by T. A. White
"What?" he growled.
"A communication came in from the emperor," Solal said, amusement in his normally staid voice.
The sound Graydon released held a lot in common with a snarl. "I'll be there momentarily."
The look he fixed on Kira nearly made her laugh. He reminded her of a child denied a treat, pouty and sulky. She smoothed a hand over his cheek, the twin feelings of regret and relief twisting her insides.
"Duty calls," she said.
It was a needed reminder. Graydon might be attracted to her and she to him, but he answered to a powerful master. One who would no doubt destroy Kira if all her secrets ever came to light.
"We're going to finish this one day," Graydon informed her.
"Promises, promises."
Graydon pushed the hair from her face, his gaze intent. "You'll see."
Kira unlocked her legs and dropped to her feet, the water rising to chest level.
She took the opportunity to duck under the waves so she didn't have to see Graydon go. The chilly embrace of the water dousing some of her passion and providing clarity.
Kira was last to reach the shore. She found Solal with his head bent toward Graydon as he relayed the message.
Graydon held up a hand, halting him as Kira lumbered out of the waves, feeling considerably less powerful and graceful than she had during their mock battle. She shivered as a breeze touched her, conscious of the cold in a way she hadn't been with Graydon's heat beside her.
"I look forward to tomorrow," Graydon said.
"What's tomorrow?"
His teeth flashed. "You'll see."
Graydon walked away, leaving her gaping after him.
"I'll see what? Graydon?"
A wave over his shoulder was his only answer as he headed toward a small opening in the cliff Kira hadn't seen before now.
That wasn't enigmatic or anything.
Kira caught Solal's stare, his expression disturbingly neutral. She scowled at him, not fooled. The amusement was there for someone who had spent any time with him.
Her scowl made his lips twitch.
Solal dipped his chin in a respectful nod as he finally followed his commander.
Finn's shadow detached from the cliff as he moved to stand beside her to watch Graydon and his oshota's retreat.
"I don't want to hear it," she finally said.
She was well aware this had been a serious error in judgment. Something about the combination of the moon and Graydon made her lose her head. It worked magic on her senses, luring her into situations that could only cause trouble in the long run.
"I haven't said anything," Finn said neutrally.
"You're thinking it. Loudly."
Kira sensed rather than saw his small smile. "Perhaps you're projecting."
Kira glanced at him. "Pretty sure I'm not."
If only she could believe it.
NINETEEN
Kira slogged toward the spot where had Graydon disappeared, hoping it led to the city above. From there, she could find her way to the fortress. Otherwise, it was going to be a long climb.
She ignored the way her shoes squished and squelched after their submerging in the sea. Already sand was beginning to make its way into them, rubbing at the soles of her feet and along her heel. Happily, Graydon had left the access to the tunnel open for them.
"For someone determined not to form attachments, you have shown a certain proclivity for them," Finn observed.
Kira didn't respond. This was a well-known weakness of hers. It'd been the same with the Curs. She'd only intended to form a team capable of combating the Tsavitee. It hadn't been long until they developed into a makeshift family.
She hoped she wouldn’t fall into the same trap here.
Kira came to a sharp stop as the tunnel abruptly widened into a large cavern, walls sloping up to meet an arched cathedral ceiling, paintings the like of which she'd never seen decorating it. The colors were vibrant and saturated, almost too intense. Gold separated the different panels, leading Kira's eye through a story she didn't quite understand.
She had a feeling she could sit there for hours and still find something new to discover in the paintings above.
"What is this?" Kira asked.
In the center of the cavern, a massive crystal cluster drew her attention. What she at first assumed was a natural phenomenon, she soon discovered wasn't. The column formations were entirely too uniform, pointing to the Tuann's hand in their design.
The crystal shimmered, flecks of rose and gold seeming to dance and move, almost like a fire flickered within its depths. Vaguely diamond shaped, the crystal cluster had dozens of columns branching off the large geode in the middle.
Kira moved closer, the feel of water splashing underneath her foot drawing her up short. Abruptly, she realized a thin layer of liquid covered the smooth floor surrounding the crystal cluster.
Kira caught movement as scattered Tuann kneeled in the water, touching a column and bowing their head.
The atmosphere of the cavern was somber. Almost holy.
Small candles bobbed on the water like offerings. Flowers floated near them, some on the surface, others submerged beneath.
Finn's voice was hushed and filled with respect. "We call it the etheiri. It's a place of remembrance."
"Like the banners in the Warrior's Hall," Kira guessed.
Finn's head cocked as he thought. "Similar, but different. The banners represent those who fell in service to House Roake. This is for anyone who lost someone in the Sorrowing."
Kira took in the crystal cluster. As a memorial, it certainly made a statement. It was surreal and beautiful. Peace and serenity seemed to fill the space.
"Kira, how kind of you to visit," Loudon said from a few feet away.
He wore the synth armor and ceremonial robe and vestments similar to the ones she'd seen him in that first day, though the colors were different—and unexpected. They looked like a sunrise, deep orange at the ends transitioning into a golden color toward the middle.
On Loudon's face, he'd painted runes on both cheeks and his forehead, connecting them with a complicated pattern of swirls and lines. The effect was startling. Stare too long, and the slightest bit of dizziness would creep in.
"Have you come to visit with your father?" he asked.
Kira's forehead wrinkled. Her father was dead—or so people kept telling her. What did this place have to do with him?
"I'm not sure what you mean."
"Come, I'll show you." Loudon walked toward the cluster, leaving Kira with no choice but to trail behind him like a lost lamb. She bid her plans of finding her bed and changing out of her wet clothes a grumpy farewell. Annoying as Loudon's presumption was, she found herself curious and knew this place would only torture her with questions if she didn't follow.
Loudon's step was confident as he circled the crystal cluster, careful not to step in the water as he gave Kira a brief history lesson. "The Tuann believe no one is ever truly gone. Their physical bodies might wither and decay, but as long as we are connected to the Mea'Ave a piece of us lives on. In a sense, this place is a graveyard."
Kira looked at the cavern with new eyes.
"The Mea'Ave responded to our overwhelming grief during the Sorrowing and created this. Each column houses the memory of someone we lost," Loudon instructed.
He stepped over the small, narrow channel separating the water from the rest of the cavern. The faint trickle as it cascaded over the lip of the ledge echoed in the space. Kira was a bit surprised the candles and flowers didn't float over the mini waterfall, but perhaps that was because the gap separating it from the rest of the room was only a few centimeters wide.
Loudon’s steps were soundless, ripples spreading out from each foot in ever-widening rings as he walked toward the cluster.
Kira hesitated on the edge, before glancing at Finn. His blank, emotionless expression wasn't exactly a surprise. He did that a lot when others joined them, especially if it wasn't someone
he knew or particularly trusted.
Since Loudon was House Roake and likely familiar to Finn, she suspected it was the latter. Still, the fact Finn hadn't already tried to stop her said he didn't think whatever Loudon wanted to show her was dangerous. That was something, at least.
Finally, Kira took a step, freezing as soon as her foot touched the water. It was like stepping into a pool of mild electricity. Her shoes were no impediment as she rode the line between discomfort and pain. A stinging awareness pricked her as her senses were thrown wide, every part of her on high alert.
She wavered between the need to step back and the desire to move forward as she wrestled with the uncomfortable sensation.
After a brief battle of wills, she forced herself forward, inching toward the cluster.
Once she neared him, Loudon inclined his head to her. "I apologize. I forgot the effect the etheiri can have on the undisciplined mind."
Kira wasn't sure how to react to that statement. While his tone had been kind and understanding, his words suggested an insult.
In the end, she chose to do nothing, more interested in what he had to share than his hidden motivations.
"Here. Feel." Loudon set his hand on the small growth, his eyes sliding shut as his face relaxed, happiness and bliss on it.
Kira reached out, barely touching it. Warmth spread through her, a tight sensation in her chest gripped her heart as it overflowed with feelings.
Behind her eyelids, she caught a glimpse of a woman, her smile soft, love in her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder with a mischievous grin. Her hair was a riot of curls, reaching to her waist. It framed a heart-shaped face with a button nose. On both cheeks, symbols were painted in blue, seeming to add to her beauty rather than detract from it. She wore a loose, flowing dress that exposed the skin of her shoulders and arms before ending inches above her bare feet.
"Marielle," he whispered. His longing was easy to hear.
The feelings were too much. Kira stepped back. Her cheeks wet as she fought to untangle the riot of emotions, none of which were hers.
Loudon didn't move for several long seconds, still lost in the memory. Kira used the time to compose herself, her breathing returning to normal, and some of the emotions from the memory fading as he withdrew from the crystal.
His eyes were glassy with unshed tears as he folded his hands behind his back.
"My wife," he said in answer to the questions on Kira's face. "She was taken from me the same day your parents died."
"I'm sorry for your loss," Kira murmured. She gazed up at the crystal cluster, a grim feeling settling in her stomach. There must be thousands of columns. "Do these represent all those who died that day?"
Loudon nod was somber. "The Mea'Ave helps us remember the things that affect the collective. In time, when the sting of events fade, the columns will merge into one."
Kira gazed around the room, finally noticing other columns interspersed throughout the great cavern, their surface smooth, light refracting off them.
"Other times of tragedy for the Tuann," Loudon supplied, noticing where her attention had gone. "I wouldn't touch them, however. Their memories are chaotic. Only those who have practice can sort through them."
"People like you?" Kira asked.
Loudon inclined his head. "One of my duties is to interpret the histories written in our memories. It can take years to build up the discipline needed to unravel the tangled threads."
"Interesting," Kira said, gazing around.
She didn't know how she felt about the cluster and the memories encased within. On the one hand, being able to revisit a moment with your loved one would be a priceless gift. On the other, how were you to heal when constantly confronted with the memories of what you’d lost?
"Would you like to find your father's memories?" Loudon asked, his gaze shadowed.
Kira exhaled. "Somehow, I don't think that's a good idea."
Especially not in Loudon's company. He'd done nothing to arouse suspicion, but everything inside Kira rebelled at leaving herself so vulnerable in front of another.
It was surprising the depth of yearning she had for memories of a man she'd never met and never would. She'd thought she was over the phase where she wished for a family that would never come.
She liked to think she was strong. Resourceful. She didn't need a mother and father anymore. Either way, she doubted a few memories would fill the ache of their absence, anyway. They'd simply remind her of what had never been hers in the first place.
"You remind me of him," Loudon said.
Kira snorted. "Of my father? People keep telling me that."
Loudon tilted his head. "I was thinking more of your uncle."
Kira's attention swung toward him.
Loudon smiled. "Did that surprise you?"
"A little, yeah."
Loudon stared up at the cluster in thought. "Your father was considered a great man. Fate was kind to him."
"What do you mean?"
Loudon looked down as he clasped his hands in front of him. "Did you know your father and Harlow were twins? And that Harlow is the older?"
Kira thought it was safe to say there was a lot she didn't know about her family. Loudon must have understood because he chuckled.
"In our society, the position of Overlord is one of strength and power. Certain criteria must be met before you assume the mantle."
"Like a primus form," Kira supplied slowly.
He nodded, a flash of appreciation at the example crossing his face. "Very good. That is one. Every House has their own criteria, certain checkboxes that must be ticked off."
"And someone who doesn't meet the qualifications is passed over," Kira guessed.
"In rare instances, a House might decide to follow another, but such occurrences usually only happen in times of turmoil when a different type of leadership might prove more advantageous."
Kira thought she saw where he was going with this.
"In every way but two, Harlow was the better choice for Overlord. His military acumen was unrivaled. The lack of primus wasn't much of a concern since he had no trouble fighting against them," Loudon said.
"But my father became Overlord."
Loudon inclined his head. "I knew them both when we were young. They were like night and day. Your father had this way about him. He was charming, charismatic. People followed him. Drawn to him in the same way they were captivated by your mother."
"And my uncle?"
Loudon's gaze was far away, with his mind mired deep in memories of long ago. "He served from the shadows. He was Harding's strong right arm, doing what the Overlord couldn't or wouldn't do for himself."
Kira cast a sideways look at him. "It seems like you think my uncle should have been the one to be Overlord."
Loudon paused, his laugh surprised. "Oh, no. I don't care about such things. Your father was a good leader. He did the best he could to protect our people."
The sound Kira made was unconvinced. From the way Loudon spoke, that was hard to believe—especially when standing in the presence of memories of the dead.
A soft splash behind them drew their attention.
Harlow stopped several feet away, two flowers the size of Kira's head cradled in gentle hands. One was a soft baby blue, a white stamen jutting from its middle. The other was the color of a yellow daisy, bright and cheery.
"Loudon. Niece." Harlow's greeting rumbled through the room.
"Overlord," Loudon said, stepping away from the cluster. "I see you've brought your weekly offering. You're a few days early, aren't you?"
Harlow's gaze lingered on Kira a few seconds before shifting to Loudon. "Liliana and Harding have been on my mind often of late."
Understanding and sympathy filled Loudon's face. "I was explaining to your niece about the etheiri and her father."
Harlow was quiet, his expression hard to read. Finally, he bent, placing the flowers to float along the water. Their petals touched as if holding hands as they bobbed in t
he waves his disturbance had caused.
"Would you like to see a memory of Harding now that you know more?" Loudon asked.
Kira's smile was stiff. "Not right now. Perhaps another time."
"Yes, you should be resting for tomorrow," Harlow said, finally standing.
Uncertainty filled Loudon's expression as he glanced between the two of them. "What is tomorrow?"
"The uhva na is ready." Harlow's voice was deep and calm as it flowed through the space. "Wren has a plan to test the initiates before making his final decision regarding those who will attempt the Trial of the Broken."
Loudon had concern etched on his face. "So soon? I thought we were going to wait until a more appropriate time." His glance at Kira had her stiffening, leaving her with no doubt as to the real reason he wanted to wait. "If we are too hasty ushering them along this path, it can cause unnecessary damage and leave them ill-prepared for what they face after the adva ka."
"The uhva na has opened. The Mea’Ave has decided," Harlow said, his words final.
Loudon's mouth snapped shut on what he'd been about to say, his shoulders slumping as he conceded the battle.
Harlow's gaze softened, and he clasped the other man on the shoulder. "There is precedence. It’s rare for our young to advance so quickly, but not unheard of. You know that as well as anyone since you advanced years earlier than most. Graydon is another example. This is sooner than we intended, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”
Loudon's expression was still reluctant. “I suppose if it’s the Mea’Ave’s will, I have no grounds to stand against it.”
Harlow’s hand dropped as he inclined his head. “Commune with Marielle. I know you look forward to these times. I'll see my niece back to the fortress."
Loudon bowed. "As you wish."
Harlow jerked his head at Kira. She walked toward him, sliding one last glance at Loudon as she passed.
Their conversation had been unexpectedly insightful, revealing new depths to Roake's tapestry. Everyone else she'd met had nothing but nice things to say about her father, yet Loudon seemed to think the wrong twin got the accolades. Because he'd once been in Harlow's pod and as a result was unwaveringly loyal? Or was it because he saw something the rest didn't or weren't willing to share?