The Ryle of Zentule

by Michael Green

  Letty nearly broke out laughing at the ridiculous language.

  The lead brutox turned from the wall and stomped towards his cart. He cut the ropes that held the tarpaulin over the bulky cargo. He whipped the tarp away and revealed a statue, hewn from marble, that depicted a heroic-sized figure with oddly goblinoid features. She saw pointy ears, a sharp cleft chin, and minimal body fat, though the rest was idealized human. He carried a book with the word, Goblinomicon, emblazoned across the front, and with his other hand, he gestured widely with an olive branch.

  The word “Steustace,” rose from hundreds of voices. Letty looked up and saw countless goblin heads peeking over the wall.

  The lead brutox clambered up his cart, readied a hatchet, and prepared to cut away at the statue’s prominent nose.

  A horrified chorus of exclamation echoed from the wall. Letty could see the goblins pulling at their ears and hiding their eyes from the sight.

  Eager to help, Letty rushed up to the brutox and yelled over the noise, “Hold on, let me try something!”

  The lead brutox nearly stumbled in surprise at her sudden presence. “Guards!” He yelled, dropping the hatchet and drawing a polished mantis claw, fixed with a handle.

  The other brutox, as mismatched as their leader, drew weapons and faced off against Letty and her friends. Staza and Quill had their blades free in an instant, and even Emma was ready with her club, though Dean looked like he was keen to bargain.

  A moment later, a guard approached and tried to grab Letty by the arm.

  Letty summoned the blade and pointed it inches from his face. He stumbled backward in fright, smacking into the cart. The impact sent his ant-like head flying off. But, much to her surprise, a human face remained, staring at her with a shaken expression.

  The other guards backed away at the sight of the blade.

  “The blood—” One muttered loudly, lowering his spear and stepping away.

  “Don’t be afraid; I’m trying to help you.” Letty said, and then to their leader, “Call your guards off my friends, please.”

  The caravan leader motioned to his guards, and they lowered their weapons.

  Satisfied that both sides had calmed, Letty released her blade. The caravan guards drew close together and struck up a mumbling fit in harsh accents that Letty couldn’t decipher. The leader stepped down from his cart and looked at the newcomers, unsure of what to say.

  Letty addressed the town wall. “Goblins! We have returned! The sphinx is—”

  Dean had approached and gave her a quick nudge.

  “What?” She hissed angrily.

  “Leave this one to me,” Dean said, oddly self-assured.

  “What are you—”

  “I’ve got a plan.”

  Dean approached the caravan leader and spoke, “Sir, we see that you have run into some trouble with these goblins. I am certain we can clear up this impasse.”

  “Ada!” A voice cried out, and a slight form darted from one of the covered carts and rushed towards the caravan leader. “Ada! Who are they, and why are they naked?”

  The voice belonged to a young girl, though she was dressed as a ladybug. Her long, curled ocher locks spilled out in places from beneath her helm and face mask. She hugged onto the leader’s leg and gawked at the newcomers.

  Naked? Letty thought, and noticed that her friends were inspecting themselves as well.

  “Yes, yes, dearest,” he said to the girl, “get back to the cart now, hurry.” He gave her a nudge, and she ran off laughing in a way that sounded as frightened as it did joyful.

  “Please, excuse her, friends, but it is strange to see humans go unclothed, especially this close to the Nomark,” the man paused, as if awaiting an explanation.

  “I’m sorry if our appearance offends you,” Dean said protractedly, not sure how to deal with the issue. “We are new to the area, and ignorant of the customs. I hope that won’t keep you from making a deal with us.”

  The man took off his ant helmet. He had olive skin, short cropped hair, which was ocher, like the girl’s, and his face was crisscrossed with scars.

  “I am Ahmet, Elazene trader, and onetime provisioner of rare luxuries,” he finished with some venom for his cargo.

  Dean raised a hand, he went for the handshake, but Ahmet grasped him by the forearm instead. “Uh,” Dean murmured, “I am Dean Loggia, student.”

  Ahmet gave them a wide smile. “Ah, pupils of the Python then. I see what they say is true. She lets her wards wander naked, unashamedly bearing the name Caspian, but so far afield from her den.” He made a ‘tut-tut’ sound and eyed Staza and Quill, who had donned their Caspian armor in the morning. “I have always had an eye for the Python’s craftwork, but this new form…” he paused, looking over Dean’s khaki pants and knit blue sweater with a raised brow.

  Quill and Staza didn’t like the man’s dismissive and almost insulting tone. Letty saw them share a look and each returned a hand to their weapons.

  Letty took Staza by the shoulder and whispered, “Let’s give Dean a chance.”

  “Yes—” Dean tried to speak, but Ahmet rolled right over him.

  “Very good, now that we know who we are, how is it that you can help me? I see you interrupted your leader. I suspect she had a way of getting these gates open.”

  Dean stammered. “I—yes, we can get these gates open, but I think an equitable deal could be made between our two parties.”

  “Indeed? And why should I pay for that which would occur freely? Let her open the gates, and then we can speak of deals. I am fully laden at the moment anyhow,” Ahmet raised an annoyed brow at Dean, who seemed lost.

  Letty approached. “Dean, you’re blowing this,” she whispered.

  “No, hold on,” he said, thinking.

  Ahmet inclined his head, and grinned slightly, as if prompting his young opponent to surrender.

  Dean looked up, bright eyed, “Certainly, we will be on our way. I had only hoped that we could enter together, but it seems that you would prefer to make your own arrangements.”

  Ahmet scowled. “Once the gate is open, it is open.”

  Dean laughed and looked up at the goblins on the wall. “We have news of the sphinx! Let us in please, so we can tell you.”

  There was a rumble of deliberation among the goblins.

  “Just you!” The wigged leader called out.

  “And my friends!” Dean yelled back.

  Another huddle.

  “Fine, your friends too. But the carts must stay!”

  “Why?”

  “Because t’ embargo!”

  “Right, your self-imposed embargo,” Dean murmured, and then loudly, “What if we told you that the sphinx has been taken home?”

  There was a sudden ruckus on the other side.

  “Well, that’s very nice and all, but t’ embargo stands!” The wigged goblin grunted as if he was being beaten.

  Letty watched several goblins try to pull their leader off the wall. With a stone-headed club, he swatted them away.

  “Didn’t you vote for the embargo?” Dean asked.

  “Yes! And the will of the people—oof—it still stands!”

  “Have another vote!”

  The wigged goblin nearly fainted at those words. A cry of, “Another vote!” resounded from the populace. Letty, her friends, and the traders stood about, regarding each other cautiously as the goblins engaged in democracy on the far side of the wall. Though shrieks and fleshy thuds punctuated the occasion, it was a relatively calm proceeding.

  Letty shared suspicious looks with the traders while they waited.

  The final count was overwhelmingly for abandoning the embargo.

  “You idiots! I’s goin to do that in a minute! Now we’ve to pay full price for the statuary!” The wigged goblin’s cries reached over the ramshackle palisade.

  “Ha! Did you hear that?” A guard guffawed.

  Ahmet’s eyes widened in surprise. “I didn’t think they had it in them,” he laughed. “Th
ey were working me over for a discount, and I thought they were simply stupid. That’s what I get for underestimating the points.” He clapped Dean on the back. “You are a sloppy negotiator, young man, but you ended up ahead, despite that. Now I owe you a favor.”

  The gates creaked open and the caravan entered along with Letty and her party. The goblins swarmed the statue, which turned out to be a likeness of Steustace himself, creator and name giver of the goblins.

  “A’ least that’s ‘ow I heard it,” one goblin remarked after telling the story to a curious crowd of humans.

  The goblins assembled an array of pulleys, ropes, and booms to transfer the statue from the cart to a slightly lopsided pedestal they had waiting outside the abbey.

  The wigged goblin, who wasn’t keen on paying for the statue, complained, “Damn thing was never my idea. Dead mayor has all the credit, and I gets a bill!”

  The goblin, ex-judge, now accidental mayor, chewed on his nails, and didn’t notice his wig was askew, as the bags of loot promised to Ahmet were produced, tarried over, and loaded into one of the covered carts.

  “What could the goblins have to pay you with?” Dean asked.

  “They find treasures in this old abbey. Other things, I don’t know where they find them, traders I suppose. Either way, I’m not asking questions,” Ahmet said, inspecting a bag of silver candlesticks. Ahmet gazed their way for a moment before continuing, “I have never seen anything so remarkable as you,” he said to Letty and her friends, loading the last bag. “The old blood walking fearlessly at the head of an army of mice. It’s almost like a scene from the stories. How is it you rid the goblins of their sphinx? Was it truly her, or were they confused and merely suffering a mountain lion in a wig?”

  Letty laughed. “It was her, though she has a twin sister too.”

  Ahmet’s face became serious for a moment. He calmed his expression and continued, “They tell these stories in the Python’s den, of course. It is nothing strange that you should know this. But how then—” he looked closely at Letty. “The blood is strong,” he said under his breath, several mice repeated the saying, “but the mind is soft, you go doubly naked!”

  Ahmet walked up to the Caspians and to Dean and Emma. He looked each one squarely in the eyes. “Three doubly naked Seers in a group of five. What damnation and war would break out on the fields at the sight of you,” he rushed to a cart and returned with a bag. “Here! Eat, you must eat! What do they teach in that snake pit?”

  The bag contained small, deeply purple carrots.

  “Why?” Letty asked.

  “Are you stupid?” Ahmet rejoined, waving the bag drastically, as if the reason were self-evident.

  “They hide their violet eyes. Something in the carrots changes your eye color, but not forever; they have to be eaten every day,” Quill said.

  “But we have these,” Staza took out a pair of sunglasses and put them on.

  “Insane!” Ahmet replied. “This will only draw more attention. And you go shamelessly forward as human too.” He paused for a moment, and looked as if suddenly enlightened, “I see now, she teaches you none of this, so you cannot hope to escape and survive!”

  Letty saw Staza and Quill tense in anger.

  I need to step in.

  Before Letty could speak, a new chorus of shrieks and whining rang through the town. Goblins went running between their tumbledown shacks screaming, “Another’s coming! A second sphinx!”

  Who told them about Aleta’s sister?

  Ahmet, Letty, and her friends approached the source of the commotion and found a confused mouse, the mayor, and the caravan guards. The mayor and one guard were shaking hands.

  “What’s going on here?” Ahmet demanded.

  The guards ignored him.

  Letty approached the mouse. “What happened?” she asked.

  “I might have let slip that the second sphinx travels the countryside in search of food,” the goblins groaned at the sound of this. “But it’s okay!” The mouse insisted. “The mayor has already made it better. The caravan guards are going to stay on as town guards until it’s safe.”

  Letty cringed.

  Ahmet flung his helmet into the air and started a vitriolic, one sided, argument with his chief guardsman, who ignored him and headed for the cart that bore the guards’ possessions and payment.

  “You can’t abandon me! We’re so far from home!”

  “They pay ten times what you do,” the guard answered without stopping. “And it’s safer here, no ryle for leagues, no brutox patrols, no cult abductions.”

  Letty and her friends slinked away from the roiling argument, cloistering themselves around the far side of the abbey.

  “Hey, Caspians, do you know if Degoskirke is likely to be close to the caravaneer’s home?” Dean asked.

  Quill considered for a while. “Well, he can’t be going into mouse country. There’s only one road, and it goes further sur and pacward. Either direction takes us closer to Degoskirke, though every important road in Pansubprimus terminates in the central city Yyonvere, and we do not want to go there.”

  “Why not? It has a pretty name,” Emma said.

  Staza shook her head. “It’s the ryle capitol of Pansubprimus.”

  A moment later, Ahmet came stomping around the corner, his eyes aflame, and his hand gesticulating wildly.

  “You did this!” He insisted, taking in Letty and all of her friends.

  Dean stepped up, with his hands wide in supplication. “We did.”

  “There’s no point in denying it,” Ahmet barreled forward before processing what Dean said. He looked baffled for a moment and was then immediately suspicious.

  Dean continued, “And to make up for it, we offer you our service as escorts. We only ask that you show us the way to Degoskirke after we get you home.”

  Ahmet stopped, mid-tirade, and stared for a moment, before bursting out in wheezing laughter. “You! Escort me! Hahaha! And you want to go to Degoskirke? Where they kill Seers! And you go naked? Hahahaha!”

  The surfacers and Caspians stared at each other, embarrassed by the barrage of laughter.

  Finally, Ahmet wiped his eyes and the laughter slowed to a simmer. “Maybe you will help mellow my daughter. Seeing how stupid you are should keep her on a cautious path. The deal is struck!” He held out a hand, first to Dean, but then to Letty, who reached out, and was surprised when he grasped her forearm.

  “You will guard my caravan. I will supply you with purple carrots, food, and carts to sleep in. We will split the cost of chitin armor to clothe you, at the first possible chance. Until then, you stay in the covered carts. You fight with plain blades, and not artifacts, if it comes to combat. Though the purpose of an escort is to dissuade attack far more than it is to fight—never forget that. Do not start a fight, no matter what happens!” Ahmet looked from face to face, as if sniffing out trouble. He rounded on Letty and Staza. “You two especially. Chaos follows in your footsteps—I can see it. You must swear to obey my rules, or our agreement is forfeit.”

  He’s serious about this. It must be dangerous out there.

  Ahmet went around the group and listened as everyone swore to obey his rules. He also insisted that those with violet eyes eat a carrot.

  Letty eyed the putrid looking thing with contempt, then braced herself, and swallowed it in one gulp. She felt slightly sick but noticed that Quill and Staza were only annoyed.

  “Not too bad then, and you won’t stand out so much. It’s a small price to pay,” Ahmet concluded.

  Finally satisfied with his new escort, Ahmet walked them to the caravan, shared another long string of obscenities with his former guards, before haggling with two for their suits of chitin armor. Neither cared to part from their equipment.

  Ahmet grumbled as he filled the feed bags of the hulking, ape-like brutons that pulled the carts. “Petri, dearest, please array them, Oktuz followed by Elmaza, and I’ll do the rest.”

  Petri, Ahmet’s daughter, leaped at the ord
er, and even laughed as she pulled on the bridles of the beasts to rearrange them, facing away from town. “Ada, they need to graze; we’ll waste feed this way,” she complained.

  “Yes, yes, dearest, but I desire to be away from this place, and these traitors. We will graze them in a few hours.”

  “Is there anything we can do?” Letty asked.

  “Yes. Please do your best to stay out of the way,” Ahmet answered without looking up from the bridle of his beast, Oktuz.

  Letty hoped he would be in a better mood tomorrow.

  Caspians and surfacers stood back from the caravan as father and daughter prepared. There were five carts and seven brutons. Four of the carts were simple covered wagons, though the fifth was much larger and resembled a ship’s hull on wheels. Two brutons were harnessed to this cart.

  “What do you suppose they use that one for?” Dean asked, pointing to the ship-cart.

  “It looks like it floats,” Letty said, “maybe they use it to ferry goods across water.”

  Staza sighed. “I don’t like this man, Letty.”

  Quill agreed. “He is insulting to the point of outrage, but we have learned a great deal.”

  “Right, like how we can’t travel to Degoskirke dressed as we are, oh and how we need to eat carrots to hide our eye color, and how they kill Seers in Degoskirke.” Letty sighed, thinking of all the troublesome details.

  “Yes,” Dean rejoined, “but imagine if he was polite, and didn’t mention anything, out of fear of offending us.”

  They all shared a grave look.

  “The goblins certainly didn’t know any of that, and neither did our local experts, the Caspians,” Dean addressed Quill and Staza, “no offense to either, but this is for the best. We can learn more from him, and we have only to look intimidating. So, let's ignore his rudeness and see if we can learn more handy ways to not die.”

  The Caspians agreed, if reluctantly.

  “Come, come, children, let us drape you in bags and hide you in the chief cart until morning. I expect I can find you proper attire by tomorrow at noon,” Ahmet said, motioning them towards the largest cart, which they had to climb to enter.