Promise Me Forever (Top Shelf Romance)

by Kate Stewart

  “Damn it, Stella,” he said as he pulled me into him. I sighed, letting myself sink into his arms. We rested silently in each other, our hearts beating the same with too much between us. I had to snap myself out of it. Free us both.

  “Fucking tequila,” I chuckled. “It’s just not a good look on us, Reid.”

  “I ate the worm,” he murmured with his own chuckle.

  “We’re like an atom bomb every time we get together,” I said as I noted the fresh weariness in his eyes that I put there.

  “You finally went off, huh, Grenade? And I pulled the pin.” We both laughed inappropriately. Because that’s what we did.

  “I should go,” he said, releasing me.

  “Paige didn’t mean it.” I gripped his hand. “She loves you, Reid.”

  “It’s so crazy,” he said. “I can sell out stadiums all over the planet, but I still can’t get your sister’s approval.” He shrugged. “Money used to be the whole fucking problem, and now it can’t solve any damn thing.”

  “That was never a problem,” I said.

  “God.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I just made a fucking fool out of myself.”

  He sighed as he pulled some money out of his pocket and threw a wad of it on the bar to replace the glasses.

  I shook my head. “You have to make a fool of yourself, Reid. In my experience, it’s the best way to show you care.”

  “Didn’t make a damn bit of difference, did it?” he asked before he grabbed the bottle of tequila off the bar, not waiting for my answer. “I didn’t come here to hurt you,” he said softly. “I just thought—fuck, Stella, I just hoped—”

  “Reid?” Paige said with tear-filled eyes from the doorway. “Can I please talk to you?”

  I looked between them and sighed. “I’ll leave you two alone.”

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  She’s Everything: Brad Paisley

  Dancing. That’s where the real relief came that night. The party was in full swing at the country club, and I could see the wait staff was terrified, and with good reason. Aside from hanging from the chandeliers, the party was out of control. Paige and I were partnered up, dancing our asses off while the accordions rang out through the speakers my cousin Junior rented just for the party, stating the sound system at the club “Didn’t have enough bass.”

  “God, I feel awful,” Paige said.

  “Hey, at least you caused the drama at your own wedding,” I chided, twisting my hips.

  She glanced Reid’s way. “He’s been quiet all night.”

  “You really are terrible,” I said as she hung her head. “Paige, he’s here for you. Go talk to him. He’ll be leaving soon.”

  “I did. But I know he’s still mad at me.”

  Curiosity got the best of me.

  “Has he been calling you?”

  “Yeah, ever since he left Austin. He called from rehab.”

  I let go of her hands. She read my anger. She came quickly to her defense.

  “He didn’t let on that he wanted anything more with you. Was I supposed to tell you as much? Twist the knife in for good measure, Stella? He only called once every few months.”

  “And asked about me?”

  “Yes, and us. He was our friend, you know.”

  Standing in the middle of the dance floor, I couldn’t help but to finally clear the air.

  “Why can’t you just accept the fact that I love him?”

  She crossed her arms. “Love him?”

  “Loved him,” I said, playing it off. “And we were together, and it wasn’t some crush on my part or some fling on his. We loved each other, Paige.”

  She moved to walk away.

  “Oh no, you don’t get to open that can of worms and walk away!” I jerked her to the side of the dance floor and she fought me with guilt written all over her face.

  “That’s it, Paige. Do you hear me? God, I’m done paying for it! I loved him! I loved him enough to gamble with our relationship, and I’ve already paid the price. When are you going to let it go?”

  “Paige,” Neil said gently, approaching us both.

  I ignored him, gutted inside with Reid’s confession of what could have been and the longing I still felt and resented because it made me feel like a liar. It twisted all logic and put me in the position to defend my relationship. My life with Nate. “I wish you knew how it felt to have your chest ripped out like that. You got lucky with Neil!”

  “Paige,” Neil interrupted again.

  “What?” We both turned to him, our argument permeating the air. Half of the party was staring at us. I looked over to Reid, who was oblivious, talking to a table full of my cousins, a sincere laugh coming out of him. My heart squeezed at the sound. He’d stayed against his better judgment, for Paige, and managed to blend in pretty nicely.

  “It’s our song,” Neil said softly to Paige, pulling her ring finger to his lips before he kissed it. Neil’s disappointment trumped my anger. Paige’s tearful eyes ended our argument.

  “I’m sorry, Neil. Take your bride.”

  Paige turned to me, exhausted. Her emotions had run rampant for once and mirrored mine. I couldn’t fault her for it. “I’m sorry, Stella.”

  I nodded. “Just stop trying to protect me from him. I don’t need your protection. I can handle myself.”

  I loved her, as much of a drunken idiot as she’d been. And so did her fiancé, who was trying his best to salvage their night.

  “I trust you enough to give you away to the man you chose, and I expect you to do the same for me. Trust my judgment. Trust me, Paige.”

  With her hand still tied to Neil’s, she leaned in and threw an arm around me. “I will. I promise. Please just don’t let him hurt you again.”

  “I won’t,” I said as I hugged her and then drew back to double tap her forehead. She rolled her tear-filled eyes.

  “Enough, sister dearest, go dance with your groom.”

  “Okay,” she said as he gave me a worried look over her shoulder. “You’re going to show up tomorrow, right?”

  “Only for him,” I said as I winked at Neil.

  Neil chuckled and pulled his bride to the floor as Brad Paisley sang “She’s Everything”.

  Country was my least favorite genre of music, but as I listened to the lyrics while they swayed on the dance floor, my heart tipped in favor of the declaration of love from Neil to his bride. My eyes drifted back to Reid, who was watching me closely. He was listening, too. I mustered up my best smile, but he didn’t return it, his face solemn.

  It was a dream to hear those words come from him. Everything. That’s what he’d said. Everything. That’s what he’d promised to give to me.

  We’d missed so much time.

  There was so much I wanted to know.

  I didn’t know where he lived, what his life was like. I just assumed he was living the dream of every rock star, but he’d told me different. As much as I wanted to discredit his words, to throw his notion of us away because of the way he hurt me, I felt a glimmer of hope long forgotten. He was right there, waiting for me. Swallowing hard, I began to move toward him. My father was quick to grab my hand before I got to the edge of the floor.

  “Stella, what are you doing?”

  My father swept me into his arms as I kept eye contact over his shoulder.

  “Dancing with you, Daddy,” I said as he led us around the floor. My eyes stayed fixed to the rock star sitting in the middle of the room.

  “Where is Nate?” my father asked, jerking me out of my haze, and out of Reid’s view.

  “He’s probably at home now. He was working late. He says he’ll be slowing down soon.”

  “Good,” my father said thoughtfully.

  “Daddy, I’m not doing anything wrong. He’s here because Paige invited him. Don’t worry.”

  He stiffened. “You watch your daughter lying in a hospital bed because some guy broke her heart and see if that doesn’t scare the shit out of you.”

  “It wa
s the change in temperature and you know it. It happened when I was younger, too.”

  He scoffed, his sarcasm in full play as he spoke. “Because you were fighting with Paige before you went outside in the snow. It’s your emotions and the temperature change, Stella.”

  “Daddy, I’ve got those under control. I won’t let them control me anymore. Reid and I are just friends,” I assured him, though my soul was screaming for the man just feet away. My father rocked me as I twisted my neck to watch him where he sat.

  He loves me.

  I can’t give it to you if you’re with the wrong fucking prince.

  “Boo,” he said pointedly. “It’s as plain as the nose on your face. Your mother saw it, too. Anyone here can see it.”

  “I haven’t seen him in years.”

  “Bear, listen,” he whispered. “It’s not a good idea that he’s here.”

  “Daddy, I love Nate.”

  Thousands of needles pricked my chest as green eyes held me captive.

  You love me, too.

  “And it would mean the world to me if you would walk over there and apologize to him, because he’s an important man to both of your daughters. He’s had a really rough life and he doesn’t need to feel guilty about this.”

  “Are you lecturing me?”

  “I guess so,” I said with a swallow. My father narrowed his eyes.

  “Sorry, Daddy, you have to admit you’re wrong. This one is on you.”

  “Damn you and your memory. Do you listen to everything I say?”

  “Yes,” I reported proudly.

  “Fine—” he sighed “—but only after I dance with my boo bear.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek. Seeking different eyes, I noticed Reid was no longer in his chair. Desperately searching for him, I spotted him at the side entrance, his tentative stare on me dancing with my father, his hands on the metal bar at the door. I could see it all there: the regret, the apology, the decision, and the resignation.

  Brad sang about laying down his life for the woman he loved as Reid dropped his gaze and pressed through the door.

  I clung to my dad’s shoulders as he walked out on me for the second time.

  Heart seizing, I slumped in my father’s arms my head on his shoulder.

  “Boo?”

  “Dance, Daddy, just dance,” I said as I cried softly into his jacket.

  At our condo hours later, I watched Nate from the rocking chair we picked out together as he slept on the couch. His dark, strawberry blond hair was an utter mess from a day of running his hands through it. He was still in his work slacks and undershirt. The incredible man I loved slept soundly, his breathing even. Behind him sat three pictures of us. The first was at a UT game. I was sitting in his lap with my hands clasped around his neck. We were smiling like lunatics. The second was on Gabe’s boat. I’d just caught a huge large-mouthed bass and was holding it up proudly to the camera. Nate was behind me with his arms wrapped securely around me. The last was on New Year’s Eve just weeks ago. Nate was kissing me in a room full of people. It was a candid and it was my favorite. I sniffed as I pushed away the budding tears and felt the guilt start to gnaw at me. I knew without a doubt I’d cheated on him. The kiss on New Years that Reid left me with was nothing compared to the deceit in my heart. I loved Nate Butler. Enough to marry him and keep the life we’d built, the story we started.

  And I loved Reid Crowne with a passion very few people experience in their lifetime.

  There was zero contest in my heart. I’d lived without one for so long, I’d forsaken him for the other. I never felt cheated, or like I was missing anything because the choice was never mine.

  Until that night.

  And Reid had just flipped it upside down.

  I’m right here, Stella.

  I clamped my hands over my mouth as I fought the sobs. It was all wrong, so wrong. I’d kept them separate for so long, I didn’t know how to face the fact that the woman on the dance floor, ready to flee with Reid, was the same woman sitting in the chair staring at Nate.

  I had sat in my SUV for a solid hour trying to muster up the courage to drive, because I wasn’t sure where I would end up.

  Torn.

  In love with two worthy kings, and I was queen of the damned.

  “Hey,” Nate said, a lazy, sexy smile covering his face. “Baby, what you doing in that chair so far away?”

  I knew if I spoke, he would hear it in my voice. I gave myself a second to breathe.

  “Stella?”

  “Hi,” I said through a throat full of emotion. I was so fucked.

  “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  “I wanted to write for the big rags, Nate.”

  He sat up and looked down at the floor between us. “I know.”

  “I wanted to travel when I graduated.”

  “We will.”

  “When?” I hated myself in that moment for thinking that I wasn’t the least bit satisfied with our life, because I was. But I could not ignore Reid’s accusations. “The paper is only going to get bigger.”

  “Come here.”

  I shook my head. “Am I being put on hold?”

  “Hold?” he asked, running his hands through his hair.

  “Yeah, until you figure out your future?”

  “My future—” He squinted at me and thrust his head forward, as if he wasn’t sure what he heard. “Stella, where is this coming from?”

  “I just want to know if I’m making the right decisions.”

  He stood and walked over to me. “Why are you crying?”

  I wiped them away with the back of my hand. “Answer me, Nate.”

  His nostrils flared as he towered above me. “Is this about Paige getting married? You want a ring? If so, this is a fucked up way of asking for one.”

  I rolled my eyes. “This is not about a ring. I don’t want a ring.”

  “No?” Nate said sharply. “Good to know.” He walked toward the bedroom and I followed.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Well, do you mind getting to the point? Because I’m fucking confused as to why I woke up to a crying girlfriend giving me the third degree. What happened between when you left the office and now?”

  “You took a meeting,” I said rubbing my eyes.

  “Jesus, Stella, I apologized. I wanted to be there.”

  “You could have come after your meeting. Paige is only getting married once.” I hope. “Why didn’t you?”

  He ripped the decorative pillows he hated off the bed and eyed me. “What the hell are you doing? What is this?”

  I tore at my blouse, ripping it off my body and hanging my head in shame. It was me playing into Reid’s words, trying to find flaws that didn’t exist. I stripped, realizing I didn’t have panties on. They were still in Nate’s pocket. And I was still wet from Reid being so close. I was the worst woman alive. “This is poor form. I’m sorry.” In the bathroom, I threw a bath bomb in our garden tub and sank into the scalding water.

  Minutes later, Nate sat at the edge of my bath, staring at me. His sculpted chest my focal point. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

  “Stella, are you unhappy?” My tears came out fast and he sighed. “You are.”

  “No,” I croaked. “No, I swear, Nate, you make me so happy. I’m so sorry. Just ignore me, I’m just . . . tired.”

  Three years of I love yous, of smiles, of nights twisted in the sheets. Three years of sharing dinner off our forks, sharing papers, being his right side. Every one of them happy, our biggest fights over the remote. Three years flashed like shiny spilled pennies all over the floor between us.

  “I love you,” I whispered.

  You love me, too.

  I cringed, terrified Nate would see. I looked up reluctantly.

  Nate’s eyes penetrated mine. “Tell me.”

  “It’s been the longest day of my life.”

  He ripped the towel off the rack behind him and held it out. “Come on,” he said. I cupped some water over my face and shook m
y head. “Just ignore me. Nate, okay? Bad day. Bad everything.”

  “Bad everything? Please, Stella, I’m panicking here.”

  At his insistence, my chest raw and full of doubts that until that night didn’t exist, I stepped out of the tub and was in his arms, straddling his lap and soaking his suit pants.

  “I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me,” he whispered into my hair.

  “I just want to leave my mark, you know?”

  “Baby, you are. Your audience is growing, you have a fan base, and it’s just a matter of time. Stella,” he said, his voice guttural. “Are you saying you want out?”

  Blue eyes struck me, plucking every string in my chest, reminding me of our story.

  “No, God, no, Nate.” I wrapped my arms around his neck, soaking him in my past. A past I never wanted to touch him.

  “Stella,” he ground out, his cock hardening beneath me, “despite the fact this may make me seem insensitive or a selfish prick, I need to fuck you, right now.”

  “Yes,” I hissed, his lips crushing mine, punishing me for making him doubt us. Nate stumbled backward blindly with me latched to him.

  “What are you doing to me?” he rasped out as he gripped my ass and spread me over his bared stomach, his back flat on our bed. Pulling his cock out, I gripped it tight in my fist while he looked up at me with deep blue soul. His eyes closed with a groan as I sank down on top of him.

  “Tell me what to do,” he said, his eyes flaring as I slowly moved up and down his thick dick. My soaking wet hair dropped water over his thighs. He grunted as I squeezed him between my legs, my heart pounding, my need for him spurring me to the brink.

  “Nate,” I cried, as the tears flooded my eyes and I ripped at his chest in an attempt to get in.

  His voice cracked as he flipped us and nailed me to the bed. “Am I losing you?”

  “Please, Nate,” I begged, opening my legs wider, and he sank until we clicked.

  “Answer me.” He pressed me down and began to move, grinding into me as he fisted my hair. “Stella,” he demanded.

  “I love you,” I replied as he picked up his pace. I clung to him, desperate, desire coursing through my body, the past and the present colliding for the first time. And still, it was Nate I made love to. Nate, I wrapped myself around. Nate’s name that I moaned out when I came. He hooked my leg over his shoulder, sinking deeper, fusing my clit to his cock as I came undone, once, twice, his eyes pinning me with his accusation until he came unhinged, pumping his release while he bit the flesh of my breast.