99% Faking It (Dating Dilemma)

by Chris Cannon

  “I’m guessing it didn’t go well,” Matt said.

  How to explain. “I’ve never been so pissed off in my life,” I practically screamed. I told Matt about the fabulous reunion I’d had with my father, including the request to use the backhoe and then threw myself down on the porch swing beside him.

  “Holy shit.” Matt shook his head. “By the way, I can drive the backhoe, so we won’t have to involve my dad.”

  “Excellent.” It felt like anger was pulsing through my veins. “I hate him. And I don’t mean I hate him like you hate someone you’re mad at. I hate him like he’s a cancerous blood-sucking leech.”

  “I hate him, too,” Matt said, “if that helps. Man, I can’t imagine what your mom is saying to him.”

  “I’m glad Tony is there with her.”

  Matt gave a low chuckle. “I think there’s a zero percent chance that guy is leaving your house without getting punched.”

  I leaned into him, and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “I hope you’re right. I’m normally a peaceful person, I don’t like feeling this way, but I don’t know how to make the anger go away.”

  Ford whined, stood up, and came close enough to put his head on my lap. He gave a low wag of his tail and looked at me nervously. I rubbed his velvety ears. “Such a sweet dog.” He looked at me like I was the best person on the planet. Between Matt’s arm around my shoulders and the furry therapist, my anger started to fade away.

  “I think I need a dog,” I said.

  “Everyone needs a dog,” Matt said. “Preferably two. They’re pack animals.”

  As I looked into Ford’s big brown eyes and listened to him snuffle, I no longer felt homicidal. There must be something to animal therapy.

  “Do you think your mom will accept his offer to help with college?” Matt asked.

  “I don’t know. I kind of hate the idea of taking anything from him. We’ve always lived on a budget. There’s never been a lot of extra money. I can’t imagine how my mom made it work when he first left her. So if taking the money makes her life easier now, then I’d agree to it.”

  “Shouldn’t he have paid your mom some kind of child support after the divorce?” Matt asked.

  “Huh, I never thought about that. I think he ghosted her, so she probably never had a chance to ask for help.”

  “Are you sure I can’t punch him?” Matt asked.

  “If anyone gets to punch him, it’s my mom.” I ran my fingers over Ford’s head. His fur was soft and warm. “You should come live with me,” I told Ford.

  “No way,” Matt said. “There are lots of dogs at the shelter who need a home.”

  “Maybe I could get a dog.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Matt

  My dad came walking up to the front porch with dirt on his coveralls. He smiled at us. “You must be Lisa.”

  She nodded. “You must be Mr. Patterson. Do you mind if I steal Ford?”

  He laughed. “It’s nice to meet you, Lisa, but Ford is family. Haley can fix you up with a dog.”

  “That’s what Matt said.” She rubbed Ford’s ears. “Guess I’ll have to visit him here.”

  “Watch out, son. Ford’s about to steal your girl.”

  Lisa laughed. I forced a laugh while silently wishing my dad would shut up. Was he trying to push me in what he considered the right direction? Or was he pointing out the obvious?

  “I better go in and get cleaned up for dinner. Nice to meet you, Lisa.”

  “You, too.” Once he’d gone inside, she said, “Your dad is nice. You’re one of the few people I know whose parents are happily married.”

  “West’s parents are married,” I reminded her.

  “Happily?” Lisa asked. “Because no one at that party seemed happy.”

  “They are awkward as hell,” I said. “But they’re happy.” I studied Lisa as she rubbed Ford’s ears. Her dark hair was kind of a mess but she looked beautiful. Why hadn’t I seen her as datable when we first met? If I had, life would be so much easier.

  “Matt?”

  “What?” And Lisa was looking right at me. “Sorry, lost in thought.”

  “About?”

  Nope. Not going to talk about it. “I was thinking about what kind of dog you should get.”

  “Something small and huggable would be best,” she said.

  “Probably.” I kept staring at Lisa. I knew I was being way too obvious. Part of me hoped she’d realize what I was thinking. Maybe we could just slide into a real relationship. It seemed like the next natural move.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  A car pulled up the drive, which kept me from having to answer that loaded question. It was Haley. Ford and Chevy trotted off to greet her.

  “I feel abandoned,” Lisa said as the dogs danced around my sister.

  “Don’t take it personally,” I told her. “Haley is the dog whisperer. Plus she’s the one who brought them home.”

  Haley stopped to pet the dogs and then came up the steps smiling at us. “Hey, guys.” She looked at Matt and cleared her throat. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?”

  “Seriously?” Matt said. “You know who she is.”

  “Manners, Matt,” Haley said in a mocking tone.

  He rolled his eyes. “Fine. Haley, this is Lisa. Lisa, this is my pain-in-the-ass little sister, Haley.”

  Lisa grinned. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You, too,” Haley said. “Jane will be pulling up any minute, so be prepared for another round of introductions.” She went inside and the dogs followed her.

  “Don’t worry, she’ll give them each a treat, and then they’ll come back out,” I said.

  “What about Jane?” Lisa asked.

  “I don’t think she wants a Minty.”

  She snorted. “No. I mean Jane is going to see us being all couple-y. Should we act a certain way?”

  Just like that, I was done. I had my arm around a smart girl who made me laugh. Why was I looking for someone else? “I’m not sure I care about that anymore.”

  Lisa tilted her head and looked at me like she didn’t understand. The sound of tires on gravel meant Jane was about to make her appearance. She parked and bounded up the stairs. “Hello Matt and Matt’s new girlfriend, Lisa.”

  Lisa laughed and responded, “Hello, Matt’s little sister Haley’s best friend, Jane.”

  “I like her,” Jane said and then went into the house.

  “Want to go somewhere with less traffic?” I asked.

  “Sure.” She sounded a little defensive. “Now that Jane has seen us.”

  “That’s not what I meant. Charlie and my mom will come up the drive soon, so if we want some privacy we should relocate.” I stood. “Let’s go for a walk.”

  “Okay.” She seemed a little uncertain but we stood and she let me hold her hand. We headed down the path that led to the greenhouses. Some of the flowers should be in bloom, and there were benches we could sit on out of the line of sight of anyone coming and going from the house.

  The smell of soil and herbs filled the air. I loved that smell.

  “What smells so good?” Lisa asked.

  “My mom is setting up some herb garden planters.” I pointed at the small troughs filled with rosemary, thyme, and basil.

  “Smells like Italian food,” Lisa said.

  We walked over to a planting bench that was cleared off. Lisa sat, while I paced, trying to figure out the best way to break the news to her. Finally I gave up and went with, “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

  “What?” Lisa’s tone was hurt and angry.

  “Wait. That came out wrong.” I sat beside her and grabbed her hands to keep her from either hitting me or running away. “I mean, I don’t want to fake this relationship anymore.”

  She wasn’t saying anything, but she wasn’t trying to flee the scene, either. I took that as a positive. I knew what I wanted to do. It was now or never. Moving slowly, I leaned in and brushed my lips across he
rs. When she didn’t shove me off the bench, I pressed my mouth against hers again and slid my hand up her arm to the nape of her neck.

  I felt her hesitate, like she wasn’t sure what to do, and then she kissed me back. Her hands went to my shoulders and then slid around my neck. Everything seemed right in the world, and then she pulled away from me.

  “Wait.” She was slightly out of breath. “Why… What are you doing?”

  I thought that was obvious. “It’s you,” I said. “I don’t want Jane anymore. I want you.”

  “Why now? Is it because you feel sorry for me?”

  “What?” Where is this coming from? “No. That’s not it.”

  She scooted backward on the bench, putting some distance between us. “This isn’t fair. I’ve had one hell of an emotional day and I came to you as a friend.”

  And now I didn’t understand. This was supposed to be a good thing. “It’s not like I’m trying to take advantage of you.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “I didn’t say that. But the timing is odd. I liked you when we first met. You knew I liked you and you didn’t even consider the possibility of dating me. It was straight to the friend zone.”

  She wasn’t wrong. What could I say? “I didn’t know you then, like I know you now.”

  “Guess what, Einstein, if you’d taken the time to get to know me instead of banishing me to the friend zone, we’d both be a lot happier right now.”

  “My bad,” I said. “Listen, I wasn’t looking to date anyone when we met because I had a crush on Jane. Now I see my crush on her has played out. I don’t want her anymore. I want you.” That had to count for something.

  “If I wasn’t Nina’s friend who you were forced to hang around with all the time, would you have asked me out?”

  That didn’t make any sense. “If I didn’t know you, how could I ask you out?”

  She glared at me. “If you’d seen me at school would you have asked me out?”

  How could I answer that? “If I say yes, you’ll call me a liar. If I say no, you’ll call me a jerk.”

  She blinked her eyes like she was trying not to cry. “Never mind.” She stood to go.

  “Wait. Please.” I needed to find a way to make this right. “If we’d met and talked and you made me laugh, and we weren’t thrown together because of our best friends, then yes, I would have asked you out.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Lisa

  I wanted to believe Matt, but I didn’t. I’d been around him for months and we’d laughed together and had fun and he’d never once seen me as datable. “I think you realized the Jane crush is going nowhere, and you feel sorry for me, and I’m convenient.”

  He stared at me like I was speaking a foreign language. “Convenient? You’re not convenient. Do I feel sorry for you? Of course I do. Your douchebag of a sperm donor dad just dropped an emotional bomb on you. Me kissing you doesn’t have anything to do with either of those things. I kissed you because I realized you are the person I wanted to be with.”

  “Maybe that’s true. But did you ever stop to consider I might not want to be with you?”

  He opened his mouth and then he stopped. “Fine. I’m an egomaniac because I thought you’d want to kiss me back. You did. Didn’t you?”

  The way he said it, he wasn’t asking for an admission of guilt. He looked completely confused. I kind of was, too. Trey had been talking to me and flirting with me and I was pretty sure if Matt and I broke up, Trey would ask me out. But, I still had lingering warm fuzzies for Matt. It wasn’t fair for him to spring this on me. “I just can’t…I can’t deal with this today. Let’s go back to our original plan. We pretend-date for two more weeks and then we see where we want to go.”

  That should give me time to figure out what I wanted to do.

  “So you want to pretend the kiss never happened?” Matt was starting to sound annoyed.

  “Yes.” But I wasn’t sure. I’d wanted Matt forever, but lately my mind had been focused on Trey. Trey hadn’t friend-zoned me the moment he met me. He’d flirted with me. That had to mean something. “I think that would be for the best.” And with the way Matt was looking at me, I needed to get out of there before I caved and kissed him again. Get away somewhere so I could think and figure out what the hell I wanted. “I should go.”

  Matt reached for my hand. “Wait. Kiss me goodbye. Kiss me and then tell me you just want to be friends. We can go back to the original game plan.”

  “Why would I kiss you goodbye?” Did he think I’d be overcome with lust? Right now I was more overcome with annoyance.

  “I think you like me, too, and you’re too stubborn to admit it. So kiss me goodbye and then we’ll go back to fake dating.”

  This plan did not seem wise because I kind of wanted to kiss him again.

  “Fine.” The words slipped out of my mouth and a few seconds later Matt’s mouth moved against mine. His hands wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. And then rational thought fled the building as his teeth grazed my bottom lip. It seemed natural to tilt my head to the right as our lips parted and the world vanished. I gripped his shoulders tighter. I didn’t want this to end. And then Matt’s mouth moved away from mine. Cold air rushed into the warmth that had been building between us. I blinked back to the present, trying to figure out what was going on. That was it? He was just done?

  I focused on his face. He was smiling at me. It was a know-it-all smile, more like a smirk, like he knew I wanted to kiss him again. This entire situation was his fault. I was not going to cave because he changed his mind. I took a deep breath and said, “Well, that was fun. I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then I stood and headed for my car, forcing myself not to look back.

  Part of my brain screamed at me that I could have what I’d wanted before this stupid fake-dating situation. Another part of my brain said if Matt really wanted to be with me…and not because I was convenient, then maybe he should put a little effort into it.

  On the drive home, I started laughing for no good reason except my life was a mess. I was pretty sure that was a sign of insanity. When I pulled up to the house, Tony’s car was still there. Good. I’m glad my mom wasn’t alone after dealing with Gavin.

  I let myself in the front door and smelled pizza. My mom and Tony were curled up on the couch watching one of those Matrix movies they both loved.

  My mom started to sit up. I held out my hand to show she should stop. “I’m fine. Are you okay?”

  She smiled at Tony. “I’m happy.”

  He beamed at her.

  “Good. I’m grabbing some pizza and then I’m going to read in my room.”

  Once I was secluded in my room with two slices of meatball pizza and a bottle of water, I texted Nina to call me.

  My cell rang before I could set it down on the bed.

  “How’d it go with your dad?” she asked.

  I gave her a brief summary of my dad’s piss-poor reason for wanting to meet me and his offer of cash.

  “Take the son of a bitch for all he’s worth,” Nina advised.

  “I might, but that’s not even the headline of the evening.” I told her about Matt kissing me.

  She didn’t respond right away.

  “What?” I snapped.

  “Don’t get mad, or madder, but isn’t this what you wanted?”

  “Yes and no,” I said. “Just because he isn’t interested in Jane, why does that mean I should automatically drop my crush on Trey?”

  “I get it. Matt shouldn’t expect you to jump on him just because he’s suddenly interested.”

  “Exactly. Plus he looked a bit too sure of himself after he kissed me.”

  “Well, then I guess you wait and see how the next two weeks play out.”

  “That’s the plan. Is it wrong that I feel like Matt deserves a little grief for being so slow on the uptake?”

  “No. You don’t want to be at his beck and call.”

  “Right.”

  “Hold on. West just knocked on the back doo
r.”

  “I’m going to read and eat pizza, so you don’t have to stay on the line with me.”

  “Text if you need anything,” she said.

  I sat on my bed eating pizza and reading an ebook on my phone. One of the things I liked about ebooks was how easy it was to read and eat at the same time. Flipping the pages required a mere tap of the finger which took much less coordination than holding a book open one-handed and turning the pages.

  As I read, my mind drifted. What was I going to do about Matt? What did I want? Was it wrong that I was annoyed at him? Was I only annoyed because I was upset with the sperm donor?

  The biggest question of the evening: should I drop the Trey crush and start a real relationship with Matt? Hell if I know.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Matt

  I sat on the bench and watched Lisa walk away from me. The sound of her car engine starting and tires crunching on gravel signaled she was driving away. What in the hell had just happened?

  She liked me. I was sure of it. Was this all about timing? I’d blown her off when we first met. Was she going to hold that over me? It’s not like I’d been mean about it. I’d treated her like a friend. That didn’t make me a jerk. Clueless, yes, but not a jerk. Now what?

  I headed into the house. Charlie sat on the couch, flipping channels on the TV. “I took your advice about Lisa,” I said as I joined him on the couch.

  “What advice?”

  “You told me to choose her. I did. And now she’s mad at me.”

  “What did you do?” Charlie asked.

  I summarized my epic fail.

  Charlie rubbed his chin. “Yeah, that could have gone better.”

  “You think?” I grabbed the remote from him and flipped to an old episode of Supernatural. “Not sure what I should do now.”

  “Not much you can do except hope Trey isn’t interested.”

  “I don’t know what Lisa sees in that guy.”

  “Maybe it’s his magical hair,” Charlie deadpanned.

  “Yeah, that’s it. What really bugs me is I don’t think he’d be into her if he knew how nerdy she was.”

  “Maybe you should help him find out,” Charlie suggested.