Cassie smiled, sadness tracing through her. She didn’t need gifts or anyone to fund her missions. Heath and Gavin did that. “Keep your gifts. Save them and your money for the children.”
“Mwah.” Cassie heard Sydnee imitate a kiss. “Thank you. Many blessings to you and your family. We’ll see you in a couple of days to hug you properly.”
“See you soon.” Cassie hung up and sank onto the bed, bereft and chilled. She hugged herself for warmth.
It was only a couple of days. Her family would understand; she’d done this to them on numerous occasions, rushing out on or missing some event because someone needed her. Would Jed understand? She forced herself to stand up and pack a bag. She didn’t know. She was afraid to find out. Yet maybe this was exactly what she needed to have happen. They needed to cool this romance train that was only gaining steam and threatening to run away with their hearts.
She threw stuff in her bag and then hurried to make herself presentable. She was happy, she was going to help Sydnee and Brooks and the children out. Their orphanage was full of love and sunshine. It would be great. So why did she feel so awful?
Chapter Nine
Jed waited impatiently for Cassie to return from using the bathroom. Had she decided to shower? Had she decided she didn’t want to be with him and run away? He shook his head at himself as he stirred orange juice for Mama. He was always the confident one, always in control. It wasn’t completely true, as he never felt like he was enough, but he was a big fan of “fake it till you make it.” His confidence and cool head had become kind of a joke at the department: nothing could ruffle Beckham. Well, this beautiful brunette definitely could ruffle him. He was a mess for her. He’d let her see a vulnerable side of him that not even Heath knew existed. He didn’t care. He’d reveal anything to her, if only it would keep her from leaving him.
He frowned and kept stirring.
“What did the orange juice ever do to you?” Austin asked.
Jed jerked and noticed half the family watching him. Cassie still wasn’t back. He chuckled uneasily. “I just like it really … frothy.”
“Cool.” Austin nodded. “I’m excited to try it frothy too.”
Jed put the whisk in the sink and carried the orange juice to the table. He loved how this family worked together, either preparing or cleaning up meals. There was so much love here, and they weren’t afraid to share it. Incredible people.
All the food was set on the table, and everyone seated themselves. Jed’s stomach was uneasy. Where was Cassie? Was it his place to volunteer to go look for her? It was on the tip of his tongue to offer when she rushed in through the hallway door.
“Hey, sorry.” She walked around the large table and sank into the open chair next to Jed. She looked beautiful with her dark hair smooth and long, and her outfit was a flattering striped sweater and a pair of tights. But the look on her face scared Jed. Something was wrong.
“No worries, sis,” Austin chirped.
Papa winked at her. “Lots of worries. I’m starved.”
Everyone laughed. Papa rarely ate much at all, and Austin was the one who was always starving. They all joined hands; Jed clasped Cassie’s hand on one side and Stetson’s on the other. Papa said a short but heartfelt prayer of gratitude for the Savior, family, friends, love, and an overabundance of blessings and good food. They echoed their amens and started piling the skillet, French toast, and fruit onto their plates.
“I can’t believe you’re even hungry,” Ella teased Austin. “I saw you downing chocolate Santas from your stocking.”
“You try and keep up this physical physique.” Austin flexed and then shoved in another forkful of the skillet.
“I got a call from Heath,” Mama informed the table.
Everybody quieted to listen.
“He found Hazel …” Mama grinned. “And she loves him and told her family she’s marrying him and moving to America.”
“Yes!” There were cheers and more conversation centered around Heath and Hazel. Jed was thrilled for his friend and listened in as Mama shared more of the conversation.
Cassie had said nothing to Jed, instead quietly filling her plate. She took a long sip of orange juice and stared around at her family. Jed shouldn’t have been studying her so openly, but he couldn’t resist. She was so intriguing and beautiful, but why did she have a sad, longing look in her eyes? Because she knew she’d have to leave them all in a week? His mind was spinning with ways to talk her into staying, maybe actually moving to Park City, but guilt surfaced with every argument he thought to make. Who was he to take her from her life plan? Nobody, that’s who. He poked at his French toast, his appetite evaporating along with his hopes.
Conversation flowed easily around him and Cassie, but between them was a black hole that he didn’t know how to launch himself across. He forced food in his mouth, laughed when everyone else did, and was miserable. It made him mad at himself. This was his dream, being next to Cassie and part of a huge happy family on Christmas Day, and he wasn’t even enjoying it. Mama’s thoughtful gifts and inclusion had meant so much, and here he was, acting sulky. He tried to forget about himself and focus on the family. It almost worked, if only Cassie didn’t seem so withdrawn.
Breakfast passed quickly, and then they were cleaning up. He glanced at the clock. It was a quarter to nine. Dishes were clattering, and everyone noisily discussed whether they wanted to go skiing this afternoon, do another hockey game, or go use all the therapy pools at Gavin’s spa. Jed silently voted skiing or therapy pools, although he’d happily make a fool of himself on the ice again, if he could hold Cassie’s hand.
“I have to leave,” Cassie said quietly.
Jed whipped around, praying he’d heard her wrong. She was looking at him, and the pain in her deep brown eyes hurt him. No one else had heard those horrific words, but Jed felt them all the way through his body. She’d said, I have to leave, but it felt like the worst pronouncement of his life. It felt like he was being ditched, kicked out of the family, told through other’s actions that he wasn’t worthy of love, like he’d experienced too many times throughout his life.
Cassie blinked quickly and tore her gaze from him. “I have to leave!” she yelled to be heard over the din.
Conversation ceased. Austin dropped a bowl. It knocked loudly against the wood floor but luckily didn’t shatter. He picked it up. “Sorry.”
“What did you say?” Mama asked, staring at Cassie with concern in her dark eyes.
Cassie’s gaze darted to Mama, then back to Jed. “I’ve got to fly to Cozumel. There’s an orphanage there. I can’t even explain all the things that have gone wrong with the staff, but basically they’re down to one lady, one guard, and thirty-two children. They need me.” She focused on Ella. “I’ll be back for the wedding.”
Everybody erupted with questions and surrounded Cassie. She was hugging each of them in turn, apologizing to Mama and Ella, who kept telling her it was okay, they were so proud of her, she was amazing, et cetera, et cetera.
Jed’s heart was walloping against his chest. Cassie was leaving. She kept saying she “had to,” so maybe it wasn’t that she wanted to ditch him, but it still ripped him apart. He’d had one blissful day with her, and now it was over. Trey and Ella’s wedding was New Year’s Day. Maybe he could have that day with her as well, and then it would be back to Park City and being married to his job and sustaining himself on the memories of Cassie. Maybe she’d come visit Heath sometime. She and Jed could go skiing or mountain biking together, go out to dinner. It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough.
“Jed?” Gavin was calling to him through the fog. “Can you drive Cassie to Vail, to the airport? You can take my SUV.”
“No,” Cassie protested.
“Sure,” Jed said at the same time.
Cassie looked uncomfortable. Jed should’ve backed away, let Gavin or Stetson drive her, let her spend time with Ella and Trey. He selfishly wanted that twenty minutes. He would never be worthy of someo
ne like Cassie. She gave to all. He selfishly wanted to take any time she would give him.
“I’ll just … get my suitcase,” Cassie murmured.
Gavin came over to Jed and inclined his head. “I’ll walk over with you to get the car.”
Jed hated that he didn’t even have a vehicle here. The whole trip was unplanned and unexpected, and no matter that he didn’t have his own clothes or car and felt like a freeloader, he’d loved the time spent with Cassie and her family. The next few days here without Cassie sounded like no excitement at all. Should he leave? With the Ollivers out of town and him not having work until January second, he’d only have remodeling projects, exercise, checking in on Will, and maybe finding a friend to ski with to keep him busy. He’d rather stay here and pray that Cassie hurried back to him.
He and Gavin walked over to Gavin’s house, crunching through the snow. It was still snowing outside, and Jed said, “Will she be okay flying in this?”
“Yeah.” Gavin was pretty quiet, but he muttered, “Are you okay letting her go?”
“Not really, but what choice do I have?”
Gavin acknowledged that with a quick bob of his head. They walked into the side door of the garage, and Gavin opened the Lexus’s door and pushed the garage door remote. It slid up silently. “The keys are in it. Good luck, man.”
Jed nodded. He needed more than luck to keep Cassie close. He needed a miracle. Yet all those children at the orphanage needed her too, right? He wished he dared offer to go with her. If she asked, he’d go in a heartbeat. He was humble and thought he’d do anything for her, but he wasn’t going to beg if she didn’t ask.
He climbed in the driver’s seat, waved to Gavin, and backed out of the garage. The drive over to Mama’s took about two seconds. Cassie was waiting on the porch with a suitcase.
Jed jumped out and hurried over to take the small carry-on bag.
“Thanks.” Cassie hugged Mama one more time and ran for the Lexus as if she had to rip herself away.
“See you soon,” Jed muttered to Mama.
Mama gave him a look that he couldn’t distinguish. “Be sweet with her,” she murmured.
“Of course.” Jed was a little offended that Mama would doubt him, but it wasn’t as if she knew him that well. His only recommendations were his friendship with Heath and his involvement in bringing down the mobster who had threatened Hazel. Yet Mama had treated him as one of her own. Maybe her warning to be sweet was more focused on her worries about Cassie.
Mama gave him a brief squeeze. “I have a great feeling about you, Jed Beckham.” She released him and gave him a little shove. “Go now.”
Jed jogged to the sport utility and slid in the driver’s seat. He pulled out, noticing that Mama stayed on the porch, watching them go. As they rolled down the long drive and then through the narrow slot canyon, he stopped to wait as the gate slid open and finally let himself stare at Cassie like he’d wanted to. Tears were sliding down her smooth cheeks.
“Cassie.” He put the car in park, leaned over the console, and gave her the best hug he could.
She leaned into his shoulder, sniffling. “Sorry. I’m okay. I’m okay.” She pulled from his embrace and brushed the tears away. “We’ve got to go. Let’s go.”
Every instinct was telling Jed to turn around and force her to stay with her family, with him, but he understood responsibility; he faced it every day. So instead of saying anything, he put the vehicle back into gear and drove through the gate. They drove around past the ski resort, which was busy even though it was Christmas.
They drove quietly into the valley, past the near-deserted downtown section and past fields and farms and the river snaking through it, all without saying anything. Cassie sniffled occasionally, and he kept glancing at her. Finally, as they drove up the other side toward the mountain pass, he got brave enough to ask, “Are you sure you want to go?”
“No,” she squeaked out. She shook her head and her shoulders straightened. “But those children need me. I can’t leave Camila alone like that, and on Christmas.”
Jed didn’t even know what to say. If he convinced her to stay, he’d be the devil himself. He asked instead, “What’s the orphanage like?”
She started describing the well-appointed orphanage, the generous founders, and even told him a bit about their love story, the boys they’d adopted and how they’d gone on to have two of their own. Jed enjoyed her anecdotes about the larger-than-life Brooks and the sassy Southern belle Sydnee Lee.
“You can’t just call her Sydnee?” he asked.
“Have you never been to the South? Every woman’s middle name is Lee, and you never leave it off.” She winked at him and seemed to be doing better.
Jed was enjoying every minute of being around her. “Will the children in the orphanage have presents?” he asked, thinking about Christmas mornings where he’d had none as a child. As they drove into Vail, he was looking around for a Wal-Mart so he could send a bunch of toys and treats with her.
“Oh my, yes. Brooks loves to spoil everybody. I’m sure they’ll have presents stashed for me there.”
Jed felt relief wash over him, but it fled quickly and his chest got tighter and tighter as they approached the private airport. Cassie had instructions and the right codes to press to get through the gates. They drove to hangar forty-two, where a sleek white jet was waiting. Jed had been around Heath enough to know that there were people with money who were as good as they were generous. But he’d also spent some years around Brigham London and his crowd, and that kind of money made him sick to his stomach.
As he shut off the car, the door to the airplane lowered, and he could see that there were steps built into it. A man in a starched-looking pilot uniform descended the steps. Jed climbed out of the Lexus, but Cassie was too quick; she already had her door open and was walking over to greet the pilot. Jed went for her suitcase instead. He grabbed it out of the rear hatch and walked over.
The man extended his hand. “Barry Taylor. Nice to meet you, sir. Are you both coming along, then?”
“No,” Cassie said firmly before Jed had a chance to get his hopes up.
He forced a smile and said, “No.”
The pilot looked between them and then took the suitcase. “I’ll just load this up and get you a drink waiting. What would you prefer, Miss Strong?”
“Water’s perfect. Thank you.”
“Of course. The Hoffmans and all of us are so grateful to you, ma’am.” He cast Jed another glance, and there was something like compassion in his eyes, though he seemed too formal to reveal the emotion. “Take the time you need.” He smiled and climbed back into the plane.
Cassie’s purse was over her shoulder, but she clung to the strap and twisted it between her fingers. “Thanks for the ride. I hope to see you when I get back.” She turned to go up the steps.
Jed wasn’t ready to let her go quite that easily. He stepped in her path. Cassie backed up a step and looked up at him. She released her hold on her purse, put a hand to her throat, and backed right up against the sleek plane, which was much lower to the ground than a commercial jet would be.
Jed hoped he didn’t look threatening, but he had some things to say before she disappeared. “I understand why you have to go, but …” He realized he had nothing. There was no but. He had no reason to make her stay. They had no deeply formed bond. No matter how he craved her light, her kiss, her love, he had nothing to offer her that was more important than her being there for the children.
Cassie stared at him. Her deep brown eyes tugged at him, and he found himself leaning closer. She grabbed his shirt, yanked him toward her, and kissed him long and hard. Jed was immediately all in. Kissing this woman felt like a home and a haven he’d never known. It also brought pinpricks of awareness all over and made heat explode through his body.
Jed pressed her up against the plane. She let out a moan and ran her hands up into his hair. Jed framed her face with his hands, tilted her head, and showed her exactly why
she should stay. He kissed her so thoroughly there could be no doubt in her mind that she was meant for him and him alone.
He finally forced himself to pull back, breathing heavy and wanting to kiss her all over again. Her hair was mussed, and her lips were plump and looked appetizing. He gently ran a finger over those lips. She let out the sweetest whimper. Jed leaned close again. All he could focus on was kissing her, over and over again.
“Jed,” she murmured, still clinging to his neck. “I have to go.”
His stomach dropped and cold, cruel reality poured over his head like the Gatorade cooler after a football game, but this was no celebration; this was a penalty that was going to set him back hundreds of yards. He was going to lose this game. Against every instinct, he eased back a few inches and stared at her. She pushed out a heavy breath.
“Go,” he whispered. “Please go now, or I won’t be able to let you go.”
She stared at him, regret and sadness filling her dark gaze. He felt a moment of hope. She’d stay. She’d ask him to go with her. She’d fulfill his every dream and tell him she loved him.
Cassie simply nodded, darting under his arm and up into the airplane.
Jed’s heart broke in that moment. He’d told her to go. She needed to go. Why did it have to hurt like this?
He backed away as the steps lifted up, and then the plane slowly taxied away. He couldn’t bring himself to climb back into Gavin’s car yet. He stood there in the cold, snowflakes dropping on his head and nose. He watched the plane taxi to the runway, then heard the roar of the engines, and within minutes it was soaring away into the sky.
She’d really left. What kind of an idiot let a woman like Cassandra Strong go? He hung his head and shuffled to the car. An idiot who loved her enough to know he couldn’t make her stay.
The Strong Family Romance Collection Page 56