Loser

by Valerie J. Long

  Soon thereafter I had forgotten the slip. To put the two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand dollars inconspicuously and safely away cost my entire concentration—and there still were my studies.

  Chapter Forty-Eight

  “For the safe start of the cold fusion, you mainly need the energy for the hydrogen pump, which guides the reaction mass into the fusion chamber, plus the start impulse for the laser, that’s needed for the ignition,” Reginald explained. “Once the fusion runs, the device feeds itself and also recharges the battery for the next start.”

  “What about the energy for the envelope field?” I chimed in. “Without it, the cold fusion becomes a hot experience.”

  “What do you know about that, stupid whore?” Reginald barked back.

  I felt like I’d been beaten. After two months of joint studies, this now really hurt. With an effort, I fought my upcoming tears.

  “Why do you say that now? Do you want to hurt me with it? Do you need to feel superior to me? In field physics you’re better than me, no doubt—so where’s the point in putting me down with your words?” I asked with a throaty voice. Then I slowly rose and walked out with my usual straight posture.

  Until I had passed the door, I could maintain my countenance, then it was over. The first tear still rolled across my cheek tickling, and the following stream was just wet.

  An arm rested on my shoulder.

  “Such an asshole,” Pam said. “Come.”

  She led me to the ladies’ bathroom, where she first plundered the cosmetic tissue supply. “Here.”

  Patiently and astonishingly silent, she waited until I had somewhat calmed down. It felt good that she simply was there.

  “You were entirely right with the envelope field,” she stated. “Reggie knows that very well. I don’t know what he was up to.”

  “He doesn’t like me. He’s been using these pointed remarks since the first day. I’ve always ignored it, but now—I simply can’t anymore. It’s all too much for me!”

  Pam hugged me, ignoring the wet dots on her tee shirt. “Come on. Shall I bring you home?”

  “I won’t give up,” I mumbled. “Give me a few minutes.”

  That was the time I needed to reasonably restore my wet face. The crying still showed, I couldn’t help that—and I didn’t want to.

  I entered the lecture room shortly after Pam and reassumed my seat as if nothing had happened.

  Reginald stared at me angrily. “What do you want here anymore? You’re out.”

  “Out?” Pam asked, puzzled. “Why?”

  “Because she’s getting nowhere. Don’t bring up the envelope field—that was a nice chance hit. She’s listening and throws in a bone here and there. That won’t help us. We don’t need a nice brake block for decoration. You haven’t been here, Pam, but your vote wouldn’t have made a difference.”

  “So you’ve voted in my absence,” I noted calmly. “Then I’ve got no more business here. My thanks to all among you who’ve voted for me, my regrets to the others. Bye.”

  Then I hurried out. Pam didn’t follow me this time.

  On my way to my bike, I called my coach and told him.

  “Okay. Please come once more tomorrow morning,” he asked me.

  “For you,” I briefly returned.

  Then I pedaled home. Such things happen to losers, I told myself, and perhaps Reginald was right. I grasped only half of the matter. I was only an obstacle for the others. I should do what I really could do well. Fuck and suck.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  “What are you doing here?” Reginald greeted me with the same unfriendliness as the day before, while examining me—today I only wore the biking jersey and the clip-pedal shoes, as the dress game wasn’t worth the effort.

  “Tim asked me to come. Only this morning.”

  “Oh, a goodbye. How touching. Okay, then we’ll have to sacrifice the time.”

  We all sat on our places silently and waited. The minutes passed by, and our professor for nuclear physics didn’t show up.

  “What’s happened?” Selim asked himself.

  “Sick perhaps,” Pam guessed with a shrug. “Happens in the best families.”

  “No wonder with the weather ‘ere.” Gerard fetched a handkerchief and trumpeted on.

  Hardy raised a hand. “There’s Tim!”

  Tim stepped next to the speaker’s desk and watched our faces one after another. “Okay. The majority of you has decided to continue without Johanna from now on. Are you aware of the consequences?”

  All heads turned to Reginald—Pam and I followed the others with a brief delay. Reginald rose. “Yes, of course. If one of us fails in the exam, we’ve all failed. I’ve studied the rules. We simply can’t afford a loser. Life is hard. Personally, I don’t have anything against Jo.”

  The last sentence was a plain lie. But that didn’t matter anymore. He was right, after all—I didn’t expect to pass the exam. I’d tear them all down with me.

  “You didn’t read the rules thoroughly enough,” Tim told him. “If only one of you fails to pass the exam, you all failed, that’s correct. But you must read the rule to the letter. If only one of thirty exams fails, you’re all out. If you don’t line up completely, with all thirty, this year is failed. There are no dropouts and no alternates.” He nodded at me. “No Jo, no team, no graduation. I thought we had told you clearly enough that you have to get along together. I’m honestly disappointed that I’ve wasted my scarce time for such a bunch of losers, and I’m glad I’ve got rid of you now. Because, if you’re not complete, we don’t need to coach and teach you. And now get out!”

  I was the first at the door and walked down the hallway without looking back. Nobody followed me—I heard loud and outraged voices shout at each other. What a snake pit! Good that I could leave that behind me now.

  No, not good at all. I wouldn’t have had to travel to Australia to do the same here as I had done in Germany—with poisonous snakes as an extra. And, damn it, the matter had interested me, even if I only had understood half of it.

  I’d rather have continued, but not this way. Whore here, loser there, I had a little self-esteem.

  No, surely not this way.

  Chapter Fifty

  “Hi, Jo.”

  “Hi, Pam.”

  She looked down embarrassed. That surely wasn’t owed to my scanty shorts and top, surely neither to the fact she had dared to visit me in my wellness temple. We both remained silent. Pam probably noticed that I wouldn’t help her, and gave herself a nudge.

  “Jo—would you perhaps consider to return?”

  “Not perhaps, Pam. Surely—if the terms are appropriate.”

  “What terms?”

  “I’ll return as a full member, not as a necessarily tolerated add-on. Not as the unwanted team whore. I’m selling my body to give pleasure to the people, but I’m not selling my soul. No more.”

  “What does that mean, precisely?”

  “Confer about it. If you need an explanation how to treat another human fairly, maybe the terms aren’t appropriate yet.”

  Pam made a face. Perhaps I had treated her unfairly? No. Pam knew what was right and what was wrong. Pam also knew she could have protested against my expulsion—should have protested. It wasn’t the students’ business to decide on access to the studies, and it wasn’t okay to sentence a fellow in absence. What had happened was the classical mobbing, and as she hadn’t opposed it, she was a part of it. She had to understand that herself.

  By and by I realized what was expected from us. Dragon technology belonged into responsible hands only, into the hands of people who satisfied certain ethical standards—which above all showed in their social behavior.

  Responsible hands—ha! Into the hands of a thief and whore!

  “Hi, Jo.”

  I had long expected him. He simply had to come, that was as clear as the sky. And he had to come soon. To postpone something unpleasant wasn’t his style. I appreciated that he kept his principle up with me
, too, but I would brush him off.

  “Hi, Reginald.”

  He got down to business right away, ignoring my enticing business attire. “Jo, I want to apologize and ask you to return to the team. We need you.”

  “No, Reginald.”

  “What does that mean, no?” he flared up. I placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

  “Your last line is correct—you need me. The rest is incorrect. Be honest to yourself. You don’t want to apologize, and you don’t want me in the team. Your body language gives you away.” I pointed at the door. “You may return when you’re ready.”

  Chapter Fifty-One

  “Who’s that guy?”

  Rosie threw me a disapproving glare, while we both watched the entrance hall and our visitor on the screen—looking sharp in an expensive white dinner jacket and black evening shirt, with bald forehead, gray temples and a little belly. Those aren’t the worst clients, I told myself.

  Most of our clients deliberately came for a blowjob, because they wouldn’t experience it otherwise, and were only thereafter willing to tend to our fulfillment, too. Such guys like this one, on the other hand, often had a lover who served them all kinds of physical services in exchange for luxury. Nevertheless, this kind of paid love isn’t regarded as prostitution by society, I mused, and then pushed this thought aside again. With her wellness centers, Eva Keller had started to lift us at least to the status of occasional lovers, if not even erotic therapists.

  Such guys like this came to us to experience something special. They didn’t come to fill a sex deficit.

  “This is a VIP,” Rosie explained. “He’s member of the board of directors of the largest Australian mining company, and the designated successor of the still acting CEO.”

  “So he’s a client whom we wouldn’t even send away if he’d be slightly—unpleasant?”

  Rosie shrugged apologetically. “The house rules apply to him, too. But sometimes rules can be slightly bent.” She glanced at me. “I don’t know yet what he’s looking for. I’d like to give him the best treatment we have to offer. Would you care for him?”

  “Yes, sure.”

  “The best suite, Jo.”

  “Naturally.”

  I wasn’t just good in bed, I also was experienced enough to deal with—well, yes, more special demands. It could hardly become as bad as with Hermann back then, I always told myself, and so far I had been right.

  So I plucked my skirt and top in place and walked out. “Good evening, dear sir. How can I please you?”

  “How may I call you?”

  “Johanna, or for short, Jo.”

  “I’m Will, Jo.” He hesitated. “I’m here for the first time. A business friend recommended this house to me. It should be—different from a common brothel. But I don’t know any details.”

  “You should feel comfortable here, Will. This is no place for the visit of which you should feel embarrassed. This is a place about which you can talk like about a visit to friends.”

  “Hm. Yes.”

  “Whatever happens between us is your private business. We are discreet—whatever you do and say up here will remain our secret. We only won’t deny the fact of your visit on direct request.”

  “You’ll keep to yourself what we’re doing here?”

  Aha, so he had something that wasn’t suitable for the public?

  “Yes, as long as I’m not called into court. I’m neither doctor nor journalist, so that’s clear, isn’t it?”

  “Naturally.”

  He still didn’t dare to speak up.

  “Come, sit next to me.” Obediently, he followed me to the couch. I took his hand and placed it on my knee. “What do you like? Shall I dance for you? Should we have a bath together? Or do you want to show me what you have to offer?”

  Will was puzzled. “I thought you’d show me what you have to offer?”

  “Gladly.” I rose, stepped into the room center and slowly undressed—first my top, then the skirt, last the boots. Will devoured the process with his glance.

  “What else do you like?”

  “I can demand everything?”

  “No, Will. You can ask me for everything, and you’ll get almost everything—if I like it, too.”

  He appeared disappointed. I opened my arms invitingly. “Do you want something of which you believe that I won’t like it?”

  “I fear, yes.”

  So we had arrived at Rosie’s guess. I stepped forward and placed my hands on his knees for support, my face very close to his. His after shave smelled expensive, but very unobtrusively so. “Tell me,” I whispered.

  “I want to hurt you,” he whispered back. “Only a little bit.”

  Chapter Fifty-Two

  There were only two truly unpleasant wishes that the clients could demand of us. One was related to body liquids and was somewhat disgusting, but harmless. The other included the application of physical violence against us girls. There were also clients searching for a dominatrix, and I knew colleagues who would grant such wishes. But to take it yourself—that appealed to few only.

  Sometimes—like with my gardener—the act could be wilder, that could be painful, too. An ass fuck could become unpleasant even with lube. Or if you hit the furniture during a wild romp, that was no big deal.

  That wasn’t what a client had on his mind, when he wanted to hurt us. That wasn’t what Will asked from me.

  “What exactly is it that you want?” I asked. “I tell you openly—it can’t be anything that the next client could see.” That already ruled out whips. “Are you experienced in it?”

  “No,” Will admitted. “I don’t normally do that. I’ve watched a few movies. I want to hear you cry—and I want you to feel lust. Can you lead me? I won’t do anything you don’t want to allow.”

  Put this way, his demand sounded much friendlier. Nevertheless—I should tell him how he could cause me pain? Did I want that at all?

  The thought of Hermann’s treatment made me shiver again. On the other hand—I had rarely felt such an explosion of lust as after his torture. Yes, perhaps it simply was time to walk this path again.

  “Agreed.”

  “Aaaow!” I cried out.

  Will immediately paused and released the tension. “Too much?”

  “No,” I moaned. “That way it was just right. Again. And then do me!”

  Obediently, Will bent my legs apart again, until I cried out once more, and then he fastened the footcuffs. My arms already were overstretched, and the muscles were burning.

  The constant pain was almost unbearable—almost. I whimpered unrestrainedly, while Will mounted me. “Do—not—stop,” I demanded. “I—will—cry.”

  Each thrust of his pelvis sent new waves of pain through my overstrained joints and made me see stars. But at the same time, I felt the lust rise in me. It was simply unbearable, and I longed for needles and knives. Heck!

  “Mooore!”

  Where did this elongated howling come from? That was me!

  “What can I do for you?” Will asked, while he removed the last cuff. “Massage?”

  Cautiously, I tried to move my legs. “Ouch!”

  “Are you okay? What’s up?” he immediately asked, worried.

  “Asleep,” I pressed out. “Can you run me a hot bath? I must do this very slowly.”

  “At once!” He hurried to the bathroom.

  Now I could very, very slowly try to move my split legs together again. Only a bit. And my arms…ouch, yes, they still hurt, too. Another bit—right leg, left leg—ooh yes, it’s getting better.

  The water rushed, and Will returned.

  “I’m feeling so bad,” he admitted.

  I slowly lifted my head. Although he had come, his boner still stood firmly.

  “You enjoyed it, and you still enjoy it,” I whispered with a smile. “I enjoyed it, too. Would you like to change the rubber and please me again? Very gently, this time?”

  Will liked. The fading of my pain and my gradual relief
aroused him, too. But at the same time, he felt pity, so that he very gently led me to another, sweet climax. Wonderful! I simply had to cry.

  My client took me into his arms like a father his daughter, pulled me tight, and rocked me back and forth. For this feeling alone, it had been worth to endure the pain.

  “You’re a wonderful woman,” Will whispered into my ear. Then he lifted me and carried me to the bathroom. “Very extraordinary.”

  “Will you come back?” I asked silently and full of hope.

  “Never. It was a solitary event, and I want to remember it this way.”

  Chapter Fifty-Three

  “What did he do to you?” Rosie asked, when I staggered toward her in the hall, supported by Will. She was giving our VIP an angry glance.

  “It was insanely great,” I reassured her. “I’m fine. Only—I’m done for tonight. Okay?”

  “Okay.” She turned to Will. “Pardon. Were you satisfied?”

  “No worries. Yes, I’m satisfied, way beyond any expectable standard. I will show my gratitude accordingly, if I’m allowed to.”

  “Oh, there are no house rules against that, only tax regulations.”

  Will laughed. “That can be handled, too. Johanna, are you here tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine.”

  Then he disappeared through the door. His driver was already waiting for him. Had he been allowed to enjoy another girl’s service?

  “Any extra charges?” Rosie asked. Normally, she charged a fixed price for the rooms that only depended on the duration—regardless whether or how much sex we had. Oral and anal intercourse didn’t count, but for the previously mentioned water sports we charged an extra fee—after all, the cleaning was much more difficult. The same rules applied for larger amounts of sperm on the carpet.