Beautifully Broken Life (The Sutter Lake Series Book 2)

by Catherine Cowles

  My expression softened. “Then let’s go to bed.”

  We made quick work of cleaning up the kitchen and, before long, Tessa was handing me a pillow and a blanket. “I’m just going to put on my pjs,” Tessa said, a faint blush tinging her cheeks.

  I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. She was so damn adorable. “Take your time.”

  Tessa pulled open a drawer and then dashed to the bathroom. I shucked my boots and clothes, leaving my boxers firmly in place, and then slipped beneath the blanket. A few minutes later, Tessa appeared from the bathroom with a kitten in her arms, wearing what looked like flannel unicorn pajamas.

  I couldn’t hold in my chuckle. “Are those unicorns on your pjs?”

  Tessa looked down. “Yes…”

  I laughed harder. “How old are you?”

  She huffed. “Oh, shut it.”

  I grinned. “Come on, time for sleep.”

  Tessa shuffled towards the bed. “You gonna be nice and not make fun of my super awesome jammies?”

  “Only if you never call them jammies again.” There was something so refreshing about Tessa. Most girls in my world would have come to bed in their most revealing lingerie, and here Tessa was with flannel pajamas practically buttoned up to her neck. She sat on the bed, placing Trouble in the middle of the mattress.

  I looked from the kitten to Tessa and back again. “You let him sleep with you?”

  “Of course. He’s so tiny, and he needs lots of cuddles after his rough start in life.” Tessa pulled the covers up around her, and Trouble curled into her side.

  I bit back a laugh. “You’re going to spoil him.”

  Her gaze met mine as she reached over to turn out the light. “He deserves to be spoiled.” She clicked off the light, darkness engulfing the room. Silence filled the space. Nothing but the sound of Trouble’s soft purrs. I thought she might have fallen asleep. “Thank you for everything you did today.”

  My words reached out in the darkness the way I couldn’t yet with my body. “Always.”

  25

  Tessa

  I awoke to the sound of a muttered curse. For the briefest moment, I panicked, thinking I was back in DC. Back with him. When I heard a meow and a grumbled “Trouble,” I released my death grip on the covers. It’s just Liam. I’m safe. I took slow and steady breaths.

  My muscles released, and a sense of calm washed over me. Usually, a trigger like that would have sent me into a full-blown panic attack, but yesterday aside, I was getting better at talking myself through these moments, at identifying something as a trigger and not a true threat. Hope filled my chest. Maybe I could do this with Liam. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wanted to try.

  “Your cat is a terror,” a voice griped from the other side of the room.

  I pushed up in bed, trying to get a peek at what was going on. Liam lay on the couch, muscled chest bare. I swallowed hard. It took me a few seconds to tear my eyes away from those broad shoulders and notice that Trouble had perched himself on Liam’s pillow and was batting at his face. I let out a snort of laughter. “You might want to stop that, Trouble. It sounds like Liam is a bit of a grump in the morning.”

  Liam grunted. “That cat is disturbing my beauty sleep.”

  “He wants to play with you.”

  Trouble popped Liam right on the nose, and Liam growled, swinging Trouble into his arms and sitting up. “I guess there’s no more beauty sleep for me.”

  My lips pressed together as I resisted a smile. “I think you’re plenty pretty enough already.”

  Liam pushed to his feet and prowled towards me. “Oh, really?” I nodded, my breath catching. Liam leaned forward, dropping Trouble on the mattress and nuzzling my neck. “You smell amazing.”

  I shuddered, a pleasant chill skittering over my skin. My lower belly clenched. My body was at war with itself. One part of me was dying for Liam to touch me everywhere, the other was terrified out of my mind.

  He placed a gentle kiss on my neck. “We’re not going there until you’re one hundred percent sure.”

  I was surprised by the overwhelming flood of disappointment. Sure, there was a little relief since I was unsure if I was ready for sex with Liam. But there was so much more disappointment. “Okay.” The word came out as a whisper.

  He placed a gentle kiss to my temple. “We’ll get there. Give us time.”

  My muscles relaxed. God, I hoped so. I wanted this little bit of living my life to the fullest. This tiny slice of normality. Meeting a guy, the butterflies of those first encounters, maybe even falling in love.

  Liam straightened. “What time do you have to be at work?”

  I stroked Trouble’s fur. “It’s actually my day off.”

  “Want to spend the day with me?”

  A smile split my face. “I’d love that.”

  Liam reached out, taking my hand and pulling me out of bed. “Well, then, let’s get moving, the day’s a-wasting.”

  I let out a light laugh. “Suddenly a morning person?”

  Liam bent, brushing his lips against mine. “I am when I get to spend the day with a beautiful woman.”

  My cheeks heated. “Don’t kiss me. I haven’t brushed my teeth.”

  Liam snuck in another quick kiss. “Don’t give a fuck.”

  I shook my head. “You’re incorrigible.”

  “And don’t you forget it.” Liam stood from the bed, and my eyes zeroed in on his boxer-clad form. My belly clenched again. He was gorgeous: broad shoulders, defined pecs, rippled ab muscles that had me leaning forward just a bit, and that dusting of dark brown hair that disappeared beneath the band of his boxers. “Mind if I grab a quick shower?”

  Liam’s voice brought me out of my daydream. I cleared my throat. “Oh, yeah, of course.” Liam smirked. He totally knew I’d been checking him out. “I’ll just make us some breakfast while you shower.”

  “That’d be great.” Liam headed for the bathroom, and I watched his butt the whole way.

  I’D JUST PUT the biscuits in the oven when Liam emerged from the bathroom. His hair was still damp and fell in artful waves. My fingers itched to run through it. “Find everything you need?”

  Liam scowled. “I smell like a girl.”

  I placed the mixing bowl in the sink. “What do you mean?”

  “You only had that girlie lavender body wash in your shower. I smell like flowers.”

  I chuckled. “Sorry about that.”

  Liam pulled me into his arms, kissing me soundly. My toes actually curled. Who knew that was a real thing? “I need to brush my teeth.”

  Liam released me. “Go, get ready. I’ll pull whatever you just put in the oven out when the timer goes off.”

  “Perfect.” I darted for the bathroom, Trouble on my heels. He’d become a master at doing all things with his cast in tow. I made quick work of brushing my teeth and washing my face. I even threw on a little mascara and lip gloss for good measure. I was spending the day with Liam. I had the urge to let out a girlie squeal but restrained myself.

  By the time I exited the bathroom and made my way to the kitchen, I knew I was grinning like a fool. When my gaze met Liam’s, I froze. He stood there, holding a gun. My gun. I swallowed hard.

  Liam weighed the metal in his hand, his grip natural. “I was looking for a potholder. Imagine my surprise when I came across a 9mm instead.”

  I mentally cursed. How could I have forgotten to move that? I had two guns. One in my nightstand, and one hidden in a kitchen drawer. I’d gotten neither through exactly legal means.

  Liam’s eyes pinched closed. “Please tell me you know how to use this properly.”

  My spine stiffened. “I know enough.” And I did. I knew basic gun safety. What I didn’t know was if I could actually hit something if I tried.

  Liam grimaced. “Okay. New plan for today.” My brows rose in question. “You need to feel safe. I’m going to help with that.”

  “We don’t need to—” I started, but Liam cut me off.


  “I want to do this. Please, let me.” The look in his eyes was pleading.

  I crumbled under its weight. “Okay. What did you have in mind?”

  Liam set the gun on the counter. “First, we’re going to a gun range.”

  I stiffened. “We can’t. Someone might see us and take a picture.” Panic flared to life within me.

  Liam pulled me to him. “Let me worry about that. No one will take our picture.”

  I closed my eyes, letting out a long breath. Trust him. Liam wouldn’t put me at risk. “Okay.”

  Liam kissed each of my closed eyelids and then my temple. “Thank you.”

  My eyes opened. “Anything else you have in mind besides a shooting range?”

  Liam grinned. “How about a little self-defense training?”

  “You know how to teach me self-defense?” A healthy dose of skepticism filled my tone.

  He shrugged. “You know one of my best friends is an MMA fighter and owns a gym in LA, right? I helped out there some. Took a lot of classes. Learned from Austin himself. I can teach you the basics.”

  I’d wanted to take a self-defense class for years, but I had always been too scared that I’d freak out the second someone got me in one of those holds. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Liam’s expression softened, and he brushed the hair away from my face. “We can go as slow as you want. You set the rules. You’re in control.”

  My teeth tugged on my bottom lip. I could do this. “I want to learn.”

  Liam gave me a squeeze. “Good. Give me a few minutes to make some calls, and then we’ll eat and go.”

  “Okay.” I stared after him as he began dialing.

  I ROLLED my shoulders back as Liam set a bag of sandwiches in my lap that he’d grabbed from a deli down the street from the shooting range. A shooting range that he’d somehow convinced the owner to close for two hours so that we could have the place to ourselves.

  Liam turned the keys in the ignition. “How do you feel about everything?”

  “Better.” I hated to admit it, but I felt a hell of a lot more confident about my ability to handle the guns I owned. Before, I had hoped that just having them would be enough, that the threat of metal that could end a life would keep Garrett away from me. Now, I had the foundation to wield those weapons. Liam had worked with me on my stance, a slower pull of the trigger, and where to focus my gaze for the most accurate shot.

  “I talked to the owner, and he said we could come back after hours whenever we want.” Liam reached over and tugged my hand into his lap.

  Warmth spread up my arm. I loved Liam’s casual touches. A simple brush of his hand against my skin calmed my frazzled nerves. It brought comfort. Peace. “Thank you, for everything.”

  Liam shot me a grin. “The day’s not over yet. We have a workout next.”

  My stomach dipped. My body was already simmering from Liam’s lip touches and gentle caresses. I wasn’t sure how I would handle full-body contact for an entire afternoon. “Where are we doing that?”

  “We’ll head back to my place. I set up a gym in the garage of the guest cabin. We can eat and then get to work.”

  So, we’d be all alone. It was crazy how much had shifted in a matter of weeks. I was no longer scared to be alone with Liam because of past fears, I was scared to be alone with him because I might be falling. And falling meant running would be that much harder if the time came when it was needed.

  26

  Liam

  T essa was thinking so hard, I could practically hear the gears turning in her head. I squeezed the hand I was holding. “We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.”

  Tessa shook her head. “No. I want to.”

  I pulled to a stop outside the guest cabin, throwing the SUV in park. “Let’s eat first.” The last thing I wanted to do was push her too far, too soon. But I wanted her to be safe. I’d almost lost it when I found that gun in her kitchen drawer. If you were going to own a gun, you needed to know how to use it.

  The shooting range had been about Tessa’s safety, but self-defense was about her reclaiming her power. I’d seen so many women come through Austin’s classes. Many of them had been mugged or worse. The transformation as weeks went by was always miraculous. Yes, they had new skills that would enable them to defend themselves, but it was about so much more than that. It gave them back their lives.

  I wanted to give Tessa the same thing. I hit the clicker to the garage, exposing the space I’d transformed into a gym. It wasn’t anything fancy, but it would do the trick. I glanced at Tessa as she surveyed the area with interest. “Want to eat down here? We can spread out on the mats and talk about the basics while we have lunch.”

  Tessa smiled. “A picnic.”

  I chuckled. “Sure. Let me just run up and grab us some drinks and paper towels.”

  “Sounds good.”

  I squeezed Tessa’s hand, pulling her towards me and pressing my lips against hers. I couldn’t seem to stop touching her, I always wanted some point of connection, to feel her skin brushing mine, smell that scent that was uniquely Tessa’s. “Stay put. I’ll come open your door.”

  She smiled against my mouth. “Okay.”

  I released her and circled the vehicle, opening her door. “There you go.”

  Tessa took my hand as she got down. “I love your gentlemanly ways.”

  I grinned. “My mama would be so happy to hear that.” I wanted Tessa and my mom to meet. They’d love each other. And as soon as my mom heard that Tessa didn’t have any family left, she’d bring her into the Fairchild fold and never let her go.

  Warmth filled my chest. I wanted that to happen. And soon. “I’ll be right back.” I released Tessa’s hand, leaving her in the gym, and jogged up the stairs to grab us drinks.

  By the time I made it back down, Tessa had taken a couple of towels from a stack I kept next to the weight bench and spread them out like placemats on the workout mats, setting our sandwiches and chips on each. I chuckled. “So fancy.”

  Tessa looked up, eyes dancing. “Only the best for the famous rock star.”

  My chuckle deepened. “Champagne and caviar for me, please.” I took a seat opposite her.

  Tessa studied me thoughtfully. “You know, for a rock star, you really aren’t that spoiled.”

  I arched a brow. “I’m not that spoiled? What am I spoiled about?”

  Tessa laughed. “Well, you did close down an entire shooting range for us today.”

  I shrugged. “Fame does have some perks.”

  Tessa opened her bag of chips. “I’m sure it does.” She popped a chip into her perfect mouth, and I fought the groan that wanted to surface. “So, what’s been the best one?”

  I blinked, attempting to clear my mind. “Best one what?”

  “Best perk.”

  I unwrapped my sandwich, thinking about the most fun I’d had because of my fame. I grinned. Two things immediately popped into my mind. “Playing the Hollywood Bowl and getting to skip all the lines at Disneyland.”

  Tessa’s mouth fell open. “They let you cut the lines?”

  I chuckled. Of course, she’d be more impressed with amusement park perks than playing one of the most famous venues in the world. “They have these ambassadors that take you around and bring you to the front of every line. And you get to see some cool behind-the-scenes stuff, too.”

  Tessa’s expression took on a longing quality I’d rarely seen, and my gut tightened. I was such a callous ass. “You’ve never been, have you?” I’d doubted one of her foster families would have had the money to take her, and I’d be shocked as shit if her ex had been a frequenter of the happiest place on Earth.

  Tessa met my gaze as if forcing herself not to be embarrassed. “No. I’ve never been. It looks so fun, though.”

  “We’re going.” My words came out with finality.

  Tessa’s brows pulled together. “You want to go to Disneyland now?”

  I leaned forward, cupping her
face in my hands. “Not now. When we get all this stuff with your ex figured out, and we don’t have to hide anymore, we’re going. We are going to cut every line and eat so much food we feel sick. We’ll bring all our friends from Sutter Lake and mine back in LA, and we’ll make a whole day of it.”

  The smile that split Tessa’s face would have brought me to my knees if I weren’t already sitting. So pure. So full of joy. I didn’t deserve her, but I was going to do my best to take care of the gift she was.

  Tessa twisted her head to plant a quick kiss on my palm. “I’d love that.”

  I pulled her to me, brushing my lips against that spot on her temple—a spot that was all mine. “Good.” I released my hold and settled back. “Now, ready to talk some self-defense?”

  Tessa groaned. “I’d rather talk Disneyland.”

  “We can talk Disneyland after. How about that?”

  “Deal.” Tessa picked up her sandwich. “Instruct away.”

  I sobered. “We’re going to have to talk through some scary scenarios. But we do that so that if those things happen, they aren’t quite as frightening, and you know you’re prepared.”

  Tessa took a sip of her Coke, uncertainty filling her expression. “Okay.”

  I thought through all the things Austin had covered in his basic self-defense class for women. I’d need to call him later and see if he had any specific ideas for Tessa. “The first thing is, do everything in your power to not be taken to a secondary location. Even if someone has a knife or gun. Run and scream first. Don’t go willingly.”

  Tessa nodded, nibbling on a chip. I pushed on. “If you are taken, stay as alert as possible. Keep track of where you’re headed if you can. Survey your surroundings. Almost anything can be used as a weapon.”

  I gestured around the garage turned gym. “Let’s practice. Look around here. What could you use to defend yourself?”

  Tessa had abandoned her food and now nibbled on her thumbnail as she searched the room. She pointed at a row of dumbbells. “I could use one of those if they weren’t too heavy.”