So Lilly was going to keep up the pretense. But then, Lilly probably believed Benjamin hadn’t figured it out.
“Do you mind if I explain the rules of the game, or would you prefer to do it since he is your friend?” Benjamin asked Lilly.
And Benjamin was going to keep playing along with the charade. Well, that made the matter a simple one. She would also keep up the pretense.
“I’d love to know what to expect,” Emilia said in a low voice.
Benjamin proceeded to go into detail about the sport, even going so far as to tell her how the sport was developed. At some point, Roger joined them, but besides the secret smiles he and Lilly exchanged, their attention was on Benjamin. She spent her time sipping the water and nodding, mostly because she didn’t know what else to do. She doubted he would spend all this time and attention on a stranger that he truly believed was just a shy person. But what could she do but play along with the rest of them?
When Lord Browning arrived, they headed out to their horses. As Lilly had warned her, it did feel awkward to ride like a gentleman. She’d never parted her legs so far apart before. She wondered if Benjamin was appalled by it, but he offered no indication that he was uncomfortable with his wife being in such an indecent position. Then again, Roger didn’t act that way in regards to Lilly, so she supposed that was why.
The gelding she’d been given for the sport was a fine animal. It had the loveliest brown shade, and it was easy to manage. These things helped to calm her beating heart. She patted the animal’s neck. It snorted as if to thank her, and she smiled.
“I thought you might enjoy coming out here for this reason alone,” Lilly said in a low voice after she came up beside her.
Emilia continued to rub the horse’s neck. “I should ask Benjamin if he’ll get a couple of horses so we can take rides at Hyde Park.”
Lilly’s eyebrows rose, and Emilia knew exactly what her friend was thinking.
Emilia sighed. “If he agrees to let me have my own horse, then I won’t mind being in the same townhouse with him.”
“Of course,” Lilly said in a voice that let her know she didn’t believe that was the only reason Emilia would stay with him.
“Well, my father never let me have a horse. I was only able to ride ones he borrowed.”
“It’s just now occurring to you that you could have asked for a horse instead of a blue diamond ring? I suppose all Benjamin had to do when he arranged the marriage with your father was to offer you a horse, and you wouldn’t have tried to convince the poor man not to fall in love with you.”
Emilia gave her a look to let her know she wasn’t the least bit amused by the comment.
Lilly just chuckled and said, “I told you that you’d like being out here today. Aren’t you glad I didn’t let you miss this?” Without waiting for Emilia to reply, she gave her a wink then turned her horse to face the huntsman.
Emilia tried to pay attention to what the huntsman was saying, but since Benjamin had already gone into detail about the sport, she found her mind wandering. She supposed there was nothing wrong with staying in the same townhouse with Benjamin. It wasn’t like she was miserable with him. He did everything he could to make her happy. It seemed like she’d be rather cruel to leave. It wasn’t like she could marry someone else. She was going to be his wife regardless of where she lived.
Besides, it would be time-consuming to move her things out of one townhouse and into another one. She had her bedchamber exactly the way she wanted it. All she was missing was a horse. Yes, if she could get a horse, then she’d have everything she wanted, and there would be no need to leave at all.
Before the hunt officially started, she led her horse over to Benjamin. “I like horses,” she told him, using her masculine voice in case anyone overheard her.
“I like them, too,” he said.
“You do?”
“Yes. They’re fine creatures. Each one has a distinct personality.”
“I didn’t know you like horses.”
“I don’t get a chance to ride them in London, but I do at my estate. Getting married and spending time with my wife took precedence over going back there.”
That was understandable, given how much he figured himself in love with her.
But isn’t that sweet? How often do gentlemen place such importance on their wives?
This time she found no reason to argue with that still, small voice in her head. This time, she was inclined to agree with it.
“Well, I want a horse,” she told him.
“I don’t see why you can’t get one,” he replied.
She wished she’d known this sooner. That day when she said she’d wanted to shop, she would have shopped for a horse instead of clothes and jewelry. “My father never let me own a horse,” she confided. “He thought it was a waste of money when one could just walk from one place to another, or take a carriage ride. He saw no use for riding for pleasure. It took a lot of convincing to get him to let me borrow one for a few hours.”
“Some gentlemen are like that. Not all people like horses. I know a couple who are scared of them.”
“You do? What could be scary about a horse?”
“You could fall off of one if you’re not careful, or one can get too close to you and step on your foot.” Benjamin paused. “There was one gentleman who got spooked because a horse kept watching him. He felt as if the thing wanted to run him over because it was evil.”
She chuckled. “That’s preposterous. Horses aren’t evil. They don’t willfully hurt anyone.”
“I know, but you won’t be able to convince him of it.”
“Who is this gentleman?”
“I can’t say. He told me this in confidence.”
She was tempted to press him for the gentleman’s identity, but then she realized he was right. If he gave his word, then he should keep it. Besides, it said a lot about the kind of person he was since he wasn’t prone to spread gossip. Should anything be embarrassing to her, like the others here figuring out she wasn’t really a gentleman, she wouldn’t want them telling all of London about it. It would ruin her reputation.
“I think it’s noble of you to keep the secret,” she finally said. “I doubt others could do it.”
“Others could. They just choose not to.”
“I don’t know. It seems to me that some people are unable to resist a tasty morsel of gossip.”
“Those would be the people not to tell a secret to.”
She nodded, impressed he should say that. He was far more sensible than she’d given him credit for. Upon initially meeting him, he had seemed like he didn’t have much sense. He had rambled so much that it was difficult to make out most of what he was saying. But now she realized he’d rambled because he’d been nervous. He’d wanted so hard to please her that he’d put forth all the effort he could to win her over.
That’s rather sweet, Emilia. All he’s ever wanted was to make you happy because you mattered to him.
Again, she found no reason to argue.
The huntsman called out that the game was to begin, so she turned her attention to the sport. The hounds were released, and the chase was on, and she had the most splendid time riding her horse.
***
Benjamin was glad the Duke of Marrow felt more at ease as the day went on. Duke came up to him as they searched for foxes on foot, and he told him about his love for horses and listening to gentlemen discuss travels and politics. At one point, he even added, “I know most ladies consider such talk boring,” while he was talking. Benjamin had no idea why it should matter if ladies didn’t like to talk of those things or not since Duke was a gentleman, but he brushed the comment off as something that was on Duke’s mind. Perhaps once Duke opened up to someone, he rambled about things that were of little consequence to him.
“I don’t know why ladies aren’t allowed to openly discuss travel and the things happening in Parliament,” Duke continued as they made their way by foot around some trees. “Do you
know why?”
Benjamin shrugged as he glanced back at the horse he was leading by the reins. “I assume such talk doesn’t interest them.”
“For some, it doesn’t, but I suspect there’s more who do like it than we think,” Duke replied. “Those topics seem to be dominated by gentlemen. I’ve listened to my father discuss them for hours with his friends. I don’t think he ever gets bored of it.”
“I’m sure he talks to you as well.”
“Yes, he does, but he seems to limit how much he’ll talk to me. I get the impression he’s afraid he’ll overwhelm me.”
Benjamin didn’t know why that should be since Duke was a gentleman. Perhaps it was because he was his father’s son. “A parent might think of their child as too young to understand as much as they do, even when those children are adults.”
“No, that’s not it.”
Since Benjamin hadn’t met Duke’s father, he’d have to assume Duke was right. But then, why would Duke speak of his father as if he were still alive? The gentleman’s father had to be dead if he was a duke. They went around another tree, and Benjamin took a good look at him.
Duke might be odd. Maybe this is why he runs and hides around strangers. Maybe he doesn’t have all of his wits about him.
Benjamin could have mistaken Duke’s actions as shyness. He glanced over at Mr. Squire who was talking to Roger. Should he mention this to Mr. Squire? No, probably not. Mr. Squire had to know Duke had some peculiarities.
Benjamin knew of a couple of other eccentric gentlemen. There was one whose love of pumpkins bordered on obsession. His furniture was orange, he had pumpkin knickknacks all around his place, and he wore something orange every day. Then there was the gentleman who had to be perfect in appearance. If he spilled even a drop of his drink on his clothes or if a strand of hair got out of place, he left White’s and went home. There was also a gentleman who had conversations with himself. So really, he supposed Duke wasn’t that strange.
“What do you think about the tension between us and America?” Duke asked as they came closer to where the hounds were sniffing around a fox hole.
“I haven’t given it much thought,” Benjamin admitted. “I’ve had more important things on my mind.”
“Well, you’re out here with no distractions now,” Duke said. “You have time to think of it.”
He supposed Duke made a good point. It wasn’t like he had Emilia with him. Even if this sport was enjoyable, he would rather be with her. But since she wasn’t here, he might as well turn his attention to the issue of America.
“I’m glad there’s more than one country to trade with,” Benjamin said. “If we were reliant on America, we would be in serious trouble.”
“But America has a lot of resources they used to bring to us, like their trees and cotton,” Duke replied.
“Yes, but there’s always other things you can use to create the things you need to survive. Besides, it’s not like we can change anything. We’re only two people. The wars we’ve had with America are bigger than us.”
“Doesn’t that frustrate you? Sometimes I’d like to speak some sense into gentlemen who insist that war is the only way to resolve things.”
“I agree that peace is ideal if one can obtain it, but as long as people lust for power and money, I’m afraid it can’t be helped.”
“Yes, I suppose that’s true.”
Noting the defeated tone in Duke’s voice, Benjamin stopped heading for the fox hole and turned to the gentleman. “Instead of worrying about things you can’t control, why not focus on those you can?”
Duke faced him and sighed. “It’s frustrating to watch other people when you see them ruining things.”
“It is frustrating. I won’t pretend it’s not. I know there’s no easy answer. But what is the point in dwelling on things you can’t control? I realize most people look at me and think I’m socially inept. If I were handsome or charming, it wouldn’t matter all that much, but I’m neither of those things, so my flaws are more pronounced. But what can I do about it? I can’t change the way I look, and being witty and fun doesn’t come naturally to me. All I can be is who I am and hope people will take the time to get to know me. Beyond that, there’s nothing I can do. The laws affecting trade are similar. I can voice my opinion, and I have, but in the end, I’m only one person, so I choose to focus on things within my control.” He shrugged. “It’s not a perfect world. We just have to make the best of the circumstances we’re in.”
Duke lowered his gaze for a moment as he considered everything Benjamin had just told him. When his gaze met Benjamin’s, he said, “I often feel like I have no control over the things that happen to me. Sometimes decisions are made for me.”
“Decisions get made for all of us at some point in our lives.”
“When has a decision been made for you?”
“My parents aren’t alive. If I could have chosen the timing of their deaths, it would have been when I was much older than I am now. They were good people. They loved me. Not all parents love their children. Some seem to think of their children as a means to acquire something.”
“Like a son who’ll be an heir to acquire a title?”
“Yes, like that. My mother was sickly when my father married her, but he married her anyway because he fell in love with her. He was warned she might not give him children, but he didn’t care. They had ten years together. When I was eight, her health had taken its toll on her, and my father buried her. But he always spoke fondly of her and said he’d do it all over again if given the chance. He suffered a severe bout of stomach pains when I was fourteen, and he joined her two days later. My uncle came to raise me after that. Life is too quickly taken from us. That’s why I say that it’s best to focus on things you can control. Why spend time fretting over things you can’t do anything about when you could be spending it on the people and things that make life better?”
Duke’s eyes filled up with tears, and he hurried to brush them away with his sleeve. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone speak so eloquently about things that really matter before.”
Benjamin didn’t consider his words eloquent. Eloquence wasn’t his gift, but the words had been sincere, and perhaps Duke needed to hear them. Benjamin smiled. “Everything will be all right. In the end, things that happen will resolve themselves. I’m sure we’ll come to a truce with America at some point, and you needn’t feel like you can’t discuss topics that interest you with other people.” Since there wasn’t anything else he could think of to say, he asked, “Would you like to see who will catch the fox? I’m sure it won’t be one of us since we stayed here to talk.”
Duke chuckled. “I don’t mind not catching a fox. This conversation was worth it.”
“I’m glad.” It was nice to know he had said something to help Duke. The poor gentleman. All he’d needed was for someone to put his mind at ease about his worries. He gave Duke a pat on the shoulder. “Everything will be fine.”
In silence, the two continued on to the fox hole.
Chapter Sixteen
“I’m in love with Benjamin,” Emilia told Lilly right after the hunt was over and she was alone with Lilly in the room Lilly was staying in for the night.
“It took you long enough to admit it,” Lilly replied with a smirk.
As Lilly took her hat and wig off, Emilia went to the window. There was a better view of the hunting grounds from this room than there was from hers. Riding that horse had been much more thrilling than she’d expected it to be, but even that didn’t seem to compare to the racing of her heart as she thought of Benjamin. Lilly had been right. The fluttering in her heart had to do with him. Though she wouldn’t say it to Lilly, she was relieved the doctor was not required to take care of her. For a while there, she’d truly been worried.
Lilly let out a relieved sigh. “I love being here, but it feels wonderful to have that wig off.”
Emilia turned back to her friend. “You used to wear wigs all the time.”
She pulled the pins out of her hair. “I didn’t realize how sweaty and heavy those things were.” She let her dark hair down past her shoulders and rubbed her scalp. “That feels much better.”
Emilia was looking forward to taking her wig off, too, but she didn’t want to go through the hassle of putting the thing back on. She’d wait until it was time for bed.
“When are we supposed to go downstairs for dinner?” Emilia asked.
“We’re due downstairs in an hour.” Lilly stopped rubbing her head and gave her a wicked grin. “There’s time for you to pay a certain gentleman a visit.”
Emilia’s face grew warm. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not? You’re convinced he knows it’s you under that disguise.”
“He does know it’s me. I didn’t fool him at all.”
Lilly shrugged and picked up her brush. “If you say so.”
“He told me I can have a horse and that I can talk about politics. As you said, he’ll let me have whatever I want.”
“Are you sure he told you that, or did he tell the Duke of Marrow that?” Lilly ran the brush through her hair. “When we were all together, I didn’t get the impression he knew it was you. He was talking to you as he talks to Roger or any other gentleman. He wasn’t blushing or fidgeting around nervously like he does when he knows you’re around.”
“He didn’t want to give away the fact that it was me. He acted calmly because he wanted to help keep my secret.”
Lilly chuckled. “If you say so.”
Emilia groaned. What was the point? She spent more time with Benjamin out there today than Lilly did. If Lilly had been with them the whole time, she would understand that the things Benjamin said had been directly for her benefit.
“Go on and see him if you’re so sure he knows it’s you,” Lilly said. “Tell him you love him and kiss him. Put the poor gentleman out of his misery.”
Yes, Emilia supposed she should do that. She straightened her shoulders. “All right.”
As she strode toward the door, Lilly called out, “You should take this with you.”
Nobody's Fool (Marriage by Design Book 2) Page 15