Luna Caged: Behind the Wall

by Margaret McHeyzer

  “What did you do?”

  I don’t want to break our connection, but I have to. Dropping my arms from around Cain’s waist, I back away from him and lower my gaze. He’s going to get mad at me, not because I did what I did, but because he doesn’t want to see me getting whipped again.

  “It started when Abigail, Sofia and me were in the dining room serving the Elders.” I walk to the wall, and sit with my back against it.

  “What happened?” He mimics my position against the wall. I tell Cain what happened, and he’s sitting next to me with his mouth gaping open. “Luna…” he draws out my name, as if he’s in pain. “Why would you do that? You should’ve just shut your mouth and not said anything. And why did you go after Abigail? That was a real dumb thing to do.”

  Suddenly, something inside me snaps. I stand and begin to pace in front of Cain, trying to calm the anger bubbling deep inside the core of my body. “No,” I say, still trying to find my thoughts. “The way they were talking to her, it wasn’t right, Cain.”

  “We don’t question the Elders. They only say and do things for our own good.”

  “How can it be for our own good, when Abigail was in tears? How can you say that what they did was for her own good? How? They were talking to her like she was nothing.”

  “Well, she is just a girl,” he says innocently.

  “Is that all I am? Just a girl?”

  “Come on, Luna.” He stands and dusts off his pants. “Now you’re really being dumb.”

  I stare at him in shock. I cannot believe he said those words. To me, of all people. “Something is not right, Cain. It’s not right here. Why should we get treated like we’re nothing? It doesn’t make sense. The girls do all the work. We cook, and clean, and make sure you all eat before we do, yet we’re treated so badly. I get whipped because I ask questions. Why does that happen? If you were to ask anything, they’d probably tell you how proud they are of you, but because I’m a girl, it’s like I’m not allowed to think for myself.”

  “Luna, if you haven’t figured it out, it’s because girls aren’t capable of learning. You can’t do anything more than cook, clean and make sure we eat—as you said.”

  “But we’re not even given the chance. What if I’m smarter than you?” Cain laughs, a laugh so loud, it angers me even more. “And why do we have to wear these long dresses, and we’re not allowed to wear pants? You’re allowed to wear shorts when it’s hot, and we have to wear these ugly long dresses all the time. You don’t have to wash the dishes after you’ve eaten, but we have to wait until the Elders eat, then the men eat, then we’re allowed to eat. Why? Why should it be like that? Why can’t we all eat together?”

  “Whoa, back up, Luna. Not being allowed to wear pants, is obvious. Because that would mean you’re like us, and you’re not like us, you’re different. You’re not as smart as us, and you can’t do the things we can do.” He’s sounding like an Elder, and I hate it.

  “Like what?” I challenge with a hand to my hip.

  “You can’t do what we do,” he says again.

  “Tell me something specific you do that I can’t.”

  “You can’t read,” he replies with a clipped tone.

  “I can’t read because I’m not allowed to learn. What else?” I push, getting angrier with every heartbeat. Cain leans against the wall like he’s thoroughly amused by my anger. “That’s right, there is nothing else.”

  “You’re just being a girl.” He rolls his eyes and smirks.

  I want to slap him across the face, but I won’t. Even though I’m so angry, I have to use all my control to hold back. “I can do everything you can, Cain, and let me tell you, I can do more.”

  He rolls his eyes at me again. “I don’t know why you’re angry at me, you’re the girl who’s speaking out of turn in the dining room.” He crosses his arms in front of his chest and tilts his head to the side.

  “I’m angry at you, because you’re not listening. I’m trying to say there’s got to be more. They always tell us how we need to respect them, but they weren’t giving Abigail the same respect they demand. Doesn’t it work both ways? If they want respect, shouldn’t they show it too?”

  “They don’t have to show respect, Luna. They’re the Elders. They can do whatever they want.”

  And here is the obvious problem.

  This is so frustrating to me. Can’t he understand what I’m trying to say? “But then, if you see the Elders treating us girls badly, does that mean it’s okay for you to do it too?”

  “I would never,” he responds immediately. “I couldn’t be mean to you.”

  “Really?” I turn to walk away. “You just said I’m only a girl and I can’t do what you can, so you actually were nasty to me.”

  I walk away, not waiting for him to respond. I’m angry, and right now, I can’t deal with Cain and what he thinks. I need to get away from him, before I start to believe he’s like the Elders. I love Cain way too much, and for that reason alone, I need to put some distance between us.

  “Luna!” he calls.

  “I can’t do this, Cain. Not now,” I say without turning around.

  I walk the base of the wall, and try to think about everything.

  The thing I know for sure is that the Elders will whip me. There’s no doubt in my mind. They’re angry at me for speaking out in the dining room. I know this because of how they were treating Abigail when we were serving. They were making it obvious they were angry at me, because I felt bad for Abigail.

  The only questions are, when will they whip me, and how long will the lashing last?

  I hope my back won’t be soaked in blood when they finish with me.

  It doesn’t matter. I’m going to get out of here, so they can never whip me again. I’ll take this whipping; I have to. But I will never let them do this again, because I’m going to find a way to get past the wall.

  “Luna!” I awake with a startle. Momma Edith’s stern voice is calling me.

  Opening my eyes, I see it’s still dark outside. But when Momma Edith calls… you wake, and you don’t ask questions. “Yes, Momma?” I reply groggily still trying to open my eyes and wake.

  “You’re in the dining room,” she says from the door way not lowering her voice.

  I look around the room to all the girls who are in here with me, to see if any of them have stirred. “Okay,” I say and turn to look at Angel. She stirs beside me, but doesn’t wake.

  “Now,” Momma Edith barks.

  I’m surprised none of the other girls have woken with her loud and severe tone.

  “Yes, Momma,” I say again. This time I don’t look around me, I push the covers off my body and sit up in bed. Momma Edith disappears from the doorway, and I place my feet on the cold floor. A shudder rips through my body as my pumping blood chills. It’s so cold. The sun hasn’t come up yet.

  I head out and find Momma Edith and Momma Kim both standing out near the kitchen. They’re both staring at me. Momma Edith looks amused, and Momma Kim has an eyebrow raised. “You’re in the dining room.”

  Drowsily, I nod my head. “Okay,” I reply as I begin to walk toward the dining room.

  “First, take these with you,” Momma Edith calls.

  I head back to where they’re still standing, and Momma Edith points toward the kitchen. I walk in to the aroma of freshly baked bread. Yum, I love bread when it’s just pulled out of the oven. There’s a distinct smell to fresh-baked bread; it’s like the sun warmth hitting freshly churned butter.

  I want to sneak a piece, but I know the Elders must eat first, and once their appetite has been curbed, then it’s the men, then once the men are finished, then it’s the girls’ turn. I hate being a girl sometimes. The fact I have to wait to eat last doesn’t make sense to me. Why can’t we all sit and eat together? But I don’t dare ask. I’d probably get whipped if I did.

  My mind instantly goes to my impending punishment. They haven’t called me out to the whipping post yet, and I’m becoming more
anxious the longer I wait. I don’t understand though. Usually, the whipping happens immediately, but they’re delaying this for some reason. It gives me more opportunity to prepare myself. At least when it happens, I’ll be ready and not panicking so much. But I do wish they’d get it over and done with.

  “Straight to the dining room,” Momma Kim says.

  “Yes, Momma,” I reply as I pick up two of the bread baskets and head out of the kitchen. Momma Edith is standing back, watching me carrying the bread.

  I’m salivating, drooling over the fresh, crusty bread. I want to sneak a slice, but I know that’ll mean extra strokes with Elder Steven’s belt.

  I head down the hallway leading out toward the open area where the whipping post is. I hear noises coming from a bedroom. I don’t know who was sleeping in there last night, so I’m not sure who’s making the noises.

  The sounds are muffled, but I know it’s a man because the tone is heavier and deeper. It’s kind of like a grunt, crossed between a pant, like when you’re running really, really fast, and the breath is drained from your lungs. It sounds like that. But the panting and grunting sounds like it’s coming from various different voices, which makes me think there are a few men in there. I wonder what they’re doing.

  I listen closely in case someone needs help, but then I shrug my shoulders and keep walking.

  I have no idea what’s going on. It doesn’t sound like anyone needs help. Maybe some of the men went for a run, and now are out of breath. I don’t know. It’s not really my business. They’re the men, they’re allowed to go running. But why would they run before the sun has come up?

  I decide to keep going to the dining room and set up for the Elders to arrive for their breakfast. I really have no idea why Momma Edith woke me when it’s still black outside. Maybe after they eat, they’re going to whip me. Maybe she wants me to do all my chores first so the other girls don’t have to do my chores as well as theirs.

  Heading into the dining room, I see it wasn’t cleaned from the Elders’ dinner last night. I quickly begin to clean, because the Elders will be mad if they come in here and find it in such a disgusting state.

  I finish cleaning the dining room, then I get clean plates, cups, and cutlery out. Placing them on the table, I set the table the way we’re taught. The cups to the side, and the cutlery on the other. From when we start serving the Elders, we’re shown how they like it, and that’s how we set their table at meal times.

  I start shuttling between the kitchen and the dining room, bringing the food into the dining area. Josie, Mary, Sara, and Halle are all in the kitchen, preparing the food. “Hello,” I say when I enter the kitchen and see them cooking.

  “Hello!” Halle says as she turns to look behind me. “Are you on your own?” she asks.

  Usually there are more girls to serve, but it hasn’t crossed my mind until now that I’m on my own. I’ve been so busy cleaning that I didn’t even realize it. “I’m not sure who’s supposed to be helping, but it’s only me.” I shrug my shoulders and wonder who’s missing. Hopefully it’s Abigail, because I know how much she enjoys the attention the Elders showered her with last night when we served them.

  “Momma Edith told us to make extra today.”

  “Why?” I ask.

  Halle looks at me and tilts her head. “Like she’s going to explain it to me.” She huffs and looks behind her. My gaze goes to where she’s looking, and I let out an annoyed breath. Great, I have to take all these things to the dining room on my own. My annoyance is growing, and I think Halle can tell. “I’ll help you,” she whispers. “But I can’t stay in there.”

  “It’s okay.” I offer her a smile. “I’ll do it, I don’t want Momma Kim or worse, Momma Edith to catch you helping me. You might get whipped.”

  Halle clasps her hand to her mouth in horror. “Surely I can help a little.” But I can tell by her voice, she doesn’t want to get in trouble.

  “I’ll do it.” Although it would be nice to get help. Squaring my shoulders, I quickly begin the process of moving all the platters of food to the dining room. When I’m done, I stand back, proud that I managed to do this all myself.

  The Elders all begin to arrive. Elder William is the first in, and he doesn’t even meet my gaze. He ignores me, like I’m not even here.

  Elder Steven then arrives, his face is red and there’s beads of sweat on his forehead. Then Elder Tom and Elder Morris enter, both with the same flushed cheeks and glassy eyes as Elder Steven.

  None of them make eye contact with me. They’re laughing, as if they’re sharing a personal joke.

  “Luna, drink.” Elder Steven snaps his fingers toward me.

  I pick up the jug, and pour his drink, then make my way around the table. The Elders are talking among themselves, and I look around to see if another girl has come in to help me.

  “What are you looking for?” Elder William asks.

  “I was wondering if anyone else will be coming in to help me.”

  The Elders laugh, and Elder Samuel shakes his head. “No, you’re on your own,” Elder Samuel replies.

  I’m on my own. Great. I have to do the entire service by myself. “Who would you have if you could, Luna?” Elder Steven asks.

  Without thinking, I blurt, “Abigail.” Why did I say her name? Because I know how much she enjoys dining service. And that means the Elders would be enamored with her and leave me alone.

  “Abigail?” Elder William asks.

  “She enjoys the attention.” I clap my hand to my mouth. Why did I say that? It’s bad enough I said Abigail’s name, now I’m telling them why I want her here.

  “Abigail won’t be in the dining room for a while,” Elder Steven laughs.

  “Why?” I ask.

  Elder Morris chuckles too before he adds, “Abigail is slightly broken.”

  “Broken? How? Is she okay? What do you mean by broken?” I rapidly respond, concerned by their words. I’m not sure what they mean, being broken is something that happened when Brett broke his arm, and when Simon broke his leg. Has she broken her arm? Or her leg? But their laughter and menacing gleam to their eyes, tells me something bad has happened.

  “She won’t be on service for a while,” Elder Steven replies and adds another laugh.

  “How can you be laughing when Abigail is hurt? Does she need help?” I ask, a fire in my belly taking over. I hate how non-caring they are.

  Elder Steven eyes me up and down and sits back in his seat. “You’re a real prize, Luna. I look forward to the night we wed.” Involuntarily, I shudder from the sick tone to his voice. I’m not sure why, but my skin covers in goosebumps, and bile quickly rises to the back of my throat.

  “A prize?” I question. “What do you mean?”

  “Luna, bread.” Elder Tom snaps his fingers at me.

  Picking up the bread basket, I head over to him, still waiting on an explanation. But it doesn’t appear Elder Steven is going to give me one. I place a piece of bread on Elder Tom’s plate, and turn to look at Elder Steven, who’s not even paying any attention to me. Instead, he’s laughing with Elder William who’s sitting beside him as they share a low-voiced conversation.

  I really, really hate being a girl. Especially when they don’t answer a simple question.

  My stomach flips with annoyance. I can feel the heat rising throughout my body heading to my face. I bite on my tongue so I don’t say something that’s sure to earn me more whips when they give me my punishment.

  “She’ll learn,” I hear Elder William say, low, beneath his breath.

  Who’ll learn? I want to know more. I shouldn’t be listening, but I want to know who they’re talking about.

  “Next time she speaks out of line, she’ll remember what happened,” Elder Morris replies. Quickly, his gaze flicks to me, then back to Elder Steven. He lifts a brow, and smirks then lifts his stare back to me.

  Everyone stops talking, and turns to look at me. Elder Steven’s face is showing the most amusement. All the other Elde
rs stare at me as if I’m intruding. “Do you have something you want to say, Luna?” Elder Steven asks.

  I purse my lips together, choosing to be quiet because I know what the consequences will entail. “No,” I reply in a low, yet annoyed voice.

  “Really? You look like there’s something happening in that pretty, young head of yours.” He sits back, crosses his arms in front of his chest, and grins at me again.

  I hate the way he’s talking to me. It’s like he’s making fun of me but thinks I’m not smart enough to understand.

  “You said I was a prize. What do you mean by that? And how are you not worried about Abigail? If she’s broken, then she probably needs help. I just…” I stop talking, knowing what I’ve said is already too much.

  “You’re what?” Elder Steven asks, encouraging me to finish what I started. But I feel like they’re waiting for me to say what’s on my mind, only to whip me more.

  “It doesn’t matter.” I bite down on my tongue and wince in pain. Quickly, I feel the metallic taste of blood in my mouth from biting down too hard.

  “Please, amuse us all.” Elder Steven gestures toward all the Elders who are sitting at the table. “You’re what?” he asks again.

  I shake my head, still refusing to talk.

  “I do believe it’s time for a whipping,” Elder Tom says and laughs while rubbing his hands together.

  I crinkle my brow at him, and this makes Elder Tom laugh even more. “You get pleasure out of whipping me. But, I ask you what you mean by saying I’m a prize, and you won’t reply. I can’t see how this is fair.”

  “Fair? Who ever said anything about fair. You’re merely a girl. A thing. An object. Don’t ever forget that, Luna,” Elder William answers.

  What? An object?

  “But you told me Abigail is broken, then you’re laughing at those words. If it was Cain, or another man who was broken, you’d be worried. Why are you laughing about Abigail?”