The Adventurers of Dan and Other Stories: A LitRPG Apocalypse Collection

by Wolfe Locke

  “Augh,” I groaned. “Napoleon, why did I look directly at it?”

  Notification – Process – Now Seizing Resources

  Details: Resource extraction has begun. Player should prepare to defend his materials from attacking enemies. They will destroy anything they can.

  Immediately, things started to move. I looked toward the front of the store. Pieces of lumber had started to pile up just inside the door. They appeared out of nowhere, floating in the air, as if they were being assembled by a replicator, magic, or something I couldn’t explain. It’s kind of like when the other side of the pillow is always colder. Then, they dropped into a neat stack on top of the others.

  “Great,” I said, groaning internally. “Get in, get out, get on with your life.”

  Napoleon touched my leg with a grimy little meat paw.

  “Alright Napoleon. What’s up, buddy?” I asked, figuring the mimic was trying to push my attention towards some terrible something-or-other headed our way, or maybe just a snack he wanted to swallow whole like the rest of the monsters.

  I looked in the direction he was pointing. Thirty spider monsters were pouring down the aisles, and they were practically salivating at the chance for some fresh meat. They were all coming directly at us.

  The mimic growled, and I wasn’t sure if it was from excitement or not. “Don’t worry Napoleon, it’s just more snacks for you!”

  And more trouble for me. But that was life. I grabbed my Steel Core bat and got to work. The spiders weren’t hard to kill in my new strength-augmented form. There were just a lot of them, and there was power in numbers. Quantity has a quality of its own.

  But, as they say, sometimes you have to divide and conquer. Having a companion made that a lot easier, being the two of us instead of me out and about on my lonesome. Napoleon and I spread out, trying to draw a crowd of spiders to each of us. Three of the monsters surrounded me, and I beat the crap out of them with my bat. I’m not gonna lie, it felt great. Spider monsters were rapidly becoming my favorite kind of monster.

  I watched as Napoleon swallowed a spider whole, then turned around and scarfed down the one behind him too. He was growing, and with it, his ability to destroy. I was thoroughly impressed. Good thing the spiders were smaller though, because I didn’t think he’d be quite so useful if they’d been the size of the Balverines.

  “Nice work, buddy! You’re doing a great job,” I called out between blows of my bat.

  He raised a meat-arm at me in acknowledgement and engulfed another spider.

  Notification: Emblem Unlocked – Some Dog

  Details: For synergy in battle, you have gained the “Some Dog” Emblem. Possessors of this Emblem may summon their bonded pet to their location at any time.

  Chapter Thirteen: Hamburger King

  * * *

  It was quickly becoming super obvious to me that Napoleon and I made a great team. Not just good, great, and the new ability we’d unlocked would come in handy if, somehow, we ever got separated. Which, if I had anything to say about it, would basically never happen.

  Who could have known how things would turn out after I first found that package in my living room? He’d scared, hurt, and killed me a little at first. Like all other things, It went hand and hand, but now? I couldn’t deny that he was a grade-A fighter and a loyal companion.

  The two of us were practically unstoppable. We cut through spiders like they were butter. Green, oozing butter. I beat another one of the monsters to death and tried my best to avoid the drops of sticky green goo that flew into the air every time I brought the bat down. I was the tip of the spear, and Napoleon was everything else. He was right behind me doing clean-up, eating dead and dying spiders alike. It felt good. I thought I was finally hitting my apocalypse stride.

  Suddenly, I heard a distressed squeal from behind me. Napoleon was in the middle of swallowing a spider, but another one, a bigger one, had closed in on him. The mimic struggled to move while he was eating, and he couldn’t defend himself either. As I watched in horror, the new spider scuttled toward him and sank its mandibles into his meaty leg.

  “Napoleon!” I screamed in rage, a rage that only bugs could bring out. “Get away from him, you filthy monster!” Even with my fear of spiders, I wasn’t going to let that stop me from saving the mimic. I wasn’t just mad, I was furious.

  I know, I’m very aware I got it wrong. Spiders are arthropods, not insects. It was an emotional moment for me. That meat bear was my guy. I sprinted toward him with a quickness brought on by a few choice investment of stat points. Holding my bat high, beating the crap out of anything that tried to get in my way. Injured spiders piled up behind me. I left a trail of destruction in my wake, kind of like Rambo, but instead of people, it was spiders.

  Napoleon tried to pull his leg out of the spider’s jaws, but the monster only bit down harder. He tried to eat faster, but he was still moving too slowly. It was all on me. I was the only one who could save him.

  Bellowing with rage, I went in hard on the attacking spider, hitting it over and over again with my bat. The spider dropped Napoleon instantly and tried to back away, but it was too late. Its fate was sealed, it had to die. I wasn’t going to let it get away, not a chance. I beat it until it dropped to the ground, then I beat it until it was dead, then I beat it some more just for good measure. Finally, it was lying on its back, legs curled around it, oozing green goo from its abdomen. I stopped hitting it, panting.

  Napoleon looked at me, eyes wide. He looked a little freaked out by my sudden display of aggression. Then he shrugged, and we both went back to work and killed the rest of them.

  Notification: Experience Gained - +182 experience, next level in 100 experience. +221 Sol.

  Current experience: 0/100.

  Sol: 9261.

  You have gained 2 levels. Please visit a terminal when possible.

  Finally, the spiders were gone. I breathed a little easier, and so did Napoleon. Most of the Mimic’s blood lust was gone, and he seemed less hungry than normal. Aside from the two of us, Rowe’s was empty again. The white glow from the cash register had dissipated, and a notification popped up in front of my eyes.

  Notification – Resources Ready

  Details: Rowe’s Building Supplies has been sized, and the available resources within are now ready. Owner must choose where to send resources.

  Well, that’s a no brainer. A keyboard popped up on the screen, and I slowly, hunt and peck-style, typed in “Republic of Dan”. I still wasn’t used to working with these post apocalypse computer systems.

  Notification – Sending Resources

  Details: Resources have begun sending to the Republic of Dan. When in transit, these resources cannot be interacted with or stolen during travel. Owner does not need to oversee transportation.

  The pile boards rose up into the air and flew out the door on their own. I hoped they were actually going to the Republic of Dan. I prayed that I hadn’t accidentally sent them back to the arena or somewhere even dumber. Well, there was only one way to learn. I’d find out when I got back to my neighborhood. Hopefully, this does the trick.

  Napoleon growled at me from the ground, and I picked him up and put the slightly heavier meat teddy on my shoulder.

  “Next stop, Hamburger King,” I said, knowing the Mimic had just fed a lot and likely wasn’t super interested. “I need to eat too.”

  Chapter Fourteen: King Me

  * * *

  I knew exactly where the Hamburger King was. You could say I had almost a sixth sense about navigating my way to one. I’d been there… well, a lot.

  I’m just gonna say it. Chicken Tendies. Spicy Chicken Tendies. Crispy. Delicious, and much, much better than Reel Big Meats.

  Anyways, it was at the far side of the mini-mall, and I headed there as fast as I could. Hopefully, there’d be some food there. Bjorn’s bacon hadn’t lasted long, and I had just killed about two hundred spiders. Okay, more like thirty spiders. Maybe a little less if I gave Napoleon cr
edit. Still, it was a lot.

  It had the post-apocalyptic look of every building we’d seen so far on our journey, although it at least had the normal Hamburger King logo instead of the weird Seventies thing Rowe’s had had. The sign boasted a gigantic, bearded man grinned down at us from the roof, holding a burger. He wore a yellow crown at a jaunty angle.

  Napoleon growled at it, and I hoped it was just the mimic overreacting.

  “You can’t eat that,” I said, noticing that the icon seemed to be watching us as we passed by. “Also, you’re still hungry?”

  The mimic’s stomach was bottomless. He growled again.

  “Okay, okay, fine. We’ll try to find something once we get inside. But you better leave me some if anything is still edible,” I commanded, thinking that maybe I’d luck out and find food that was still good.

  Where the parking lot at Rowe’s had been packed, the King’s was almost empty. I guess no one had craved burgers in the apocalypse. More for me.

  “Lirai,” I started a query. “What’s up with this place? Any spiders? Maybe a heads up on what kind of monsters I need to be worried about?

  Notification – Query – “What’s up with this place?”

  Details: The Hamburger King provides low quality, calorie dense food. Players can eat here, but should be advised that his energy may drop quickly if this is his only source of nutrition. Such an option is often better than starving.

  “Thanks, Lirai,” I responded with a roll of my eyes. “But tell me something I don’t know. What about spiders? I specifically asked about spiders.”

  Notification – Query – Enemies

  Details: If in a populous area, player may find zombies drawn to the Hamburger King, particularly in places where fast food was popular. At certain locations, the King may appear. Player is advised to be very cautious, as he is a formidable enemy.

  Wait a minute? The King? As in, THE King? Hamburger King? I looked up at the giant plastic figure on the roof. He seemed safely not alive. Hopefully, he’d stay that way, but if my pet mimic had taught me anything, I knew better than to get too comfortable.

  We made our way across the parking lot and toward the front of the building. All of the windows had spidery cracks in them, as if someone, or something, had tried to shatter them but failed. It was impossible to see what was inside.

  I shuddered. “Napoleon, I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

  The meat bear looked at me and just shrugged. The mimic didn’t seem to be concerned for himself, or for me. Or maybe he just wanted food more than he wanted to avoid a fight.

  I swung the door open carefully and saw... nothing out of the ordinary, except that it was ordinary. The place hadn’t even been ransacked. Aside from the broken windows, it could have been a pre-apocalypse Hamburger King. Even the ketchup dispensers were untouched.

  Nothing moved, and I didn’t hear anything skittering about. I figured we’d need to do the same thing as we had at Rowe’s, so I walked up to the counter and put my hand on the cash register. It immediately lit up, this time with soft, almost-salty golden light... the color of Hamburger King french fries. My stomach growled. I would have given somebody else’s first born for a large order of that golden deliciousness.

  Details: Resource extraction has begun. Player should prepare to defend his materials.

  The King is coming….

  “The King?” I muttered, thinking of the big goofy plastic bastard I’d seen on the roof. “No, he’s— ”

  I didn’t get the chance to finish my sentence because the entire building started shaking, and a massive sinkhole opened up on the floor. Napoleon and I backed away from it, pressing ourselves up against the counter. Meanwhile, the cash register kept glowing, and bags of food started appearing next to the front door, effectively barricading us inside.

  “Okay, Napoleon!” I exclaimed “We’re gonna have to fight him. No way out but through.”

  If years of neglecting my body and honing my video game skills had taught me anything, it was that a boss battle was coming. I knew how these worked and smiled widely when ominous sounding instrumentals started blaring through the cash register speakers.

  From the massive sinkhole in front of us, a giant bearded man with a crown floated up on a kingly looking pedestal. He sat on a throne of red and had a permanent smile plastered on his plastic face. He was laughing maniacally, at least it sounded that way, and his head bobbed up and down, but his mouth didn’t move at all.

  Okay, this was a little creepier than I was expecting. But I held my ground while trying to inch toward the exit, hoping maybe that in a pinch I could tear down the food blocking my way.

  “Going somewhere?” the Hamburger King thundered as he strode forward, staring at us with his unblinking eyes. “Would you like fries with that? How about… King sized.”

  He launched forward with an oversized fist, and I quickly backtracked to stay out of range and hustled my way to the exit. The food kept stacking up by the front door. It smelled amazing. Those bastards back in the Republic had better be grateful for what I was doing for them.

  “Alright, buddy,” I told the Mimic. “I'll go in head-on, and you try to get him from behind. He can’t attack us both at once.”

  Napoleon ran off as fast as his little legs could carry him, and I got down to business. I shifted my bat from one hand to the other, waiting to see what the King would do. He glared back at me, grinning. Bat in hand, we both watched each other for a moment. Then, he struck.

  His ringed hand shot up, moving so fast, it was a blur. I ducked out of the way automatically. It was a good thing too, a jet of boiling hot grease hitting empty air where I’d just been. It spattered on the counter next to the cash register and started eating a hole in the plastic.

  “Acid fry grease?” I said as the King guffawed at me. “Really? Really?”

  Before I had time to think, he shot another volley at me, and I jumped out of the way just in time onto one of the dining tables using my augmented jump. I had no idea how to beat this guy.

  As usual, all I had was my bat, and he seemed to be able to keep me from getting close. We were already ten minutes into this fight, and I hadn’t hit him once. Plus, he had the biggest health bar of any monster I’d seen yet, except maybe the giant skeleton from earlier.

  “Okay,” I said. “Bringing in the big guns. Out of the way, Napoleon.”

  Holy Purge.

  The last time I’d tried it, it had been on the giant skeleton, and it had been a miserable failure. But hey, as they say, when all else fails, try, try again, right?

  I cast it, and a divine circle appeared on the floor of the Hamburger King, centered on the soda dispenser. The King screeched as the circle pulsed in sync with my heartbeat. Light shot out from well everywhere, dealing out massive damage. This was actually working pretty well. Napoleon stayed back against the windows, out of range. I sat on the counter next to the cash register, watching the King suffer. There was no point in doing more work than I had to.

  The King’s health had gone down to yellow by the time the purge circle vanished, and he was pissed. He shot three squirts of grease at me in quick succession, and I panicked as I tried to get out of the way. I almost did it, too. The first shot went high, and I could hear the grease crackling as it flew above my head. The second shot missed too. The greasy acid started eating a hole in the side of the soda machine. Great. I was gonna try to bring that back to the Republic.

  The third shot hit me right in the left arm.

  “Augh!!!” I screamed. If you’ve ever dunked your arm in a vat of boiling grease, which, if you’re a normal person, is unlikely, it felt a lot like that. It was agonizing, burning pain all up and down my arm. I could see the sleeve of my Crusaders uniform jacket being eaten away.

  Shit. Was it going to eat all the way through my arm? The King was laughing maniacally across the dining room, pleased to have finally landed a hit. We’re happy for you too, man, I thought sarcastically.

  L
uckily, just as I was debating whether to just give up and cut the entire arm off, the soda machine came through. The King’s acid grease finally burned its way through the side of the container, and a wave of sugary salvation came barreling toward me. It was pretty unappealing and reminded me of my college days jungle juice. It was every kind of soda mixed together in a disgusting slurry, but it would do the trick.

  “Yes!” I shouted and dunked my arm in the cool liquid. It hissed and steamed, but the burning stopped.

  The King looked pissed. He’d stopped laughing and was winding up to take another swing at me when Napoleon jumped into action. My little mimic jumped onto his leg and started trying to swallow him foot-first. My arm was still in a lot of pain, but I couldn’t not laugh. The King’s head swiveled around in confusion as he tried to shake Napoleon off.