Half Heart
Page 24
Chapter 14
Six days went by. I was in despair. It was dawn, and I knew that this was the last sunrise I would see as a free woman. Was I a woman? Or somewhere in between? It didn’t matter at this point. Tomorrow I would put on the ugliest pink dress I’d ever seen and become an Empress. I didn’t understand: was Soea to follow me forever to make sure I didn’t kill myself for the rest of my life? I didn’t think Aduhlajh had everything thought through exactly. But what did it matter? What did anything matter? This was my last free day for the rest of my life, and I wasn’t really even free!
I tied my robe tight around me. It made me nervous having Soea sleep on the couch in the corner every night. But I was no longer afraid of him, and I had even thanked him, telling him I was grateful.
I went and sat by the window. The sky was a lie, so blue with morning happiness.
I heard Soea stir and rise. “What do you want to do today? This is a special, but a solemn day, you know.”
I nodded my head. I knew. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I wished I could see Mem, but she hadn’t been found anywhere near the palace since the incident with Soea that day. I felt bad for her. Soea was changed, not mean at all. Well, he was in some fiendish sort of ways. But it didn’t hurt.
“I suppose we can go to the library.” I stood and walked to my clothes cupboard.
“Yes, maybe we can find the book Ten Ways to Turn Off an Evil and Powerful Emperor.”
“You forgot the words vainglorious and sinister.” I took out a gown and turned around. “Please go and wait outside the door.”
He did my bidding. But how did I know he couldn’t see through the walls? I slipped my nightgown off and my day gown over my head. I brushed my hair a few times and left it. For who cared? What did looks matter at this point? They were the most destructive objects of my length of captivity. And just to think that after tomorrow I would no longer be a captive, but a resident; it made me shiver.
I joined Soea and we made our way to the library. I took a book and sat down. I didn’t even look at the title, I just wanted something to do. “’More than one,’ she gasped,” I read aloud. “’I thought I had it all planned out!’” I laid to book down. More than one. There was usually more than one of everything. More than one way to be kidnapped, more than one way to be frightened, more than one way to day, more than one way too… I gasped. “More than one way to be saved!” I jumped up.
“What?” Soea said. He had his legs propped up on a little table as he read a book of prophecies.
I wildly tore through the books on the shelves. Maybe there was another secret lock, another secret door! I cleared four shelves and kept going. Suddenly someone grabbed my wrists.
“You’re going mad.” Soea let me go.
I started throwing books off the shelves again. “Wouldn’t you go mad if the one you loved was still out there and your were marrying another?” I had pulled off almost all the books I could reach. I fell to my knees. I turned and saw Soea’s eyes, which were big, confused. Then something hit me. “Did she love you?”
“Viloria? Well, not at first, but you know how good I am with controlling others emotions.” He grinned slightly.
“No,” I stood up. “I meant Mem.”
He looked surprised. “I… well. Yes, I think she did.”
“Did you make her?”
“No, she loved me of her own freewill.”
I swallowed hard. “And still you were going to marry another. Well, I know how Mem felt after you did that to her. I don’t want Brye to feel that way! That’s why I’m going mad!”
Soea looked shocked. I had just brought something great to his attention. And that’s how I would leave it, because I felt sick. I couldn’t believe what was happening to me. I was going to marry Aduhlajh! And he would order Soea to make me love him! That was what made me a madwoman.
I sat back down. My eyes stung and my insides trembled. I sat for a few moments, not willing to move. Then I saw the book that was hiding the lock, the How Sorcerers Fly book. I picked it up. There was still no words. I closed it and hugged it. I didn’t want to cry, I really didn’t.
“Soea, I have to go to my room.” I bit my lip, then fled, not even bothering to put the book down.
Birds flew from the windowsill when I slung open the door. I set the book on the bedside table and leapt onto the bed, burying my face. Then I let myself cry.
After a while I heard Soea enter. He didn’t say anything.
So, I spent the rest of my last day crying, mourning, sobbing, weeping bawling and sniveling.