“Because Abigail needed to learn a lesson,” Elder Morris answers. “Besides, Cain and the other men wouldn’t be broken the way Abigail is.”
“A lesson? I don’t understand.”
“And that’s because you’re a girl. Girls aren’t smart. As you’ve clearly shown all of us,” Elder William responds and everyone laughs.
But I don’t find any of this funny. “This is wrong. You’re not answering anything I’m asking, you’re just sitting there, laughing.” I gesture toward them. “Why can’t you answer me?” I feel my pulse elevating, and my anger reaching a new level it’s never been before. Even when I’ve been whipped, I’ve never been this angry.
“You’re a prize because of your spirit,” Elder Steven finally answers.
“My spirit? What’s that?”
“You’ve always been different from the other girls, and you’ve always been more than the other girls.”
“Isn’t that the truth?” Elder Samuel mumbles with a sigh.
“You won’t break, and for that reason, you’re a prize,” Elder Steven says.
I don’t know what they’re talking about. I can’t understand.
I stiffen my shoulders and turn back to wait for further instructions from the Elders. They continue talking, but I barely hear anything they’re saying. Elder Steven answered my question. I just don’t understand what he means.
Maybe he’s right, maybe they’re all right. Maybe, I’m not like the others, even for a girl.
Once the Elders finished eating, I clean the dining room and get it ready for their next meal. Doing it on my own is hard. I wish Abigail, or Sofia or Halle, or anyone, would come help. But I’m the only girl on dining room duty. Which means it’s all left for me to do.
By the time I’d finally finished and went to take the last dirty dishes to the kitchen, the sun was high in the sky. The Elders would be gathering again soon for their next meal. But I still had to wash their dishes. Thankfully, I’m not on cooking duty too. I wouldn’t have been able to manage it if I was.
“Luna, can you help when you’ve finished?” Bethany asks as I enter the kitchen to the main house.
“What do you need?”
“The men have eaten, and then it’s our turn. Can you help with the meals?”
I sigh. I haven’t eaten yet, but I know neither have any of the girls either. Except for Momma Edith and Momma Kim; they eat with the men.
I want to grumble and sigh and tell her I worked the Elders dining room without help, but I know Bethany must be hungry too. “Are you by yourself?” I ask as I look around.
“No, Christine and Rose are with me. Momma Kim told Rose to do something else, and Christine had to go to the bathroom. But we’re so busy, I’m not sure we’re going to have time to eat because I need to start on the Elders’ lunch.”
“Why can’t the men help?” I mutter beneath my breath.
Bethany giggles and her cheeks flush. “You’re so funny.” I wasn’t trying to be funny.
I head over and stand beside her. “What do you need me to do?” I ask looking around the mess of the kitchen.
“Can you cut the lettuce, and then the tomatoes.” She pointedly looks to the side, and I see a stack of both lettuces and tomatoes. “I’m sorry, I know there’s a lot. But I have to make some more bread, and de-feather the chickens.” She looks behind her, and in a box, there are many dead chickens, laying ready to be plucked. “And I’m not sure if I’ll even have time to eat,” she says and then slumps her shoulders and lets out a tiny sigh.
I can’t let her do all of this on her own. “We’ll get through it. Hopefully Christine is back soon and we’ll finish what needs to be done.” I start cutting the lettuces, and before long Christine is back.
Her cheeks are flushed and she appears like something’s wrong. “Are you okay?” Bethany asks my silent question.
Christine nods her head. She’s a wife of Elder Morris. He married her when she came of age. The Elders keep telling us when we come of age, we’re mature and ripe. I’m not sure what that means. “Elder Morris wanted me to…” she stops talking and shakes her head.
“To what?” I ask before thinking.
“Nothing,” she replies and lowers her chin to her chest. Out of nowhere, a small cry leaves her mouth. “He told Elder William he could have me whenever he wants. Elder Morris sat and watched while Elder William…”
I scrunch my mouth, not sure what she’s going to say, but whatever it is, I don’t think I’m going to like it. “He’s what?” I ask.
“So crinkly. He’s not very nice.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. “He told me to lie down while he placed his penis in my vagina. Elder Morris had his penis out and he was stroking it. I didn’t like it.”
“Why didn’t you say something?” I ask.
“Luna!” Bethany and Christine scold me together. “We’re girls. We have to do what they want us to. It’s our duty.”
“If you don’t want it, then you should say something,” I say with passion. The fire in my tummy is growing.
“What?” Christine claps her hand to her mouth. “We aren’t allowed to say anything. It’s not our role as an Elder’s wife to say anything. It’s our duty to obey.” She shakes her head and looks as if she’s angry at me, or disgusted that I said anything.
“It doesn’t seem right to me,” I say as I look down to the lettuce and continue chopping.
“Get used to it, because once you marry an Elder, if another Elder wants you, you have to do what they want,” Christine says.
“What’s it like?” Bethany finally asks something instead of just listening.
“What’s what like?” Christine responds.
“When he puts his penis in your vagina. Does it hurt?”
“The first time it did. But not now.”
“Do you enjoy it?” Bethany asks shyly.
“Ewww. No, but I know the Elders do. Elder Morris always has a flushed face, and sweats, and once he’s finished he tells me how good it feels. I just lay there until it’s over. Sometimes he wants me to sit on him, but mostly, he tells me to lay down and open my legs.”
“Flushed face and sweating?” I ask, remembering back to when the Elders began arriving for their meal. A lot of them had flushed faces. Yuck.
“Always for Elder Morris. But Elder William, he’s…” She scrunches her nose and shakes her head. “I shouldn’t speak ill of any of our Elders. They protect us and take care of us. We must serve them and look after them as a thank you for protecting us from what’s out there.” She points to the window, indicating the wall.
“But what is out there?” I ask.
“Death and sickness. You know this, Luna,” Bethany replies in a serious tone, and downturned brows.
“I only know what the Elders tell us. I’d like to see it for myself.”
Both gasp. And I lift my gaze to see them both staring at me. “No one has ever been beyond the wall,” Christine murmurs in shock.
“There’s nothing but death and sickness,” Bethany says again. “Why would you want to leave when everything you need or want is right here in God’s Haven. We have perfection.”
“Because that’s what the Elders have been telling us since we were young. What if there’s more out there?”
“More?” Bethany clutches at her chest. “There is. Haven’t you been listening? Death and sickness. There’s something wrong with you.” She looks back to the bread she’s kneading and shakes her head with disgust. “The Elders tell us how lucky we are that they protect us. We should be grateful.”
“I am. I’m so grateful, that’s why it’s my duty as a girl, to cook, clean, and look after the Elders,” Christine says with confidence and a smile.
She’s gone from not liking Elder William putting his penis in her vagina, to being grateful. It’s no use saying anything more about what’s beyond the wall, because they don’t want to know what’s out there.
“Luna!” I turn to see Abigail.
<
br /> “What happened?” Bethany draws in a sharp breath.
I stand still, shocked by what I’m seeing.
Abigail is barely standing at the door. She’s bending at the waist, gripping onto the door frame. Her lower half is covered in blood. “Are you broken?” I ask as I rush over to her.
She snaps her head up at me. Abigail has tears streaming down her cheeks. Her lip is split, and she has black shadowing beneath her eyes. “It’s because of you!” she screams at me.
“Me? What happened? I didn’t break you.” I remember when Brett had a broken arm, and he didn’t have anywhere near as much blood as Abigail has now. I quickly check her arms, and neither have blood coming from them.
“You did this to me, Luna. You!” she screams again, then doubles over, crying in pain.
I’m so helpless, I have no idea why she’s saying I hurt her. I haven’t touched her. “What did I do?” I try to help, but she stays folded into a ball, crying. “Abigail, I’m sorry. So sorry,” I say. I extend my hand and attempt to touch her, but I’m so frightened. If she’s broken, maybe she needs the Elders to help her. Like Brett needed the Elders’ help. “I’ll get the Elders.” I straighten and turn to run outside.
“No!” she screams. “Don’t get them.”
“What’s going on in here?” Momma Edith’s voice booms.
We look up at her, not really sure what to say. Everyone is quiet, and the only sound is Abigail’s pained cries. “She’s broken, Momma,” I finally say. “She’s broken.” I point to her lower part where the blood is dark and soaking into the dull material of her long dress.
Momma Edith’s mouth turns up into a small smile. “Broken she is,” she says as she eyes Abigail. “This happened because of you, Luna.” Her steely gaze turns to find me.
“How did I hurt her?” I ask. Not understanding.
“They said there’s only one Luna,” Abigail whimpers. “It’s because of you.”
I step back, my look going between Abigail’s misery, and the satisfied gleam in Momma Edith’s eyes. “I don’t understand,” I say in a small voice. “Who said that? And why…” My voice trails as my brain attempts to make sense of what’s happening and what I’m seeing.
“The Elders. They all said I had to be taught a lesson, because there’s only one Luna, and I’m never to speak out of turn again. But you.” Abigail straightens, although I can see it’s painful and difficult for her, and points to me. The hatred in her eyes is enough for me to know she doesn’t want to be my sister ever again. “But you, you can do anything you want, because you’re the girl they all want.” She clenches her jaw together, and makes her hands into fists. “I hate you,” she spits.
“But I…” I shake my head as I take several small steps backward.
“Don’t you ever talk to me again.”
Momma Edith steps in front of Abigail, cutting my view off of her. “Well, well, well, seems like that mouth of yours has gotten one of your sisters in trouble. Maybe you should think, before you challenge an Elder again. Maybe you should just shut your mouth, and keep quiet.” Momma Edith raises an eyebrow at me.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I whisper. But I’m horrified at myself. I know this happened to Abigail because of what I said in the dining room when we were serving the Elders. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have tried to help Abigail. It’s all my fault. “I’m sorry,” I cry, turn, and run out of the kitchen.
It’s turned dark, and I’ve been sitting out here by myself. I’m glad Cain didn’t come to find me. I’m glad none of the girls, the Sisters, the Mommas, or the Elders came to find me. I can only imagine what everyone thinks of me.
It’s because of me Abigail is broken. Somehow, I did that to her. I made her bleed.
The moon is in the sky, with only a few stars twinkling near it. There’s a chill in the night air, raising goosebumps on my skin.
My long dress doesn’t keep me warm. I really should go back to the houses. If I keep away from the main house, maybe I can slip in without the Elders or the Mommas noticing.
The crazy thing is, I don’t want to go back. I want to stay out here, without any of them.
I lie back, placing my hands beneath my head, using them like a pillow. I can feel the dirt beneath my fingers, and don’t even care that I’ll be dirty. Staring up at the inky sky, I can’t help but wonder about my life. I don’t fit in. I want to see what’s beyond the wall, see the sickness and death for myself.
The Elders are always telling us how hopeless it is beyond the wall, how we’re special because God chose us to continue the human race. Whenever I ask why we’re special, I’m always met with silence.
How can I not wonder about what’s beyond the wall when they don’t answer any of my questions? I don’t understand.
My heart cries when I think about what they have done to Abigail. They broke her, and told her it’s all my fault. If she wasn’t trying to be like me, they wouldn’t have hurt her. It bothers me to know I’m the cause of her pain.
This only makes me more determined to get out from behind the wall. Maybe I’m not worthy enough to stay here. I’m not sure I can control my tongue. If I see the Elders treating other girls like they treated Abigail, I don’t know if I can stop myself from saying something about it.
Not to mention, I’ll be married soon. Likely it’ll be Elder Steven. I don’t like him. I know I have to respect him, because it’s a rule we must abide by, but I don’t. I don’t think he deserves my respect just because they tell us to do it.
“Luna,” Cain’s voice quietly echoes in the distance.
I wish I could melt into the ground so Cain can’t see me. Not because I don’t like him, I really do, but because I want to be left by myself.
“Luna,” he calls again.
I sit myself up so Cain can see me. The moment he does, he walks toward me, and sits down.
“I couldn’t see you. It’s dark,” he says.
“I know.” I lay down again, looking up at the sky. “Why are you out here?”
“Because it’s past curfew, and no one has seen you since the sun was out.”
“I didn’t want to be seen,” I respond while staring at the moon overhead.
“Is it because of what happened to Abigail?”
I sigh as my heart breaks more. “It’s because I don’t belong here. And yes, because of what happened to Abigail. It’s my fault she’s broken.”
“We had to gather by the whipping pole, and they told us not to speak to you.”
“I thought something like that would happen.”
“And they told us when we see Abigail we have to spit on her.”
A regret sinks in the pit of my stomach. “Because of me,” I whisper and wipe at a tear leaking from my eye. “If I didn’t say anything, Abigail wouldn’t have been treated like this.”
“Yes, it is all your fault,” Cain replies in a stern voice.
“I’m so sorry.” I bring my hands to my face and cry into them. “I didn’t want anything to happen to Abigail. It’s just, they were treating her so badly. It’s not right.”
“They can do whatever they want; they’re the Elders. And when the day arrives that I become an Elder, I’m going to do whatever I want.”
“Will you talk to girls the way they did?” I ask through my tears. “Because if you do, I don’t think we can be friends any more.”
“When I become an Elder, I’m going to change the rules.”
This makes my tears stop. It’s not often Cain speaks out about the rules the Elders have. “How?” I ask.
“Girls will be able to learn if they want. And we’ll all sit together to eat meals.”
“Really?” I ask with so much hope in my voice.
“Yes, really. And we can marry anyone we want. Girls won’t have to marry an Elder if they don’t want to.”
“Oh, that sounds like a place I want to live,” I sigh. “Wouldn’t it be wonderful if you’d become an Elder before I need to marry
an Elder.”
I can see Cain shaking his head. “Becoming an Elder is something only a select few men are chosen for, Luna. And we have to prove ourselves as worthy, and be trained to become one. The Elders choose very carefully in order to teach their ways.”
The crisp quiet drowns out any thoughts in my head. I stare up at the moon, trying to let the peace take over. “I feel bad, Cain. For what happened. I can take the silence from everyone, but I’m not sure Abigail will be able to take everyone spitting at her.”
“She’s going to have to.”
“How was she? I mean, how was she after the Elders ordered everyone to spit on her?” I shake my head in disbelief. My entire body hurts because of what I’ve brought on Abigail.
“She went to the bathroom, and hasn’t come out since.”
“The Elders believe this is best. For her and for you.”
I turn to stare at Cain. “Do you really think spitting on someone is best? Because I don’t.”
“It’s what the Elders think.”
Anger is once again beginning to bubble. “But what do you think?” I ask.
“It’s what the Elders believe,” he says again.
“Yes, I understand it’s what they believe, but do you? Do you honestly think not talking to me, and spitting on Abigail is the right thing to do?”
Cain turns. His eyes narrow, and his jaw tightens. “I don’t understand what you’re asking, Luna.”
“I know you’re saying the Elders believe in this punishment, but do you believe in it too?” I can’t say it any more simply. “I mean, did you spit on Abigail when you saw her today?”
He takes a few breaths before he responds. “I pretended to, but I didn’t.”
“Why did you pretend? Why didn’t you walk past her and actually spit without pretending?”
“Because Elder Morris was beside me.”
I shake my head, slightly disappointed in Cain. “Cain…” I say his name slowly.
“Yes, Luna.”
“That hurts me. The fact you still pretended to do it, when you know you shouldn’t.”
“I had to,” he argues.
“Why?”
“Because Elder Morris was next to me. I told you already.”
Luna Caged: Behind the Wall Page 5