Being Billy

by Phil Earle

  I glanced round the room, looking for the best place to sit, knowing I had to put a marker down. Make it clear that although I hadn’t been in for a few months, I was still someone to keep well clear of. Unless I told you otherwise.

  I made for the back of the room, stopping by Danny Shearer’s desk.

  Danny was one of those annoying kids who seemed to be brilliant at whatever he fancied. You know the type. Sport, acting, school councils. He popped up everywhere and, for some reason, the other kids still seemed to like him. Respect him even. The perfect person to make my point with.

  ‘You’re in my seat.’

  Twenty-nine pairs of eyes fixed on Danny, who was bricking it too much to even look up.

  I gave him a few seconds, but he kept his eyes on his desk.

  ‘I said, you’re in my seat.’ And I cuffed him round the ear. Not a full-strength back-of-the-hand, but enough to send a pleasing slap around the room, and enough to cause an intake of breath from everyone in it.

  I saw the anger flare in his eyes and my own breathing quickened as the prospect of a face-off sprang to life.

  ‘What was that for?’ His face was suddenly millimetres from mine.

  ‘It’s pretty simple, Danny. You weren’t listening, were you? And from what I remember, you’re not a soft lad. So if I were you, I’d park my arse somewhere else sharpish.’

  I could see the thought process flick across his eyes as he stared into mine. He had a choice. He knew he was a big lad, knew that if he really fancied it he could have a go at mixing it up with me. And he knew that if he did start something, there were a dozen other lads who would stand up with him if needs be.

  On the other hand, he knew who I was, and that even if him and his mates got the upper hand now, there was always later.

  It only took him a second to grab his bag and scuttle to the other side of the room. His next-door neighbour took the sensible option of quickly following him, leaving me the luxury of a double desk to myself.

  I can’t say it felt good to have scored the early point, but it was definitely a relief. I knew that if I was to get through the next few months, and prove to the Colonel and the others that the twins were best left with me, I had to deal with the whole school thing. And the only way that was going to happen was if the other kids left me alone. Hence the early marker. If they thought I was crazy enough to pick a fight in my first minute back, then maybe they’d keep away full stop.

  Of course, school or no school, my plans were really in trouble if what I overheard from Ronnie was true. I had to find a way of getting into Annie’s head, find out if she really was after taking the twins home. And if she was, I had to find a way of stopping her.

  I opened my school book and scrawled ‘Annie’ at the top of the blank page. It seemed as good a time as any to start formulating a plan.

  By the time Thursday arrived, my ideas to derail Annie had come to a shuddering halt.

  Aside from taking the twins and running, robbing banks along the way, I’d come up with exactly … well, nothing. Which was disappointing, given the amount of time I’d had to come up with better.

  Singling out Danny Shearer certainly had the desired effect, though. The rest of the kids had given me a seriously wide berth. As we walked into class each morning, I could see them nervously standing about, almost fearful of sitting down in case I told them to move. Perfect. Meant I didn’t have to do it again, not for a while at least.

  The surprising thing was that the teachers showed no interest either.

  Not even the friendly ‘welcome-back chat’ with the Head that I normally got. Well, I say friendly; it was usually the first of several final warnings before the inevitable suspension.

  ‘So, Billy, tell me, what is going to be different this time around?’

  ‘Sir?’

  ‘Come on. What has changed in that brilliant mind of yours to make me think that we won’t be meeting on a daily basis?’

  ‘Don’t know, sir. Probably nothing, sir.’

  ‘Tell me something, Billy, will you? What exactly are you hoping to get out of school?’

  ‘Same as everyone else, I suppose. Learn and stuff. Get a decent job.’

  ‘And what would that job be?’

  ‘Dunno.’ I’d shrug. ‘Something that pays enough to sort out the rent and buy the twins whatever they need.’

  Whenever I said this, he’d shake his head and ramp up the lecture.

  ‘You know, you have to start applying yourself, Billy. This mythical job you think you’re going to walk into when you leave here? Well, let me be frank. It doesn’t exist. Not without application here and now!’

  ‘Yes, sir. I know, sir.’

  ‘No, I don’t think you do. You aren’t the first child in your position to walk in here. I’ve taught so many others like you, you know.’

  ‘Not sure I understand, sir.’ Although I did. I just wanted him to feel awkward when he had to spell it out.

  ‘You know. Young people who are without … who don’t live with … who are in the care of the local authority.’

  Could he make me sound any more like a statistic?

  ‘I’ve worked with children who have experienced the same things you have. Lived in the same places you have. But the difference between them and you is that they viewed school as an opportunity. As their chance to make sure they didn’t make the same mistakes as their parents. Do you understand?’

  ‘Yes, sir.’

  ‘Good man. I’d like you to know, Billy, that the staff here want nothing more than for you to succeed. To leave here with everything you need to get that job, that house, those nice things for your siblings. We are here for you, Billy, so use us. Those other children did and they’ve gone on to good things.’

  After that he’d excuse me, with a final warning that he didn’t expect to see me again before the end of term.

  Funny, I could have sworn he’d just told me his door was always open …

  And all that crap about other lifers making good? Well, it was news to me.

  The other lifers I knew had careers all right, but not the sort you bragged about. Last time I heard, sweeping roads or working in the prison kitchens wasn’t the job of legend the Head made it out to be.

  I didn’t know whether to be relieved or upset that he’d ignored me this time around, but I was surprised when most of the other teaching scum took the same approach. Aside from my ageing form teacher, Mr Barnes (who taught German and insisted on weekly one-to-ones), the others gave me a wide berth.

  Old man Turner in French didn’t even bother collecting my exercise book at the end of each lesson. He was spot on of course, as he’d find shag all written inside, but still, it was his job, wasn’t it? I thought for a second about telling the Head, the sheer lunacy of the idea of that conversation bringing a rare smile to my face.

  So, as the first week dragged into the second, which in turn fizzled into the third, I could feel the routine of school slowly rotting my brain into obedience. I was here, and I was keeping my head down, but it wasn’t doing me or the twins any good.

  All that changed, however, on the third Tuesday morning.

  I was slumped as usual, ignoring my name being hollered by Barnes as he tried to complete the register, when the door opened and the Head walked in, with what looked like a new kid in tow.

  I didn’t really pay much attention to be honest. I knew I’d done nothing to hit his radar and I certainly wasn’t interested in babysitting some newbie for the next few days. Not that they’d ask me. That’d be like putting a drunk in charge of a boozer.

  ‘Good morning, everyone,’ he chimed. ‘Apologies for the interruption, Mr Barnes, but I wanted to introduce you all to a new member of your class. This is Daisy Houghton. Daisy has just moved into the area, so I expect you all to set her the finest example and welcome her to our school.’

  And then he turned to leave
. Not that I bothered looking up.

  Not until Barnes piped up anyway.

  ‘Welcome to our happy band, Miss Houghton. As you can see, we are rather stretched for space, so for now I’d suggest you take a seat next to Billy Finn there. Second to back row.’

  There was a splutter of giggles, but not from me. The last thing I needed was some new bird expecting me to show her the ropes, so I flashed a look in the direction of the gigglers, before yanking my bag from the desk beside me.

  ‘Billy?’ boomed Barnes, clearly revelling in my unhappiness, ‘I expect you to be a gentleman towards our new class member. No biting, do you hear me?’

  The braver members of the room let a laugh bounce around the walls and begrudgingly I lifted my eyes to my new neighbour. I had to give her a look that told her not to bother getting friendly, that this arrangement wouldn’t be for long.

  Unfortunately, that look didn’t quite reach her. As I lifted my gaze to hers for the first time, I was confronted by a sight that I didn’t expect.

  It was her. The girl from the allotments. The girl from the fight.

  And in that split second, I knew that my plans for school were in bits.

  That from that moment on, there would be no chance of an all-new, low-profile Billy Finn.

  CHAPTER 10

  If she was surprised to see me, she certainly didn’t let it show. In fact, she barely spared me a glance as she slipped into the chair next to me.

  Straight away I recognized the expression she had worn throughout our meeting by the allotments. The same icy glare, the same ability to stare with force without focusing on anything at all. I didn’t have a clue what she was thinking about, and just like the last time, it was annoying and impossible to ignore.

  There I was, two weeks into the world’s longest school silence and all of a sudden I had this ridiculous urge to talk to her. About what, or why, I had no idea.

  I wanted to check her out, see if the bruise on her cheek had gone, but there was no way I was going to sit there and give her the satisfaction of starting things going.

  So I did the unthinkable and opened my textbook. The words didn’t make sense, but to be honest they didn’t before she arrived. I had three and a half minutes to kill until the bell for end of registration. Hardly a difficulty, given the endless periods I had dozed through since returning, but with every passing second I felt more uneasy. I just hoped she wasn’t picking up on it. From the silence ringing on her side of the desk, it didn’t appear to be bothering her none.

  As the bell rang, I leapt to my feet in relief, knocking the chair to the ground as I sped for the door. I don’t think Barnes knew what was going on. I was usually in no hurry to get to first lesson. In fact, he usually had to evict me, threatening to walk me to my next class unless I got ‘my arse in gear’.

  I hadn’t a clue where my next lesson was, or what it was for that matter. I just wanted to try and understand why the arrival of Daisy Houghton was playing with my head.

  I spent the first period in a spot I’d made my own since coming back, the store at the back of the school gym. It was rammed full of crap: rusted old hurdles, sacks of deflated footballs and, most importantly, crash mats. The type they use for the high jump and pole vault in the summer. Big and saggy, like the best beanbag you ever flopped into. All right, they didn’t smell too clever, but neither did most of the kids in my class, and no one commented on them, did they?

  Jan and Grant had had one of those beanbags. You know the ones. As big as a settee, they were, and when you fell into them they just moulded and clung to you. Most comfortable thing I ever sat on. Almost made me feel guilty, it did. I could never believe I’d fallen on my feet so well as to find a family who had such a thing. I certainly never deserved it.

  Lying on that mat made me relax, I guess. Took me back to Jan and Grant’s. Allowed me to think about stuff. About this girl who was freaking me out.

  She just made me feel uncomfortable. I’d had this school thing all sorted, knew exactly what I had to do and how, but with her there, even for those few seconds, I could feel it slipping away. Like she had the measure of me, even though she’d barely looked me in the eye.

  Well, bollocks to that. I couldn’t let anyone get to me. Especially some ungrateful Doris like her. So what if she was here? I’d done her a favour the other week after all. Without me the rozzers would have been scraping her off that road for days. She probably realized that now, I thought, as I heaved myself off the mat.

  Once we’d broken the ice, she’d probably fess up and be grateful. It’d be fine. Just as long as she didn’t expect any gratitude back from me.

  Avoiding her wouldn’t have been too difficult if it wasn’t for registration. It was these two periods of the day that threw us together, and thanks to me terrorizing Danny Shearer, she had no option but to park herself next to me every time.

  The silence we’d set up since she arrived was the same every day. In fact, we built up a kind of awkward routine which involved her slumping next to me, while I inspected the muck on my shoes until the bell rang. This was my excuse for a swift exit, more often than not for the refuge of the gym, leaving her to stare into space, or whatever oblivion she was focusing on.

  This carried on for a good week, and no matter how much I tried to persuade myself otherwise, it was getting to me. I had to fight the temptation to speak to her, to go over what had happened that night. To check she was OK and, most importantly, to try and confirm my hunch about her being a lifer.

  As it turned out, I didn’t have to wait much longer, as Daisy broke the deadlock before I burst it.

  I was sat in the corner of the schoolyard, fretting about Annie and the twins, when a voice interrupted me.

  ‘You got a light?’

  The sun burned my eyes as I lifted my head. It took me a second or two to work out who was even asking, and another moment to believe it was actually her.

  I patted my chest and trouser pockets far too eagerly, even though I knew there was no light in there. After all, I didn’t even really smoke.

  ‘Er, should have. Just can’t put my …’

  ‘Well, either you do or you don’t. Which one is it?’

  ‘Must have left it at home,’ I mumbled, adding ‘sorry’ before I could stop myself.

  ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s hardly worth smoking anyway. I’ve been rolling them thinner to make the baccy go further, but I can hardly taste it. Waste of time.’

  I nodded in agreement as I tried to regain some sort of composure.

  ‘So, how’s it going, then?’ I risked. ‘You been back to see the Head yet?’

  ‘What makes you think he’s interested in me?’ she said, as she rifled through her bag.

  ‘I dunno. Just making conversation, that’s all.’

  For a moment there was silence, with only the rustling of paper as she searched her bag, swearing to herself as she did it.

  ‘Got you!’ she shouted, a smile licking across her face for the first time as she lifted a battered Zippo to the fag in her lips.

  She inhaled deeply, before blowing the smoke into the air, breathing new words at the same time.

  ‘Five times,’ she said, letting her gaze fall back to me.

  ‘What?’

  ‘The Head. He’s had me back in there five times. Wants to save me, he does. Knows how to do it as well, apparently.’

  She swung the bag over her shoulder and headed for the gate.

  I smiled with recognition, as my own conversations with the Head merged with hers.

  I knew it. I knew it.

  ‘Oi!’ came her shout, breaking my train of thought. ‘You coming, then, or what?’

  I fought the temptation to look around. This wasn’t the time to cement her opinion of me as public dickhead number one.

  ‘Your choice, Billy Finn. You can stay and let the Head offer you salvation, if you want, or you can
come with me.’

  ‘Where are you off to?’

  ‘God knows. But it can’t be worse than here, can it?’

  That was good enough for me, and I allowed myself a smile as I followed her out of the gate.

  CHAPTER 11

  It felt good to be out of school. After all, there hadn’t been a whole lot of learning going on for the past three weeks. Unless you counted learning how to jump through the Colonel’s hoops.

  The freedom seemed to be rubbing off on Daisy too.

  ‘So where’ve you been hiding?’ she asked.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Well, you’ve not been in many classes. You seem to disappear after registration every day.’

  I didn’t have a clue how to respond to that. I had no idea that she’d even noticed me, so I reacted in the only way I knew how. Aggressively.

  ‘Who are you, my mother? I didn’t realize the Head was paying you to look out for me.’

  ‘Easy, tiger,’ she said with a smile. ‘Just trying to make conversation.’

  ‘Well, maybe you should’ve tried that the other week, right after those lads were kicking your arse.’

  She looked surprised, amused even.

  ‘Are you still cut up about that? I thought we dealt with that on the night.’

  ‘Yeah, well, I don’t particularly enjoy getting knives pulled on me.’ I thrust my hands into my pockets. ‘Funnily enough, it’s not how I choose to spend my evenings.’

  ‘Good job I was there, then, wasn’t it?’ She laughed and then paused, before adding, ‘You don’t have to thank me, by the way.’

  Talk about being difficult. She was impossible to score a point against, so I let it drop.

  ‘Did it take your cheek long to heal?’

  ‘Nah.’

  ‘What did your friends say when they saw it?’

  ‘What friends?’ she mumbled, head falling to the ground.

  ‘The friends you’re staying with. They live near the allotments, don’t they?’

  I was digging for information and she knew it.