Enter the Constables [Dogberry and Verges] and

  the Town Clerk [Sexton] in gowns, Borachio,

  [Conrade, and Watch].

  Dogberry. Is our whole dissembly appeared?

  Verges. O, a stool and a cushion for the sexton.

  Sexton. Which be the malefactors?

  Dogberry. Marry, that am I and my partner.

  317 cursies curtsies

  Verges. Nay, that's certain. We have the exhibition to examine.

  Sexton. But which are the offenders that are to be examined? Let them come before Master Constable.

  Dogberry. Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?

  Borachio. Borachio.

  Dogberry. Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?deg

  Conrade. I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.

  Dogberry. Write down Master Gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?

  Both. Yea, sir, we hope.

  Dogberry. Write down that they hope they serve God; and write God first, for God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?

  Conrade. Marry, sir, we say we are none.

  Dogberry. A marvelous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him.deg Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear. Sir, I say to you, it is thought you are false knaves.

  Borachio. Sir, I say to you we are none.deg

  Dogberry. Well, stand aside. 'Fore God, they are both in a tale.deg Have you writ down that they are none?

  Sexton. Master Constable, you go not the way to examine. You must call forth the watch that are their accusers.

  4.2.12 sirrah (term of address used to an inferior)

  26 go about with him get the better of him

  29 none (apparently pronounced the same as "known," and so taken by Dogberry in his next speech)

  30--31 they are both in a tale their stories agree

  Dogberry. Yea, marry, that's the eftestdeg way. Let the watch come forth. Masters, I charge you in the Prince's name, accuse these men.

  First Watch. This man said, sir, that Don John the Prince's brother was a villain.

  Dogberry. Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to call a prince's brother villain.

  Borachio. Master Constable!

  Dogberry. Pray thee, fellow, peace. I do not like thy look, I promise thee.

  Sexton. What heard you him say else?

  Second Watch. Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.

  Dogberry. Flat burglary as ever was committed.

  Verges. Yea, by mass, that it is.

  Sexton. What else, fellow?

  First Watch. And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero before the whole assembly, and not marry her.

  Dogberry. O villain! Thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for this.

  Sexton. What else?

  Watch. That is all.

  Sexton. And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this morning secretly stol'n away. Hero was in this manner accused, in this very manner refused, and upon the grief of this suddenly died. Master Constable, let these men be bound and brought to Leonato's. I will go before and show him their examination. [Exit.]

  35 eflest quickest

  Dogberry. [To the Watch] Come, let them be opinioned. deg

  Verges. Let them be in the hands of Coxcomb.deg

  Dogberry. God's my life, where's the sexton? Let him write down the Prince's officer Coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughtydeg varlet!

  Conrade. Away! You are an ass, you are an ass.

  Dogberry. Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember that I am an ass. Though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and which is more, an officer; and which is more, a householder; and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to! And a rich fellow enough, go to! And a fellow that hath had losses; and one that hath two gowns and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass! Exit [with the others].

  66-67 opinioned (he means "pinioned")

  68 Coxcomb (apparently Verges thinks this is an elegant name for one of the Watch; editors commonly emend "of Coxcomb" to "off, coxcomb," and give to Conrade)

  71 naughty wicked

  [ACT 5

  Scene 1. Before Leonato's house.]

  Enter Leonato and his brother [Antonio].

  Antonio. If you go on thus, you will kill yourself, And 'tis not wisdom thus to seconddeg grief Against yourself.

  Leonato. I pray thee cease thy counsel, Which falls into mine ears as profitless As water in a sieve. Give not me counsel, Nor let no comforter delight mine ear But such a one whose wrongs do suit withdeg mine. Bring me a father that so loved his child, Whose joy of her is overwhelmed like mine, And bid him speak of patience. Measure his woe the length and breadth of mine, And let it answer every straindeg for strain, As thus for thus, and such a grief for such, In every lineament, branch, shape, and form. If such a one will smile and stroke his beard, And sorrow wag,deg cry "hem" when he should groan; Patch grief with proverbs, make misfortune drunk With candle-wasters;deg bring him yetdeg to me, And I of him will gather patience. But there is no such man. For, brother, men Can counsel and speak comfort to that grief Which they themselves not feel; but, tasting it, Their counsel turns to passion, which before Would give preceptial medicinedeg to rage, Fetter strong madness in a silken thread,

  5.1.2 second assist

  7 suit with accord with

  12 strain quality, trait

  16 wag wave away

  18 candle-wasters revelers (?) philosophers (?)

  18 yet then

  Charm ache with air and agony with words. No, no! 'Tis all men's office to speak patience To those that wring under the load of sorrow, But no man's virtue nor sufficiency To be so moraldeg when he shall endure The like himself. Therefore give me no counsel; My griefs cry louder than advertisement.deg

  Antonio. Therein do men from children nothing differ.

  Leonato. I pray thee peace. I will be flesh and blood; For there was never yet philosopher That could endure the toothache patiently, However they have writ the style of gods And made a push at chance and sufferance.deg

  Antonio. Yet bend not all the harm upon yourself. Make those that do offend you suffer too.

  Leonato. There thou speak'st reason. Nay, I will do so. My soul doth tell me Hero is belied; And that shall Claudio know; so shall the Prince, And all of them that thus dishonor her.

  Enter Prince [Don Pedro] and Claudio.

  Antonio. Here comes the Prince and Claudio hastily. Don Pedro. Good den, good den. Claudio. Good day to both of you. Leonato. Hear you, my lords--Don Pedro. We have some haste, Leonato.

  24 preceptial medicine medicine of precepts (cf. line

  17: "Patch grief with proverbs")

  30 moral moralizing

  32 advertisement counsel

  38 made ... sufferance defied mischance and suffering

  Leonato. Some haste, my lord! Well, fare you well, my lord.

  Are you so hasty now? Well, all is one.

  Don Pedro. Nay, do not quarrel with us, good old man.

&
nbsp; Antonio. If he could right himself with quarreling, Some of us would lie low.

  Claudio. Who wrongs him?

  Leonato. Marry, thou dost wrong me, thou dissembler, thou!

  Nay, never lay thy hand upon thy sword;

  I fear thee not.

  Claudio. Marry, beshrewdeg my hand If it should give your age such cause of fear. In faith, my hand meant nothing to my sword.

  Leonato. Tush, tush, man! Never fleerdeg and jest at me. I speak not like a dotard nor a fool, As under privilege of age to brag What I have done being young, or what would do, Were I not old. Know, Claudio, to thy head,deg Thou hast so wronged mine innocent child and me That I am forced to lay my reverence by And, with gray hairs and bruise of many days, Do challenge thee to trial of a man.deg I say thou hast belied mine innocent child. Thy slander hath gone through and through her heart, And she lies buried with her ancestors; O, in a tomb where never scandal slept, Save this of hers, frameddeg by thy villainy!

  Claudio. My villainy?

  Leonato. Thine, Claudio; thine I say.

  Don Pedro. You say not right, old man.

  Leonato. My lord, my lord, I'll prove it on his body if he dare, Despite his nice fencedeg and his active practice, His May of youth and bloom of lustihood.

  55 beshrew curse (but not a strong word)

  58 fleer sneer

  62 head face

  66 trial of a man manly test, i.e., a duel

  71 framed made

  Claudio. Away! I will not have to do with you.

  Leonato. Canst thou so daffdeg me? Thou hast killed my child.

  If thou kill'st me, boy, thou shalt kill a man.

  Antonio. He shall kill two of us, and men indeed. But that's no matter; let him kill one first. Win me and wear me! Let him answer me. Come, follow me, boy; come, sir boy; come, follow me. Sir boy, I'll whip you from your foiningdeg fence! Nay, as I am a gentleman, I will.

  Leonato. Brother--

  Antonio. Content yourself. God knows I loved my niece; And she is dead, slandered to death by villains, That dare as well answer a man indeed As I dare take a serpent by the tongue. Boys, apes, braggarts, Jacks,deg milksops!

  Leonato. Brother Anthony--

  Antonio. Hold you content. What, man! I know them, yea, And what they weigh, even to the utmost scruple;deg Scambling,deg outfacing, fashionmongingdeg boys, That lie and cogdeg and flout, deprave and slander, Go anticly,deg and show outward hideousness, And speak off half a dozen dang'rous words, How they might hurt their enemies, if they durst; And this is all.

  Leonato. But, brother Anthony--

  75 nice fence elegant fencing

  78 daff put off 84 foining thrusting

  91 Jacks (a contemptuous term of no precise meaning)

  93 scruple smallest unit

  94 Scambling brawling

  94 fashionmonging fashion following

  cog cheat

  96 anticly grotesquely dressed

  Antonio. Come, 'tis no matter. Do not you meddle; let me deal in this.

  Don Pedro. Gentlemen both, we will not wake your patience.deg My heart is sorry for your daughter's death. But, on my honor, she was charged with nothing But what was true, and very full of proof.

  Leonato. My lord, my lord!

  Don Pedro. I will not hear you.

  Leonato. No? Come, brother, away! I will be heard!

  Antonio. And shall, or some of us will smart for it.

  Exeunt ambodeg [Leonatio and Antonio].

  Enter Benedick.

  Don Pedro. See, see! Here comes the man we went to seek.

  Claudio. Now, signior, what news?

  Benedick. Good day, my lord.

  Don Pedro. Welcome, signior. You are almost come to part almost a fray.

  Claudio. We had liked to have had our two noses snapped off with two old men without teeth.

  Don Pedro. Leonato and his brother. What think'st thou? Had we fought, I doubtdeg we should have been too young for them.

  Benedick. In a false quarrel there is no true valor. I came to seek you both.

  Claudio. We have been up and down to seek thee; for we are high-proofdeg melancholy, and would fain have it beaten away. Wilt thou use thy wit?

  102 wake your patience arouse your indulgence (heavily ironic)

  109 s.d ambo both (Latin)

  118 doubt suspect

  123 high-proof in the highest degree

  Benedick. It is in my scabbard. Shall I draw it?

  Don Pedro. Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

  Claudio. Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels: drawdeg to pleasure us.

  Don Pedro. As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick, or angry?

  Claudio. What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

  Benedick. Sir, I shall meet your wit in the careerdeg and you chargedeg it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

  Claudio. Nay then, give him another staff. This last was broke cross.deg

  Don Pedro. By this light, he changes more and more. I think he be angry indeed.

  Claudio. If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.deg

  Benedick. Shall I speak a word in your ear?

  Claudio. God bless me from a challenge!

  Benedick. [Aside to Claudio] You are a villain; I jest not; I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protestdeg your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

  Claudio. Well, I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

  Don Pedro. What, a feast, a feast?

  Claudio. I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's head and a capon; the which if I do not carve most curiously,deg say my knife's naught. Shall I not find a woodcockdeg too?

  129 draw i.e., draw not a sword but a fiddle bow

  134 in the career headlong

  135 charge i.e., as in tilting with staves or lances

  138 broke cross ineptly broken (by crossing the opponent's shield instead of striking it headlong)

  141 turn his girdle challenge me (by reaching for his dagger?)

  147 protest proclaim

  Benedick. Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

  Don Pedro. I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. I said thou hadst a fine wit. "True," said she, "a fine little one." "No," said I, "a great wit." "Right," says she, "a great gross one." "Nay," said I, "a good wit." "Just," said she, "it hurts nobody." "Nay," said I, "the gentleman is wise." "Certain," said she, "a wise gentleman." "Nay," said I, "he hath the tongues."deg "That I believe," said she, "for he swore a thing to me on Monday night which he forswore on Tuesday morning; there's a double tongue; there's two tongues." Thus did she an hour together transshapedeg thy particular virtues. Yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the prop'restdeg man in Italy.

  Claudio. For the which she wept heartily and said she cared not.

  Don Pedro. Yea, that she did; but yet, for all that, and if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly. The old man's daughter told us all.

  Claudio. All, all! And moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.

  Don Pedro. But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on the sensible Benedick's head?

  Claudio. Yea, and text underneath, "Here dwells Benedick, the married man"?

  Benedick. Fare you well, boy; you know my mind. I will leave you now to your gossiplike humor; you break jests as braggards do their blades, which God be thanked hurt not. [To Don Pedro] My lord, for your many courtesies I thank you. I must discontinue your company. Your brother the bastard is fled from Messina. You have among you killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord Lackbeard there, he and I shall meet; and till then peace be with him. [Exit.]

  155 curiously skillfully

  156 woodcock stupid bird (Claudio reduces the duel to a carving up of symbol
s of stupidity--a calf's head, a capon, and a woodcock)

  165 hath the tongues knows foreign languages

  169 transshape distort

  171 prop'rest most handsome

  Don Pedro. He is in earnest.

  Claudio. In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.

  Don Pedro. And hath challenged thee?

  Claudio. Most sincerely.

  Don Pedro. What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

  Enter Constables [Dogberry, Verges, and the

  Watch, with] Conrade and Borachio.

  Claudio. He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a doctor to such a man.deg

  Don Pedro. But, soft you, let me be! Pluck up, my heart, and be sad. Did he not say my brother was fled?

  Dogberry. Come you, sir. If justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, and you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

  Don Pedro. How now? Two of my brother's men bound? Borachio one.

  Claudio. Hearken afterdeg their offense, my lord.

  Don Pedro. Officers, what offense have these men done?

  200-01 He is then ... a man i.e., an ape would consider him important, but an ape is actually a scholar (doctor) compared to such a fool

  211 Hearken after inquire into

  Dogberry. Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; sec ondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.

  Don Pedro. First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what's their offense; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and to conclude, what you lay to their charge.

  Claudio. Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my troth, there's one meaning well suited.deg

  Don Pedro. Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bounddeg to your answer? This learned constable is too cunningdeg to be understood. What's your offense?

  Borachio. Sweet Prince, let me go no farther to mine answer. Do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light, who in the night overheard me confessing to this man, how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgraced her when you should marry her. My villainy they have upon record, which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master's false accusation; and briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.