Being Billy

by Phil Earle

  CHAPTER 16

  The key jumped in my hand as it scraped along the length of the car, but it was an empty feeling. Didn’t give me a buzz or shift the clouds for even a second.

  Whichever way I looked at it, whatever I chose to trash, the truth remained the same. I was losing them. In fact, I’d lost them already, lost everything.

  Annie had turned up of course. Bang on time and full of herself.

  Lizzie had been waiting impatiently, her face glued to the porch window, counting down to the moment she could race through the door and into Annie’s chest. A full-force hurricane of a hug, the type usually reserved for me.

  I didn’t hang around once she arrived. Louie stood next to me, as he always did, but I knew he wanted to be out there, doing the same as Lizzie. So after telling him to have a wicked time, I sloped up the stairs and into my bedroom.

  Not that I was sticking around. After folding all my cards (except for the one from the twins) into my back pocket and grabbing my jacket, I was off down the fire escape, tapping out a text as I went.

  Luckily, it didn’t take long for the phone to buzz, and luckier still, it came with the answer I’d hoped for:

  C U at the alltmnts in 10

  Stupid really, to think that the bench by the allotments had become our meeting point, but it had never crossed our minds to stay away. The lads that had gone after us that night hadn’t ever turned up again and we hadn’t given it any more thought. It was just our spot, the place we ended up on the way back from school, or during it for that matter.

  In the few weeks since we’d stitched up old man Carrick, we’d ducked out of lessons a fair bit, but we tried to be clever about it. The teachers never complained even though they must have noticed we weren’t there. They were probably just chuffed to have the hassle that came with us removed from their classes.

  We didn’t always leave the grounds either. I’d introduced her to the gym store room and we’d chill out in there. Sometimes talking. Sometimes not.

  It wasn’t like we were up to anything in there either. I liked her and that, cos it made a change to feel chilled out around someone else. Not to have to worry about what they made of me, or that they were only there out of pity.

  When I spoke, it was pretty much about nothing. It wasn’t as if I was up to speed on world events or anything. All I knew was life at home and the Colonel, and God knows how bored she was listening to me bang on about it.

  Daisy, on the other hand, seemed to know a load about everything. Music, books, cinema especially. She told me about films that sounded so amazing, and in so much detail that I felt like I’d already watched them. In fact, I’d sometimes close my eyes as she talked and let pictures take over in my head. Of course I only did that when she was on the other side of the room and couldn’t see me. Didn’t want her thinking I was some kind of loon.

  The only thing she didn’t talk about was herself. Since that day with the chips, any mention of her being a lifer had been off limits, and while she was happy to listen to me moan about the Colonel, she never mentioned the friends she was living with or, more importantly, what had happened to her folks.

  And I was cool with that. I still wondered of course, but what point was there in pushing?

  Sat on the bench, knees bouncing as the adrenalin buzzed around my body, I started to wonder if Daisy was going to pitch up. The last thing I needed was a no-show. Fifteen minutes later, I’d pretty much given up, and had started wishing that Jan and Grant had sent me cash instead of a voucher. What I needed was a bottle of something, not the chance to buy a new pen.

  Just as I was ready to go, she appeared. And for the first time since we met, she looked flustered. She practically flew around the corner and I could see her muttering to herself, arms waving dramatically.

  Throwing herself down beside me on the bench, she reached for the tobacco in her bag and set about busying her hands. It wasn’t until the cigarette was rolled, lit and in her mouth that she managed to get a word out.

  ‘So what’s up with you, then?’

  ‘Same as you by the look of things,’ I offered, trying a smile. ‘Other people being a pain in the arse.’

  She laughed through her nose, a cloud of smoke billowing out of her nostrils. But it was only a moment of humour before the frowns returned to both of our faces.

  ‘What kept you?’ I asked. ‘That was the longest ten minutes I’ve ever known.’

  ‘Don’t even ask. They decided we’d be spending the day together. Problem was they didn’t bother to ask me first. What is it with adults? Do they honestly think we get a buzz out of spending time with them?’

  I leaned forward, my interest pricked by the mention of the ‘friends’ she was living with. It was the first time she’d offered even the tiniest glimpse of her home life and I was trying to find a way of looking interested without seeming desperate to know more.

  ‘Do they do it a lot?’ I asked.

  ‘What?’ She’d resorted to her usual trick of zoning out.

  ‘Your friends. Do they always want to spend time with you?’

  ‘Not if I can help it.’ Flicking her head towards me, she was back in the conversation. ‘So what’s going on with your lot? The Colonel on your case again?’

  ‘Nah,’ I mumbled, wondering whether I even wanted to mention it. ‘It’s just that today’s meant to be my birthday and that.’

  ‘So what’s your problem? You should be celebrating. Going out with the twins or something.’

  She was right, and the truth of them being with Annie more than pricked a bit.

  ‘Yeah, that’s part of the problem.’ And before I knew it, I was giving her the full low-down on the day. The twin’s breakfast, Ronnie’s part in it and the run-in we had afterwards. I even went as far as spilling all the details about Annie’s plans, and although it felt good as the words came out, it just cemented my depression by the time I’d finished.

  ‘So this is all I have to show for my birthday,’ I said, pulling the cards from my back pocket.

  ‘At least you got some cards,’ Daisy offered, as she relit her fag.

  ‘I’d rather have none than any of these. I mean, look at who they’re from. A bunch of kids who can’t stand the sight of me, a bunch of adults who only care cos they’re paid to, Ronnie – well, enough said on him – and this one,’ I barked, pulling Jan and Grant’s to the top of the pile.

  ‘Who’s that from, then?’

  I paused for a second before going on. ‘Aw, just this couple. I went to stay with them a few years ago, but it – well, it never really worked out.’

  ‘Why? What happened?’

  ‘Dunno,’ I lied. ‘Just never liked them really. They were a bit weird. Had all these funny ideas about how it should be in their house. And when I disagreed, they didn’t like it. I sacked it off in the end, got my social worker to send me back to the twins.’ It almost sounded believable as the lies fell out of my mouth.

  ‘So why did they send you a card, then?’

  ‘Dunno. They’re weird is all.’

  She reached forward and took the card from my hand.

  ‘Let’s see what they said, then. They sound bizarre.’

  But that didn’t feel right. It was OK for me to slag them off, but not anyone else. Besides, the last thing I wanted was her seeing what was written inside.

  ‘Oi. Don’t snatch that off me. It’s private, that is.’

  ‘Chill out, Billy, will you?’ she muttered, thrusting the card back into my hands. ‘I thought you said they were a bit weird. I just fancied a laugh, that’s all.’

  ‘Yeah, well, have a laugh at someone else.’ I was sick of being the butt of everyone’s crappy gags. ‘Here, pass me your lighter, will you?’

  She reluctantly passed it over after sparking up her rollie again. She spent more time lighting her fag than actually smoking it. Hardly seemed worth the effort.

&nbs
p; I flicked the lid of the lighter open, noticing the initials ‘JH’ engraved faintly into the lid. It looked old, like years old, yet you could see it’d been cared for, polished and rubbed, which seemed like a really un-Daisy thing to do.

  With a flick of the switch the Zippo clicked into life, a large flame bending against the wind.

  ‘No one bothered getting me a cake,’ I said with a grim smile. ‘Shame really. I always liked blowing out the candles.’ I thrust the cards into the flame, twisting them around until I could see that every one of them had caught fire. Blowing gently on the bundle, I walked to the end of the bench and peered into the bin, happy to see a decent amount of rubbish inside.

  With a final flourish I tossed the cards into the bin and again blew gently, encouraging the flames skywards.

  Daisy shifted her way along the bench, letting the warmth press against the side of her face. Pulling her legs up, she sat bundled up against the wind and turned to look at me again.

  ‘So what are you doing for the rest of the night, then? It is your birthday after all.’

  ‘Same as always.’ I exhaled loudly. ‘Probably lie on my bed and look at the stars.’

  Daisy stared at me as if I was mental.

  ‘Must be some hole in your ceiling? You should have a word with your social worker, soft lad.’

  It was the first smile to pass my lips in what felt like hours, and as I explained how I’d inherited the useless dead stars in my room, I suddenly felt at ease. All right, it wasn’t the sort of happiness I’m guessing you should feel on your birthday, but it was a start.

  We sat and peered into the flames for a few minutes, until we heard the wailing of sirens. At first we ignored them, assuming they were something to do with the first of the Saturday kick-offs in one of the local pubs, but as a police car veered into view we both guessed it was paying us a visit.

  ‘Looks like someone didn’t appreciate our fire,’ shouted Daisy. ‘Fancy staying for a chat with the rozzers?’

  ‘Hmmm, not really,’ I replied, before turning to face the allotments. ‘Legggittt!’

  Turning on our heels, we took off, laughing like idiots as we ran.

  CHAPTER 17

  I was dizzy by the time I stumbled up the fire escape, but I couldn’t decide how much of that was down to the minesweeping we’d done or the laughter that came afterwards.

  I have to admit, I’d never even heard of sweeping until we arrived outside the Hop Pole. We’d legged it through the allotments and down the bypass for a good few minutes, until we were sure that we’d lost the rozzers, so the pub was a welcome sight. The Hop Pole was a big old boozer that sat on the corner of the bypass and was always bragging from some banner or other that they served the cheapest steak and chips in town. Hardly an advert for good grub, but the car park was never empty.

  ‘Perfect,’ Daisy said, laughing, as she saw the large group of people huddled in the doorway. ‘Fancy a birthday drink?’

  ‘Yeah, cos that’s going to happen, isn’t it? Come on. Let’s get to the offie and nick a bottle of something.’

  ‘No need, Billy. This one’s on me.’

  Smirking, she pulled me to one side and taught me the rules of sweeping. The most important being, never get greedy.

  It was only ever one sweep per pub. Never more. The rest was simple. It was all about diversions and teamwork. And man, was she a player. A joy to watch. And she was right, it was so simple.

  All she did was wait until a group of drinkers, usually fellas, came outside for a smoke.

  She’d watch as they approached one of the picnic tables, but it wasn’t until every one of them had put their pints on the table that she’d make her move. She’d amble up to them and strike up this act. Part vulnerable and girly, part mischievous. Sometimes she’d wander up and ask for something as simple as a light; sometimes she’d start pumping them for directions. But whatever tack she took, she always got their full attention. All of them, even if there was half a dozen.

  It was amazing to watch, so much so that the first time I forgot my cue. My bit was just as easy: while she was chatting away, I just had to slip up behind them and sweep a pint from the table. Only a pint, mind, never more. Not even two. Any more might arouse suspicion too quickly, whereas with one missing pint, they merely thought they’d left it inside.

  By the time they were back by the electric fire, we were long gone, on to the next pub, pint glass in hand.

  Three pints in and I was well away, especially as I’d barely eaten a thing all day.

  If anything, I found it difficult to keep up with her, and more so when she started swiping spirits as well as beers. I forced the first vodka down with difficulty, much to her amusement. But when she appeared with a neat whisky in her hand, I felt the fear in me rise.

  ‘Get that down you,’ she said, and smiled, ramming the glass under my nose.

  The smell of it alone burned at my throat, taking me back ten years. Back to a place I didn’t want to be. Back to Shaun, his angry face and angrier blows.

  Instinctively, I swiped at the glass, sending it flying across the beer garden, where it shattered, attracting disapproving glares from other drinkers.

  Daisy grinned, thinking I was drunk rather than terrified. ‘Ooops. Time we were going. Drink up.’

  I necked the rest of my lager, more in desperation than anything, as I tried to wash the smell of the whisky away. The last dregs fell down my shirt as Daisy pulled me through the gate and out on to the street.

  I could feel my balance leaving me as I stumbled along. ‘What time is it?’

  ‘Nearly eight o’clock.’

  ‘I’m going to have to go.’

  She looked put out. ‘What do you mean, you lightweight? It’s only early.’

  ‘It’s the twins. They’ll be back, wondering where I am.’

  ‘But it’s your birthday. Live a bit. They’ll be all right. It’s only one night.’

  I smiled, wishing it were that easy. ‘That’d be one night too many, though. I can’t let anyone else put them to bed. It’s my job.’

  ‘You’re a top man, Billy Finn. Screwed up, obviously. But a top man anyway. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.’

  Sparking up another rollie, she walked away.

  ‘I’ll give you a buzz tomorrow,’ I yelled after her, wondering if I’d hacked her off by ducking out so early.

  She turned back to me with a grin and a nod, before walking on again. Lost in her own head.

  I checked the time, before making a dash for home.

  After checking the coast was clear, I pulled myself in through the fire escape window and into my room.

  The room smelt a bit of bacon and I wondered if I should bother taking the plate downstairs. It all seemed a bit too much like hard work, so I tipped the leftovers out of the window and left the plate on the windowsill, reckoning the rain would wash it clean soon enough.

  Dumping my jacket on the floor, I noticed a note folded on top of my bed.

  As I bent to pick it up, a key fell from inside it. Looked like it fitted some small lock or something. Picking it up from the floor, I read the note:

  Bill,

  I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I got it wrong today. This key is for you. It unlocks the door to the old garage. Happy birthday, mate.

  Ronnie

  I turned the key over in my hand, clueless as to what it all meant. But I was intrigued.

  Before I had chance to check it out, there was a commotion in the hallway. Loud shouting voices, and one of them belonged to Lizzie.

  ‘Get off me, will you!’ she yelled. ‘You can’t touch me. I’ll have you done!’

  I dashed through the door, to be confronted by a red-faced Lizzie being tugged towards the bathroom door. It was Maggie, one of the senior scummers in the house, doing the pulling.

  ‘Take your hands off her,’ I shouted, as I took hol
d of Maggie’s wrist. ‘Take your hands off and walk away.’

  My appearance seemed to take them both by surprise and Maggie let go instantly. Not that I did. I wanted her to remember not to lay a hand on Lizzie again.

  She didn’t like that of course and rounded on me in the predictable scummer way, with a threat of her own.

  ‘Billy, let go of my arm right now. Lizzie had refused numerous requests to get in the bath. I was merely escorting her to the bathroom. There’s no need for you to take that as an opportunity for aggression.’

  But I wasn’t ready to let go yet, mainly because I could see it getting to her.

  ‘Billy, let my arm GO.’

  I wasn’t budging.

  ‘Let my arm go NOW, or I will –’

  ‘What?’ I interrupted. ‘You’ll do what? Take the twins away from me? Bit late to threaten that one now, isn’t it?’

  As soon as the words were out of my mouth I regretted it, as I could feel Lizzie’s gaze upon me.

  ‘What do you mean, Bill?’ she asked, a look of fear on her face. ‘Where are they sending us?’

  I dropped Maggie’s arm. ‘Nowhere, matey, nowhere. I’m just being daft. Ignore me.’

  ‘But you just said they were sending us away. Don’t let them do that, Bill. We don’t want to go anywhere.’

  I wrapped my arm protectively around her as I tried to calm her down. But I couldn’t lie to her. Not like they’d lied to me.

  ‘It’s OK,’ I repeated. ‘Just get in the bath and we’ll talk about it later.’

  ‘Do you promise?’

  ‘Of course I do. As soon as you’re ready for bed we can talk about it.’

  She still looked concerned as she turned towards the bathroom.

  ‘Billy. Will you sit …?’

  ‘Don’t worry, Lizzie. I’ll be right outside the door.’

  The sad smile left my face as soon as she locked the door.

  There I was, half-cut, desperately trying to think of a way of telling my only family that they were being taken elsewhere.