Roger was disappointed. Whatever this place was like, he obviously loved it. It must be much better than other fox hunting places. Benjamin was tempted to go there to see just how splendid it was. But he didn’t want to spend a night away from the lady he loved. Even if he hadn’t worked up the courage to go to her bed, he liked knowing she was close by.
After a long, awkward moment passed between them, Benjamin asked, “Do you have one of Lord Edon’s books?”
“The one on pleasuring a lady?” Roger asked.
He nodded.
“No,” Roger said. “I hadn’t even thought about getting it. Do you have one?”
“No, but I need it,” he admitted despite the wave of embarrassment that swept over him. “I’m not like Lord Edon. I don’t have the charm and wit he does. He could fumble through his first time, and the lady wouldn’t care. I have no such grace. If I don’t do things perfectly, Emilia will notice.”
“Every gentleman worries a lady will find him lacking in bed before he has any experience, but the worries are for nothing. Things aren’t complicated. All you need to do is spend time focusing on her.”
“How do you do that?”
“Talk to her. Hold her. Kiss her. Take time to show her that you love her. Ladies aren’t hard to please in bed.”
While it would be easy to talk to Emilia in bed and do the holding and kissing, he knew there was more to it than those things. A lot more. But he didn’t want to disappoint Roger again. He’d already turned down Roger’s invite to the gentlemen-only fox hunting estate. Telling Roger that his advice couldn’t possibly work for someone as awkward as he was would disappoint Roger even more.
Benjamin didn’t fool himself into thinking Emilia couldn’t have done better than him. She could have done much better. He didn’t know why she chose him, but he wanted to do everything within his power to deserve her.
“Do you want to play a game of chess?” Roger asked.
Benjamin glanced at Lord Edon who was going to a round table. Mr. Robinson picked up the deck of cards and started shuffling them. Lord Edon and the others sat down to play. Good. Since Lord Edon was going to be here for a while longer, Benjamin could say yes. With a nod, Benjamin joined Roger at a chessboard, keeping one eye on Lord Edon and the other on the board in front of him.
Chapter Eight
Benjamin walked up the steps of his townhouse. His mission had been a success. Lord Edon had agreed to give him a copy of the book. All Benjamin had to do was be here all day tomorrow when it arrived in brown paper wrapping. He’d die of embarrassment if someone tore off the wrapper and saw the book, especially if it was Emilia. Her delicate eyes must never be assaulted by such content.
As soon as Benjamin reached the front door, the footman opened it. “You have a visitor.”
“I do?” Benjamin asked, surprised someone should stop by unannounced.
“It’s your uncle.”
Uncle Michael? Excited, Benjamin hurried through the doorway and ran to the drawing room. His uncle was saying something to Emilia that was making her laugh. He waited until they noticed him before he called out, “Uncle Michael! I didn’t know you were in London.”
His uncle got up from the chair and brought Benjamin in for a hug. “I just got in yesterday evening. I didn’t realize you married until I heard the good news this morning.”
“I would have told you if I had known where to find you.” He smiled and gestured to Emilia. “I see that you met my wife.”
“Yes, she’s very nice,” his uncle replied. “I was telling her about the time you were a young child and thought the large dog was a horse.”
Benjamin grimaced but chuckled. “Yes, that wasn’t my proudest moment.”
“You were only three. I’m surprised you even remember that far back.” Michael turned to Emilia then sat back in his chair. “The dog was a big friendly dog. He let Benjamin ride him.”
Since Emilia was sitting on the settee, he sat next to her.
“He was so proud of himself,” Michael told Emilia. “You never saw anyone prouder. That dog was about as big as he was. It took a lot of courage for him to get on it.”
“It doesn’t seem so courageous now,” Benjamin said.
“I’m sure it doesn’t, but it was. I wish there had been a way to have kept you on the dog so that we could have had a portrait made of it,” Michael replied.
Benjamin shook his head. “No, that would have been awful. I wouldn’t want anyone else to see it.” Much less his wife. She’d be apt to think he was silly. It was bad enough she was hearing about it.
As if she sensed his embarrassment, she said, “I think it’s adorable that you rode a dog when you were three. Your uncle is right. For a young child, some dogs are big. It’s no wonder you thought it was a horse. I might have thought the same.” Her gaze went to his uncle. “We had no dogs in my household. We did have a cat, though.”
“There were cats at the estate, too.” Michael looked at Benjamin. “Do you remember those?”
“Yes, but they were there to catch the mice and rats,” Benjamin replied.
“They did a good job of it, except for the large orange one.” Michael laughed. “That one liked to play with the vermin. He would put his paw on them, let them run, catch them with his paw, and let them go again. He’d do this several times before he got bored and let the things go. He provided us entertainment. I thought that alone was worth keeping him on the property, though Benjamin’s mother wanted to get rid of him.”
“Did she get rid of him?” Emilia asked, sounding sad that such a thing might have happened.
“No,” Michael replied. “Benjamin’s mother was my sister. Ever since we were little, she had a soft spot for pets. And Benjamin loved him. The cat would sit on his lap on a cold day, and Benjamin spent most of the afternoon petting him.”
“It was like a friend,” Benjamin told her.
“In some ways, it was more like a dog than a cat,” Michael agreed. “But that’s enough about the past. Let’s talk about the present. How did you two meet?”
Benjamin glanced at Emilia to see if she wanted to answer the question, but since she indicated for him to share the story, he said, “There’s really not much to tell. It all happened in a simple manner. I met her at one of the balls, and we got along splendidly. It was to my great fortune that she happened to share my feelings.”
His uncle smiled. “That’s a lovely story. There’s nothing wrong with love coming about in such a gentle way.”
Benjamin reached out and put his hand over Emilia’s. “I suppose not. Sometimes I wonder if the story might be more exciting if I had to do some great feat to win her over or if I had to go out to a duel to fight for the right to marry her. It’d probably be more romantic to the listener.”
Michael waved his hand dismissively. “Those things aren’t necessary. If someone wants excitement, they can read a book. We are dealing with real life, and in real life, things are often subtle. We go about our day, doing this and that. Then in one moment, when we least expect it, we look at someone and realize we’ve fallen in love. To me, that’s romantic.”
“It is romantic,” Benjamin agreed, “but it wasn’t like that with Emilia and me. We knew right away that we would be a good match.”
Benjamin smiled at Emilia, and Emilia, being shy, looked away from him. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. The butler came into the room, so he released her hand and stood up.
“Should we get a bedchamber ready for you?” Benjamin asked his uncle.
Michael shook his head. “No. I found a townhouse to rent. I was going to send a calling card, but I was too excited about meeting the lady you married. I figured if you married her, she had to be someone special.”
“She is. There’s no other like her in London.” He glanced at the clock above the fireplace mantle. “Will you stay for dinner? It’s only two hours from now. We could play cards until then.”
“I don’t want to intrude,” his uncle replied. “You
and your wife should be alone.”
“It’s not an intrusion,” Emilia spoke up. “I would love to have you stay through dinner.”
“I feel the same way,” Benjamin added, happy that Emilia also liked spending time with him. He had enjoyed his time with her friends, and since she enjoyed time with his uncle, that was even better. They would have such a wonderful marriage. Not all couples liked the same people. “You should stay. Tell us all about where you’ve spent your time.”
“Since I won’t be imposing, I’ll be happy to stay,” Michael said.
Delighted, Benjamin asked what the others wanted to drink then instructed the butler to bring it in. Then he sat back down and continued to enjoy the conversation.
***
When she woke up the next morning, Emilia noticed that her resolve to get her own townhouse was weakening, and for the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why. It must be the access she had to Benjamin’s money. Buying all of those expensive things might have brought her some guilt, but it had also come with a surge of pleasure. She’d never been able to spend so much in an afternoon before. She especially hadn’t ever worn a ring as rare as the blue diamond. She tried not to notice how bare her finger felt without it, but she couldn’t forget how nicely it had fit, or how lovely it’d looked when she wiggled her finger so that it sparkled.
Yes, it was the allure of money that had to be weakening her resolve. But she couldn’t let money blind her to what was best. She wasn’t doing this only for herself; she was doing this for Benjamin, too. He didn’t need to be in the same townhouse with someone who didn’t have the slightest bit of romantic interest in him.
At the moment, she was having trouble recalling exactly what it was about him that repulsed her, but she figured it was so early in the day that she was still groggy with sleep.
She pulled the cord and asked the maid to bring up a tub. A nice, warm bath would help her wake up. Then she’d be better able to follow through with her plan.
Having gotten a few new gowns, she had a terrible time picking out the one she most wanted to wear. They were all beautiful. She then had the difficult task of selecting the right necklace and hairpins to wear. She had no idea that having an abundance of exquisite things could make picking something out so difficult. The only thing missing was the blue diamond ring. She could have chosen a different ring, but for some reason, none of the others seemed appropriate for the gown she’d chosen to wear.
When she was done getting ready for the day, she planned out what she would say to help Benjamin see that her staying here wasn’t in his best interest then left the bedchamber.
To her surprise, he happened to open his bedchamber door just as she passed by his room. Up to now, he’d always been downstairs. She gave a slight jerk, and he hurried to offer her an apology.
“I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said.
“Oh, it’s fine.” She relaxed. “I’m used to being later than you when it comes to dressing.”
“Yes, well, Uncle and I ended up talking until almost one in the morning. I forgot how I lose track of time whenever he’s around.”
He laughed, and though he gave a slight snort with it, she wasn’t as bothered by it as she used to be. In fact, it was hard to remember why that particular laugh used to bother her at all.
It was still early. She hadn’t eaten yet. How could she concentrate on anything when her stomach was growling?
“Since we’re both up here at the same time, would you mind if I escort you to the drawing room?” he asked.
She couldn’t think of a good reason to tell him no, so she nodded and put her arm around his.
“What do you want to do today?” Before she could answer him, he continued, “I don’t expect you to spend the entire day with me. I do hope, however, that you can spare a little of it for me. I know it probably seems strange, but time passes much too slowly when I’m not with you.”
That was strange. How could such a thing be possible? There were the same hours in a day regardless of what someone was doing or who they were with.
Deciding it didn’t matter, she said, “I don’t know what I want to do today. I haven’t given it any thought.”
“Do you plan to visit your friends?”
“Lilly will be with her husband. She didn’t say where they were going, but they plan to leave London for a day or two. Kitty and her brother have to entertain relatives who are visiting from another country.”
“Have to?”
“Well, it’s not something she enjoys. I don’t think her brother does, either. I don’t think they have the same relationship with these people that you have with your uncle.” In fact, she didn’t think most people had that good of a relationship with their relatives. Benjamin and Michael were more like friends than nephew and uncle.
“I’ve been blessed to be surrounded by wonderful people. My parents and uncle’s wife were very good to me, but they died much too early in life. I’m comforted in that my uncle is still alive, and,” he patted her hand, “best of all, I have you now. I have no need of anything.”
Oh dear. This was getting serious. The way he smiled at her caused an unfamiliar tingle to go through her. That had to be bad. Nothing good ever came from a tingle. The only time she’d experienced a tingle in the past was when she was a little girl and had gotten scared in the dark. Alarmed, she decided it would be best to mention the blue diamond ring. She had to save both of them the heartache of having to live in the same townhouse for the rest of their lives.
As he led her down the stairs, she let out a woeful sigh.
“Is something troubling you?” Benjamin asked.
“Well, no,” she slowly replied as if something really was but she needed him to prod it out of her.
“What is it? You can tell me anything.”
“I don’t know. You’ll think I’m being ungrateful.” Which he should. Because if he thought she was ungrateful, he wouldn’t think she was appealing anymore.
“I could never think that. Not about you.”
Well, they were about to find out. They reached the bottom of the stairs, and she turned to face him. She let out another weary sigh. “All right, if you insist I tell you, I will, but you’re the one who’s making me do it. You can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
She could tell by the expression on his face that she had succeeded in confusing him. Good. She wanted him confused so that he was going to have trouble finding any logic in what she was going to say next.
“It’s all so boring,” she finally blurted out. “There’s absolutely nothing that amuses me. The furniture in the drawing room is lackluster.”
“I thought you liked the furniture in there,” he interrupted.
“Whatever gave you that idea?” Before he could reply, she turned away from him and headed for the drawing room.
As she expected, he followed.
“There’s nothing fun to wear,” she said. “I try to find a gown I can get excited about wearing, but I ended up with this thing.” She looked down at it and shook her head. “Then there’s no jewelry that appeals to me. I know I got new gowns and jewelry yesterday, and I thought they might bring me happiness, but I feel nothing when I wear them.” She made it into the drawing room and threw her hands up in despair. “I even gave the blue diamond ring to Lilly because I didn’t want it anymore.”
She snuck a peek at him to see if that would upset him, but he didn’t seem upset. He just seemed baffled.
“Anyway, I don’t know what I am to do,” she added as she went to a chair and sat in it, making sure she slumped forward.
Benjamin sat in the chair beside her. “We could go to the theatre or to a ball.”
She shrugged. “A few hours amusement is all that will give me. Come morning, I shall be in the same state I am now. What good is it? What good is any of it? There is no joy in this life. Are we only born so that we can bide our time in mindless amusement until we die?”
“You bring up a good point.�
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Surprised, she looked over at him. She brought up a good point?
“Many philosophers have pondered the reason for our existence,” he said. “If we only look at possessions to satisfy us, then we’ll be sorely disappointed. Life is more than the place you live, the clothes you wear, or the things you have.”
“It is?” she asked, still in shock.
“It is. I haven’t had a conversation with anyone about this very thing except for my uncle, and that was right after my parents died. Life is short for some and longer for others, but one way or another, we can’t live forever. That makes how we choose to spend our time in this life very important. Everyone, other than you and my uncle, is content with accumulating possessions and going from one social engagement to another. But as you so eloquently pointed out, those things don’t truly satisfy. The things that satisfy are those which you can’t see.”
“They are?”
He nodded in enthusiasm. “I can’t believe my good fortune! You are so beautiful and kind, and that would be more than enough to make me the happiest husband for all time. But now I find out you have such depth to you, too. The more I get to know you, the more wonderful you are. If I didn’t love you before, I most certainly would now.”
Oh, goodness. This wasn’t going at all like she had expected. That blue diamond ring had taken a significant amount of money out of his account. Even if it was just a possession, it was a very expensive one. Wasn’t he the least bit concerned about the future of his ledger?
She shifted in her chair. Forget the money. How could he have deluded himself into believing he loved her? “Benjamin, we don’t really know anything about each other. Love takes a long time to develop. It doesn’t happen this quickly.”
“Before I met you, I would have agreed. But you are perfect. There’s nothing about you not to love.”
“I’m not perfect. No one is perfect.”
“That’s not true. You are the best wife any gentleman could ever hope for.”
She didn’t know what to say to that. Thank goodness the footman came into the room before she had to reply.
Nobody's Fool (Marriage by Design Book 2) Page 8