A Steel Heart (Heart #2)

by Amie Knight

  And if I thought he was looking at me like I was crazy before, I was really getting the crazy eyes now.

  “When did it break?” he asked. Maybe Lola and I were too much for Holden this early in the morning. I mean, we were generally too much for most people on a regular day, so I understood.

  I grinned sweetly again. “Oh, she’s always been broken. I bought her from some guy out in the sticks off Craigslist. He left the keys in the car for me since he wasn’t going to be home and I tried for an hour to put her in reverse. She wouldn’t go, so I just used my foot to scoot her along. It’s a good thing she’s so small.”

  Holden’s face went from shocked to confused. “You’ve never been able to get the car in reverse?”

  “Nope. So help me, would ya? If you push the front, I’ll steer her out.” I got in Lola and threw her into neutral.

  But Holden didn’t go around the front of the car. Instead, he came around the driver’s side and stood next to it.

  “Mae, do you know how to put a Volkswagen in reverse?”

  I rolled my eyes at him, so over this conversation and ready to get on our road trip. “Of course I know how to put a car in reverse!”

  He leaned over me and into the car, grabbing my hand closest to the gear shift and laying both of our hands over it, his on top. “But do you know how to put a Volkswagen in reverse?” he asked again before pushing our hands down on the shifter and then to the left and up.

  Which was the exact opposite of every other car I’d ever driven.

  His big body moved out of the car and stepped aside. “You should be able to move her out now.”

  And then I was coasting out of the parking space in reverse. In freaking reverse! I stopped the car as soon as I was out of the space and stepped out, leaving the door open.

  “Well, that’s freaking embarrassing.”

  Holden’s dimple came out to play and I almost didn’t care how dumb I felt. Totally worth it.

  “Okay! Let’s go!” I exclaimed, ready to jump back in the car.

  Holden just stood there looking at me. “I’m not getting in that car.”

  “Yes, you are!”

  “No, I’m not. It doesn’t look safe. It’s cramped and I’m a big guy. We should take my truck.”

  “No, I’m driving, Holden. Get in the blasted car, now!”

  Oh, I was getting hella riled up now! I was driving. He was riding so he could relax. And we were going to enjoy this trip if it was the last thing I ever did in this life!

  “You didn’t even know how to put it in reverse, Mae!” he accused.

  Oh, no, he didn’t go there already. It was too gosh darned soon!

  “You’re already throwing that in my face? Too soon, Steel. Too soon! Just get in the dang car!”

  “No.”

  I was in the fucking Beetle. I didn’t need any more further proof that I was losing my fucking mind for this girl. I’d been smashed into this tiny car for more than two hours. See. Crazy. I was crazy for Mae. It was goddamn official.

  It had taken her threatening to leave without me before I’d finally caved and gotten in the death trap she called Lola. Jesus, but Mae was fucking adorable, calling her piece of crap car Lola. How cute she was made my fucking teeth ache. And my cock.

  My body also ached, too, because my damn knees were all the way to my chest in this car. It had taken some finagling to get in and the car had creaked under my weight, but Mae had been right. She usually was. I’d fit in. Just barely.

  We’d been relatively silent along the way, me just relaxing as best as I could cramped like a sardine in a can and Mae singing along to country music that lightly played on the radio. I was surprised the ancient thing still worked.

  “Are we getting close?” I asked, ready to get out of the compact car.

  “Almost,” she answered, looking over at me. “Anxious to get there?”

  I was eager to get the fuck out of this car. “Where are we going anyway?” I asked even though I already knew.

  We were headed to the coast. I could tell from the signs she was taking me toward the Carolina beaches. What we were doing there I didn’t have a clue, but I knew we were getting close. I could smell it in the air. Hours ago I’d been reliving the death of my best friend, experiencing the same nightmare I did every night. Now I was with Mae. It felt right.

  “I’ll never tell,” she sang back to me.

  But it wasn’t long before we were pulling into a beach access parking lot. Mae’s old rundown Beetle was the only vehicle in the entire lot as far as I could tell. We got out and I looked around. It was still dark and there was a chill in the air as the breeze blew. The salt filled my nostrils and I immediately felt at home. I’d grown up in Tybee Island in Georgia. The beach was my second home. How did this girl always know exactly what I needed without me telling her a damn thing? It infuriated me as much as it thrilled me.

  She was perfect. I was all wrong for her, but I couldn’t seem to stop this path we were on no matter how I tried to protect her.

  Mae grabbed the blanket from the backseat and walked toward the boardwalk that led to the beach, so I followed.

  We were silent as we walked along the dark beach until Mae found a spot she wanted to lay out her blanket. She spread it out nicely and plopped down right in the center of it and patted the spot next to her while looking up at me.

  That spot was too close to her. This seemed too romantic. Too personal.

  “What are we doing here?” I asked, both frustrated and elated to be there with her.

  “Well,” she sighed. “We’re gonna sit right here on this blanket in the sand and we’re gonna watch the sun come up over that ocean right there.” She pointed out toward the water.

  I looked at her completely confounded. What was she doing? Why were we here? What was the fucking point of all this?

  “Why?” I asked harshly. I didn’t like how she was trying to make me feel things. I knew what would happen the moment I sat that close to her on that blanket in the sand, with the ocean before us. It scared the fuck out of me.

  She looked at me sadly. Like she was disappointed in me and I didn’t like that either.

  “Sometimes, Holden, you just gotta watch the sunrise.”

  This girl was driving me crazy, eating donuts and watching sunrises. What the hell kind of world did she think we lived in? And then I understood. She thought we lived in a good world. Fuck, this just confirmed everything I already knew. She was too sweet. Too damn innocent for the likes of me. Too good.

  “Sit down, Holden. You’re making me dizzy standing up there,” she said from her spot on the blanket, taking me out of my thoughts. And she looked too damn warm and inviting sitting down there, and I knew I shouldn’t, but I shoved my big body down next to hers, my prosthesis sitting at an odd angle along the way and causing me some discomfort. I laid my leg straight and rubbed my knee above it.

  Miranda watched me rub my leg. “Is it hurting?”

  “Nah, not much right now. I just sat down wrong.”

  She swallowed still, watching my leg. “How far up did you lose it?”

  I didn’t like talking about my leg or the accident, but this girl had driven three hours east so that I could watch the fucking sunrise. How could I tell her nervous, sweet face no when all she asked from me was my honesty?

  With shaking hands, I leaned down and lifted my pant leg all the way up to my knee where the prosthesis started. “Up to the knee.”

  She nodded like that’s what she had expected. There wasn’t any disgust on her face like how I expected some people to feel. Only acknowledgement. “How did it happen?”

  Fuck, I didn’t want to do this, but how long was I supposed to avoid the elephant that was always in the room when we were together. The elephant being my leg. Or my lack thereof. I couldn’t keep putting it off. Mae would never go for that. She was as stubborn as she was beautiful.

  “I stepped on an IED on a mission in Afghanistan,” I said plainly and it occurr
ed to me that I’d never said that aloud before. I’d never told anyone. I’d never actually said the words.

  I felt Mae’s hand ghost over mine before she grabbed it and held it in both of hers in her lap. “How long ago?”

  I looked over at her beside me and even though she was talking to me, she wasn’t looking at me. She was staring out at the dark ocean, looking to be deep in thought.

  “A little over six months.” And it was just only getting easier because of her.

  “You couldn’t stay in the army? Even with the injury?”

  I nodded. “I could have. I could have been a desk jockey, but I wouldn’t have been happy.” I huffed a sarcastic laugh. “Turns out I’m not too happy being a civilian either.”

  She finally looked at me, her smile a bit sad. “I don’t think you’re doing too bad, Holden. You’re just getting used to this new life.”

  My sweet Mae, she had all the excuses for my dickhead behavior. I wasn’t worthy of her. And wasn’t that the damn problem.

  “Is that what you dream about every night? Losing your leg?”

  At her question, the familiar pressure in my chest that I always got after one of my nightmares returned. I pulled my hand from hers and rubbed my chest.

  She raised her own hand and placed her palm right over the spot on my chest I was rubbing before she pushed me back on the blanket until I was lying all the way back. She pulled my arm up and settled herself right in the crook of my shoulder, her head over my pec, her hand still rubbing the pressure point in my chest. She settled in with a sigh that I mimicked. God, this felt good.

  I closed my eyes and ran my nose over her hair. It smelled like the sunshine and coconuts. I spoke into her hair so I wouldn’t have to move my nose away from her smell, from the softness. “Yes. I dream about the day I lost my leg.” I blew out a long breath, not ready for the rest of my confession. “That’s how it always starts, but it always ends far worse.”

  She stiffened against me a bit before asking, “Why?”

  “Because it ends with me losing my best friend.”

  Her head lifted so she could look down at me. “The same day? The same day you lost your leg?” Her eyes said she couldn’t believe it. And I knew the feeling. Some days I couldn’t believe I’d lost so much in one day either.

  My head nodded against the blanket. “Andrew Davies. He was the medic for my team. He saved my life that day and got shot down carrying me to the chopper.”

  “Oh, Holden. I’m so sorry.” Tears shone in her eyes before she laid her head back down on my chest and placed her arms around me and squeezed me in that way I was getting accustomed to. That I was even starting to enjoy.

  I couldn’t stop the words from pouring out. I’d never told anyone about my guilt, my sorrow at losing him. “I’d just spent a holiday with his family a few months before. He had a beautiful daughter. A gorgeous, sweet wife.” I choked on emotion and had to stop for a minute. I hadn’t had the courage to talk to them. To call them and see how they were. He’d died saving my life and I was a miserable excuse for a man. I didn’t fucking deserve to live.

  “What do you think it means that I lived and he died that day?” I asked into Miranda’s hair.

  “I don’t think it means a dang thing, Holden. Sometimes bad things happen and there is nothing we can do about it.” The vibrations of her speaking echoed through my chest and for the first time in a long time I felt content. “Did you ever talk to anyone about it? Like a therapist?”

  I shook my head. “Just the therapist mandated by the military.” But that had been what felt like ages ago.

  Her arms tightened around me again. “I lost a best friend, too. I was in high school. I found her at a party almost dead. Overdosed on drugs and alcohol. Her lips were blue.” Her body shook with emotion against me, and I couldn’t help but wrap my arms around and hold her close.

  “I did CPR for six minutes until the ambulance came, but it didn’t matter. She died days later,” she said too quietly, almost angrily. “But I talked to someone. It helped. But still, drugs scare me.”

  My poor girl. How awful to not be able to save someone’s life that you love. I knew her pain. And now I understood why she always watched me carefully when I took my pills. She worried for me. She wanted me to talk to someone, but I was talking to her. Wasn’t that good enough?

  We laid there quietly mourning for the ones we lost, lost in our thoughts when the sun finally peeked out from the water.

  “It’s happening,” Mae whispered before moving to her back, but still keeping her head right against my chest.

  She looked toward the sunrise, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Her hair was up in one of those messy buns on the top of her head, pieces of it spilling all around her head. Her caramel eyes were slightly swollen but still, they couldn’t have been more beautiful. And those lips I loved were pouty and bee stung looking, and I wanted to cover them with my mouth.

  “It’s beautiful,” she said, staring out at the sun coming up over the ocean, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her.

  “Fucking gorgeous,” I groaned out, finally giving in. Losing all fucking control. I rolled until I was over her, my body cradled between the softness of her thighs.

  I ran my lips along the top of hers softly but quickly, terrified she’d reject me.

  “Oh, God. What are you doing?” she mumbled against my mouth on a gasp, her hands grasping the T-shirt at my chest. And I felt dizzy. Pulled so fucking far under and too goddamn high to come back down at the same time.

  I ran my nose down the length of hers. I didn’t want to sever the contact for even a moment. But I needed a second to catch my breath. This woman had stolen every bit of my air.

  Fuck, those lips. Those dark, pink, supple, sexy lips that called to me even in sleep were too much of a temptation. I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her again and again. My mouth just barely open. I just wanted a small taste.

  The center of her pillowy bottom lip.

  The top of her sharp cupid’s bow.

  The corners where she tasted the absolute fucking sweetest.

  I wanted to annihilate that mouth.

  I wanted more. I wanted to slip my tongue inside and taste every nook and cranny, but it was too soon and I wouldn’t be greedy with her mouth, her body. Her heart. They meant too goddamn much to me.

  So, I kissed the supple skin of her cheeks. The slope of her nose. The softness of her eyelids fluttered as I laid my lips to them.

  I couldn’t help it. I tried to keep it together, but I told myself one little taste wouldn’t hurt as I pulled the lobe of her ear into my mouth, giving it a firm suck.

  Sweetness coated my tongue. I leaned back on my arms so I could look down into her eyes as I said, “Sometimes, Mae, you just gotta kiss the girl.”

  A low groan slipped from her chest and over me like sweet molasses and I backed away even more, because that sound made me want to dip my hand into her panties to feel the wetness there. And my Mae wasn’t quite ready for that. But fucking hell, I definitely was.

  She laid there looking stunned and I realized then I couldn’t leave her. It was no use. She was too far under my skin, inside of me. It felt like she was as much a part of me as my heart beating in my chest. What would I do if I lost her? If I lost the best thing that had ever happened to me. The person who made me want to wake up every day.

  I laid my forehead to hers, breathing hard. Fuck, I wanted her. I wanted her more than anything in the entire world. “I’m not good for you, baby. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what this thing is between us. I just know I don’t want it to stop.” I didn’t think I was making any sense to her. I barely understood how I felt myself.

  Her hand wrapped around the back of my neck, bringing my lips back to hers, and she said against them, “Then don’t stop, Holden. Don’t ever stop.”

  She pushed her mouth hard against mine, our teeth practically clacking together before sliding her tongue past my lips and al
ong mine.

  I groaned long and low into her mouth. That taste. It was made me for me, just like the girl herself seemed to be. I gripped the back of her head so I could turn her whatever way I liked. So I could taste her wherever I wanted, however I needed. And I needed her too much.

  Mae tasted like salvation and redemption and hope and I couldn’t get enough of it.

  I was like a starved man, eating at her lips. I bit and sucked on them like I’d never get a taste of them again and maybe I wouldn’t, but for now all I could think about was having more of her. I slid my tongue past her lips again along hers before sucking it deep into my mouth, making sure to really taste her. I wanted every drop she’d give me.

  Hope.

  Salvation.

  Love.

  I was drunk on it.

  I moved my mouth down along her jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin of her neck and behind her ear, her moans making my cock swell behind the soft fabric of my sweatpants. Fuck, I ached with wanting her. I didn’t think I’d ever wanted someone so much in my life as much as I wanted her on that blanket in the sand, the sun coming up around us.

  “Please. God. Yes.” Miranda’s breathless pleas spurred me on, until I was pulling her sweatshirt up, running my hands along the bare sides of her torso. So soft. So milky white and supple. So fucking perfect in my hands. I sucked on the sensitive skin where her neck met her shoulder. Her collarbone. The dip in the middle of her neck where her pulse thrummed against my tongue. She smelled the fucking best there and I pressed my nose to her skin, inhaling her soapy, musky scent that drove me fucking wild.

  I pushed at her shirt until it was bunched around the top of her chest and her pink, lacy bra was exposed to me. That bra was beyond sexy and so very surprising. I’d never imagined my sweet Mae wearing such seductive underwear, but I wasn’t disappointed, that was for sure. I pulled down the cups of her bra, looking my fill. Her breasts were large and full, the nipples a dark, dusky pink like her lips. They nearly drove me mad with want.

  I lashed my tongue over the hard bud of one before taking it into my mouth for a long suck.