by KT Strange
"Breathe, sweetie, breathe," I whispered, throwing her ice cream on the ground and pulling her in for a hug. She buried her face in my shoulder, shuddering. She started to cry, soft, hiccuping sobs. Guilt ate at my insides. I should never have brought her on tour with us. I'd put her at risk, and—
"Hey." Cash's voice was quiet as he came down the steps to where we stood. I was going to tell him to fuck off, but the sadness in his eyes made me stop for some reason. Maybe because I didn't want to hurt another person that day.
Max lifted her head to look at Cash, and wipe at her eyes. She had two smudges of mascara. I'd need to help her with that later. In a few minutes.
She swallowed hard.
"So. Werewolves. All of them?"
"Chelsea and her guys are unicorns," Cash supplied helpfully. Max nodded, her lips closing as she swallowed hard.
"Makes sense," she said with a shrug and a half-hysterical giggle. She pulled away from me. "You're a werewolf, they're unicorns, Darcy's a witch, and there's me."
I waited and felt Cash's tension building. The hunter had called her a werewolf. Max noticed we were both staring at her and then she snorted. She remembered.
"I'm not a were-anything. That guy was crazy and trying to kill me."
"Because he thought you were a werewolf," Cash said gently, "and sometimes, I gotta admit, there's something different about you."
"What, I'm not like other girls?" she sassed him and she took a quick, hiccuping breath. "Maybe I smelt like werewolf because I'd been hanging out with you furry dudes." She wobbled and I reached out to steady her. "God this is so weird, Darcy."
"You're taking it a lot better than I thought you would," I admitted. She nodded then sighed.
"I'm kinda mad at you," she said, and looked at Cash. "But I get it. Like, I'm sure there's this whole sworn-to-secrecy thing you guys have got going on but, tell me, Jake Tupper's like some sort of bear shifter right? Or like, a lizard shifter? Like something really gross."
Cash let out a low, startled laugh.
"No, he's fully human."
Max made a face.
"Figures. The worst monsters always are."
"Hey," I said, feeling defensive. "The guys aren't monsters."
Max rolled her eyes but hugged me tight.
"I know," she whispered into my ear. "I know they aren't." She let out a great, shaking breath of air. "I need like, a drink, or a toke, or something. Do you guys partake?"
I glanced at Cash. He shook his head.
"Booze only, but not that often, to be honest."
"Just like Darcy, she never drinks cause she might go zippity-zap and fry. . ." Max trailed off when I pinched her slowly. "Well, it doesn't matter. So, Chelsea, really a unicorn? Is that why I like her music so much?"
"There's a lot to tell you." Cash was so gentle as he spoke it erased some of my hurt from our argument earlier. "Why don't you girls go back to our bus and relax for a bit? We need to hash things out with Chelsea and the GR guys."
A flare of annoyance shot up inside me.
"You mean talk about finding a hedge witch or something for me to make friends with. Can you guys go two seconds without deciding how my life is going to unfold for me?" My words were hard, and the hurt reflected on Cash's face the instant I spoke.
"Oh my god, Darcy, stop it," Max cut in. I jerked back and stared at her. "You need to give him a break, he's a good guy and so are the rest of them. They're just trying to protect you." Her eyes glittered for a moment, and I could tell she was about to start crying again. "You should be lucky they're around for you to yell at them. Some of us? We don't even have that."
There were a hundred different things I could say to throw her words back in her face, but she'd made her point. It'd splashed over me like cold water.
I was always being hard on Cash, at every opportunity.
My tongue flicked out over my lips to wet them so I could apologize, but Cash had already turned on his heel. He stormed off to our bus, a thunder cloud practically hanging over his head as he walked, great strides swallowing up the ground.
Max nudged me.
"You're really lucky, and you keep fucking this up with them," she said.
I made an outraged noise.
"Seriously? Do you know how many things they've kept from me?"
"And? You guys have been doing this for what, a month? A little more? A little less? Do you know how long it took for me and Craig to figure each other out and that was just the two of us?" She ran her fingers through her disheveled red hair and then swiped a thumb under one eye. "Do I have raccoon eyes?"
"Yes, and you're wrong, about everything," I muttered, even though I knew she was right.
"I don't fucking think so. Besides, have you been totally transparent with them every step of the way?" she asked, not pulling any punches. "You're not an onion, Darcy, you're a truck-load of them, and by the time someone's gotten to the center of one of your onions, they're bawling and wishing that they never had to peel another onion again, but oh look, there's five hundred more."
I screwed up my face at her and huffed.
"Could you stop?" I asked. She was stepping on all my soft, sensitive parts. She wrapped me in a big hug first then let me go.
"I'm not sorry, someone needed to tell you off because, sometimes, you don't listen until I'm beating you around the head with the truth." She sounded annoyed and affectionate all at once. "Go talk to him."
"I have nothing to say."
"Oh my god, you are so stubborn!"
I stared at her.
"Fine." I bit my lip. Cash had disappeared into our tour bus, not even nodding at the security guard before going inside. "What about you?"
Max sighed and looked at the doorway to Chelsea's bus.
"I think I'm gonna ride a unicorn."
"What?!" I let out a startled laugh. She grinned.
"She did a whammy on me. The least Chelsea Sawyer can do is let me ride around on her back."
"I don't think she's that kind of. . ." The mental picture was too funny. "I'm pretty sure the tour bus is too small for her to shift into her natural form."
Max looked determined, and gave me a shove.
"Whatever. That's my problem. Go talk to Cash. He's really sweet, if you can get past his prickly outer layer. Go on. Make him feel good. Fuck him or something."
My cheeks were burning red.
"Are you sure you're okay?" I asked, hesitating, and not because I was worried that I might actually fuck Cash. Because Max had just been through hell, and she was seemingly adjusting to it way too well for my comfort. It had better not be Chelsea and the boys' influence that was making her act like this wasn't the biggest deal in the universe.
"I'm fine. And I'm not talking to you until you go make that boy feel better about himself," she said, and walked into the bus before I could argue any further. Taking a fortifying breath, I waffled for a minute before jogging over to our tour bus. The security guard eyed me with gimlet eyes behind his sunglasses, but said nothing as I stepped up the stairs.
"Cash?"
He was on the couch, his hands on Eli's beat up acoustic guitar, fingers stroking the strings.
"I didn't know you could play," I said as I watched him. He shrugged.
"I can't. What do you want?"
You.
The thought popped into my mind before I could stop it. He glanced up at me, hurt and something else swimming in his eyes. He was rough where Eli and Finn were slick. The three of them made a pretty picture. Cash's dark hair and rough stubble was wild compared to Finn's clean-shaven look and Eli's combed back hair. In contrast, Cash's hair was long, down almost to his chin, curling under and so thick. It looked soft. I wanted to run my hands through it, maybe tug on it as I sat in his lap.
My breath caught in my throat as he moved, putting the guitar down. He got to his feet.
"Sometimes I think you hate me," he said. "And I know you should. I haven't done a good job of showing you I'm half-decent.
And if I were you, I'd run now before I got any closer." He took a step toward me, but I remained rooted, unable to move.
I had hurt him. It was obvious. An idiot could see that we were spending more time throwing insults and accusations at each other.
"I'm done running." It was the only thing I could say. It wasn't really an apology, or even an explanation. But he needed to know. The Darcy who kept cutting him down, questioning his motives? That was the Darcy who kept trying to run even though she was stuck in one place. I searched his face for any hint that he knew what I meant.
Cash chuckled, raw, low, and hurt.
"I get it," he said. His hands reached out, wrapped around my hips, and I tumbled against his chest as he pulled me into him. "I'm not sure I am," he whispered, then kissed me.
We crashed into each other, and it hurt at first, his lips rough on mine.
We needed to talk, but as he kissed me deeper, his tongue finding mine, I knew we wouldn't. It was such a bad idea.
"No, it's a good idea," he murmured, and I blushed when I realized I'd said that out loud. His fingers stroked down the curve of my face, and he stared at me before lowering his mouth to mine. The hot brush of air tickled along my lip—
"Hey! We gotta be backstage in two minutes," Charlie shouted from outside the bus. Cash jerked away from me, and I stumbled back, sitting down hard on one of the sitting area couches.
We looked at each other, and then away.
"I gotta—" He shook his head.
"Yeah." I shuffled one foot over the floor. He let out a breath and, for a second, I thought he was going to stay, to pull me up in his arms.
"That was a mistake," he said, my heart sinking in my chest like he'd tied a cement block to it and tossed it in a river.
I must have made a pained noise because his shoulders jerked as he walked toward the door. He hesitated, then thundered down the stairs.
I watched him go, limbs heavy, unable to move, or call out after him.
I didn't know what I'd say anyway.
Maybe call him an asshole.
Or just cry.
A hot, solitary tear slid down my face and I let it.
Everything was a mess. Just. . . everything.
Fourteen
Cash
November 1944
Hürtgen Forest, Germany
It was the silence that got to us. The kid was quiet, too quiet, just like the Nazi base we were situated in. She surveyed the world from her wide eyes, a frown on her small face. She tilted her head up to look at the descending snow as soon as we were out in the open. Her small hand extended, arms too thin from missed meals, to catch a falling flake of snow. As it melted in her palm instantly, turning into a bead of water, she sighed and tugged her arm into her body as she curled against Elias’s chest.
My ears ached, straining for noise other than what we were making as we climbed the stairs onto the top of the base.
“Shit, that’s eerie,” Finn said as he looked across the roof where we’d had our earlier scuffle. The downed body of the Kraut lay, a thick layer of snow already collected on his chilled corpse. Elias frowned at his twin and twisted his body so the little girl wouldn’t see the body.
“Language,” he hushed his brother.
“She doesn’t speak English.” Finn defended himself with a roll of his eyes. Elias made a face.
“Doesn’t mean the first words she’s gotta learn are bad ones.” He looked down at the bundle in his arms, a blossoming affection on his face. I had to twist away so I didn’t laugh. Elias didn’t get broody often, but put a kid in front of him, and he’d rip anything that threatened the child to shreds. He’d been that way with the young pups back home, with our pack, too.
Finn’s boots scuffled over the parapet as he clambered up onto it, comfortable with the height and the thin rock wall that supported him.
The snow still fell thick around us, coating the trees and muffling all sounds of wildlife.
“Y’hear anything?” I asked.
“Nah, don’t see anything either. Not a footstep or a twitch out there. Where are the guys?” Finn squinted, holding up a hand over his eyes to shield them from the flurries of snow.
With a sigh I fished out my ration of cigarettes, the crinkle of wax paper they were twisted in making our little red-headed tag-along look at me.
Elias shifted her in his arms, so he could unbutton his coat.
“I’m gonna wrap her in with me,” he said. Finn stood slowly, stretching out, only a few inches between him and the drop-off. I lifted a cigarette to my lips and pulled out my matches, striking one. The flame hissed, the scent of sulphur surrounding me as I took that long, first drag of my cigarette.
“Purty.” The soft whisper made me look up. Finn waved an arm, shifting around on the barrier. Elias blinked down at his burden. The girl was staring at the match, still-lit, in my fingers. It was burning down fast, and I dropped it in the snow. “Ah!” She cried out, leaning over so hard in Elias’s arms that he had to tug her back against him.
“Hey there, sweet thing, you’re going to tumble—”
“If you’d talked that nice to those pretty nurses, you wouldn’t have to go to bed to an empty, cold cot each night,” Finn teased, crouching down on the ledge before hopping off entirely, landing next to me. Elias shot him an evil look before settling the child on his hip, trying to wind her up in his jacket for extra warmth. She stared at the dead match, before gazing up at me, her eyes wide.
“I think you offended her,” Elias said.
“It was gonna burn my fingers.” I passed the cigarette to Finn without asking. He took a drag off of it and sighed, blowing out the smoke. The kid’s eyes followed him, her gaze switching back to me when I took the cigarette again.
Watching her, I took another pull on the cigarette. Her eyes lit up as the end of it glowed.
“Looks like she’s a firebug,” I said.
“Huh?” Finn was looking over the parapet, a frown on his face. “I think—”
“Watch this,” I said to Elias and fished out another match, cigarette dangling from my mouth.
“Purty,” she murmured again, as I lit the match. It flared, the flame dancing at the tip before it started to burn down toward my fingers. “Ah!” She lunged at me, nearly falling right out of Elias’s arms as her sudden move took him by surprise. I had to drop the match before she could grab it and burn herself.
Finn let out a burst of laughter at the look on Elias’s face as he struggled to get her back in his grip.
“Dammit—”
“Now who’s swearing?” Finn taunted. Elias growled at him. The red-haired kid squirmed, whining under her breath as the tiny flame snuffed out in the snow.
“You’re normally better with the small ones than that, Elias,” I laughed and snickered when he gave me a look that might shut up a less brave fellow.
“Whatever,” he said, “C’mere, sweetheart, you gotta stop squirming, or—”
“Shut up.” Finn’s tone made me jerk and Elias went silent. Only the girl, wriggling in his arms to get down, made any noise. Finn leaned forward over the parapet, holding his breath. I listened, too.
There, in the distance, the dull clanking cut through the silence of the woods, punctuated by a rumbling growl.
A tank.
The noise echoed.
More than one tank.
“Sounds like a few miles,” Finn muttered. The kid went quiet, freezing in Elias’s arms. There was a cleared road that led right down to the main floor of the building. The tanks would make good time since they weren’t fighting to get through the trees.
“Down and around?” I asked, looking at the stairs to the main floor. Elias wrapped his arm tighter around his armful of child and headed right for the stairs. Finn dodged around him, bailing down the stairs before Elias could. I flicked my cigarette away.
No way we wanted to be there when those tanks came. It was the wrong direction for our guys, and none of us wanted to risk another
scuffle, with the discovery of the girl. We couldn’t protect her against tanks.
“Ah!” I winced when the girl cried out, twisting in Elias’s arms to look over his shoulder and stare up at him. Her eyes were wide, panicked. The roar of the tanks clanked louder through the trees as we stomped down the snow-covered steps, careful not to slip.
“C’mon,” Finn hissed, opening up the front doors. They screeched, loud, metal scraping over stone and echoing through the woods. The sound smacked up against the grumble of the approaching tanks, my heart beating faster in my chest. I stepped out into the clearing. Finn was already stealing along the wall, Elias hustling after him. I stared down the long road, my eyes narrowing as the flicker of green and gray came into view.
They were staring back at me, even at the distance we were apart, the domed caps of their helmets tugged low over eyes. I lifted my upper lip in a snarl.
“Cash!” Eli’s roar broke me from my stare-down with a German tank, and I bolted, running to where the two of them hovering on the edge of the forest. Thank fuck we’d cleared out the woods of rogue enemy soldiers already.
“The hell were you thinking?” Finn demanded as we headed into the woods. The snow was thick and deep; hidden roots were a tripping hazard.
“Wanted them to see me.”
“Why?” Elias’s voice was similarly irritated to his twin’s.
“Cause I’m gonna be back, and when I am, I want them to remember me,” I said. Behind us we heard the tanks roll up, the ground shaking as we pounded down the slopes. The girl kept quiet mostly, only gasping when Elias took a large jump, clearing a few meters at a time.
The time for stealth and silence had run out.
There was a shout, in German, and then a few more, up at the top of the hill. I turned to look, and then exhaled as the thud of the cannon went off.
“Shit!” The base shuddered, its walls shaking where we could see it through the gaps in the trees. “They’re attacking the base!” Finn’s mouth was wide open as we stopped, dead still. Elias snapped.
“Move!” He shoved into Finn, nearly bowling his twin over. My legs burned, lungs screaming, as we ran flat out, snow up to our knees. Another thud of the artillery overhead and behind us, rang through the woods, pushing us further, faster.