Small Mistakes, Big Consequences

by Anne Corley Baum

  Be friendly. Introduce yourself—always. It never hurts to introduce yourself and shake hands with a colleague. Offering your company name or where they might remember you adds to the introduction. When you introduce yourself, you put others at ease, and you present an air of confidence. People like doing business with friendly people, and they appreciate it when you put them at ease by introducing yourself and saving them from the agony of trying to place you. Courtesy counts, and the person who introduces herself regularly is more well known and respected for having done so.

  Success is based on who you know, but even more importantly on who knows you. If you introduce yourself regularly, your network will grow along with your reputation.

  How to Manage a Celebrity

  If a Celebrity works for you, model non-celeb behavior to her. Introduce yourself. Be confident but not cocky. If you have to, gently explain that sometimes she comes off as brash, when she probably means to be confident.

  How to Work with a Celebrity

  When confronted with the Celebrity’s arrogance, simply ask her to tell you who she is and where you might last have met. I always add in a confident statement, for example, “I know we’ve met, you look familiar, but I can’t place you. Please remind me where we’ve met.” By the way, it is a great skill to remember names; try to do so whenever possible. The Celebrity’s behavior is no excuse not to be mindful of names—just an annoying habit that some people use to put you in an uncomfortable position.

  Being humble means recognizing that we

  are not on earth to see how important we

  can become, but to see how much difference

  we can make in the lives of others.

  —Gordon B. Hinchey

  Small Mistake

  Number Seven

  The Blamer

  The Blamer never makes mistakes; it is always someone else’s fault. In many cases, the Blamer has already thought out who to blame creating various scenarios that exonerate him before anyone has discovered that there is a problem. The Blamer is the first to know that he is responsible and the very last to admit it.

  The Big Consequence

  Over time, lack of accountability and pointing the finger catches up with you. Supervisors lose trust and respect for you. Peers will not support you and will wonder when management will remove you from your job. If leadership is not quick to hold the Blamer accountable, the rest of the team will start to wonder why they should work so hard to achieve success when the Blamer continues to point the finger and get away with not carrying his share of the load.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Blamer

  Be accountable for your actions. No one is perfect. I’ll say it again: No one is perfect. Mistakes are the way we learn. Every mistake is tuition. Though it is critically important to learn lessons from mistakes and do your best not to repeat them, it is far better to be accountable for your actions than to try to point fingers at others. Act with integrity. Own up to your mistakes and learn from them. You will be more successful in the long run and will earn the respect of your colleagues. Respect is a great reward to gain and one worth working toward.

  How to Manage a Blamer

  When an employee is not taking ownership, you need to show him:

  (1) Th at you have his back and will coach him through the situation. Th ere is nothing more powerful than supporting your employees when something goes wrong.

  (2) How to take ownership by owning your own mistakes and being humble. Th ere is a fi ne line between mistakes that are learning experiences and those that are performance issues. If you see the same mistake over and over again from one individual, that is a performance issue that requires disciplinary action.

  How to Work with a Blamer

  Do everything that you can to hold yourself and others accountable. If the Blamer works with you, don’t let him use excuses for not getting the job fi nished. Hold him accountable for his actions. Practice open, honest two-way communication regularly. You will be surprised how many people will stop blaming and start doing when they are held accountable and take ownership of their responsibilities.

  Small Mistake

  Number Eight

  The Smart Phone Checker

  The Smart Phone Checker is always checking to see who called, texted, or emailed. This person is addicted to eCommunication and can’t wait to see who “needs” her. The Smart Phone Checker often places her device of choice on a table or desk, in full view, and sets it to vibrate. (Or worse, she leaves the ringer turned on to some catchy Top 40 tune that represents who she is when she’s not working.)

  The Smart Phone Checker will glance at her device through-out a meeting, often with no apology. She will sometimes read texts and emails while talking and often say things like, “I’m listening to you, please continue” or burst out laughing at the hilarious inside joke that she just read. Sometimes, she will even answer the phone in the middle of your conversation.

  The Big Consequence

  Every time the Smart Phone Checker checks her device, she is sending the message to others that the caller/texter is more important than the person in the room. Though many of us pride ourselves on our ability to multitask, it is impossible to really listen to another person while reading texts and email or checking to see who is calling. It is a huge distraction and undermines trust and respect in the relationship.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Smart Phone Checker

  Be present. Turn off the device. Put it in your briefcase, bag, or portfolio. Offer your full attention to those with whom you are meeting. They have taken time out of their day to dedicate to you, so offer them the same courtesy. The world will not end if you return a call, text, or email in an hour or two—after the meeting.

  In the event there is the rare true emergency interruption, explain it to the people with whom you are meeting. If you know beforehand, give them the “heads up” if you anticipate an issue and explain your need to take a call, emphasizing that your time with your guests is the priority.

  How to Manage a Smart Phone Checker

  Setting a great example sends a message. When I know that I am meeting with someone who is addicted to her device, I will often make a point of turning off my device and putting it away in front of the Smart Phone Checker, sending a message through action.

  For team members, make this part of your culture and practice. Explain the need to respect the time and attention of others and give your team the tools to be well received by all.

  How to Work with a Smart Phone Checker

  Set up rules of engagement for meetings. Establish a no-cell-phone policy and ask everyone to put phones away for meetings that you are leading. Provide a basket for depositing phones before the meeting. Not only will you gain the full attention of the participants; your meetings will be more efficient, productive, and shorter. It will keep everyone focused and present.

  Small Mistake

  Number Nine

  The Wandering Eye

  There are two species of the Wandering Eye. The first likes to look colleagues up and down, checking out every inch of their body from head to toe and in between. The second won’t make eye contact in any way, looking away as soon as he shakes hands and scanning the crowd for a friendly face while pretending to engage in conversation with a colleague.

  The Big Consequence

  Both Wandering Eye behaviors are disrespectful. Period.

  The Wandering Eye #1: Need I say more? The instant that someone begins to check out anything below the chin—whether it is an ugly outfit or a voluptuous figure, the tone of the interaction jumps from business to social. The person being “checked out” is immediately uncomfortable, and the person doing the checking is perceived as rude and inappropriate and often even creepy.

  The Wandering Eye #2: This Wandering Eye sends a message of disrespect to the person with whom he is interacting as well as a message of low self-confidence. When someone appears to be shifty eyed,
the other person perceives him to be untrustworthy or up to something.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Wandering Eye

  Focus your attention in the eyes of the person with whom you are communicating. This is the only place to look when you are conducting business, and it sends a message of trust and confidence. Be careful not to overdo eye contact and stare at people. This makes people feel uncomfortable.

  If you are uncomfortable looking someone in the eye or if it is difficult to do so because of their actions, focus on the safe zone, between the eyes, just above the nose. It will look as if you are looking the person directly in the eye!

  How to Manage a Wandering Eye

  If someone who works with you has issues with his (or her!) focus, talk to him and explain that even though he might think the person he is checking out doesn’t notice, they always do. You cannot sneak a look and think the other person won’t notice. Coaching about appropriate behavior is key. Let your team know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior so they understand your expectations and the image the company is trying to portray.

  How to Work with a Wandering Eye

  Always keep the conversations focused on business and the subject at hand. Sit at a table or desk to keep the focus on the subject of the business, not what you’re wearing.

  If someone is always checking you out, consider how you dress and be sure to keep your work outfits professional.

  Important note: Eye contact is cultural, so

  make sure you study the cultural norms

  before traveling abroad for business to

  avoid eye contact missteps.

  Small Mistake

  Number 10

  The Spin Doctor

  The Spin Doctor alters the truth to fit the situation. From leaving out key information to directly altering a story, the Spin Doctor carefully chooses her words to communicate only as much of the truth as she deems necessary to succeed. Some Spin Doctors will flat out lie to get what they want, and they are very good at it, so it is often not obvious or easily verifiable.

  The Big Consequence

  Someone who has the reputation as a Spin Doctor is not trusted or respected. It is incredibly difficult to recover from a loss of trust and respect. Often, it’s impossible.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Spin Doctor

  Always act with integrity. Integrity and honesty are the most important attributes of any individual. When one acts with integrity, it is never necessary to remember which version of the story was told. When one draws from the truth, it is easy to keep the story straight. When you operate in an open, honest manner, you always know the right version of the story! And you build trust with everyone you encounter.

  How to Manage a Spin Doctor

  Keep her accountable. If you catch someone in a spin, ask questions that get to the bottom line. Listen carefully to what she is saying and evaluate the information compared to the facts that you know. Ask questions. If you can’t get to the truth or the whole story with someone regularly, do business with someone you can trust. Move on.

  How to Work with a Spin Doctor

  Call out the Spin Doctor when she starts to spin a story and keep the focus on the facts versus assumptions. If you know a person doesn’t always tell the whole story, ask clarifying questions to get the full story on the table. Don’t assume that she’s given you all the information you need. Probe and verify before taking action.

  With integrity, you have nothing to fear

  since you have nothing to hide. —Zig Ziglar

  Small Mistake

  Number 11

  The Professor

  The Professor knows it all and wants you to know that he does. No matter what the topic, the Professor has an opinion—the right and the only opinion. He does not wish to discuss, debate, or even hear your opinion, regardless of your expertise on the subject. He often interrupts and monopolizes a discussion.

  The Big Consequence

  People do not like to feel inferior. When a person acts like they know it all, and particularly when he does so in a way that insults the other person, it is unlikely that a strong bond or relationship will be built.

  Projecting an image of “knowing it all” also sends a message that the speaker lacks self-confidence. People prefer to do business with people who are confident in themselves. The Professor projects arrogance and elitism, not confidence.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Professor

  Listen up. Speak respectfully and listen to the opinions of others and offer your opinions in a constructive manner. Avoid using “I know” or “I did.” Let people finish their stories. Especially when someone is presenting a story, try not to flip it into a story about you. Participate in conversations; don’t dominate them.

  How to Manage a Professor

  When dealing with the Professor, take his opinion and add your angle to it. For example, “I see your point. Have you ever heard of xyz?” Offering new information in a nonconfrontational manner can open ears—and minds.

  How to Work with a Professor

  If a Professor is a colleague, and you often have confrontational meetings, sit down and discuss the issue. Often the Professor doesn’t realize that he is behaving in an arrogant or confrontational manner. Be assertive in presenting your position and encourage him to listen to your perspective as well.

  Wise men speak because they have

  something to say. Fools because they

  have to say something. —Plato

  Small Mistake

  Number 12

  The Gossip

  The Gossip loves to share juicy—usually nasty—stories about others. The gossip loves the phrases “just between you and me,” “confidentially,” and “I wouldn’t say this to him, but …” Words like these are a tip-off that the conversation is headed in a bad direction. The gossip loves to put others down to make herself look superior and, frankly, to make her feel better about herself.

  The Gossip rarely shares her criticism with the target of her gossip. She often doesn’t have the facts completely lined up or researched.

  The Big Consequence

  When you talk about other people behind their backs, the person with whom you are sharing the gossip wonders what you say about them to others. Gossip breaks down trust, and it leads to half-truths being spread like wildfire. And worst of all, it’s mean.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being a Gossip

  Stop gossip and don’t be drawn in. Humans are naturally curious. We are always intrigued by an interesting story, particularly one that presents bad news about otherwise good or successful people. Consider how popular celebrity gossip magazines and news shows are in the United States. Most of us like to know the bad side of successful people so we can feel better about ourselves. Don’t be drawn in!

  Don’t assume the worst about people, and certainly don’t continue to pass on the information unless you personally know it to be true. Even then, passing the information on may not be the right thing to do. If passing on the information hurts someone unnecessarily, don’t do it. You wouldn’t want someone to do it to you. You look petty when you do pass on negative gossip.

  By the way, all bets are off on this one if you know that criminal behavior has taken place. It is your duty to report or stop it, period.

  How to Manage a Gossip

  Stop gossip before it starts. When one of your team members comes to you with gossip, quickly shift any discussions to business-related impacts. If the person is there just to spread nasty rumors, steer her away from gossip by driving the conversation back to the business at hand.

  How to Work with a Gossip

  As tempting as it may be, don’t pile on and become the Gossip yourself. When someone presents you with gossip and tries to draw you in, answer by saying, “Wow, if I had time to deal with everyone else’s problems, I’d be lucky” or “I hadn’t heard about that, but you’re here to talk
about business. How can I help?” When you defer gossip, people get the hint and stop.

  If someone is particularly persistent, just let her know that you prefer to talk to people, not about them.

  Small Mistake

  Number 13

  The Empty Promiser

  The Empty Promiser loves to offer his services, money, or solutions, yet he rarely delivers on that which he has promised. The Empty Promiser, at first, seems very helpful. People are often touched by his willingness to lend a hand, contribute, or drive a solution. However, the Empty Promiser is big on offers and short on delivery. The check never comes, the excuses expand, and the solutions are never found.

  It is important to note that many Empty Promisers are well intentioned, but disorganized or forgetful. Most people really mean to be helpful, but if they do not keep a note on what they promised, the risks are significant.

  The Big Consequence

  The Empty Promiser leaves a trail of disappointment. The positive initial first impression is quickly worn away, and people don’t trust the Empty Promiser anymore. This lack of trust is not limited to the promises made but not kept. It extends to all activities of the person and causes a severely damaged reputation.

  The Solutions

  How to Avoid Being an Empty Promiser

  Deliver. If you promise to do something, do it and do it right away. Keep notes on what you’ve promised to whom. Surprise people with a quick response. Don’t make them wait or, worse, ask again because often they never will. Keeping promises and delivering before expected sets one up to be highly admired, valued, and deserving trust. These are great characteristics for success.

  How to Manage an Empty Promiser

  Remind him! If you really would like something that was promised, ask for it. I like to go with the “three strikes” rule. If you ask three times and nothing happens, move on. Most of the time, the person will respond, apologetically, when reminded.